Because the Night (The Night Songs Collection) (24 page)

“Can you have any?” I felt weird eating in front of him.

He swiped his finger through my frosting, smeared it on my collar bone, and then licked it off. “It tastes even better this way.”

I mimicked his action, smearing a little frosting on his lip then sucking it off. “You’re right.”

I pushed the box of cupcakes aside, and the guided Tristan back on the granite counter. I crawled on top of him, reenacting the performance Roxy had put on just an hour or so before. It was time to let the celebration really begin.

Chapter Forty Six

“How am I going to know if the blood worked?” I asked Lennon as we lugged my stuff from Janelle’s apartment to hers. I had dreaded going back to get everything. The last time I’d opened that door, Janelle’s blood was all over the living room, her skin torn like her posters. Now that the police had finished their investigation, cleaners had erased all the horror from the apartment. It creeped me out even more to think what had happened in that room could be erased with soap and paint.

The sun scalded my healing skin and the bright glare made my head pound. I’d slept crappy without Lennon’s little helpers last night, but all of the blood trade that had been flowing through my body also took its toll.

Being in our old apartment reaffirmed what I’d done with Noah, what needed to be done to put a stop to all of this. Would there be a magic sign? Would Blade magically reappear in Lennon’s living room? All I had been told was they needed Tristan’s blood from me. I was on a need to know basis, and Peter didn’t seem to think I needed to know what the rest of the process was.

“I have no idea, doll.” She sighed. “I’ve never been involved in anything like this before.”

“Do you think Jacey would know anything?” I couldn’t give any more of myself to Noah. I couldn’t let myself relax. My brain would instantly go back to his teeth in my skin, and other parts of him inside of me as well. Tristan could smell him. He’d known I’d been around Fire Dancer before. It was only a matter of time before he found out. Would Tristan understand why I’d done it? After all, he fed off of random girls all the time.

I didn’t think he’d see it the same way. Stupid vampire double standards.

“I’ll ask him. But I’m not going to lie to you, he doesn’t want anything to do with this.”

Neither did I.

**

I jumped every time someone sat at the bar that night at work. I kept expecting it to be Peter. I prayed to see Blade. I didn’t want to see Talis. My nerves got the best of me when a two hundred dollar bottle of wine slipped through my fingers and shattered at my feet.

“I’ll pay for it.” I promised Jack when I finished hyperventilating. He looked concerned but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll pay for it.” Peter’s voice still took me by surprise. I hadn’t seen him actually sit down. For once, he was alone. I’d never seen him without his assistant before.

“You didn’t drop it.” I smiled weakly. “Can I get you anything?”

“Venom on the rocks, darlin’.”

I set the drink down in front of him. “Any news for me?”

“Well, there’s good news and bad news.” Peter’s mouth stiffened in a straight line. I didn’t think I could handle more bad news. “The good news is, your blood definitely made Noah stronger.”

Could have fooled me when Tristan’s fist had him sprawled all over the strip club floor.

“But the bad news is it wasn’t enough to take down Talis.”

I felt my body sag, my arms holding me up against the bar. I did it for nothing. I’d betrayed Blade, Tristan, and myself and it didn’t fucking work. I closed my eyes, hoping when I opened them, none of this would be happening.

“So now what? Is that it?”

Peter finished most of his drink it one hearty swig. “Well, we can try again.”

“No.”

“Hear me out, Callie. It did work, to an extent. I think we just need more.”

“I can’t keep doing this! It’s not like mailing off a bill, you know.” I wanted to have a full on tantrum, like a child. “You can’t keep using my body as some experiment. I’m not a lab rat.”

“I know that.” Peter put his hand over mine. I didn’t realize how hard I had been shaking until he touched me. “Give me another chance. If we can’t do it this time, we’ll think of another course of action.”

“We? How do I even have a choice in this? You told me this was the only way. If you’ve got something else, you better spill it now. I’m not a whore, Peter. I’m not going to keep giving myself away because you think something might work.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. My eyes widened and my muscles tensed even more. I realized he never intended for me to have sex with Noah. No wonder I felt so dirty. Used. Noah lied to me to get me to sleep with him.

“I’m not doing this anymore.” My voice was barely more than a whisper as I ran out from behind the bar.

I put my head back against my locker in the office. Jack was busy somewhere else, thankfully. I couldn’t face anyone right now. How could I be so stupid? So trusting? I was in so far over my head, and it wasn’t like I could just get up and walk away from it. Talis still had Blade. Janelle was still dead. And I needed the blood now like I needed oxygen.

