Be My Baby (34 page)

And then it all came spilling out of her. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘I only took my eyes off her for a moment.’

He shot her words down with a look. A what-do-you-think-you-were-doing kind of look. She waited for him to say it—to tell her she was a failure and that he’d made a mistake when he’d asked her to stay.

‘Mollie was almost asleep when I got up there.’ A pained look crossed his face, and he looked as if he was going to say something. After a few seconds of silence, his jaw hardened.

‘Is she okay?’ Jennie asked quietly.

Alex nodded. ‘I just sat in the armchair and watched her until she fell asleep.’

Jennie pressed her lips together and tried to smile at him. It came out all wonky. What could she say? What could
anyone
say to make this right?

Alex looked deep into his wine glass. He hadn’t even touched it yet. ‘I don’t think I could bear it if we do the DNA test and the results come back negative.’

Jennie swallowed as Alex’s eyes shimmered in the firelight. So that was why he’d stalled on getting it done. She bit her lip. All the awkwardness was forgotten. She felt as if her heart was literally reaching out for Alex, straining against her ribcage.

Alex had stretched himself to his limit to keep going through all this mess. Maybe even before that. Maybe he’d been holding himself tight together ever since Becky had left him. She thought back to the first night she’d met him, how he’d had that undercurrent of power and intensity, how he’d seemed hyper-aware, edgy. It had been rather intoxicating. She hadn’t guessed just what it must have cost him to stay strong for everyone else, ignoring his own needs.

For a while he’d been fuelled by adrenalin, doing what needed to be done because that
was what Alex Dangerfield did. But the emergency was over now. They were supposed to be quietly getting on with their lives. The dullness in his eyes told her Alex’s adrenalin had drained away. Unfortunately, she suspected they still had a bumpy road ahead of the three of them so, in some ways, the struggle had only just begun. Just as Alex had reached the end of himself.

Jennie put her glass down. Although Alex would never admit to being anything less than omnipotent, right at this moment her husband needed someone to share his load. Unfortunately for the poor guy, she was the only candidate, so he was just going to have to put up with whatever haphazard help she could offer.

She unfolded herself from her chair, crossed the room, took his glass from him and placed it on the low coffee table. Then she knelt next to him on the long leather sofa, looked into his eyes and ran her fingertips softly across his shoulders. He shivered at her touch and closed his eyes.

She might not have a great scientific brain, able to provide DNA results to soothe his ridged brow. She might not be Supernanny, ready to transform any kid from monster to angel with a sticker chart and a naughty step.
Her only skills lay in guest lists, canapés and booking venues. And knowing how to help people have a great time, to feel good.

That much she could do for him.

Alex needed time out of his life, to feel something other than despair, to think about something other than the problems that consumed him. She had a sneaking suspicion that had been her attraction for him in the first place, so she might as well do her job. She could make him forget—at least until morning.

She shifted one leg so she was sitting across his lap facing him, a knee on either side of his thighs, and then she leaned forward and kissed him. Softly. Tenderly. Putting all her heart into it—the way she’d been aching to do ever since he’d turned up at Alice and Cameron’s reception.

He met her eagerly, pulling her towards him, sliding his fingers under the hem of her blouse to feel her skin, and her breath hitched. Blindly, she reached for the top button of his shirt and fumbled with it.

Oh, yes. She was going to make Alex feel good. Very, very good.

Alex woke, as he usually did, well before dawn the next morning, and for a few blessed
moments he felt totally relaxed, totally peaceful. Jennie was curled up against him, breathing softly. He kissed her bare shoulder gently enough not to wake her.

It shocked him how much he loved her. He’d never loved Becky this way.

As he lay there, slowly waking, these strange thoughts flooding his head, the events of the previous day started to sharpen and come into focus. The cold dread he’d been trying to ignore returned and he closed his eyes, willing his pulse rate to flatten, willing himself back onto an even keel.

Jennie’s arm twitched and she sighed gently, then burrowed closer to him. He twisted his head and looked at the alarm clock. Six-thirty. Not a time of day that Jennie habituated. Far from it. Much as he hated to leave her, his brain was whirring now and he feared he’d disturb her if he stayed much longer, so he gently eased himself out of bed and dressed quietly in the bathroom before padding downstairs.

He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in front of him when Mollie appeared. She poked just her head round the door, her eyes wide and blinking, her mouth gathered into a tense pout. She was waiting to see what he’d do, what he’d say. He softened
the grim line of his mouth into the beginnings of a smile, let the warmth shine out of his eyes. She walked slowly over to him and stood there looking very forlorn. The thumb on her right hand protruded from her tiny fist and, after a moment’s hesitation, she stuck it in her mouth.

‘You mustn’t run off without asking a grown-up, okay?’ he said, resisting the urge to reach for her and pull her close, just in case it would be too much for her.

She blinked again.

‘Do you think you can do that? ‘

She frowned, deep lines appearing on her forehead—much too deep for a three-year-old.

Jennie had told him of her conversation with Mollie as they’d lain wrapped around each other in the dark last night. A thought hit him. ‘And perhaps we can go and visit Mummy’s grave, take her some flowers and those lovely cards you’ve made her.’ The light returned to Mollie’s eyes and she gave him the slightest, sweetest smile. Before she started bugging him about the lack of chocolate cereal in the house and whether she could have boiled eggs and soldiers for breakfast, she leaned against him so their arms touched and pressed into him. Almost,
almost
lay her
head on his shoulder. And then she was gone again.

Alex let out the breath he’d been holding. Maybe it was better she was holding back still. It made it easier for him not to get too attached. She was so sweet, so beautiful. If it turned out…

He flattened that feeling out, too, couldn’t even think about it. Instead, his mind strayed to the case he was trying. Although it was complex, it was much more comfortable than thinking about Mollie. In a week or two they’d know for sure, and then he could breathe out and enjoy the little girl he was starting to lose his heart to.

