Beauty in Disguise (11 page)

“Christopher, calm down. I am not your enemy. I assume there is much more to the story than that.”

He apologized to her but was still frustrated. He wanted her to be as angry at Kathryn as he was. He told her the reason she went into hiding, disguising herself with the wig and spectacles. She closed her eyes as he told her of the unwanted attentions she had been forced to accept in her new status. And he told her that she had been in a closed carriage for days and nights on the road with Salford. Alone. She was ruined. There, that would do it.

“I can see how very angry you are over this. I suggest you let me think on it. We should both spend some time in prayer, and perhaps we may discuss this rationally.”

“Rationally? Mother, there is nothing rational about this entire affair. You are more affected by her plight than mine, and I cannot credit it.” He finally heard himself. He was acting like a spoiled child when things did not go his way. Confound it, he was acting like Charity Dinsmore. But he thought this inner pain might never go away. He wanted her to tell him it would. It had to.

She waited until he sat down again. “That is because you can only see your hurt at the moment.” She held up her hand to stop his protests. “And I certainly understand that. But you must allow me my own feelings, as well. I love you more than life itself, you know that. But when you have let go of your blinding anger, I think you will find that Kathryn is not your enemy, either.

“Son, my heart breaks for you both. I do not side with her, or you for that matter. I only want you to see there
are
two sides.”

“I am glad you can forgive her so easily. But somehow I doubt you will forgive her enough to align her sullied name with ours.”

“Christopher!”

He walked away toward the drawing room doors. “I must attend to some estate business. I will be in my study for a few hours.”

“Son, wait.”

He stopped but did not turn around.

“Is this what happened when Kathryn tried to explain her decisions and actions to you?”

He did not move a muscle.

“I see, you never let her get past the point of
your
pride. You did not wait to see if she asked for or deserved your forgiveness.” She got up and walked around him so they were face-to-face. “Christopher, be the loving, forgiving man that you are. Do not turn into a bitter, unhappy man.
‘And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another...’”

She put her hands on his arms. “My dear, we will never know why God led Kathryn through such trials at so early an age. But we must believe that it was He who kept her safe throughout the toughest of circumstances. We can be sure she will have gained experience she will use for the rest of her life. Someone will just have to help her see that it is
because
of His unconditional love that she lived through it. Don’t you see? The odds of the two of you being reunited in such a way shows you, and the others who know you, that God’s will
can
be accomplished even though we make such mistakes in life. Eventually, as now, He will make these things clear to us. Go to God and ask Him to help you deal with this blow. You know He will do it.”

“I know she
eloped,
” he said, the last word spoken in disgust. “Apparently you are more tolerant than the rest of the
ton.
”

“As are you! Christopher, I have never heard you judge another, yet here you sit condemning a woman you cared for without the benefit of a trial. We cannot judge others based on our standards. God’s standards are all that matters, and He
does
know the whole story.”

Dalton had expected to spend several days there, but he had also expected his mother to be on his side. He came back to London directly after meeting with his steward. His mother’s goodbye included a petition that he not become a bitter and judgmental man.

It was too late for that. He
was
bitter. He had lived with a heart torn in two since she left him nine years ago, and he blamed her for the difficulty he had in trusting any other woman. He had never felt the depth of love for another since.

He got up and poured himself a brandy at the side bar. He walked to the mantel, leaning his head on his arm as he stared into the fire. He saw her face there, beautiful, kind, witty and...loving. He splashed brandy as he slammed the glass down and walked away from the fire. Seeing her face only made him angry again. He could not move on with his life as if nothing had happened. He would ask God’s help, but he knew what was left of his heart must be protected.

She had spoken of things he did not understand, and with his head still in a fog he remembered little of it. But he knew enough that she had faced some horrid things that made her angry at him. He had left there completely and utterly confused and hurt. But now
he
was angry.

He knew what he must do. He would go back to Dinsmore Manor to purchase his horseflesh. And he would make sure she understood how she had hurt him...for the second time. He would show her that he was better off without her.