I stayed in the office until my breathing slowed and I felt guilty leaving Lennon by herself. At least she seemed to understand my outbursts. How did she navigate through this world with such grace while I stepped on every landmine in my wake? My legs felt like they were made of lead as I walked back out in the bar. I was no smarter than the donors that wandered around here like zombies. And all the vampires had to know it. It was just a matter of time before they saw me as a snack. I fought back the bile rising in my throat.

Peter still sat on the stool, a fresh drink in hand. I might as well just get this over with.

“So what brilliant idea do you have this time?” I folded my arms in front of me, knowing I was going to hate whatever he said.

“I already told you darlin’, we need more blood.”

“Why don’t you go hold up the Red Cross or something? This blood bank is closed.”

He grabbed my arm as I turned to walk away. “Don’t get smart with me, little girl. I could choose to help Talis just as easily as I chose to help you. You don’t want that, do you?”

I trembled with rage, his hand still gripping my arm. I shook my head no.

“We need her blood. Tristan’s blood.”

“Just skip the semantics and tell me what you want from me.”

“Let my boys take his blood from you.”

Thank God he still held me, I would have fainted. My blood ran as cold as any vampires in my veins. “They’ll kill me.”

“You’ll need to get more than usual from Tristan. It shouldn’t be hard, really.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but shut it. Sure, this was a piece of cake. Drain one vampire dry and let five others gang bang me for the goods. “Maybe on a night he parties a little too hard, you’ll be able to drink more from him.”

My eyes welled with tears. Peter knew Tristan’s weakness. Of course, catch us both in a compromising position. “What if I can’t do it?”

Peter shrugged. “Then Blade’s on his own and Talis continues running roughshod through the city. She’s only going to put up with you making a fool out of her for so long. Everyone’s already laughing that a child has more of a pull over her golden goose than she does.”

It took a minute to realize what he was saying. “What do you mean?”

“Tristan’s been defying her, questioning her, doing his own thing ever since you showed up. She hates you, darlin’. And you won’t bow to her, either. If you don’t take her down, she’ll catch up to you. You saw what happened to your friend.” He stood to leave. “Think about it.”

Chapter Forty Seven

“He wants you to do what?” Lennon looked at me in disbelief as I told her about Peter’s proposition when we got home from work. It was too risky to talk about these things at the bar, with so many of Talis’ people within earshot. She pursed her lips together hard and swirled the ice cubes around in her drink with her finger as I repeated the plan to her. Saying it again made it crystal clear why she would hate the idea so much.

I would have to let Jacey feed from me. No matter how it happened, the blood exchange was an erotic experience. I knew firsthand how it could cloud someone’s judgment, make them do things they swore they’d never do. Like sleep with Noah.

“I don’t want to do it.” Who was I convincing now, her or me? “But Peter says it’s the only way.”

Lennon sighed then stared at the TV blankly. An old rerun of I Love Lucy played. She loved this show but she didn’t react as the laugh track roared. So far, she’d been my ally throughout this whole vampire adventure. Until it involved her boyfriend. I didn’t blame her. Would I want Tristan to have to take blood from her?

“You’ve got to do what’s right for you.” She turned back to me with the same blank expression. “Please just don’t tell me when it happens. I’d rather not know. If I lose Jacey over this —“

“You won’t. He loves you.”

“Vampires aren’t capable of love, Callie. They’re only driven by their instincts. Has Tristan ever told you he loves you?” Her words felt like a slap in the face.

“No.” But Blade had. “I won’t let that happen.”

“Oh yeah? You’re an expert now on vampire behavior since you’ve been here, what two months? You think you have these monsters eating out of your hands?”

“Lennon, what the hell? I don’t want this situation to get any more screwed up than it already is. It’s blood. That’s all.”

“Right. And with Noah it was just sex. You hate Noah, Callie. But still, you did it.”

I struggled to catch my breath. Now she hit below the belt. “What would you have done if it was you?”

Her expression softened. Thank God. “The same exact thing. But I don’t have to like it.”

I was more than ready to go see Tristan that night. I’d been cooped up in the house all day. The temperature had reached a brutal level, even for Las Vegas in the height of summer, and I knew my newly sensitive skin couldn’t handle it. My conversations with Lennon remained strained, even after she had sympathized with me. I didn’t blame her. Hopefully we’d be able to move past this. I didn’t like it any more than she did.

It all made tonight the perfect night to put this awful plan into action. I didn’t want to go home. I figured my best chance to get more blood from Tristan would be during daylight hours, when he was unaware of his surroundings. Of course, I knew I took a risk drinking from an unconscious vampire. The whole thing was a risk. And Tristan was already my downfall.

I watched the concert from my perch on the side of the stage. My favorite part of every show was Tristan’s guitar solo. It was the only time he stripped down the layers of his public persona and had a chance to bare his soul to the world. The notes he coaxed from the guitar were his stream of consciousness. He got lost in another world during those few minutes each night, and he dragged me right along with him. If only we could find a way to stay there.