Jennie woke to the smell of warm coffee. She stretched like a cat and opened her eyes to find Alex smiling at her. Boy, her husband was gorgeous when he smiled. And, after last night, she hoped he had a lot to smile about. A long sigh, mixed with a yawn escaped her lips.

Her hunch had been correct—it had been different between them. But
better
different. Not just heat and fire, although that had been there in abundance,
but…richer
, too.

‘Good morning,’ she said, injecting a smile into the remnants of her yawn.

Alex just placed a mug of coffee on the bedside table and leaned forward to kiss her. And kiss her again. And again. And… Well, the coffee had gone cold by the time she remembered it was there.

‘I’ll make you another one,’ he said, putting his shirt back on and looking a little sheepish.

Jennie smiled. She didn’t care about coffee. All she cared about was that somehow, last night, even after all the turmoil, she and Alex had found a way back to each other. They were no longer dancing around each other like boxers, keeping themselves beyond the other’s reach if there was a hint they might inflict any further damage. This morning she was in the centre of his world again, right where she wanted to be.

J
ENNIE
helped her stepmother clear the dishes while the rest of the family argued over the last piece of pavlova. Cameron was putting forward a very good case, but he didn’t have Mollie’s cute factor. Alice and Alex were cheering their respective loved ones on, and her father was relishing his role as judge and jury.

It had taken a few weeks before they’d been able to get them all together on a Sunday for a family lunch. Alice and Cameron had been on honeymoon and her parents had taken a short trip away to relax after all the wedding madness, and this was the first time both her father and Alice and Cameron had met her new family properly.

Jennie carefully put the pile of plates she’d been carrying down near the sink. ‘That was an incredible lunch, Marion.’ She smiled. ‘Made me realise how much I’ve got to learn. I’ve only just mastered boiling eggs.’

Marion put down the large serving plate she’d been carrying. ‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’

Jennie nodded brightly. ‘Boiling water, salt and then three minutes…hang on.’ She frowned. ‘Or is it four?’

‘No,’ Marion said. ‘I meant with Alex and Mollie…’

The smile slid from Jennie’s face. Of all people, she would have thought that Marion would be the one to understand, to support her.

Marion looked pained, but she clasped her hands in front of her and carried on talking. ‘I just need to know…’ she started, but then she shook her head and began again. ‘You’ve dived into so many things without thinking…and I can’t fault your enthusiasm, but this isn’t some silly scrape you can sweet-talk your way out of when it’s not fun any longer. This is for life.’

‘I know that.’ Jennie’s hands felt all clammy and cold. She folded them into the crooks of her elbows and hugged herself tight. ‘Don’t you… Don’t you think I can do this?’

Marion walked towards her, face full of compassion. ‘I’m not saying that, but…’ She glanced in the direction of the dining room. ‘You haven’t chosen an easy path. I look at that wonderful man and that darling girl and
I see…’ She gently gripped Jennie’s upper arms, held her. ‘Those two come with baggage. Lots of it. There’s going to be heartache as well as joy ahead.’

The sinking feeling in Jennie’s stomach overrode her instant mental denial at Marion’s statement. She stared at the kitchen door. Mollie cheered in the other room and Cameron gave an overly theatrical groan. She knew who’d won her father over in the end and it made her smile, made the cold churning stop.

‘I know what I’ve got myself into.’ She looked into Marion’s eyes. ‘And I know it isn’t going to be easy—it might even be my ultimate scrape…’ She let out a dry laugh. ‘But of all the scrapes I’ve ever got myself into, this is the one that’s worth it. I love him, Marion. I love them both. I don’t care whether it’s sensible or not, whether it’s going to be easy or not—I’m sticking with it.’

Marion drew her into a fragrant hug and Jennie realised she always associated her stepmother’s perfume with peace and calm. ‘Good girl,’ Marion whispered. ‘If you attack it with that attitude, you’ll be fine in the end. And I’m here for you whenever you need me.’

Jennie hugged her back. ‘Thank you,’ she replied softly.

***

Alex stared at the large cardboard envelope the courier had delivered to his chambers. While there was a strong chance it contained legal documents, his gut told him otherwise. It was what he’d been holding out for. What he feared most.

The results of Mollie’s DNA test.

He placed the envelope carefully on his desk, making sure it was square to the edges, and stared at it some more. It was bizarre. He was the man who never backed down from facing anything, who always honoured his commitments, yet he was awfully tempted to stuff it in a drawer and pretend it didn’t exist.

He was concerned that Jennie had allowed herself to get too attached to Mollie. He’d tried to warn her, but she hadn’t listened. She hadn’t hesitated at the threshold of parenthood as he had; she’d done what she always did—thrown herself in at the deep end and worried about whether she could actually do it later.

She was going to be a wonderful mother. Already was, he supposed. Okay, she didn’t always follow the traditional approach, but it was clear that Mollie was beginning to adore her, too. What if the contents of this letter ripped all of that apart? It would break her heart.

Carefully and methodically, he packed his
dark thoughts away in a place he’d built specially in the back of his head. But there was so much stored in there now the pressure was getting too much. Although Alex didn’t consciously notice it, the darkness started to seep through the cracks, tainting everything with shadows until the few colours inside him were gradually swallowed up with shades of grey.

He picked up the envelope, suddenly feeling much better, much more…well, just not feeling the overwhelming sense of panic creeping up on him any more, not feeling much of anything, really. It was a relief, he realised, to have reached this point, to have finally come to terms with the chaos of the last month or two.