Beautiful Pain (2 page)

“
Just email me when you start. I need to know if everything is all right with you,” she added firmly. Looking at Sophia’s amber eyes, Collette thought that this girl was pretty; she had long curly strawberry blonde hair, delicate features, and long skinny legs. Collette could see that Sophia had money—a Gucci bag and designer clothes—but she still didn’t understand why she wanted to leave London for three months. Maybe some stupid boy had just broken her heart and she needed a change. Collette didn’t care about Sophia’s reasons as long as she was going to get a large bonus at the end of the month.

Sophia said good-bye to Mrs. Foster, promised to keep in touch, and left to go home and pack her bags. In the corridor she said hello to the other women who were working today and reapplied her lip-gloss before stepping outside, feeling happy. For the first time since she left the clinic she was going to be away from her parents, and she was excited but nervous about the future.

The walk to the City Thameslink Station was short. When the train arrived her stomach made a funny jolt. She wasn’t looking forward to the conversation with her mum and dad. Her father was at home today, so this discussion was going to get very awkward. She was lost in her own thoughts in the tube. As usual, the train was crowded with people and she hated being squeezed between strangers. It wasn’t long before she reached Notting Hill. Ten minutes later she walked into Lancaster Road, clenching her fists nervously. Before she packed she had to reveal her plans to her parents.

She pressed the door handle and took a long deep breath, feeling the anxiety whip through her again. She could hear her parents in the living room. Her heartbeat quickened as she walked across the immaculate wooden floors and stepped into a spacious living room. They were sitting on the sofa watching TV, talking about Mum’s next project. Sophia cleared her throat to let them know that she was back.

“
There you are, I was just about to call you,” said Michelle. Her mother was slight with short blonde hair, thin lips, and high cheekbones. Sophia pressed her lips together contemplating how to begin. Her mother was arching her eyebrows, which meant that she was already irritated. Sophia felt uneasy about what she was just about to say, but this time she couldn’t back away.

“
Hi Mum, Dad.”

“
Where have you been?” asked her father, Nassa, not taking his eyes off the screen. He was wearing a grey suit and Sophia wondered if he was going to leave for the office shortly, at least she hoped he would. Sophia just had to get on with this and tell them that she was leaving tomorrow morning.

“
I was completing all the paperwork for my trip to Belfast tomorrow,” explained Sophia, shifting her weight to the side. They reacted as she expected; Michelle brought her hands to her mouth, and her father flinched, shooting her a staggered look.

“
Belfast? What kind of silly idea is that? You are starting work in my practice next week,” he barked. This would be harder than Sophia expected, but she wasn’t going to let them rule her. Her father had curly hair and tanned skin; he was half Libyan, although he lived in London all his life. That’s why Sophia had this awful long curly blonde hair that never wanted to stay in one place.

“
Dad, I told you I don’t want to work in your practice. Tomorrow I am flying to Belfast to take this position as a temporary Probation Service Officer.”

The colour drained from Michelle’s face. She always had a pale complexion, but right now she looked like she was going to pass out. Her upper lip started trembling. Sophia hated when her mother was slowly losing control.

“
Ireland? Are you out of your mind, dear? This is a hideous idea. You will be all alone there and no one would be able to keep an eye on you,” cried her mother.

“
Don’t be ridiculous, Sophia, you are expected in the practice. Michael organised everything for you ...”

“
Dad, stop it. You didn’t listen when I told you that I am not interested in working in your practice. I was supposed to do this last year full time but you insisted and I am not doing it this year. I am leaving tomorrow, and I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be back until September,” pressed Sophia. She felt that she had to be firm with her parents.

“
Where are you going to stay and what if you lose control again?” asked Michelle, staring at her daughter.

“
I will stay with my friend Vanessa, she lives in the city centre and her housemate isn’t there in the summer, plus I am not a child, it’s time for me to face being on my own.”

“
You are ruining your chances for a bright career, Sophia. Belfast is rough. You are not ready to face this kind of challenge,” said Nassa firmly. “We won’t be there to help you.”

“
I am old enough to make my own decisions. I worked as a temporary Probation Service Officer last year and I know what I am doing,” Sophia yelled, starting to shake with anger.

“
But you will be far away, and what if—”

“
I am fine. I don’t want you to bring this up. I am perfectly capable of living my own life,” Sophia cut her mother off. She hated that her parents brought her past back every time she wanted to do something for herself. When they couldn’t control her.

“
Look at your cousin Jessica, she has always done what her mother told her to do, now she is successful,” cried Michelle.

Sophia wasn’t going to tell her mother that Jessica was only able to paint when she was high on cocaine. Michelle wouldn’t believe her, no one knew that her cousin was a drug user. When Sophia went to visit her in her studio a couple of months ago, she saw her sniffing the drug through her nose. She later told her that it was cocaine and she forced Sophia to promise that she wouldn’t tell anyone. Her cousin was talented, there were no doubts about that. She had always done well in school and her life was like a fairy tale. She was expected to succeed, and drugs allowed her to deal with the pressure and stress.

