Because of Lucy (14 page)

Chapter 25

SUMMER

NESS

The countdown clock on my blog greets me every day when I update my posts. I have everything worked out, meticulously planned. Three weeks to go. And one week only left in call center hell. My butterfly brooch is pinned to my notice
board and most days I look at it and consider Evan; hope he’s okay. Once I got through my anger at his behavior, I filed him away in the things I can’t deal with box. He’d become a best friend and splitting up hurt like hell, but the timing wasn’t right. I guess he’s right, maybe at our age people fall in love but are never meant to stay together. A tiny part of me doesn’t believe this about us.

Abby is busy sitting end of year exams and discovering her student union card doubles as a library card. Who’d have known… This time last year, we were sitting A levels and moving along the education conveyor belt. At least I jumped off. She’s considering what to do with her summer, stay here or go home. Staying here would involve finding a job, I suspect she’ll go home and catch up with old friends who headed to different universities.

We need to vacate the house. With me going, Abby decides she’s moving in with some friends next year.

A week later, Abby finishes her exams and launches herself back into her original behavior. A swan song before the holidays. Her attitude to relationships shifted over the year, moving from falling heavily to having fun. I should’ve taken a leaf out of her book. She’s had several other guys in her life since Kyle. Unfortunately, she’s ended the year back with Matt. I knew something was wrong, she got cagey even though the stress of her exams was over. The day she brought him into the house was when I found out. My heart raced as he came in, expecting Evan to walk in the door behind him. Evan wasn’t with him, and never came here with Matt and his friends. I skirted around the subject of Evan when I spoke to Matt, I don’t need ghosts from the past when I’m moving on.

Abby and company decide to got to Blackpool for a weekend. ‘And company’ includes Evan. I push away the remnants of jealousy that fill my imagination with Evan and girls. I remind myself, he’s not mine. Opening my laptop and focusing on foreign countries helps. Packing the contents of the house doesn’t. Funny how the mind wanders as soon as you start putting cups into boxes. Since Abby should be doing her share, I give up and go back to my laptop and ignore the nerves starting to accompany my excitement at leaving.

I didn’t count on the fact staying alone in the house would worry me. Sure, I was used to being alone in the evenings when Abby goes out, but something about being alone for several days freaks me out. Nobody else I know lives around here. And what upsets me the most is the
niggly voice, laughing at me, asking me how traveling the world on my own is a possibility if I can’t spend a couple of nights alone in Leeds.

****

I’m dreaming. One of those strange dreams where reality encroaches and your mind tries to keep you asleep. Something is banging. Banging so incessantly my body leaps out of the dream into the night, heart thumping to match the noise. The sound comes from the front door. I scrunch the duvet between my fingers, eyes darting around. For what? A weapon
?
Like that’d help
.
We’ve got decent locks, strong enough to prevent someone kicking the door down so that’s not a worry. I just need to wait for whoever is outside to go. This has happened before, drunks mistaking our house for theirs - the row of redbrick terraces with identical frontages makes this entirely possible in the dark.

The banging doesn’t stop and I consider calling the police. And saying what? No-one’s threatened me. I wish Abby was here. No, I wish Evan was here. My clothes from yesterday are slung over a chair and I pull them on. I sq
uint at my phone - 2am.

Slowly, I walk down the stairs.

I hold my breath and listen when the knocking pauses. “Who is it?
”
Oh my god, I sound like I’m in a dodgy horror film.

“Ness! Ness! Is he there? Open the door.”

Blood pools into my ankles. “Lucy?”

“Where’s Evan? I need to find him!” Her voice has an edge of hysteria, the same tone the day we first met outside the pub.

I slide the chain and unlatch the door. Lucy pushes past me and closes the door. She has no shoes on.

“Lucy? What are you doing here?”

“Evan. Is he upstairs?” She shoves me to one side, taking the stairs two at a time. My bedroom door slams open and shut again. Lucy reappears at the top of the stairs. “Where is he?”

“Let me get you a drink?” I speak calmly, trying to recall how Evan spoke to his sister last time she came here.

Lucy’s appearance freaks me out. Apart from having no shoes, her face is pale and eyes wide. When she looked at me as she came in the house, I saw dilated pupils. Something’s happened.

“Where’s Evan?” she repeats, sitting on the top step.

“I don’t know.” Telling her he’s in Blackpool doesn’t seem like a clever idea.

“Why not?”

