Backfire (6 page)

“What happens if I can’t ever forgive him?” Michael kept his voice low, almost ashamed to even ask the question. 

Eva released his hand and went back to the stove, stirring the food.  “I guess that’s just something you’ll have to live with, Mikey. ”  She dished out a couple of plates.  “Supper is ready.  How about we get our minds off of all of this for a while?  I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.”

He took the steaming plate of food from her, his appetite suddenly non-existent.  He sat down and picked at the food, not wanting to offend Eva by not eating it.  He listened to her talk about different things she did throughout the day, but his thoughts were elsewhere.  It was bittersweet about getting the time off to go to Austin.  He could only wonder what the guys would say while he was gone.  Hopefully Captain Rooker would keep the reasons generic and not go into the other issues.  Who was he kidding, though?  Everyone saw how he froze up.  Hopefully for once in the history of the firehouse, the guys would be mature adults about it.

“You think so, Mikey?”

Eva’s question pulled him from his thoughts and he had no idea what she was asking him.  Shrugging, he tried to play it off, but she read him like a book.

“You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”  She put her fork down and wiped her face with a napkin.  “Look, I know you’ve had quite the day, and I’m sorry for that.  But if you sit around and dwell on it, it’s just going to make it worse.”  She took a sip of water.  “What I was talking about was booking our plane tickets.  We should probably do it pretty soon, don’t you think?”

Michael nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right.  We should do it with my mom. We can go over to her house tomorrow or something.”

“Sounds good.  And Mikey, chill out.  Everything’s going to be okay.”

All he could do was hope she was right.  For some reason, his gut was telling him otherwise. 

Chapter Four

Michael wouldn’t call Gregg Walsh a good friend yet, but since he had gotten back to work, he had seemed to bond with the other firefighter pretty well.  Gregg had transferred from another firehouse and seemed to fit right in with everyone instantly.  His chemistry with the other guys, especially in fires, seemed as if he had been with Ladder Twenty One from the moment he got out of the fire academy.  He was busy shining down the truck when Michael arrived for his shift.

“Hey Mikey, fresh pot of coffee going if you’re interested.”

“Thanks man, I appreciate it.”  Michael started to walk past him, but Gregg stopped him and pulled him aside. It caught him off guard and he tried his best to not seem annoyed.  “What’s up?” 

Gregg hesitated and tossed his shine rag to the side.  “Look, I know I don’t know you very well or anything, and I don’t know much about what you went through, but I just wanted to say that if you need to talk to someone, possibly over a beer or something, you can always give me a call.”

Michael smirked and folded his arms over his chest.  “Yeah, you don’t know me too well.  Talking over a beer isn’t such a wise idea with me.”

Nodding, Gregg let out a laugh.  “Well, fine, we can talk over a coke.  You know what I mean.  I know how sometimes it’s hard to turn to people around here.”

Usually Michael would have his guard up and not believe what he was hearing, but Gregg really seemed genuine and caring in what he was saying.  “Thanks Gregg.”  He shook his hand and was unsure of what else to say.  “I’m gonna go grab me some coffee.”

“That is one thing I have heard about you.  Go get you some before you turn on me.”  Gregg went back to shining the rig, and for a second Michael debated on talking to him.  Deciding it was a little too soon, he went into the kitchen.  It was nice knowing he did have a friend if he needed it.  It would be nice to talk to a guy.  Eva was great, but sometimes her perspective was a little off compared to how he saw things. 

“Everything squared away for your Texas trip?” Captain Rooker was at the table, his head buried in the newspaper.

“Yeah, we’re gonna get the plane tickets tonight and be ready to go.” Michael poured a cup of the black coffee and took a long sip.  Sometimes it was effective enough to curb his occasional alcohol cravings. 

“Sounds good.  It’s coming up in what, two weeks? You might be looking at some pricey airfare.”

Shrugging, Michael sat down across from him and chose a bagel from the box of pastries someone had brought in.  “Maybe. Eva’s really good at finding deals and things, and I think she’s got a voucher from some time before.  It’s not a problem.”

Captain Rooker stood up and patted him on the shoulder.  “Remember what I said.  Between now and then, keep your head on straight and listen to that psychologist of yours.  She doesn’t have a PhD in it for nothing.”  He exited the kitchen, leaving Michael alone. 

Most of the other guys were watching the morning news.  His thoughts crept to Dr. Bowen and her suggestion of visiting Viper.  He had spent most of the night awake, pondering about it.  He had weighed the pros and cons of what would happen in that situation and if it really would benefit him.   He worried that seeing Viper would just m
ake him angrier.  What if it dre
dged up old memories?  But on the other side, nothing else was really helping him get over his issues.  He was almost desperate enough to try anything. 

He had talked to Eva about it a bit more too, and she seemed to be leaning toward him doing it.  She brought up a good point about how much things would change if Viper gave him a sincere apology.  He didn’t have much to lose.  He was already distraught to the point of no return. 

Dialing Dr. Bowen’s number, he felt a knot form in his stomach.  It seemed that every decision he made lately came with great effort.  He was definitely thinking on it too much.  Her secretary answered and transferred him to her office.

“This is Dr. Bowen.”

“Hey Dr. Bowen, this is Michael McGinnis from Ladder Twenty One.”

“Hello Michael.  What can I do for you?”

He got up to leave the room when another firefighter came into the kitchen.  He really didn’t want anyone overhearing this.  Stepping into the bathroom, he locked the door behind him.  “I’ve been thinking about what you suggested yesterday.  I’ll go and visit Viper.”

“Wow, I’m kind of surprised.  It didn’t take you long to decide.  I was going to give you until our appointment next week to make a decision.”

“I thought about it all last night.  And, I’m going out of town soon, so I figured I need to get on the ball with it before then.”

