Barbarian's Mate (4 page)

Vektal leaves when it is clear I am not in a mood to talk, and I set down my pack and unroll my bed furs. My cock stirs at the thought of Jo-see lying in them, and I resist the urge to take myself in hand again. I did three times last night and it did not ease the ache. Only claiming my mate and planting my kit inside her will make the need go away.

Or the death of my khui.

I rub a hand over my chest, my mind full of bad memories from many, many seasons ago, back when I was newly made a hunter. Of Zalah and her pleasure-mate Derlen laughing by the fire, feeding each other. Of the look of dread on her face when she realized her breast was resonating to me and not to her pleasure-mate. She was many years my elder and much in love with Derlen, but my khui did not care. It wanted her. It hit me, hard and fast, and I was young and foolish enough to assume that she would comply with the demand of the khui.

But Zalah was always complicated. She pushed me away, said she needed time to think. And because I had been a foolish boy, I gave her time. I watched from afar as she went to her pleasure-mate’s furs every night. I watched with longing as she ignored me, trying to avoid the demands of her khui. I remember approaching her, determined to mate and slake the burning need in my body, only to find her in the arms of her lover. And because I had been young, I turned away. I waited for her to come to me.

But then the khui-sickness came.

Here, my memory is full of clouds. I remember nothing of this except returning home from a hunt, aching and miserable with unresolved resonance, my breast humming with an angry song. Zalah was not there to greet me. She was sick in her furs, and I assumed it was from khui-sickness. I went to join her, but I never made it. I collapsed in the main cave, burning with fever.

Vektal has told me that I was one of the first sick, but one of the last to have the light go out in my khui. It must have struggled mightily. Others died within a day or two of the sickness — like Zalah. Like Derlen. Like my mother and my father.

There was nothing worse than waking up and hearing only silence in my breast.

I shake off the memory with a shudder. I lived. I survived. I was given a new khui and I lived through it. I am whole and healthy now, and my new khui has given me a mate - Jo-see.

And this time, there is no khui-sickness to keep her from me.

I unpack my things and then go to the storage cave to gather more furs for bedding. The humans are small creatures who need much warmth, and not very strong. Jo-see is tiny and I frown, thinking of how she carried Kira and Aehako’s kit all the way to the cave, along with the pack strapped to her back. She will be exhausted. She will need food and hot tea and a warm bed to sleep in, even if she does not want me in it. She is my mate, and the urge to take care of her is overwhelming. I grab additional things from storage - leather, pouches of dried tea, salted dvisti. I will replace it at a later date, but for now, my mate needs food.

When I return to my new cave with supplies, the main cavern hums with happy voices. The others have arrived, and the sound of happy chatter is a constant hum in the air. I think Rukh and his mate Har-loh - who live at the Elders’ Cave more often than not - have the right of it. With everyone returning, there will be faces everywhere and no privacy. This thing between Jo-see and I will play out before all.

At the thought, another surge of fierce possessiveness rises in me. Whatever she may think, she is
mine
.

Jo-see is standing in the cave when I return, her pack at her feet. My khui immediately begins a pounding beat in my chest at the sight of her, and my blood pulses hard with the need to claim her. But her face is drawn and tired, her small shoulders hunched with exhaustion. Her khui starts to sing to mine and she looks down at her chest, confused, then jumps with surprise when I set my bundle down. “What are you doing here?” Her small human brows draw together. “They said this is my cave.”

“The cave you will share with me,” I agree, keeping my tone even, though it is a struggle. “We are mated.”

Her small, pink mouth pinches into an angry line. She rubs her forehead and there is exhaustion on her face. “Do not do this, Haeden. Please. I’m too tired.”

“I did not say I would climb into your furs. I know you are tired.” Her refusal of me rankles, but I expect it. I must learn patience. My khui sings on, unaware of the tension between us. I must remember that this is different. Jo-see is not Zalah, to preen her pleasure-mate in front of me. She is small and human and exhausted. “Sit and take off your boots. I will build a fire and make some hot tea.”

There’s a look of surprise on her small face, as if she didn’t expect me to be courteous to her. Have I truly been so terrible to be around? If I snap at her, it is because she pulls me to her and it worried me. Now, it seems my fears were not unfounded.

She hesitates for a moment, and then gracefully collapses in the furs with a little sound of pleasure. My cock tightens in response, but I ignore it, digging out the fire pit in the center of the cave. Someone has already lined it with round, smooth rocks, and so I set up a pyramid of dung and tinder, and then go to retrieve a burning coal from another’s fire. When I return, her boots are off and she’s curled up under the blankets, her small, pale face the only thing showing under the furs. Her eyes are closed and she doesn’t stir when I move to the fire-pit and blow on the coal, feeding it tinder until it becomes a flickering flame. I set up a tripod and a bladder to create the tea, but I suspect Jo-see will be asleep before it is ready.

