Backwards (14 page)

For a moment, I thought he’d win. Then I remembered my purpose. I focused on Cat’s apartment and tried to go there.

At last, Dan’s hold slipped and I took over, making his body mine again.

I hurried to Cat’s front window and hid in the bushes. Her father sat on the couch, his craggy face lit by the flickering glow of the TV. It was the first time I’d seen him in person. Sunday must have been his day off from bartending. Cat was next to him, her back propped against the couch arm as she munched popcorn and watched TV.

Now what? Dan hovered around me, waiting for an opening. If I rang the doorbell, I might not be able to get any words out before he fought me. Besides, I was mud-stained and sweaty from running, and the last time I’d attempted to talk to Cat, it hadn’t gone particularly well. I needed a less confrontational way to reach her.

I snuck around the side of her apartment and ducked behind the bushes to reach her bedroom window. Her curtains were open, and her white Christmas lights illuminated her purple walls and
Alice in Wonderland
posters.

The Mad Hatter!
It was still in the zombie’s back pocket with the two other figurines. I dug it out and arranged it on the window ledge so when Cat looked out her window that night, she’d see the Mad Hatter’s wide, cheerful face peering in. It wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing, and maybe it would help her feel less alone to know that someone was watching over her.

To know that I was here.

I couldn’t wait for the weekend to be over so I could go back to school. Even Teagan seemed happy on Friday morning. She didn’t scowl or roll her eyes when I greeted her in the kitchen. And after breakfast, she lingered outside Dan’s room as if waiting for me.

“Is there something I can do for you?” I asked.

Teagan gave me a confused look. “Aren’t we going to school?”

“Together?”

“Uh . . . who else would I get a ride with? Santa Claus and his eight flying reindeer?”

“Right. Very funny,” I said, realizing it must have been their usual routine to go together. I grabbed Dan’s backpack and headed out through the kitchen. “Bye!” I called to their mom. “We’re going to school!”

Dan’s mom probably wondered why I sounded like I’d won the lottery, but I didn’t care. Things were finally turning around.

I opened the car door for Teagan, then skipped to the driver’s side.

“What happened to you?” she asked.

“Nothing. Why?”

“You’re acting so
nice.
”

“I like to act nice,” I said. “Nice is nice.”

Teagan smirked. “What are you? An alien? Did you abduct my brother?”

“No,” I said, figuring I should dial things back a bit — be more Dan-like. “I’m just glad it’s Friday because we have school. I mean, because it’s the
last
day of school this week.”

“Tell me about it,” said Teagan, getting into Dan’s car. “This week sucked.”

On the drive, Teagan kept talking about how much her classes “bit,” and how Mrs. Byrd, her history teacher, was a “major B,” and Mr. Shepherd, the English teacher, was a “nosy-assed slack-hole.”

“Definitely,” I said, although I liked Mr. Shepherd. He was one of the few teachers who seemed genuinely interested in students’ lives. “But he’s nice, too,” I added.

“Are you serious? The guy thinks he’s some sort of teen savior. He made a girl cry the other day because he kept asking her questions about stuff.”

“Who?”

“That’s not the point,” said Teagan. “I thought you hated Mr. Shepherd.”

I shrugged. “The important thing is that he cares.”

“Whatever. He needs to get a life.”

Teagan grew quiet after that, although she kept rubbing her eyes and glancing at me. I tried to come up with something to say that would help her feel appreciated, but everything I thought of sounded either too cheesy for Dan or completely sarcastic coming from him.

“So, I’ll meet you by my locker after school?” I asked, pulling into the school parking lot.

“Yeah.”

“I hope your day doesn’t completely suck.”

“Thanks,” she said, opening her door. “Same to you.”

“Hey, Teagan,” I called.

“What?” Her brow furrowed. She was so ready for people to reject her.

“I’m glad that you’re my sister.”

Teagan’s expression softened and she started to smile. Then she caught herself. “Freaking alien,” she said.

Heading into school, I was in such a good mood that I completely forgot about Dan’s forehead. The wound had been getting worse every day and his hair was slightly shorter, so the scab had become more visible. A few people pointed and stared, until I remembered to pull on a baseball cap like Dan usually did.

I kept an eye out for Cat, but I didn’t see her until lunch. She sat at her usual table with Tricia, Teagan, Spooner, and the others. Our eyes met briefly, and then I noticed Finn and some other guys at his table watching. Dan stirred. He’d been fairly quiet all morning, and I didn’t want to provoke him now, so I did what he would and retreated to the hallway to eat.

When biology rolled around, I went to class early, eager to see Cat again. She didn’t arrive until right before class started, and she didn’t look at me. Still, I tried to stay positive. I said hello to people and smiled constantly, figuring it was only a matter of time before attitudes about me shifted. Unfortunately, the nicer I acted, the more people avoided me. It was like they’d gotten so used to Dan being a prick that my sudden friendliness disturbed them.

After class, I went to Dan’s locker to get some books. A guy I’d seen before, hanging around Finn, lingered nearby, as if he wanted to talk to me. He wore a varsity jacket similar to the one Dan had in his locker, so I assumed they were friends.

“Hi, Trent,” I said, reading the name off the top of a folder he held.
Trent Mercer.
I remembered Spooner mentioning something about him the other night. “How’s it going?”

Trent shrugged. He had dark, wavy hair, a narrow face, and a wide mouth crooked in a perpetual smirk. “I thought you weren’t talking to me anymore.”