“We don’t see each other anymore, Lucy. Didn’t he say?”

She pushes her long curls from her eyes. “Maybe. I don’t remember. So he’s not coming here tonight?”

“No, have you tried calling him?”

“You know he doesn’t answer my calls.”

This surprises me. I believed things had changed in their relationship. I guess I’ve been out of the loop too long. And it looks like I’m back in the loop again.

Lucy paces around and she looks to the front door. I can’t let her leave. “Let me get you a drink. I’ll call around some people, see if we can find him.”

She sits in the armchair, jiggling her foot on the floor. “Okay, someone can find him, right?”

“I’m sure we can.”

I want to ask her what’s wrong but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. I’m not sure at all what to do in this situation; apart from looking for Evan.

My phone is upstairs, so I take a glass of water to Lucy and tell her I’m going to make some calls. Hands shaking, I dial Evan’s number. We haven’t spoken in over a month and this isn’t a great way to reconnect. The phone rings out and when his voicemail kicks in desire to see him surges through me, on hearing his voice again.

I hang up, don’t want to leave this news as a message. Abby. I try her phone, same thing, voicemail. This time I leave a message asking her to call me urgently. They could be anywhere - asleep, partying, out… Or Evan could be busy with a girl.

I return to Lucy, who’s standing up again, chewing her nails. “Have you found out where he is?”

“No. But I will. It’s late - they’re probably asleep. Maybe you should wait here until the morning?”

Lucy rubs her face with both hands and I notice nail marks on her arms, five in a semi-circle. “I don’t know…”

“Where else will you go? Wait here, then when we find him, he’ll come back.”

Her eyes widen to saucers again. “Do you think he will come for me?”

Not sure if I should, I reach out and rub her cold arm anyway. “He always does, doesn’t he?”

Chapter 26

NESS

I jerk awake, catching up with where I am. My arm hurts where I’ve lain against in the armchair. Lucy is asleep on the sofa, curled beneath the blanket I put over her. Once she realized I wasn’t going to conjure up Evan for her, she stopped talking, drank her water then stared at her phone for a while. After an hour, I decided she’d forgotten anyone was with her. Having no clue at all how to deal with the situation, I sat up with her. The possibility she might leave again my biggest concern - and how to explain to Evan if she did, if something happened to her before he came back for her. Which he will.

Uncurling myself from the armchair, I reach out for my own phone and check the screen. Abby hasn’t responded and if Evan noticed my number as a missed call, he’s decided not to call. I sneak upstairs, glancing back to make sure Lucy stays asleep. What the hell am I doing?

After three attempts, Evan answers.

“What?” He’s distant; a confused and tired voice.

“It’s Vanessa. I need to talk to you.”

“Ness? What the hell? Do you know what time it is?”

I roll my eyes at the predictability of his reaction but my stomach knots. “It’s 8am.”

“Too early. Are you trying to get in touch with Abby? She’s not with me right now but I can find her.”

There’s rustling as he moves.

“No, I need to talk to you.”

A silence. “This is a bit random. I thought you weren’t talking to me.”

“
M
e
?” There is so much I want to say to him but I bite the words back. “I haven’t got time to get into that.”

“Then what?”

God, I can’t believe I’m about to land this on him. “Where are you?”

“Why?” His tone sharpens.

“Are you back in Leeds?”

“No, I’m in
Blackpool. You know that.”

“Okay…” I can’t hide the affront.

His tone softens. “Look, sorry, I’m tired. And hungover.”

My imagination sees him in bed with a girl and I shake the image away. I breathe in shakily breath, and hate I have to land this on him. On Evan, the guy out living his carefree life with his mates. Relaxing. Escaping.

“It’s Lucy.”

“Lucy?” He snaps the word back, there’s no silence this time.

“She’s with me, in the house and I don’t know what to do.”

“Fuck. When? I mean, why? Shit. Is she okay?” On the other end of the line, there’s more rustling and a belt jangling.

“I don’t know what’s wrong. I didn’t want to ask, Evan. I tried calling last night…”

“Fuck…I was…”

“Out of it?” Again the image of Evan and a girl, but I have no right to be jealous anymore.

“Unconscious. Shit. I’m coming back. I don’t have my car. Fuck. Okay, I’ll get the train…” His stream of consciousness reminds me of Lucy, the night I first met her. Incoherent panic.