A little voice in his head said,
“Vengeance is Mine, saith the Lord,”
but he planned no revenge, though some might see it that way. His conscience was clear and his actions were necessary.

He took his stairs two at a time, calling his man to prepare him for a fortnight away from London.

* * *

Kathryn thought she had lived through the worst pain life could deal out. She now knew she had not.

It had been two weeks since that night, and she had not slept at all. Each time she closed her eyes, the scene under the tree would play over and over on the inside of her eyelids. And it was not the attack she kept reliving. It was the awful scene afterward with Lord Dalton.

She had no idea how he intended to use the information he had discovered that night; he could have gone to Lady Dinsmore and told her she had an imposter living under her roof. He could have gone back to Town, and all of London would know he had discovered her whereabouts and she had sunk beneath reproach. He did neither.

But the anguish of that night would not let go of her. She did not think she could have helped what happened. She was terrified and angry after being accosted by Jack Dawkins. She was in no state of mind to remember to keep her hood on.

No, she could not lie, at least not to herself. She could have stayed in her bedroom and never gone to the bridge at all. She was so tired of thinking of it all the time.

So tired that thoughts of him would not disappear.

So Kathryn faltered in astonishment when she saw him walk through the nursery door. Had she conjured him up? No, it was him.

The children’s exuberance covered her embarrassment. What was he doing here? She felt so foolish in her wig and glasses because he knew she hid behind them. Could he feel her pain despite her unemotional recounting of the past nine years? Dare she hope he had come back to see her?

“Lord Dalton, Lord Dalton,” the children chimed as they both hurried toward the elegantly dressed man. “You have come back! And you have come to visit us in the nursery. That is a great treat, is it not, Miss Montgomery? No one but you has ever come to visit us.”

She must act normally in front of the children. “Indeed it is. Perhaps you should show your appreciation with a proper curtsy and bow.” Everything came out stilted. She must be calm until she knew why he was back. Her smile belied any severity to Lacey and Jacob, and the children proceeded to rectify their initial behavior with a race to present a teetering curtsy and an elegant leg to impress the earl.

Kathryn took the time to covertly study the man before her.
Elegant
was a completely unsatisfactory description of his appearance. Even in buckskins and top boots he was every inch the gentleman, and she thought him even more handsome.

“Ah,
Miss Montgomery,
I hoped to find you here, as well. I thought I heard from Lady Dinsmore that you have been unwell.”

Her heart finally slowed to a steady beat. “I assure you that I am very well, I thank you.” She did not know if his intention had been true, but he seemed...different.

“I find,
Miss
Montgomery,
that I owe you an apology, though the offense has not yet occurred.”

Kathryn no longer doubted his intentions. By the second
Miss Montgomery,
she knew he had not forgiven her. Then why was he here at all? “That is a very strange apology, my lord. Perhaps if you tell me what the offense may be, we will find no apology to be necessary.”

Those devastating dimples peeped out as he tousled the children’s hair. “I am afraid there is no way to stop it. I did try. I told them I did not wish to be a burden, but they were quite adamant.”

“I am afraid I do not understand you, my lord.”

“I believe Lady Dinsmore and Miss Charity are planning a dinner party in my honor.”

“That is a surprise, my lord, but it is not an offense...” She studied him with wary eyes. “I did not know you had returned, yet there has been time to plan a party?”

“Oh, no, the party was planned before. It just had to be postponed. No, even though they advise me you will be arranging it, I was told you will not be needed to make up the numbers at dinner that night. I am very sorry.”

The smug look on Lord Dalton’s face made her angry, and he knew it. Why had he come back? Of course, Charity would want to flaunt her captive to all of Trotton, but if it had been planned before he left, he would be well out of it by staying away.

The two were brought back to the notice of the children by Lacey. She was shyly tugging at his coattails. “Lord Dalton,” she said, “may I show you my drawing?”

