Because You're Mine (15 page)

              Tears stung my eyes and my dry mouth made it difficult to speak. “Holden,” His blue eyes shimmered.

              “Marry me.” He asked again. The desperation in his voice was killing me.              

              “No.” Pulling his hands from my cheeks, I walked past him.

This was all too much too fast. I was overwhelmed by him…us…
everything
.

              “I need to go.” I was trying desperately to hold back the tears as I attempted to jerk and twist from his arms. Holden just held me tighter. He wouldn’t let me go. He just kept holding on. Fighting for me to do what? Stay? I couldn’t stay.

I had to go.

I managed to pull one hand free and I slapped his face.

              I’d never hit anyone in my life. Aside from that bitch, Alexis, I’d never had the urge. But Holden was relentless. Since the moment I’d met him, he’d consumed me. Now, he was swallowing me whole. Instinct had me fighting to break free.

              He let me go, backing away. Shock, hurt, and fear flashed across his face. “Maddie…”

              “Please. Just take me home.” I begged.

***

The ride home was filled with awkward silence. Keeping my eyes forward, my mind got lost in the passing land and trees. I was struggling to wrap my head and heart around it all. Part of me was glowing inside. Holden had proposed to me. It may not have been the most romantic proposal imaginable, but it was sweet and sincere, and so very Holden. But the other part of me was terrified. How could I go from knowing exactly what I wanted in life, to being unsure about everything except us? That was the only thing that made me feel certain, the only thing that made me feel safe and content.

Us.

That startling knowledge was scary as hell and even more difficult to except.

              When Holden pulled to a park, I reached for the door to get out. “Will you please talk to me?”

              “I just need some time to think about all of this. Everything is happening so fast, and I’m just…”

Scared.

His hands shot to my neck, pulling me toward him. Pressing his lips to mine, he kissed me softly. “I can give you time, babe. If that’s what you need. I can give you that. But what I can’t do is give you up.” Kissing me again, his forehead rested against mine. “I love you,”              

              My chest exploded with heat. “I love you, too.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead, releasing me.

I watched as he drove away. The weight on my chest got heavier with each step I took leading me away from him.

                                          ***

Battling it out head to heart, I was able to figure out two things for certain.

One, I was indeed completely and hopelessly in love with Holden. No matter how much I wanted to rationalize that it was just not impossible. It was irrevocably true. I loved him with every beat and breath of my being. He was, and would likely always be, the love of my life.

Two, I had no idea what to do next. My head was yelling one thing while my heart screamed another. Just the thought of not ever being with him again caused a sharp pain to radiate deep in my chest. A loss like this would certainly remain there for years to come. Even still, I accepted my fate. My heart would be torn into, but I would always hold onto the time we shared and cherish it for the rest of my life. In the end, I knew I was making the best decision, the best decision for
me
.

              I spent the rest of the day getting caught up on my emails and school work. I rode Bella, cleaned the house, but nothing helped. He was all I thought about. Even when I went to pick my parents up from the hospital the following day, small talk was a task. I felt like a shitty daughter, but what was I supposed to do? My heart was breaking and the pain in my chest was excruciating.

              After getting my father settled, my mother joined me in the kitchen. “Wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” My always intuitive mother chopped bell pepper and onions while I stirred the meat.

              “What?” I feigned ignorance.

              You know that look, the one only a knowing mother could give when she knows her child is hiding something? Grace Waters had mastered that look. “Start talkin’ young lady,”

I’ve always had a good relationship with my parents, especially my mother. They’d always supported me and encouraged me to be my best. I’d never been afraid to talk to her about anything in my entire life, except this.

              I tried several times to start, my mouth opening and closing in effort to begin my story, but I couldn’t find the right words. My patient mother just stood there…waiting.

              Dumping the ground beef into a colander to drain, I decided to throw it out there like a grenade. “I fell in love.”

My mother smiled. “I knew it. Holden.” How the hell did she know? “I saw it. The way he looks at you, he’s got it bad.” She shook her head. “It’s written all over your face too, ya know. Your father didn’t miss it either.” She tossed the vegetables around the pan with a wooden spoon. Even my mother was causal and blaze’ about the whole thing. Was I the only one who thought this was crazy?

              “What did he say about it?” Surely he was the voice of reason.

              She turned to face me. “We adore Holden. We always have. Even more so now, that he saved your father’s life and fell in love with our daughter.” She stated proudly.

              “You don’t think it’s just a little too fast? I’ve hardly known him a week.” She was shaking her head before I even finished.

“Love just happens. And most of the time, it happens when you least expect it. Do you not remember how your father and I met?”

              I vaguely remembered them telling me the story once. They said it was love at first sight. I thought they were just pulling my leg. Adults could exaggerate a bit. Who falls in love with someone without really knowing them?

              Me apparently.

              “It only took two weeks before your father was on his knees, begging me to marry him.”

Damn, Holden had him beat by a week.

“Two weeks? And uh, that didn’t seem crazy

you?”

              “No, because I was crazy in love with him too.” she shrugged one shoulder. I had no intentions of telling her about Holden’s proposal. I kept that little nugget to myself. 

              “So now what?” Mama dropped the noodles into the boiling water.

I sliced the fresh loaf of Italian bread. “I don’t know.”

              “Well, I’m sure you two will figure it out. Love always finds a way.” She was doing her best to reassure me, but it was only making it worse.

              “I don’t think so, Mama.” She set the temp on the stove then turned to face me.

Wiping her hands with a dishtowel, she cleared her throat. “Madison, you’ve never given up on anything a day in your life. Why would you give up on something as important as love?”