“
I am leaving for Belfast tomorrow whether you like it or not, it’s all sorted so just deal with that,” said Sophia more firmly, and walked away.

“
You are making the biggest mistake of your life. This time you are alone, we aren’t paying for anymore therapy and the psychiatrist,” roared Nassa, but Sophia couldn’t listen to him anymore. Her parents knew that she was very stubborn and her nightmare had ended years ago.

She ran to her bedroom and started packing all her clothes. Her mother convinced Sophia that she couldn’t move out when she started University. She wasn’t ready to let her go, plus the doctor told Michelle that it was safer for Sophia to stay at home. Her mother kept telling her that she didn’t know how to control her life; it had only been two years since the nightmare ended and she felt that her mother constantly watched her.

When the time came to choose her course she wanted to go for Sports Management, but her father said no, he wanted her to take over his practice. She wasn’t going to study law but when she came across Psychology and Criminology she decided that the course was interesting enough. She thought long and hard about what she wanted to do in life. Then another friend told her about working with prison leavers, which sounded interesting and challenging. She wanted to separate herself from her parents and deal with difficult cases. She couldn’t imagine working alongside her father.

Sophia was lucky that her parents were wealthy. Her father was a solicitor. He established his own firm years ago. He also travelled to Libya often, but Sophia never knew what kind of business he was involved with. Her mother had her own designer company. Two years ago she pushed her to go with her to Paris and Milan for summer then the year after her father forced her to work with him. This year Sophia wasn’t going to be manipulated like that. She wanted to get away from London, away from her parents.

Sophia never wanted to be like her parents. She wanted to have a normal life, do whatever she wanted and be friends with whomever she wanted to be. They tried to control everything about her life. She fought back, but it was hard after her mother found her in her room. Since that day her life was never the same.

After she was done with the packing she took her mobile. She was going to tell her other cousin about her plans, but she put her phone away after a moment. She knew exactly what her cousin would say.

“
Are you mad? Your mother will come after you. They will never let you get away from London alone.”

Ramona was the only person who could understand Sophia’s dilemma. She didn’t have any other friends; even in University she was always alone. In the end she didn’t call Ramona, afraid that she would convince her not to go. She finished packing and was waiting for her mother to barge in to her room, but by midnight no one came. Maybe her parents decided that she was ready to be away from them. Ready to take control of her life.

Chapter Two

Sophia was petrified when she landed at Belfast International Airport. Her pulse increased and her palms were damp with sweat. The familiar feeling of apprehension flooded through her body and she instantly closed her eyes to push away those emotions that made her want to do things that she wasn’t proud off. She was on foreign soil but this didn’t mean that she was going to break into pieces. She just had to get the taxi to the city. Her old friend was catching up on her sleep after a long shift in the bar so she couldn’t rely on her.

After she reclaimed her luggage, she pushed her trolley towards the entrance. For the first time since she was sixteen her parents didn’t fight to keep her close to them. She had to get used to the fact that no one was going to tell her what to do. She tossed her blonde hair, which was a complete mess today, and stepped outside. Grey, heavy clouds covered the sky and the air felt different, or maybe she was just imagining things. The anxiety was finally gone and when she found a taxi, she relaxed a little. Soon she was heading towards the city. She stared at beautiful green landscape, admiring the hills and the countryside, feeling that she was going to have fun this summer.

She was going to stay with Vanessa, a girl she knew from school. She remembered that period of her life well enough, it was when she was still in control. She and Vanessa were always close until Vanessa had to move away to Ireland with her mother. She never gained any other best friend like her. With time she got closer to her cousin Ramona, but their relationship wasn’t the same. Sophia kept in touch with Vanessa as much as she could, but Vanessa had no idea that Sophia’s life wasn’t as colourful as she was making it out to be. Keeping secrets was Sophia’s second nature.

“
Okay, young lady, here we are,” said the taxi driver with a thick Irish accent, smiling. “That will be forty-four Euros.”

“
Thank you,” replied Sophia, passing him the money. He helped her with the luggage and left her in front of a tall block of apartments in the centre of Belfast. She was far away from London, which now seemed much louder and bigger.

Vanessa studied French at Queen’s University, and similar to Sophia she was in her second year. Her mother moved to the country and married a local Irishman, and they didn’t see each other much because Vanessa didn’t get on well with her mother’s new husband. Throughout the year, Vanessa worked part-time in the bar, but when the summer came she needed more money so she increased her hours. Sophia was happy with this arrangement. She didn’t want Vanessa to be obliged to look after her.

She dragged her luggage through the stairs and checked her mobile. She buzzed apartment number thirty-two, biting her lip with anticipation.

“
Hallo,” said the sleepy voice on the other end.

“
Vanessa, it’s me, Sophia,” she said with excitement.

“
Oh my God you are here, come on in,” squeaked her friend, and she buzzed the door open for her. Sophia took the lift and when she got upstairs her friend was already waiting for her wearing red pyjamas.

“
Good to see you, it’s been ages,” said Vanessa, hugging Sophia tightly.