I glance over at her, and the urge to stroke her smooth cheek with my finger is overwhelming. What will she feel like in my arms? Zalah was tall and wiry, as muscular as myself. Jo-see is nothing like her. She is small and soft and full of smiles that have genuine joy.

Someday, I would like for those smiles to be aimed at me.

“You won’t try anything, will you?” Her words are a soft husky murmur. “Just because I’m sleeping?”

I am offended at her words. Does she think I would crawl over her while she sleeps and shove my cock between her legs? My khui thrums harder at the thought, and I scowl to myself. “I would never do such a thing.”

“Just checking,” she says softly. A moment later, I hear the gentle sound of her snore. I adjust my aching cock in my breechcloth and drop tea leaves into the bladder of water.

I am disturbed by her ideas of what I would do to claim her. Does she truly think I would force her? Is that why she is so miserable at the thought of mating to me? Are human men like this? If so, she should be glad that she resonated to a sa-khui hunter. We do not mount females without their welcome.

I rub my chest thoughtfully. The purr there is both comfort and torture, but I am glad it is there.

I
wake
up from an exhausted slumber feeling rather refreshed…and horny. God, so horny. My hand is between my legs and I absently cup my sex. The heat of my body seems to be greater there, and I’m a little shocked to realize that I’m so wet that my leather leggings are damp against my pussy. I push against the folds of the fabric and let them rub against my aching flesh, and a tiny moan escapes me.

A breath sucks in nearby.

I freeze. Shit. I’m not alone. What the fuck am I thinking?

My eyes fly open and I gaze around the cave. It’s dark, a small fire flickering in the fire pit. There are stalactites overhead, and the cave itself is much bigger than the one I shared back with Tiffany, the ceiling higher.

Crap. This is my new home I’m sharing with Haeden. And judging by the breath sucking in? He’s somewhere nearby and heard my little moan. Crap crap crap.

I slide my hand out from between my legs and rub it on the blankets to get rid of the, well, pussy smell. I sit up with a yawn and decide to pretend like nothing is wrong. “Thanks for letting me sleep.”

Glowing blue eyes watch me from across the cave. Haeden is there, his big, muscular body squatting near the fire on his haunches. I watch the tip of his tail flick near the stones and I hope against hope he can’t smell just how aroused I am….because that would be awkward. “How do you feel?” he asks.

I watch as his shadow moves and he pours some hot tea into one of the shallow bone cups favored by the sa-khui. He hands it to me. I take it and to my relief, he moves back to the other side of the cave, even though he returns to watching me with that frank, possessive gaze.

I cross my legs, careful to keep the blankets over my lap, and cup the tea in my hands. I sip it - still warm and spicy with flavor. “I’m better, thank you.”

He grunts but doesn’t move.

Nor does he say anything else. All right, I guess it’s up to me to break the silence. “I feel like we should talk.”

“Why?” His voice is wary.

Not a great start. “Well, everyone seems to think we’re mated.”

He makes a sound like a huff of frustration. “We are.”

Oh fun, now I get to argue with him over this. I slurp my tea, wondering the best way to tell a guy that I’m not married to him just because my chest decides to play the drums every time he’s around…like right now. My chest is jiggling with the force of my khui’s song, and it’s downright uncomfortable, especially with him sitting nearby. “I’m not going to argue about this tonight, okay? I just want to talk about our situation.”

“You do not want to talk?” Again he makes the huffing sound. “This is new to me.”

All right, we’re resorting to being bitchy, are we? “Are you trying to pick a fight?”

Again, he falls silent.

Good. At least I’m getting through to him. “I think we need to come to an understanding, since we’re going to be together in this.” I stress the last word, deliberately choosing to refer to our mating-not-mating in vague terms.

“What is there to understand?” His voice is defensive. “There is no bargaining with a khui. It chooses.”

I sip my tea, giving myself a few moments to choose my words. “I guess I just don’t understand this. I mean, I do. The khui is pretty specific. And I get that people think we’re automatically mated because of the resonance. I get that too, and I guess I understand it even if I don’t think it’s right.” I take another sip of my tea, waiting for him to argue. When he’s silent, I go on to the part that’s bothering me. “But…I thought you were a widower?”

He’s silent for so long that I wonder for a moment if he even hears me. “It…is complicated.”

“What about this isn’t?”

“Mmm.”

I wait patiently. When it seems like nothing else is forthcoming, I prompt him again. “Well?”

I can practically hear his scowl. “It is not something I like to talk about.”

“But as your….” I look for a word other than
mate
, “resonance partner, don’t I deserve to know the whole story?”

“Drink your tea,” he says in a sour voice. He gets up and moves to the fire, stirring the coals with a long, smooth bone.