“Okay Michael, I’ll put in the visitation request and be in touch with you on the details once I hear from Rikers.  I think this will be very good for you.”

“Thanks Doc,” he replied, as he hung up.  He didn’t really feel like going through another counseling session, so he ended the call before she could say anything else.  He tossed the phone on the sink counter and ducked his head, hoping to God that this wasn’t another mistake he could add to his ever-growing list.   

***

             
A few days had passed since he called Dr. Bowen about arranging a visit with Viper.  He was shocked to get a phone call from her so quickly, urging him to get to her office to get everything in line and ready for the visit.  Things seemed to be moving very fast.  They had successfully booked a round trip flight down to Austin. They were only planning on staying a few days due to both Eva’s and his mom’s jobs. 

 
             
Michael made it to her office in the early afternoon, nervous since he didn’t know what to expect.  The waiting room was busier than he had seen it before, and he worried he would be spotted by another firefighter that he knew.  Thankfully, from what he could tell, he didn’t recognize anyone.  He didn’t have to wait long.  Dr. Bowen was always quick.

She handed him a folder with information in it.  “Viper was all for you visiting him.  No problem at all.” Handing him a pen, she invited him to sit down.  “This is some paperwork you need to fill out to register as a visitor.  Usually you have to do it at Rikers, but I got it faxed over for you.  Visiting hours are from one to nine tomorrow.  You have to get your paperwork turned in by eight pm.  Make sure you take a current photo I.D. There is a list inside the folder of things you are not permitted to take in with you.” Michael thumbed through the papers.  “Is there a problem, McGinnis?”

Looking up, he patted the folder against his leg.  “This is just all happening so fast.  Now that it’s actually happening tomorrow, I…” He raked his hand through his hair. “I just don’t know.”

She took her reading glasses off.  “You’re doing the right thing. You both are going to benefit from this.”

Michael stared at her a few seconds.  “How so?  What if I go in there and Viper plays me again?  What if I just…”

“Michael, I really don’t feel that you can get to a worse place than you are right now with your resentment toward the man.  You don’t have much to lose.  If it does go bad, just tell the guard you want to leave.  The fact that Viper wants to have a visit too is a good sign.  He’s had a lot of time to think about things.”

“Oh, so did you personally talk to him?” He stood up and began to pace. 

“No, but I know the person in charge of inmate visits very well.”

“You say he’s had a lot of time to think.”  He paused and put his hands on the back of the chair as he stood behind it. “What if he’s conjured up some new plan and this
is
his first step in it?”

Dr. Bowen’s brow creased and she motioned back toward the chair. “Please sit down.  You’re overanalyzing all of this.  Viper is behind bars.  There’s nothing he can do to you now.  This is part of your PTSD, reliving what happened and fearing it will again.  I think once you get there and see, it’ll only be good for you.”

“I really hope you’re right.”

“This might sound crazy, but even if it turns out not being a good situation, you’re going to benefit from it. Psychology is comp
lex and a gradual process
to good mental health.  You’ve gotta climb a lot of hills.”

Michael just stared back at her, unsure of what to respond with.  He hated the psychobabble crap he continuously heard from her, but as Captain Rooker said, there was a reason she had a PhD.  It was too late to back out now.

***

He didn’t sleep a wink that night.  He spent most of his time nestled against Eva, and though she was a wild sleeper, he found great comfort with her next to him.  He would think up different scenarios that could happen when he saw Viper for the first time since everything had happened.  In his mind, all he could come up with was that Viper was devising some evil plan and he was the innocent pawn in his games again.  Michael felt vulnerable, as if he was stupid and naïve and Viper was going to play him just as easy as he had before.  What was he thinking in agreeing to this?

Since visiting hours weren’t until one, the morning crept along slowly.  He went for a long run, still unhappy with how off pace he was.   He worked on so
me minor things around the apartment
.  At around twelve thirty he made his way to Rikers Island.  Traffic was decent, so the commute over was about forty-five minutes.  He showed the needed paperwork to the guard at the entrance and went inside
, his heart pounding so hard that
he could swear everyone around him probably heard it. 

He turned in everything and they gave him a visitor nametag.  They checked him for any prohibited items.  The long lines were a hassle, and it was after three before he even got into a vi
sitation room.  There was a rectangular
table
that would be what separated him
and Viper. A guard would be right outside the room, and even with that, Michael didn’t feel safe.

After another long wait he heard talking on the other side of the door, and in walked Viper.  He was in department of corrections issued clothing
,
and to Michael’s surprise, his long hair had been cut short.  Michael’s mouth went dry at the sight of him.  His palms were so sweaty that he could feel the moisture through his jeans.  He tried to calm himself down in fear of Viper seeing it.

Slowly walking to the table, Viper extended his hand for Michael to shake.  Almost returning the gesture, Michael just stared him down as the criminal sat across from him.  After a few seconds, he finally shook the other man’s hand. 

“So, I get informed a few days ago that Hero wants to come visit me.”

“Yeah,” Michael replied.

“How’s your little brother doing? Still taking puffs off the crack pipe?” The sarcastic smirk on Viper’s face was like nails on a chalkboard, but Michael kept his composure. He wasn’t going to let this animal get the best of him.

“No, he’s doing good.”

Viper leaned back in his chair, his gaze completely fixed on Michael. Arching his eyebrow, he put one leg up on the table.  “Casey McGinnis is doing good? You’re full of shit, Fireman.”

Michael chipped at the wood on the table in a desperate attempt to keep calm.  “Think what you want, Viper.  No reason to prove anything to you.”

Viper leaned forward and the front two legs of the chair slammed back down to the concrete floor.  “Say, you got a cigarette?”