Becoming A Slave (2 page)

Be a slave applicant or a slave trainee or say you want to be a slave.

The title slave wil be much more meaningful and real if you wait and use it when it’s truly appropriate.

Let me take each combination of words individual y.

Wannabes

Though the word wannabe has certain unfavorable connotations,31

we can simply say that a person with no connection to a master but who is considering slavery as a life option is a wannabe slave. For them slavery is an unrealized idea that reflects a potential. We al begin as wannabes, since wanting to be is the beginning of the process. It is first desire that leads us to explore slavery, eventual y leading us to become trainees, apprentices, applicants, and, hopeful y, slaves.

genders and orientations. Gay Leathermen, on the other hand, generally meet in bars, at club functions or on line.

30

I use the dictionary in order to give some understanding to our use and misuse of terms. If, as is often the case, we each use the same word when it means different things to each person in the conversation, we have a serious communication problem.

31

I would prefer to use a different term, since wannabe has a somewhat negative connotation, but I can’t for the life of me come up with a better one. In fact the word is only a variation of “wants to be,” and there is nothing wrong with that.

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Trainees

So I choose to cal those studying or working with a mentor or potential partner a slave trainee. Trainees are those learning from a mentor, a person who is simply a casual teacher, or one who is preparing the other to enter into a relationship with them. Apprentices are similar, of course, but I would say that an apprentice is learning from one in order to be in a relationship with someone else. Thus one master may agree to take on another who wants to be apprenticed as a slave.

In this regard, anyone with experience can train or mentor another. In fact, there is great historical precedence for slaves mentoring or training other slaves.

Applicants

When two people agree to the possibility of their becoming partners, I consider them both applicants. Therefore the master is applying to become the other’s master and the slave is applying to become the dominant’s property, which wil be explained more clearly in later chapters. Until the col ar is locked or the contract signed, or however they want to establish the beginning of their relationship, they are applying for a position not yet achieved. Lord knows there’s many a slip between the cup and the lip.

Slaves

Lastly, we need to understand the term “slave.” In fact it is only a short hand for one who surrenders, obeys, and gives service to one who has the ability and consent to control them. For that reason it is not altogether correct to use the term slave. As indicated in the subtitle of this book, the actual relationship is better cal ed one of voluntary servitude. Nevertheless our D/s community continues to cal one in just such a relationship “a slave.”32 Perhaps some day published dictionaries wil get on the band wagon with us and add our definition as wel .

The word slave describes an individual who is in that relationship.

Getting there is a process of self-knowledge and mutual testing until the partners arrive at an agreed-upon dominant/submissive relationship.

Just as non-kinky partners court, so too do we, each trying to woo the other. It is a matter of getting to know one another, of testing to see if a relationship could actual y work, of understanding each other’s aspirations, and the viability of there being a long term relationship.

32

Throughout this book I will use the term “slave” as a convenient shorthand for the title given a person who is in a relationship of voluntary servitude.

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The Approach I Take

This book is a blue print for enthral ment. I am giving first a broad and general definition of the slave, fol owed by suggestions for finding a master, and concluding with reflections on a slave’s life.

It is first and foremost factual technique, the alchemy of changing one’s current way of life into something stil yet only imagined, one path among many to becoming a slavishly devoted servant. Because our M/s relationships are ful y personalized by our own desires and circumstances, you wil find that the lessons found herein are ful of suggestions and alternatives for designing, creating, and living your personal D/s relationship, rather than an exact plan for accomplishing your M/s goals. In the end I can only point you in a direction. You and your partner or partner-to-be wil have to create your relationship for yourselves.

Let me separate fact from fiction. Like most of those experienced in M/s relationships, I find that I spend a lot of time debunking the myths and prejudices that are deeply and by nature intertwined within the fantasies of those just entering this lifestyle. Herein are no instructions on reliving the glory that was Rome or Greece, the shame of pre-Civil War slavery, or some fantasy of kidnapping and captivity. Instead this book is meant to be a guide to voluntary servitude, which is a much more appropriate term for that in which we Leather33 dominants and submissives are so deeply engaged.

This type of relationship holds no escape from life. In fact, like al relationships, it wil tend to magnify the areas in your life which need to change. This is no free ride, either for master or slave, as the cost of living is the same: insurance, medical bil s, rent, utilities, clothing, education, room and board, vacations, retirement, and al the necessities of reality remain. It’s not al sex either. It is most likely that more time wil be spent outside of the relationship at work than in any other place. Then sleep wil consume another third of your week and most of the rest of the time wil be needed for laundry, house cleaning, cooking, shopping, and a host of other assorted chores.

Just deciding to become a slave isn’t enough as you wil find the search for your dominant partner wil be long and arduous, fil ed with a great many dead ends, broken promises, and dreamers who wil waste your time. Think about it for a minute. One doesn’t decide to become a doctor and begin practicing medicine the next day. We don’t decide we want a husband or wife and immediately walk down the aisle with the first person we date. Creating a new life, whatever it might be, takes time, learning, practice, reflection, and (usual y) a 33

Here I use the term “Leather” as a euphemism for any and all kinds of kinky relationships, including BDSM, D/s, and alternate lifestyles.

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great deal of preparation. But for those who persevere, a delightful and fulfil ing relationship awaits.

The rule here is that the practical and the pragmatic wil take precedent over the frivolous and the imaginary. If it doesn’t work we won’t use it. If it ain’t broke we won’t fix it. We are talking about real lives lived in a real world. Unlike Mr. Benson, we’l have to go to work (though to be fair he did disappear from his penthouse on a daily basis).