I toy with the idea of tossing my tea in his face, but I end up drinking it because it’s tasty and that would be a waste of perfectly good tea. Jerk. Why did I think he’d be any different if we were mated? He’s as prickly and unlikeable as ever.

Even as I think vindictive things about him, he sighs heavily and his shoulders seem to slump. “It is…hard for me to speak of it.”

I feel a twinge of pity. “I’m sorry.”

“You have a right to know,” he says, and his voice is gruff. “And it will get no easier, no matter my reluctance.” He pokes at the fire again, staring down into the red coals. “Her name was Zalah.”

Oh. So…it’s true? I feel a gnawing sense of jealousy, which surprises me. Why do I care that he was mated to someone else before me? “I thought you couldn’t have more than one mate?” My tone is snippy and I feel a little ashamed, but I also want to know the truth. “Is that a lie?”

“Not a lie.” He pokes at the fire again. “As I have said, it is complicated. I think I am the only male in such an unlucky situation.”

“Wow, thanks for that slap.”

He grunted. “It was not meant as a slap at you. I would…I would have preferred not to resonate to her. But I did. She was only a few seasons younger than my mother and had long been with her pleasure-mate. I was younger than Taushen, barely out of my kit seasons and had just been made a hunter. I resonated to her and she took one look at me and laughed.”

I cringe. I try to imagine Haeden - proud, scowling Haeden - as a teen boy, barely older than Farli. I picture him excited over the prospect of resonance, because every male sa-khui wants nothing more than a rare, prized mate. And then I imagine her being old enough to be his mom and laughing in his face. It’s not a pretty scenario. I clutch my teacup harder. “What did you do?”

Haeden gives a grim little laugh. “What could I do? I was young, untried, and uncertain of myself. All I knew was that my khui said she was mine, and she said she was not. So I thought I would be patient and wait for her.”

I’m surprised. Patience is not one of his virtues. And something tells me that it didn’t turn out well. “What happened?”

He stares into the fire. “I never claimed her. She refused to yield to her khui’s demands and days turned into a moon. I was sick with need and so was she, but she did not care. I think she wanted to hold out for as long as she could to punish me for disrupting her life.”

That hits a little close to home. “Maybe she liked the way things were.”

“It does not matter. The khui chooses, always.” He shakes his head at the fire and won’t look over at me. “Around this time, the khui-sickness struck. My mother and father were hit by it, and so were Zalah and her mate. I was, too. There were very few in the tribe that were not affected, and Maylak had not developed her healer’s powers yet.”

The spicy tea I’ve been enjoying sours in my stomach. “Oh.”

“When I returned to consciousness, my body was weak and near death. My khui was gone, burned up in my chest from its efforts to save me.” He rubs his breast thoughtfully. “I am the only one struck by the sickness to survive.” He looks over at me, and his eyes are glowing blue. “Zalah and her pleasure-mate did not live. Those of the tribe that remained hunted a sa-kohtsk and placed a new khui in my breast in the hopes it would take. It did, and I grew better.”

I’m silent. What can I possibly say? It’s a horrible story, from start to finish. My khui continues to hum, ever vocal about its choice.

“So you ask how I can have a mate and yet resonate to you? That is how. And that is why I consider myself unlucky.” There is a harsh tone to his voice, and I don’t blame him for being angry at the telling. It’s clear they’re bad memories.

“I see.” So basically no one can get around resonance unless a horrible tragedy happens and the khui dies.

Or is removed…

My hands tremble and tea sloshes on my fingers. The surgery machine back at the elders’ ship — it would work. I was going to use it to have my IUD removed, like Kira had her translator removed. Harlow said it was broken…

But Harlow can fix a lot of things.

I feel a surge of hope for the first time in days. “Haeden,” I breathe, looking over at him. “What if we had our khuis removed to get out of the resonance?”

“What?” He turns to look at me, his voice an angry growl. His khui hums loudly, as if protesting my idea.

“There’s a machine back at the elders’ cave,” I say, breathless. “It can fix physical ailments - mend wounds, things like that. We could have it remove our khuis! Then we aren’t stuck resonating to each other!”

He gets to his feet. “Madness—“

“No!” I say quickly. “It’ll work! And we’ll just do another sa-kohtsk hunt and get fresh khuis! Khuis that won’t resonate to each other. We’ll be free.” I mean, surely a khui wouldn’t resonate to the same person a second time, would it?

“You would ask me to give up my chance at a mate?” Haeden’s voice is incredulous. Angry, too. He starts to walk over to my bed, crossing the cave.

I shrink back. Okay, it is a little selfish, but I’m thinking of myself and the fact that I don’t want to be tied to him. I’m thinking of the child we would inevitably have that would grow up in a home where the parents hated each other. “Then I’ll be the one to get it done.”

