Beautiful Distraction (10 page)

“Because I have been increasingly questioning what I’m doing here, Olivia. This man has been through so much and though his sister means well, what she and her husband have asked of me is a terrible violation. The guilt of that…” she cut herself off with a gasp of breath, “…it eats at me.”

“You are a good person, Violet. You always have been.” She thought of Malcolm and the fact that he didn’t know of her true motives in being here, any more than Liam knew Violet’s. “You are much better than I. But you cannot forget your goals, my dear. You have more to think of than just yourself.”

Violet dipped her head. “I know. I
know
that and I know that what I’m working for,
whom
I’m working for, it’s worth this. But I can’t focus on the future too hard, Olivia. I don’t want to be disappointed if it doesn’t work out.”

Olivia was shocked when a single tear rolled down Violet’s cheek. Her friend never cried, or at least she hadn’t in a great many years.

“It will,” Olivia said, squeezing her hand. Violet needed encouragement and she would give it, no matter her own situation. “If you do this.”

“I know you’re right.”

Olivia smiled gently and shifted the topic of conversation in order to lift the tension in the room. “Now where
did
you and Liam go today?”

Violet lifted her eyebrows. “Oh, you have questions about that? I’m surprised, considering what you and Malcolm were doing while Liam and I took our walk.”

Olivia’s jaw dropped at Violet’s implication. She couldn’t possibly mean that the pair had seen her with Malcolm on the blanket, sharing an utterly tender, but ultimately very sexual moment.

“I—we—you—” she stammered, her blush nearly setting her on fire.

“Oh yes, we came back earlier than perhaps you thought we would and we saw you,” Violet confirmed with a shake of her head and a half smile. “We saw
all
of you, actually.”

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. So it was out and in the most humiliating way. But she
had
wanted to talk to Violet about this.

“We may have gotten a wee bit carried away,” she said slowly. “I was truly sorry I upset Liam and Mal decided to…comfort me.”

“You did seem
comforted
,” Violet teased. “If comforted is a euphemism for something else.”

Olivia covered her face. “I am embarrassed. I’m sure Lord Windbury dislikes me more than ever.”

Violet shifted slightly. “I wouldn’t say that,” she said. “But tell me about you and Malcolm.”

Olivia pondered all the things she could say, should say, to hide her heart. But in the end, she couldn’t be false, not about this. Not now. She lowered her hands and smiled.

“He’s—he is—I—” Olivia stammered, the words so hard to find.

Violet drew back, her eyes widening as Olivia’s inability to express herself made her heart clear to anyone with eyes or ears.

“You care for him?” Her friend said the statement with such incredulity, as if she hadn’t thought Olivia capable. And perhaps she hadn’t been until the moment she met Mal.

Olivia nodded slowly. “I do, Violet. I truly do.”

The words had been said out loud and Olivia’s heart swelled. She did care for him. More than cared for him.

“I can see that,” Violet whispered when the silence between them had hung long and heavy. “Does he feel something for you in return?”

Olivia paused, thinking of all Mal had said and done since her arrival. His tenderness, his acceptance of her past, his revelations of his own—it meant something. She knew it did.

“It is hard to say, for men are so difficult to read when it comes to matters of the heart,” she said softly. “But I have reason to hope he does care for me.”

Violet’s brow wrinkled. “What about the future? Will he become your protector?”

Olivia dropped her chin. And this was where her experience, or in this case, lack thereof, made her hesitate. She had never cared for someone, nor wished for them to care for her. What in the world
did
happen between a woman like her and a man like him?

“Perhaps that is all I should expect, considering my past.”

“But you want more.” Violet said it as a statement, not a question.

“I do,” Olivia whispered.

Violet reached for Olivia. “Then I wish for nothing less than you deserve, happiness and joy…and love.”

“Do you think that is possible?” Olivia asked, hardly breathing as she awaited the answer.

Violet nodded. “I…I do, Olivia. And you have earned it—that is the truth.”

Olivia could hardly breathe. Violet would never be anything less than honest with her, she knew that to be true if nothing else in this world. The fact that her friend could hold out any hope for her future made Olivia believe even more that it could be true.

But as she hugged her friend, there was still a niggling concern that kept her from a perfect happiness. And that was the fact that Malcolm knew nothing of the deception which had brought her here. Nor did she know how he would react to it.

Malcolm was angry as he stormed down the long hallway toward the office where he knew Liam was working. He hadn’t been angry for a very long time.

Actually, that wasn’t true. He
had
been angry, but he had stuffed it down, swallowed it, forgotten it, forgiven it, all to protect his friend. Only right now he had someone else in mind to protect and she was beginning to trump everything else in his life.

He threw the door open, letting it bang against the back wall, then slammed it shut behind him.

Liam’s head jerked up from his ledger, but Malcolm refused to allow him to speak, to argue or to make this moment about him. Instead, he folded his arms.

“Do you know that you made Olivia cry?” he managed to ease out past tightly clenched teeth.

Liam took a moment to close the ledger before him and then spoke. “How did I do that?”

“Getting up and stomping off like a child does that sometimes,” Malcolm snapped. “And you have been cold to her since her arrival.”

“She attempted to intrude upon—” Liam began.

But Malcolm didn’t want to hear it. He slammed his hand down on the desk to shut his friend up. “She attempted to connect with you, as people sometimes do. You
do
remember how human beings treat each other, don’t you?”

Liam pressed his lips together and Malcolm could see he was fighting his reactions. But this was Liam, and Liam didn’t recall the finer points of self-control anymore.

