Back To Us (14 page)

“Let’s just go upstairs and watch a movie or something. We can pretend we’re at the movies instead of in a hotel room together.”

Justin laughed. “I don’t think I’ll be able to stretch my imagination that far, and I’m not sure I want to either.” I stood and held my hand out. Justin reached for it and the two of made our way into the elevator and back to our room.

A chilled bottle of champagne was waiting for us when we got upstairs. Justin opened it, filled two glasses and handed me one.

“I can’t believe you’re only turning twenty,” he commented.

“Are you saying I look old?”

“No, you look beautiful. But I don’t know many twenty-year-olds putting themselves through college, working, and paying their own rent, without help from anyone.”

“It’s not like I really had a choice. You do what you have to in life.”

Justin lifted his glass. “Well, here’s to you. The strongest and most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

We clinked our glasses and sipped our champagne. Flattered as I was by Justin’s toast, his words made me uncomfortable. I didn’t think of myself as strong, just as someone who had to make do with what was handed to her. There were plenty of nights I cried myself to sleep because of the things that happened in my life. If I was really strong, I wouldn’t have cried, I would have kept my chin held high and not whined about the fact that I didn’t have normal parents who cared about me and wanted to help me instead of throwing me out into the world before I was done with junior high school.

Justin put his glass down on the table. “I think it’s present time.” He walked over to his suitcase, unzipped it and pulled out one big box and another smaller one.

“Justin, this is too much,” I said as he handed me the two boxes.

“No, it’s not.” Justin sat down on the edge of the bed. “Go on, open them.”

I hesitated before pulling the top off the bigger box. There was a hat and gloves inside in a bright cranberry red color, I pulled them out of the box and held them against my cheek. It was the softest material I had ever felt.

“It’s cashmere.”

“They’re so soft,” I said before setting them aside and lifting out a coat that had been resting under the hat and gloves. The coat was black and cinched at the waist. I tried it on and couldn’t help but smile. It was beautiful, elegant. I didn’t want to take it off.

“Do you like it? I wanted you to have something nice for when it gets cold.”

“I love it.” I took the coat off and folded it back into the box it had come in. “Thank you so much.”

“You still have one more present to open.”

Justin handed me the small box. I took it and opened it slowly. It was a pair of earrings. Small platinum hoops with three tiny blue stones dangling from the bottom. They were a match to the necklace he’d bought me on my last day working at the community center.

“Justin,” I said, trying to catch my breath. I felt like crying. It was too much, more than I expected, even from Justin who treated me like a princess every second the two of us were together. “They’re beautiful, but you didn’t have to get me all this.”

“Come here, Jess.”

I walked over to where Justin was sitting. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head against my stomach. Then he looked up at me, got on his feet, rested his hands on my waist and kissed me softly on my lips. “I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I like making you happy. You’re just going to have to get used to it.”

“You make me happy even without the gifts.”

Justin sat back down and then pulled me onto his lap. My legs straddled his waist, and I wrapped my arms around the nape of his neck and rested my forehead on his. I inhaled Justin’s scent, a mix of soap and cologne, and then he kissed me on my neck just under my jawline. My body tensed, his lips felt so good on my bare skin. I moved my hands up to the back of his head. For another moment he continued to kiss my neck and then I pressed my lips to his. Knowing that it was just the two of us and that there was no chance of my brother walking in made holding back impossible. I yearned for Justin and, at the same time, I could feel his desire for me, which only made me want him more. His lips gently tugged on mine and then he parted my mouth with his tongue, kissing me like I was his air and all he needed to breathe. His lips left mine and traveled down to my neck again, every inch of my body tingled, I felt like I was being consumed. I ran my hands under his shirt overcome with the desire to feel his bare skin under my fingers.

As my fingers stroked Justin’s back he let out a soft moan. I wanted him to do the same to me, to touch me the way I was touching him, instead he pulled back. “We better stop.”

I wanted to ask why, but I didn’t. I very much doubted that the problem was Justin not wanting me. I could feel his desire, the more we kissed the more I knew I was exciting him, so there had to be another reason he wanted to stop and I was pretty sure it had to do with his legs. We’d never talked about how it would be if we ever became intimate with each other.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s just that I’ve never. . .you know, at least not since I lost my legs.”