Kathryn was relieved he had not changed toward the children. He sat, quite informally on a chair one foot high, and graciously accepted the large parchment with due respect. He studied it for several moments then stated, “I do believe it is an exact replica of the lovely gazebo down by the lake. Am I correct?”

Lacey beamed over her shoulder at her, then turned the sweetest smile upon his lordship.

“I believe this patch of trees may even boast the fox’s den I noticed when I rode by this morning. Have you seen the family, then?”

Lacey lost her poise, and Kathryn was sure she was going to burst into tears.

“My lord,” Kathryn explained, “we are not yet certain that Sir John is aware of the partially hidden den. But as we have certainly seen them, we wished to keep their presence concealed quite as long as possible.” She smiled at Lacey, giving her a mental nudge.

“I did not realize my drawing gave them away so clearly. Pray do not tell Papa, my lord. Miss Montgomery has explained why we should not tell fibs to our family, but she thinks not pointing them out would protect the babies until they can look after themselves. We would never outright tell a lie, sir.”

Kathryn saw a scowl on Lord Dalton’s face. “And you learned that from Miss Montgomery? How interesting.” He finally looked at her, his face angled as if he was surprised, indeed.

He returned his attention to the children, and she closed her eyes. She still did not know for sure why he was back, but he made it clear he would torment her while his stay lasted.

What if he planned to tell Sir John that she was a fraud? She would lose her position, her income...and the children. Was he that angry? He knew she was living a lie, and he would make sure she was still living with the consequences of her actions.

But why must the consequences of her mistake in judgment be upon her for the rest of her life? She had confessed over and over, but she found no forgiveness—not from God, not from anyone. Lord Dalton certainly had not forgiven her; deep in her heart she had always known how it would be. Lacey’s voice brought her back to the present. “Oh, thank you, sir. May I go work on it some more before our lessons are to start?”

“By all means, child. I will hope to see it in a few days, when I can only imagine it will be a masterpiece!”

“Lord Dalting, Lord Dalting,” cried the little boy, now eye to eye with him and mangling his name in the same double opening as his father. Lord Dalton’s spontaneous laughter brought a smile to the face of the shy nurse in the rocking chair by the window. Kathryn was so thankful he would not hurt the children because of her.

“I understand, Master Jacob, that you have been working on a great surprise. I have been waiting for an opportunity to see it.”

The elation on the boy’s face spoke volumes. “Would you like to see it now, sir?”

“Yes, if I may.” Suddenly an obvious fear gripped the child, and with only the innocence a little one could produce, his face fell as he asked, “Miss Montgomery, do you think he will be dis’pointed? I mean, not know what it is...will that ruin the surprise?”

Kathryn rose and walked to the small boy, and Lord Dalton and Lacey followed behind. “Jacob, it is a marvelous wonder, you must not doubt it.” She took his hand and was leading the small band to a room set off to the side of the nursery.

As they entered the room, she and Jacob quietly moved off to the left, leaving a clear view of a cardboard tower standing in the center of the room, quite as high as Jacob himself. There was one moment of silence.

“Why, it is a Martello Tower! Which one is it, lad?”

Dalton’s question produced a gasp from the nurse behind him, but Kathryn had every expectation of his recognizing the small version of the edifices that dotted the coastline of Sussex. He did not disappoint Jacob.

“Miss Montgomery, Miss Montgomery, he knows, he knows!” beamed the boy, now in perfect double rhythm. “All of the footmen think it is just a castle, but Lord Dalting knows it is a Martello Tower!”

“Lord Dalton, dear,” she softly corrected him, “and yes, it is truly gratifying. Now he asked
you
a question, and may have others, so you must show it to him more closely. We are all very proud of your hard work, and you must satisfy his curiosity since he has been so smart as to recognize it.”

Kathryn transferred the boy’s hand from hers to Lord Dalton’s, and let Jacob lead him to the patchwork structure. Lord Dalton bent to one knee to be on the same level as his instructor.