              “Our lives are completely opposite. I had everything planned out. Now my life is… unrecognizable.”

              Mama let out a breath. “What does your heart say?”

              “You want me to make the biggest decision of my life based on what my heart says? What about my job? My life in Boston? Should I just ignore all of that and listen to what my stupid heart says?” Tears streamed down my face. “I just…I can’t believe this happened. I love him so much. And now, I can’t see my future without him. What am I gonna do?” I cried.

She rounded the counter and wrapped her arms around me. “Shh…it’s ok.” She stroked my back, comforting me. “You have to compromise, sweetie. Both of you do.” She pulled back to look at me.

              “I don’t want to resent him if I choose to move back here. And what would he do there?” I grabbed a napkin to wipe the tears from my face.

              She took a deep breath, cupping my tear stained face. “Love is a lot of things. It’s a hard place to fall and a soft place to land. It’s give and take, push and pull. Love can bring out the absolute best or worst in us. But, when you find a love worth fightin’ for, that’s true love. And no matter the struggle or compromise, you can’t walk away from that. Now ask yourself, is he worth fightin’ for?” I already knew the answer to that. I was just too afraid to admit it.

“I don’t know.”

              “Then you’ve got some thinkin’ to do.”She gave me another comforting hug, and then returned to the stove. We finished up dinner, focusing on lighter subjects. But Holden never strayed too far from my mind.

CHAPTER seventeen

The best way out is always through.

-Robert Frost

Holden

              It had been a long ass day and one hell of a night. I only had two hours left before we shut it down. The crowd was beginning to thin out, but there were still a few drunks hanging about that were really grating on my last nerve. That had a lot to do with the fact that I still hadn’t heard from Maddie. I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since I dropped her off yesterday morning. I’d called and texted her several times.

              Nothing.

              I was tired, hungry, and now I was pissed.

“Katy, you got any coffee back there?”

              “Sure, sweetie.” Katy poured me a cup, setting it down in front of me.

              “Thanks.”

              “It’s been a long night.” Katy wiped down the bar in front of me.

              “Yeah,” I didn’t want to ask her, but it was fucking killing me. “You talked to Maddie?”

I could see the answer written all over her face and it cut me deep. “Um, I talked to her earlier.”

              My fatigue was fading fast and it had nothing to do with the coffee. “And?”

              “She just needs time, Holden. Maddie’s never been in love before and she’s scared. Just give her some more time.”

              I had no idea where to go from here. I felt like I’d done all I could to prove my love to her, but even still, it wasn’t enough.

              “Hey,” That fucking voice was the last goddamn thing I wanted to hear right now. It only made my edginess worse.

              “Go away Alexis. Now’s not the time.”              “Well, aren’t we in a foul mood? Let me help you out of your funk, handsome?” Like a snake slithering through the grass, her hand slid up my arm then onto my shoulder.

              I shoved her hand off with enough force; it knocked her back a step. “No. How many times do I have to fuckin’ say it? I don’t want you. And stay the fuck away from Madison Waters. If I hear of you talkin’ to her again, Alexis, there’ll be hell to pay.” I spat at her before I turned and walked away.

              Once it was finally time to go home, I contemplated driving by Maddie’s. But I quickly decided against it. Her father had just gotten out of the hospital, and I knew the son of bitch owned a gun. I would not be making a surprise appearance in the wee hours of the morning. Besides, Maddie needed to come to me on her own. It was the only way. I needed to be patient.

After I got home, I took a shower and lay in bed for hours, begging for sleep that would never come. I had sent Maddie another text, pleading with her to just say something, to let me know she was alive. Anything.

Still…nothing.

              Chucking my phone onto the coffee table, I rolled over on the couch. My bed smelled like strawberries and Maddie. I couldn’t sleep in there.

I’d just about fallen asleep when I heard a small knock at my door. Maddie was the first person that came to mind as I jumped up from the couch in nothing but my boxer briefs. I flung open the door only to find Alexis standing on my porch with a ripped shirt, bloodshot eyes, and matted hair. 

             
What the fuck?

              “What the hell happened to you?” Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes pooled with tears. Pulling her inside, I sat her down on the couch. I grabbed my jeans from the floor, slipping them on. “Tell me what happened.” She continued to look down at her hands. This didn’t sit right with me. Something bad had happened to her. “Alexis, you have to tell me what happened so I can help you.” I sat down on the coffee table in front of her.

              “I was raped.” she whispered.

             
Fucking hell.

              Alexis Davis was not one of my favorite people. Actually, you could say I despised her. But she was a woman all the same.              

Raped
?

              The thought crossed my mind for a brief second that maybe she’d been mistaken. From experience, I knew Alexis liked it rough, begged for it most of the time. And she’d slept with every swinging dick in town. Who hadn’t been with her?

Shoving my doubt aside, I reached for the rumpled blanket behind her, pulling it around her shoulders. She relaxed. “Who did this to you?”

              “I can’t tell you.” she wept.

              “What the fuck do you mean you can’t tell me? You were raped, Alexis. Whoever did this, he needs to pay.” I was pissed. Not just because it was Alexis, but that it could have been anybody.

              It could’ve been Maddie.

              Sobs caused her whole body to shake. “Please, Holden. I can’t talk about it right now.” Alexis rested her head on the couch, curling into a tight ball. “I just wanna go to sleep.” This didn’t feel right. My gut was telling me that she needed to report this right away, go the hospital or something. “You should at least see a doctor. Do you want me to drive you?” I offered, standing up.

              I couldn’t imagine what it must be like for her right now. But revenge would be my number one priority. Right after I saw a doctor.