“Calm down, Evan. She’s okay.” Just clicking her fingers and you’re right back with her. I’m shocked at myself, such a cruel thing to think. The girl is sick.

“Ness…My phone battery’s low, I’m going to go. I’ll call you when I get back to Leeds - tell her I’m coming back.”

Evan hangs up and I stare at the phone, mind blanked by the situation. The front door slams, jerking me back to reality. The small knot in my stomach constricts, as I approach the top of the stairs. A scrunched up blanket remains on the sofa, but no Lucy.

“Lucy?”

I charge downstairs, hoping she’s in the kitchen but knowing she won’t be. Lucy, my shoes, and my bag have gone.

****

How anybody can disappear so quickly, I’ve no idea. I run to the end of the street but can’t find her. Unable to search due to the fact I don’t have any shoes on, I slope back to the house, avoiding the curious gazes of people watching me from the bus stop.

The next few hours, I try in vain to contact Evan. After the third attempt, I decide to stop, he’ll freak out if he finds a stack of missed calls from me. I sit quietly, cradling a mug of tea and trying to fathom why Lucy would behave like this. Why she’d come here. How the hell did she remember where I live?

The house faces straight onto the street, and every passerby can be heard through the window. I jump at each set of footsteps approaching, waiting for Evan and rehearsing what I’ll say to him.

His knock is gentler than Lucy’s was, but not much. When I open the door, he pauses before stepping inside and dropping a bag on the floor. Evan smells bad. All-nighter, beer-and-kebab bad, and he looks like crap. Dark rings circle his dull eyes, and his skin is pale. I feel like I’m going to be sick, don’t want to have the next conversation with him.

“Where’s Lucy?” Evan walks to the kitchen, looks in then spins back round. “Ness? Where is she?”

Shakily, I sit on the sofa. “She left, Evan.”

“Left? Where?”

“I don’t know. After I spoke to you, I came downstairs and she’d gone.”

Evan stares at me, tired eyes widening. He’s chewing his mouth, I think he’s trying not to shout.

“Sorry,” I mutter.

Turning on his heel, Evan disappears into the kitchen and I jump as a loud bang echoes out of the door. Evan swears repeatedly and I hesitate, not knowing what to do or say. When I go in, he’s facing away from me, both hands stretched across the sink.

“Do you have any idea where she went?” he asks hoarsely, not turning.

“She’s looking for you.”

“But she doesn’t know where I am.” He turns and leans against the sink. “Did she tell you what happened? How was she? Manic? Depressed?”

As he says each word, I shake my head. I’m not a Lucy expert, I’ve only met her a few times and two of those she’s been unwell. “I don’t know…out of it. She had no shoes on.”

“She’s wandering the streets with no shoes?” The edge of panic he’s been holding down creeps in.

“She’s got my shoes. And my bag. So she’s got some money.”

Evan straightens. “I need to use your phone.”

I’m feeling spaced out with the events of the last few hours, I can’t imagine how Evan must be coping.

After giving him my phone, I make tea and return to the lounge. Such an English thing to do - make tea in a crisis. Evan slouches across one arm of the sofa, supporting his head and staring into space.

“Who did you call?”

“Everyone.” He picks at the edge of the sofa arm. “Dad, her doctor, her flatmates. No-one’s heard from her.”

“Do you know why? Why she’s relapsed or whatever?”

“She split up with her boyfriend a few weeks back apparently. No-one noticed her mood changes though. She’s good at hiding things until she can’t control the illness anymore.”

Setting the mugs down, I sit in the chair opposite him. “What do we do?”

Evan turns his pained brown eyes to me and I’m overwhelmed with the urge to hold the lost looking person in front of me.

“There’s nothing we can do. She’s not even a missing person yet. Officially. Dad’s going to talk to the police anyway. I’ll have to hope she’s still looking for me.” He springs to his feet. “Phone. I need to charge my phone.”

“Does Lucy have a phone? We can call her.”

“I tried. Voicemail. Her phone
is probably out of charge too.”

Evan hovers and we awkwardly edge around each other so he can reach into his bag. Pulling his charger out, he stands uncertainly. Gently, I take it from him, and place it on the table. I curl my hand around his and squeeze. “I’ll sort this out, Evan. Why don’t you get a shower? I’ll wait here for phone calls. You’ll feel better and then we can decide what you want to do.”

“Last time…” he pauses and pulls his hand away. “Last time she did this, things didn’t end well.”