“Why would you think that?”

He scoffed. “Don’t be an ass.”

I nodded, not sure what to make of this. “That jacket looks good on you,” I said to smooth things over.

Trent frowned, like he thought I was being sarcastic.

“It does.” I nodded toward Dan’s locker where his varsity jacket hung. “I was going to wear mine today. It’s cold out.”

“You better not,” Trent said. “The team wouldn’t like that.” He peered down the hall for a moment, as if nervous about people catching him with me. “I can’t believe you’re not playing tonight.”

Playing?
I thought. Then I remembered the phone conversation Dan would have with his dad a week from now. “Right. Football!” Trent must have played on the team with Dan — that’s why they both had varsity jackets. “I quit.”

“No kidding.” Trent’s smirk deepened. “You really screwed things up, you know? You need to make peace with Finn.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s Finn,” he said. “You can’t win this, Dan. If people have to choose sides, they’re not going to choose yours. You know that. So just say you’re sorry and get over it.”

My stomach knotted. Dan was growing agitated, thrashing against me. “Okay,” I uttered.

Trent checked the hallway again. Students started to file out of the cafeteria. “I better go,” he said. “Don’t do anything stupid, all right?”

Confused, I watched Trent leave. Here’s what I knew: Dan had been on the football team with Trent and Finn. They’d been friends. Dan had even been popular once, according to Cat and Teagan. But then he did something that made everyone — Cat, Teagan, Tricia, even Finn — hate him.

From what I’d observed, Cat liked Finn, and Dan liked Cat, so he might have done something out of jealousy — like when he attacked Finn in Cat’s secret house and burned it down. But that wouldn’t happen for almost a week. Which meant Dan must have done something else to make everyone turn against him.

I left Dan’s varsity jacket in his locker and headed to his next class.

“What up, dude?” called a familiar voice.

I turned. Waster’s lopsided, goofy grin greeted me in the hall. It only took me an instant to see that TR had taken control.

“Right on!” I said, relieved to finally see a friendly face. “How’s it going?”

“Cool, dude. Very cool,” he said. “Chest bump!”

We slammed into each other, and TR started laughing. I laughed, too. It’s hard to explain why smashing into each other was so funny, but it was.

“What’s wrong with you, man?” asked a guy standing next to Waster. “You know this
pendejo
?”

“Him?” TR winked at me. “Of course not. I don’t know him at all.”

“Later,” I said, not wanting to ruin TR’s cover.

“That’s right — you better get out of my way.” TR tried to sound tough, but I could hear his laughing voice beneath Waster’s rough grumble.

I waved to him and continued walking while Waster’s friend made some comment about preppy-ass jock-wads like me.

Teagan came by Dan’s locker after school.

“Ready to go?” I asked, glad she’d decided to meet me there. I didn’t have a clue where her locker might be.

She shook her head. Her face looked paler than usual, and her eyes were red, as if she’d been crying.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I need to talk to you,” she said. “Outside.”

“Sure. Let me get my books.”

I fiddled with Dan’s lock, but I had trouble remembering his combo. Besides, I didn’t know what books to grab since I hadn’t paid attention in class. Note for next time — remember what homework would get collected.

Teagan was already halfway out the door when I gave up on the locker and jogged after her. Something definitely seemed wrong, but thinking this roused Dan. I took a few deep breaths and focused on walling him off. Then I threw open the door and stepped out.

Teagan paced by the flagpole. Her expression appeared more angry than sad.

“Is it true?” she asked.

“Is what true?”

She waited until a group of students passed before continuing. “What you did to Cat Slater.”

Dan slammed against me. I stepped back, struggling to compose myself. He’d never rebelled so abruptly before. It was unnerving. “I’m . . . not . . . sure what you’re talking about,” I said.

“Bullshit. You know exactly what I’m talking about. That’s why you’re sweating.”

She was right — I
was
sweating. I was shaking, too. “What did you hear?”

“The whole school thinks you two hooked up. . . .” Her voice dwindled. “It was at that party, wasn’t it?”

“What party?”

“Stop treating me like I’m stupid. The Halloween party.”

“Oh.
That
party.” I nodded, pretending I understood while Dan raged around me, looking for a gap. I had to stay calm. Do what he’d do.

“That’s it? You’re not going to deny it?” she asked.

“Deny what?”

“I can’t believe this. I stuck up for you,” said Teagan.

“Whatever I did, I’ll fix it,” I said. “I’ll make it better.”

“Make it better?”
Her voice grew so taut she could barely speak. “What you did to Cat is the worst thing. You can’t make it better. Not this.”

“Not what?”

Teagan’s brow knotted. “Tricia said . . .” She stopped, obviously not wanting to say what she’d heard.

“Go on.”

“She said you . . .
raped
Cat.”

The word made no sense to me at first, but it lodged in my mind with barbed hooks. I pictured the lewd drawing on the library sign-in sheet of Dan and Cat together. Everyone thought Dan and Cat had hooked up, but they didn’t know the truth. They didn’t know he’d forced her. Except for Tricia. That’s why she hated Dan. And that’s why Cat said she didn’t want to see him ever again.

Teagan waited for me to deny it. I think she wanted me to say it was all a lie or a vicious rumor so I could go back to being her brother. But I couldn’t. I felt too sick to say anything.

My silence was all the confirmation Teagan needed. Her face crumpled and she stormed off.

I slumped against the wall. I was in love with Cat and trapped in the body of her rapist.

TR was right. This was hell.