“It does not matter,” he bellows, leaning over me. “Vektal burned with resonance for Georgie before she ever had a khui! Do you think this ache for you would go away if your khui was gone?” He slams a hand over his vibrating chest. “Do you think it cares?”

He’s roaring with anger now, so loud that I’m sure people several caves over can hear him. I wince. “Not so loud—“

“Why?” He gets even louder, shouting the words. “Do you think anyone in this cave does not know we are resonating, Jo-see? Do you think no one knows of your dislike for me? You have made that quite clear.” His eyes are blazing. “I should not be surprised that you would be so selfish.”

“Selfish?” I gasp, angry at his words. “I’m selfish because I want to be happy? Because I don’t want to be tied down to a miserable bastard?” I get to my feet and shove the near-empty cup of tea into his hands. “So it’s either my happiness or yours, is that it? Am I wrong for wanting to pick mine?”

“You are! The khui has chosen. You cannot unchoose it!” He moves closer, leaning over me. He’s enormous, over seven feet tall and all muscle. Oddly though, I’m not scared. I know he would never hurt me. I’m just pissed. I’m pissed that I find him sexy when he’s angry, and I’m pissed that I keep noticing how good he smells. “You think you can unchoose resonance?”

“I’m willing to give it a shot,” I retort.

“You may say what you want, but you are wrong. You think there is nothing worse than resonating to me? I know what is worse. The silence in your chest when your mate is gone.” His words are rough with anger. “And you would do that to me a
second
time?”

I glare at him mutely.

“You think I cannot smell the juices in your cunt, Jo-see? You think I do not hear your little moans as you sleep? Your body wants mine.” He leans in closer, and his face is so close to mine I’d swear he’s going to kiss me. “Your body has accepted that I am your mate. Give in.”

I’m scandalized, a bit aroused, and utterly appalled all at once. I slap a hand on his chest. “Back off.”

He takes a step backward, but I sense smugness in those narrow, glowing eyes. “I will not touch you unless you request it, Jo-see. In that, I have not changed. You will need relief soon, and I will be here waiting.”

He’s right. Unless I figure out a way to remove our khuis and make us both happy, I’m going to have to crawl to him at some point. Already my pulse is pounding and my pussy throbbing at the thought. It’s just going to get worse, too. It’s like an itch or a sunburn that’s escalating in its discomfort. At some point, I’m not going to be able to stand any more of it.

And then I’ll be trapped.

But today’s not that day. “You know what? I’m done here.” I push my way past him and head for the mouth of the cave. “You can go fuck yourself. I’m going to go stay with Tiffany.”

“You will return,” he says darkly.

I hate that he’s not wrong. I storm away to find where my bestie is moving in, unnerved and aroused.

I
sleep
like shit that night.

It’s not that Tiffany and Salukh are super noisy in their bed play. I mean, they are, but I’m used to that. It’s like the entire tribal cave is awash with horny, humping couples and their babies. And the blankets I’m nestled in are comfy enough. The cave is roomy and I don’t have to rub elbows with anyone else as I sleep. I’ve even got a nice fluffy pillow, courtesy of Megan.

But I still can’t sleep.

I think about Haeden and his terrible story. He wants me to be his mate, his second chance at a family. If it were anyone else, I’d feel sorry for the tragedy they’d endured…but it’s Haeden. I can either make him happy and be miserable, or I can look out for myself.

But if I get my own khui removed, he’s going to relive his nightmare of losing another mate.

I toss and turn, unable to find an answer. My body isn’t helpful, either. Every time I hear a moan carried on the air or the soft slap of bodies coming together, my hand steals between my legs and I press, hard. It’s not helping. I’m achy and throbbing with resonance, and it sucks. I’ve never been one to crave sex - all of my experiences with it haven’t been fun in the slightest - but right now? I’d give anything for a guy to throw me down and make sweet love to me for hours.

Well, any guy but Haeden, that is.

I wake up early and tiptoe past where a sleeping Tiff and Salukh are twined together in their furs. I can hear people in the main cave and I head in that direction, looking for food and company and above all, a distraction. Maybe someone will have their baby with them and I can get in a little cuddle time.

I move down the twisting passage of the cave addition. The old part of the tribal cave was smooth and built like a doughnut, complete with the hole in the ceiling for ventilation and a hot spring pool at the center. The caves were spaced along the walls and Harlow had theorized that the elders had used rock cutters of some kind to set up their home. The new passage that had been opened up was a lot rougher, with a narrow path leading to the main portion of the cave. Everyone’s thrilled that we can all be together again and no one minds if their new cave has a stalactite or two and a rough wall instead of a smooth one, because the addition of more caves opened up means that each family gets their own place instead of doubling up.