His eyes, glittering in the spotlights, caught mine towards the end of his solo. I always watched him, but he didn’t usually hold my gaze like this while thousands of rabid fans screamed from the audience. He cocked his head back slightly, as if he called me over. I didn’t move, because there was no way I’d ever go out on stage during the show.

Tristan nodded and crooked his finger towards me. I could hear the confusion swirling around the theater. I narrowed my eyes at him. I had no idea what he was doing. “Come here,” he mouthed, continuing to stare at me.

I took a few steps towards him, unsure of what was happening. A hush fell over the crowd as I came into view. Tristan smiled at me, letting me know I was doing as he wished. He held his hand out to me, and I took it.

He rubbed his fingers in my palm, calling my attention down to our hands. He took his hand out of mine, and I realized he’d sliced his finger during the solo. The blood glistened in the lights, calling to me. I mashed my lips together, not knowing if I could resist the temptation of the Bloodlust in this room full of people. Watching.

His fingers lazily trailed up my stomach, between my breasts, carefully not to stain my top with blood. When he reached my chin he tipped it up so my eyes met his again. I pleaded with him silently not to do what I knew was inevitable as his torn finger landed on my lip.

I couldn’t help but open my mouth just slightly enough to accept. And drink the blood from his wound. Everything, everyone else melted away as the blood slipped through my veins, transporting both of us to that magic place that we crawled away to every time we got the chance.

When he took his finger away from me, I almost fell backwards from the shock. I opened my eyes, not even sure where I was. The silence overwhelmed the room.

“What did you do to me?” I whispered as I started to back away.

One corner of Tristan’s mouth turned up in a knowing smile, like we shared a secret and not a burgeoning scandal. The jealousy and rage from the overzealous fans washed over me in waves, threatening to knock me off my feet. They all knew sharing blood was an erotic experience. I retreated back to my hiding spot, out of sight of the crowd. There was nowhere to go. I slid down the side of the black road case, hugging my knees, captive on the side of the stage.

I didn’t rise at the end of the show as Tristan approached. He stood in front of me, waiting for me to stand up and join him for a few minutes. Finally he realized I had no intentions of moving and sunk to his knees in front of me.

“Beautiful, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not a toy.” I barely lifted my head off of my arms.

“I know that.”

“Then why do you keep doing things like that in front of so many people? That’s for me and you. Not them.”

“I didn’t think it was such a big deal.”

“It’s a big deal. A really big deal.” There was no making him understand. Lennon was right, vampire emotions weren’t human emotions.

Tristan picked me up with the ease that a normal person would pick a shirt up from the ground and carried me back to his apartment. I didn’t fight him. There was no use. I needed him. I was on a mission. He didn’t put me down until I landed flat on my back on his bed. I stared at the swirls in the ceiling without looking at him.

I felt Tristan stretch his body out beside mine. His fingers worked their way up and down my arm, eventually tangling through my hair. I still didn’t look at him.

“Sometimes I just can’t help myself.” His voice almost startled me, slicing through the tension in the room. “You make me crazy sometimes.”

I rolled up on my side to face him. “It’s just me? None of those other girls ever get under your skin?”

He shook his head. His answer took me by surprise. I made him act more out of control than usual? Why? I thought about my conversation with Lennon earlier in the day. It had bothered me for so many reasons, but at least some of it I could ask Tristan about.

“Do you still feel human emotions?” My voice sounded small. I concentrated on him twining his fingers through mine.

“I do.” He said thoughtfully. “We feed off of energy. So when there’s positive energy, like at a show, I feel good. Sometimes, I can pick up on the despair and the hopelessness of people losing in the casino, or getting involved in stuff they shouldn’t. That’s where the Venom comes in. It numbs the pain. Everything is more intense. It’s like driving a car I have no control over.”

That explained a lot, but that’s not what I meant. “What about for yourself?”

He nodded. “I feel anger, and jealousy, and happiness. It’s all more intense.”

“What about love?” I couldn’t look him in the eye. He picked up on it, and cupped my chin in his hand. He smiled in a knowing way which made me feel stupid for asking. There was no way to ask without him taking it the wrong way.

Or was that really what I wanted to know?

“It’s more like a hunger, an obsession. It’s much more carnal, primal than human love. Vampires weren’t meant to be monogamous.” I held my breath at his words. For someone who seemed to not want to face what he was, that was a pretty intense description.

It didn’t give me any comfort. It scared me, reminded me of what I was really dealing with.

“Had you ever felt that way as a human?”