Unlike Beauty, no prince wil awaken us with a kiss and take us to his realm of sexual enthral ment. The relationship described herein is meant to be real, lived daily by real men and women, in real places around the world.

There are two aspects to the journey of becoming a slave: the first is nature, the second is nurture.

By nature I mean that being submissive has much to do with one’s personality and disposition, hence we talk about being “born to serve.” Nature implies a certain innate talent, abilities that are part and parcel of who we are.

But nature alone is not enough. Hence there is a need for nurturing, as in “to educate, to train; to help grow or develop; cultivate.”34

To train, “To coach in or accustom to a mode of behavior or performance; to make proficient with specialized instruction and practice”, then, is the purpose of this book. I use that word purposeful y, since real slavery and true service are manifest in behavioral outcomes. Not only are a master and slave who they are but more importantly they are known as who they are by how they live and what they do.

For that reason this book isn’t about daddies, tops, bottoms, or submissives,
per se
, though I surely trust those who identify as such wil find much of value in these pages. I admit to being verbal y rigorous here. I have a rather intense, deeply committed, and serious relationship in mind when I write about mastery and slavery. It’s not that those who want to play at it can’t, nor that the merely curious won’t find much of value in my writing. I only state this warning now so that my purpose is clear:

This book is a guide to becoming a slave in devotion
and service to a master.

I have also written the book on the premise that my reader has more than a passing familiarity with our kinky community. The merely curious wil find a great deal herein that describes our lifestyle, but I am presuming that my reader is already familiar with the more general customs, mores, and practices found in kinky communities.

34

All references to definitions are from
American Heritage Dictionary
, Houghton Mifflin, Boston, MA, 1982, unless otherwise noted.

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In other words, there are basic techniques, modes of communication, and a unique vocabulary that probably ought to be learned before one decides to enter into a long term master/slave relationship.

Your understanding of masters and slaves needs be rooted in a familiarity with the general culture of Leather as learned by your full participation within that community. If you haven’t yet met “us” in the real world, I suggest you read a primer35 or two and find a Leather bar or club, a munch or monthly play party and become an active participant in our lifestyle before you seek a master. Mastery and slavery are no places for a lone ranger, if only because you’re going to have to meet a lot of people before you meet the one who was meant for you.

Ideal y one trains through a wide variety of activities. I wil be the first to admit that just reading this book isn’t going to make you a slave.

One needs the experience of sharing with those who have relevant experience, perhaps even being mentored by them, of practicing the specific activities and behaviors associated with service so that they become natural y occurring in one’s daily life, and of deciding how you most want to express and arrange your life and its relationships in real ways so that you
are
a slave. Nuances of method and execution, of speech, and of thought must be understood. There are psychological and emotional changes that one undergoes as wel , on the road to attaining ful maturity in one’s chosen lifestyle.

Both mastery and service will be naturally structured by the two (or more) people in the relationship. Your very personal histories, personalities, localities, orientations, among a host of other characteristics, determine who you are and what you want to be. You can’t submerge who you are or from whence you come in the living of a relationship. For that reason there is no one way to be a master and neither is there one way to be a slave. When lived to its ful est it will be your (and this word is plural) creation. What I can give you in these pages are guidelines, suggestions, and real-life examples upon which you can model your own beliefs, desires, and behaviors.

Although the greater part of this book is derived from my 20 plus years of mastery, including five years as a slave, this book includes the information taken from interviews with men and women who have experience in a master/slave relationship. I have tried to be as encompassing as possible, including both men and women of al orientations and lifestyles. Each has lived in a committed master/

slave relationship for at least one year. That, and the wil ingness to be interviewed, are the only criteria for inclusion.

I have also interviewed several others who have attempted to create this kind of relationship without success, thereby giving some 35

I suggest my
Partners In Power
, Greenery Press, Oakland, CA, 2003.

Appendix D list others.

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examples and fostering an understanding of what might be avoided.

About Patrick’s Reflections

At the end of each chapter you’l find reflections from Patrick, my 24/7 slave of nine years. They are his heart-felt and experienced-based thoughts on life in voluntary servitude. Like me, you wil find him a happy, intel igent, and contented individual. His strength has strengthened me. Here his thoughts strengthen my words.

For those who are curious, Patrick is nine years younger than I, has a Master’s degree in Community Development, and presently works ful -time outside our home as business development manager for a video and book distribution company. We own our home jointly and in it he cares for me daily as cook, shopper, janitor, butler, laundry guy, and fabulous sex partner. He is also active in one of our local Leather clubs and spends much of his free time reading Star Trek novels.

In discussing the writing of his reflections, we had to arrive at what he should cal me in print. We settled on “Sir” since that is his usual form of address to and about me. Though I am somewhat wary of titles such as “My Sir,” I accept the title Sir from him as a shorthand that acknowledges my mastery of him and his surrender to me. I trust you wil see that word in the same light and therefore appropriate for his use. You, on the other hand, are certainly free to cal me “Jack.”

Acknowledgements

Few books are one person endeavors. Therefore I wish the acknowledge the hundreds of men and women who have taught me the way of mastery and service, especial y Master Lynn and slave Patrick.

The masters and slaves who graciously al owed me to interview them for source information and the examples you find in this book also deserve my thanks: Master Jim & slave Marsha (International Master

& slave 2001, a Gay and Lesbian couple), Steve Sampson & slave Kirk (International Master & slave 2000), Master Vince DiFruscio (a long-time friend in Chicago), Master Scott & Slavette (International Master