“Horseshit,” his friend snapped. “She wasn’t worrying over me as a friend and you know it. She was poking at a wound, hoping to see if it would bleed.”

“She isn’t like that,” Mal snarled, his face heating at this new slur.

Liam barked out an ugly laugh. “How would
you
know? You’ve been fucking her for a week—you know nothing but her body.”

A veil of red rage settled before Mal’s vision and the emotions that had been simmering now bubbled to an almost out-of-control level as he grasped Liam and shook him.

“Shut up, Windbury,” he shouted. “You’re talking about the woman I love.”

Liam wrestled free and stumbled back, staring at his friend in utter disbelief. Disbelief Mal felt himself. Until he’d uttered those words he would not have admitted such a depth of feeling. But it was true, all true. He loved Olivia. Despite their short acquaintance, despite the obstacles, he loved her.

“Love her?” Liam repeated in surprise. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I love her,” he repeated and now the words didn’t sound as foreign or outrageous. They were just…true. “And I want to marry her.”

Liam went as tense as a piece of steel before he muttered, “You idiot.”

Mal’s eyes narrowed at this response to his confession. “You would prefer that I follow you around my whole life, trying to keep you from walking over a cliff or putting a bullet through your ear?”

Liam’s eyes widened, but Mal didn’t stop. This showdown had been a long time coming and in reality, it had nothing to do with Olivia or love or anything except what Mal had been protecting Liam from for years.

“Oh yes, I know your dark thoughts,” he continued. “I’ve seen them on your face when no one else was looking. And I have watched you, guarded you from yourself because I care for you, you pompous ass. Because I know you will allow no one else to intervene on your behalf. I don’t regret any sacrifices I’ve made to be your friend and your confidante. But I do not agree to live in your misery forever, Liam.”

“My
misery
,” Liam repeated and his voice was choked with indignation. “I never asked you to.”

“No, but you tend to drag everyone else into it with you.” Malcolm flinched at the truth of his words, a truth he had denied to himself, but now came crystal clear. “I have done my best to help you, to carry you through your suffering, but there comes a point when
you
must stand up and decide to live again. But you won’t. You utterly refuse to do anything except stand with one foot in the grave, waiting to die alone. Well, that is your choice, my friend. But I think you are a god-awful fool to let the past destroy your future. And for what?”

Liam clenched his fists. “Have a care, Malcolm.”

He ignored his friend. “For what? Guilt? Or is it fear that stops you from moving on? I have no idea, but I do know that you dishonor Matilda’s memory every time you lock away those who would love you. Every time you think of taking your own life, you murder her all over again.”

Liam swung without warning and Malcolm had no chance to duck as the fist hit his face at full force. Mal staggered backward, hitting a chair so hard that the wood splintered and flew in all directions as he hit the floor.

For what felt like an eternity, he sat there, surrounded by shattered furniture, staring up at the broken face of his utterly damaged friend. All he felt then was pity. Pity for Liam’s loss, pity for his refusal to see a future. Slowly, Mal got up, checking his jaw and recognizing it wasn’t broken.

“Feel better?” he asked, eyes narrowed.

Liam still had his fists raised. But his eyes were so empty.

“You won’t fight?” Liam barked.

Malcolm sighed. “You haven’t fought for two years—why should I? Haven’t fought for anything worthwhile, anyway. I just hope you remember how before you lose everything and anything of value in your life.”

Malcolm turned, perfectly aware that his friend could attack him, hurt him, despite his old injuries. And trusting that even in the depths of his anger and frustration Liam wouldn’t do it.

But he still felt like utter shit as he left his best friend standing alone in his office, his knuckles bruised and their friendship damaged.

Chapter Nine

Olivia looked up from the book in her hand as the knock sounded at her door.

“Yes?” she called out.

As she rose to her feet, the book fell away. Her visitor was Malcolm, and his eye was swollen with a bruise while his face was long and drawn with emotion.

“What happened?” she breathed as she rushed to him, ushering him inside and shutting the door. She pulled him down to look at his eye. It was bruised purple and puffed from what looked to be a very hard blow.

“We fought,” he said, his voice flat and pained.

She took a long step back as horror hit her at the meaning of his words.

“You and Liam?” she whispered, her shaking hands clenched at her sides.

He swallowed. “Yes,” he bit out. “I couldn’t allow him to behave so callously, to hurt you and—”

She shook her head, raising her hands to interrupt him. “Because of me? Because of today?”

He met her gaze. “Yes.”

“No,” she whispered. “No no no.” She paced away from him, trying to wake up from this nightmare, trying to make this go away. “You shouldn’t have done that!” she said, more to herself than to him.

He caught her arm and turned her around with one smooth motion. “He has behaved like this for years, he needed a setting down.”

“But not over me,” she said, pulling at her arm, though he wouldn’t release it. “Surely you must see that I’m not worth losing a friendship that means so much to you.”

His eyes narrowed and for a moment she thought he might agree and cast her aside. That would be a reasonable reaction, although it would break her heart. Still, she steeled herself for his rejection.

But it didn’t come. Instead, he gently cupped her face.

“You are more than worth it,” he whispered. “Can’t you see that? Olivia, since your arrival, I have said and done things I never could have imagined. I have given you my body and my soul, I have trusted you with those things. I
trust
you.”

Now she did pull her arm away and stagger even farther back. He trusted her, though she was a liar, though her motives weren’t pure, though she was in league with a woman who would spy on his closest friend. She had kept those facts to herself to protect Violet, but now she knew what she had to do.

She had to tell him.

“Malcolm,” she whispered. “You must know—”

He shook his head. “No,
you
must know. Olivia, I love you.”