“But you can, right?”

“Oh, I can,” Justin said. “It’s just that, I guess I feel a little self-conscious.”

“Maybe if we do something else first.” I slid off Justin’s lap and went to look for the remote control. “Let’s just watch TV.”

Justin smiled and scooted back up on the bed. I nestled beside him and started flipping through the channels until we found something both of us wanted to watch. As the minutes ticked by I kept wondering when Justin would kiss me again or even if he would.

After an hour, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back Justin was sitting on the edge of the bed. He’d poured us two more glasses of champagne. I only took a sip of mine because I really wasn’t in the mood to drink, I was too nervous thinking about how the rest of our night would unfold. I watched Justin as he sipped his drink. Before he could finish I reached for his glass, plucked it from his hands, placed it on the nightstand and leaned down to kiss him. Apparently, I realized, I was going to have to take matters in my own hands. Hungrily I searched for his tongue as I wound my hands behind his neck and sat on his lap straddling him. His arms circled my body and, as I felt his desire for me grow, I started kissing his neck. I wanted to turn him on so badly he wouldn’t be able to ask me to stop. My tongue traced every inch of his collarbone and as he moaned I reached under his shirt again. He inhaled sharply, but this time instead of stopping me he lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor.

His chest was perfectly chiseled. For months I’d imagined what he looked like without his shirt on. I ran my hands over the muscles on his chest and arms. Justin reached for the hem of my shirt and I helped him lift it over my head. I scooted off Justin’s lap and gently pushed him down onto the bed. He lifted his legs from the floor and when his entire body was flat on the bed I straddled him again. Justin looked up at me and touched my breasts. My bra was still on, I wanted to feel his hands on my bare skin so I reached around my back and unhooked it letting my bra fall on the bed beside me.

“You’re so beautiful,” Justin said as he reached to touch me again. I moaned as his fingertips ran over my hardened nipples. I felt like I was going to explode with desire. Slowly I lowered my body until I was lying on top of Justin. The feel of his bare skin on mine made me shudder.

“Are you okay?” Justin asked.

“Very okay.” I kissed him again, first on his lips, then his neck again, and then his chest. He moaned and arched his back. I reached for the button to his pants. Justin grabbed ahold of my hands.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I said. My heart pounded in my chest. I was nervous as hell but I wanted him, there was no doubt in my mind.

Justin pulled my skirt down to my knees, I got it off the rest of the way. From his pocket, Justin pulled out a condom. “You came prepared,” I teased.

“Well, I was hoping. But if. . .”

“No buts. I want you. Now.”

Somehow we managed to get the rest of our clothes off. The room was dark, only lit by a bedside lamp, and I didn’t even glance down at Justin’s legs. I didn’t care about that, the only thing I cared about was being with him, touching and tasting every inch of his flesh. I stayed on top and when he finally entered me I gasped, surprised at how good it felt to have him inside me. His body rocked under mine. I arched my back as Justin’s hands went to my breasts again.

“Open your eyes,” Justin breathed.

I did as he asked and lowered my body forward so I could look into his eyes. Overcome with emotion I spoke without thinking. “I love you.”

Justin froze under me. “You what?”

I didn’t know how to answer him. I hadn’t intended on letting him know.
Never tell a guy you love him first.
That was one of the rules of dating that had been passed down to me by some of the older girls I’d known when I lived in the group home.

“I said I love you,” I whispered into Justin’s ear. It was too late to take it back, and besides, it was true. Maybe Justin wasn’t ready to tell me the same thing, maybe he never would be, but at that moment I didn’t care, I just wanted him to know.

Justin eased my head up a bit and kissed me on my lips deeply, passionately, he wrapped his hands in my hair and then grabbed my bottom as the two of moved in rhythm with each other again. His hands gripped my waist and I moaned in pleasure as he led me to climax. My heart still racing and my body still on fire from the pleasure I felt from him I almost didn’t notice as Justin’s body tensed under mine. He gasped and pulled me down onto him, his hands wrapped in my hair again. I lay down on his chest and listened to his heart pounding. Justin turned to his side as I slid beside him. He propped himself up on one of his arms and lifted my chin with his free hand so I could look in his eyes.