“Love? I think so.” He leaned in and kissed me. My heart fluttered, convincing me not to run screaming from the room. “But now when I think about my human life, and I have to admit, I don’t often, it’s like watching a grainy old movie. They don’t feel like my memories anymore.”

“That’s sad.”

“It is what it is. I wasn’t the happiest human.” His hand worked his way down to the curve of my waist under my blouse. I didn’t know if he realized how much it distracted me or if that was his plan.

“Are you happy now?” I’d asked him this before, when I first reconnected with him, and he gave me a flip answer. I had higher hopes this time.

“If this is what happiness is, then yes. I am.” He kissed me again, working down to nuzzle my shoulder. I let myself get lost in the moment, the way his hands felt against my skin, the coolness of his mouth against my neck. I pulled him in closer to me, not wanting to ever let him go.

He brought his head up so his eyes met mine. He didn’t say anything right away.

“What about you? Are you happy here, like this?”

I sighed. I didn’t want to take too long to think about my answer, but it couldn’t be answered in a simple yes or no. “This isn’t what I expected. But it’s so much more than I expected. I can’t imagine my life any other way now.”

“And the other thing?” He smiled almost nervously.

“Yes.” My whole body warmed. Finally we had a chance to peel everything away and be honest with each other.

Tristan leaned back down, his hair tickling my chest, working his way from right above my heart back up to my neck. I’d never felt so relaxed before. I hardly registered when his teeth sunk into my vein except for the pull of my life force to his.

I closed my eyes, gasping silently. He held me firmly by my shoulders. I didn’t want to squirm so much as writhe, but I couldn’t move. I just wanted to react, respond in some way. I wanted to share the emotion with him.

I understood hunger and obsession, too. I wanted him to know it.

When he finished feeding, he brought his mouth up to mine, still bloody. I bit down hard on his bottom lip, making him cry out as he mashed himself closer to me. Our blood intermingled as I drank it all down and held on to him for dear life so we could both survive its swirl.

**

I felt guilty when I woke up later in the sunshine, alone as always in the guest room. My body numbed with fear as I put my hand on Tristan’s doorknob. I didn’t know what I would find. I opened and closed the door as quietly as I could, I didn’t know who else was in the house, or if Tristan could be disturbed easily. I tiptoed across the plush carpet in the protective darkness, holding my hands out not to bump into anything or knock anything over. My heart thundered loud enough to wake a vampire from the dead, I was sure of it. I swallowed hard to force it back down into my chest.

My thighs grazed against the edge of the bed. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and I could make out the silhouette of Tristan’s body, half tangled in the sheet. His body was still and looked peaceful now, but it looked as he had thrashed about. Of course, the bed hadn’t been undisturbed when he went to off to never never land, but I still fought the urge to cover him properly.

He lay on his back with his head turned towards his shoulder. His tattooed left arm lay sprawled out on the empty pillow. Now that I was here, I wasn’t sure what to do.

I decided to kneel down beside the bed, not to shift the mattress. I ran my fingers lightly along the inside of Tristan’s wrist, watching his face for any signs of movement. Nothing. I lowered my face down to his arm, breathing as lightly as I could. Would the heat of my breath alert him to the danger he invited to his home? No. My lips grazed his skin. Desire took over my body as I sunk my teeth in and drank from him.

Intoxicated from so much of his blood, the colors exploded behind my eyes as I sucked greedily from his wrist. Tiny explosions went off in my body. I felt like I was floating along in the ocean, getting caught in a water funnel. Spinning out of control.

Tristan groaned, making me jump back away from him. I lost my balance and banged my shoulder against his dresser, knocking something over. The shock paralyzed me.

“What are you doing?” Tristan slurred his words, sounding sleepy and weak.

“I couldn’t help myself.” My voice didn’t even sound like it belonged to me. I backed away from the bed like a crab towards the door. “I’m so sorry. I needed more.”

“It’s too much.” He rasped.

“You’re going to be okay.” I assured him. I pulled myself to my feet by the doorknob and got the hell out of the room as fast as I could.

What had I done?

The sunlight sucker punched me in the face. Blinded, I fell down, blocking my face with my arm. My skin felt like it was on fire.

I’d taken too much. I couldn’t escape his apartment. The sun would eat me alive.

I lay flat on the floor, my head cradled in my hands. I didn’t know what to do. I crawled back to the guest room, fiddling with every control and resisting the urge to scream until I figured out how to close the blinds.

I was stuck here, so full of Tristan’s blood I felt like I could explode, until the sun went down. I climbed in bed, pulling the sheets and blankets all the way over my head. I tried not to get sick. The spin of the earth made me dizzy. My body burned. This pain, it didn’t feel human.

I slipped in and out of consciousness, welcoming the relief of escaping the images of fire licking my skin flashing in my brain.

What had I done?