“I love you, too.”

I looked away from Justin. “You don’t have to say that just because I did.”

“That’s not why I said it.” I gave him a skeptical look. “I wanted to tell you first, but I was worried I’d scare you off. I just didn’t think it was possible that you could love me.”

“Why would you think that? You’re like the perfect guy, handsome, kind, generous, what’s not to love?”

“This.” Justin pointed to his legs. It was the first time I’d ever seen his prosthetics. Nothing about them bothered me. The only thing that got to me was thinking about the pain losing his legs must have caused him. I’d never seen anyone wearing them in real life before, but they looked exactly like I imagined they would based on what I’d seen on television.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that it doesn’t make a difference to me?”

“That’s a story for another time.”

“No.” I insisted. “I’ve told you things, plenty of things about myself. It’s your turn to now.”

Justin lay back down on the bed and sighed. I waited for him to start talking and explain why he was so afraid that his injury made him so impossible to love. “I was eighteen when I joined the Navy,” he began. “I had a girlfriend, and before I got deployed I asked her to marry me.”

My throat tightened as he mentioned another girl. She was his past, but I was still jealous. “What happened to her?”

“Let’s just say that before I left for Afghanistan I had two perfect legs and a fiancée, and when I came back I had none of those things.”

“She left you because of your injury?” I asked sharply. I already hated this girl for having been engaged to Justin, now I hated her more knowing that she broke his heart.

“Not at first. When I finally came back home, Erin, that was her name, seemed happy to see me and relieved that I was still alive after what had happened. But we couldn’t do the things we had done before. I was still trying to learn how to walk on my new legs. I had doctor and physical therapy appointments all the time and Erin wanted to do what all twenty-two year old women want to do—have fun, go out, and party. I couldn’t do any of those things.”

“So she broke up with you?”

“No. I think she wanted to, but she felt guilty about it. I’m the one who broke up with her.”

“Why?”

“I overheard her talking to one of her friends on her phone one day. Whoever it was must have invited her to do something because I heard her say that she couldn’t because she was stuck with Stumpy.”

“Oh my God. She actually used those words?” Justin nodded. I couldn’t believe that Justin had ever loved someone who could be so cruel. “That’s terrible.”

“I tried to convince myself I hadn’t heard her right, but I knew I had. She seemed almost relieved when I confronted her about it, like she was wondering how long it would take me to be the one to break it off because she couldn’t handle the guilt of dumping her damaged boyfriend.”

“That’s why you said no, when I asked you out. You thought I felt sorry for you, you didn’t believe I actually liked you for you.”

Justin nodded.

“What made you change your mind?”

“A few things. Mrs. Connor for one, you for another. I just didn’t see that in you. You don’t have a mean bone in your body. And, well, every time I pictured you with someone else I’d lose my mind a little. I didn’t just want you to be mine, I felt like I needed you to be.”

“I hate to disappoint you, but I have multiple mean bones in my body.”

Justin kissed my shoulder softly. “I don’t believe that.”

“I’m sorry you got hurt. But that girl was stupid; she didn’t realize what she had.”

“Losing Erin was hard. Not really because it was her; truthfully we were pretty mismatched, but because it came at the worst possible time. I’d just lost my legs, then my career in the Navy, then my fiancée. I was in a dark, dark place for a long time after that, but eventually I got over her,” Justin said. He reached for my hand and twined his fingers through mine. “I don’t think I could handle losing you, though. Every time I picture my future you’re always there.”

Justin’s perfect words echoed in my mind. I tried hard not to think about how too good to be true he was. Things in my life usually had a way of not working themselves out the way I wanted them to. What I craved most seemed to have a way of slipping through my fingers. There were many times I wondered if happiness just wasn’t in the cards for me. But I tried not to think that way and just let myself feel happy as I lay beside Justin.