Becoming Forever (Waking Forever Series) (29 page)

“I will
, momma.” Mary rubbed at her eyes as Emma gently patted her back.

“Mrs. Atman, Emma, how are you this morning?” Rebecca Calvin was standing next to her brother Seth. The two were two years apart in age,
and both were tall with light blonde hair that, when the sun hit it, had hints of red.

An immediate smile came to Emma’s lips. “We are well
, Rebecca, and you?”

Rebecca returned Emma’s smile. “It’s a beautiful morning, so I can’t complain.”

“Rebecca, is your mother here this morning? I would like to talk with her about the women’s auxiliary.” Ada interjected.

“She is
, Mrs. Atman. She is around here somewhere.” Rebecca looked down at Mary. “And how are you, Mary?”

Mary held tightly to Emma’s hand. “I’m okay.”

Rebecca looked at Emma, her brow furrowed. Emma shook her head at the child. “She’s had a rough morning. One of her making, I might add.” Emma nudged Mary. “Go ahead.”

Mary sighed. “Miss
Calvin, I forgot my primer at the school. Can I-” Mary hesitated as Emma gently squeezed her hand. “I mean, if you wouldn’t mind, can you please let me get the book after services?”

Rebecca looked at Emma and smirked. “I think I can manage that
, Mary.”

“Thank you, Miss
Calvin.” Mary smiled, and pulling away from Emma, skipped toward the church. “Come on, momma, I want to get a seat up front.”

Ada shook her head. “Now she’s in a hurry.” The woman followed the young girl through the front entrance of the building.

“You look lovely this morning, Emma.” Seth Calvin was over six feet tall. Years of working with his father had given him broad, muscular shoulders. His jaw was angular, and his lips full with a slight pink tint to them. He was by far, one of the more eligible bachelors in the town, and it was obvious to everyone that his affections were set on Emma.

“Well, thank you Seth. You’re looking rather dapper this morning yourself.” Emma smiled.

“Seth, I’m ready.” Near the front of the church, Nan Calvin called for her son. She was a short, thin woman, wrapped in a gray shawl.

Seth rolled his eyes. “Coming
, mother.” He smiled at Emma, and walked quickly toward the woman.

“Where’s your father today?” Emma asked Rebecca.

“He’s under the weather.” Rebecca looked down.

Emma knew that look. William Calvin was a good husband, father and provider, but it was common knowledge that he liked to over i
ndulge in the spirits from time to time. “I hope he feels better.” Emma reached for Rebecca’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

Rebecca and Emma had become fast friends in the year they had known each other. Emma had found herself immediately drawn to the woman’s intelligence and kindness. It was only recently that she had also began to notice the beautiful green of Rebecca’s eyes, and the fullness of her lips.

“Seth is very taken with you.” Rebecca grinned as she entwined her fingers with Emma’s

Emma shook her head, and looked down at Rebecca’s long, slender fingers. “Your brother has many fine qualities. Subtlety is not one of them.”

Rebecca laughed and the sound warmed Emma’s heart. “He wants me to inquire as to your intentions towards him.”

Emma’s eyes widened. “I have none.”

Rebecca frowned. “But you said yourself, he has many fine qualities.”

“Yes, but I don’t love him.” Emma knew she could never love Seth, and any affection she had for him were rooted in how much he reminded her of Rebecca.

Rebecca leaned toward Emma and lowered her voice. “But you are in love?”

Emma stepped back, the nearness of Rebecca becoming too much. “I am not.” She forced a shocked tone, but felt she had failed to convince her friend.

“You don’t fool me, Emma Winifred Atman. You have that look.” Rebecca looped her arm through Emma’s.

“I have no such look.” Emma allowed Rebecca to pull her toward the church. “Besides, how would you know
that
look?”

Rebecca stopped, and looked intently at Emma. “I’m not naïve
, Emma.”

Emma wanted to ask Rebecca who she had loved. What man had been stupid enough to not return her affections tenfold? Instead, Emma leaned into Rebecca, and the two women walked into the church.

***

“
Greed poisons men's souls, and when that greed is nurtured with the blood of another human being, it becomes a disease.” Henry Atman stood behind a narrow wood podium. His left hand rested on the corner of the podium, while he gestured with his right. “We think too much and feel too little, brothers and sisters. Where is the humanity endowed by our Lord?” He scanned the crowd. “For without it, our Union will not survive if the success of a few is built upon the misery of the many.”

Emma had heard her father practicing his sermon the night before, but it was always more moving when he fully emoted and allowed his deep baritone voice to rise and fall. Her father made no secret of his disdain for slavery, or his support of the northwest counties of Virginia
, which were refusing to secede should Virginia ratify its membership in the Confederacy.

“No man shall be another’s master, for we are all God’s children. Created equal in the eyes of God.” Henry’s voice grew louder as he neared the end of the sermon. He pointed to the rows of people. “You h
ave a moral obligation to stand up for what is right, what is just, what is necessary to ensure the survival of the Union and the liberation of a people.”

Emma felt tears forming in her eyes. She was proud of her father and how he had held fast to his beliefs
, even when he had been threatened with physical harm, and had lost a third of his congregation.

She looked across the aisle at Rebecca, who sat between her mother and brother. Her eyes were also filled with tears as she held her brother’s hand. Emma knew she loved Rebecca. She didn’t know what that meant for either of them, but she wanted Rebecca in her life as something more than a friend. The realization brought a fresh wave of tears to Emma’s eyes.

“Pray with me, brothers and sisters.” Henry’s voice quieted as he bowed his head. In unison, the hundred people listening intently, bowed theirs. “God our Father, the qualities we see lived out so well in some people are a reflection of your own goodness. We know we have much to learn from other people who reflect your image and likeness in different ways. Inspire us to respect others fully as our equals, seeing and loving in them what you see and love in them. Amen.”

Henry turned to his middle child Martha, who sat at the end of the front pew. She sat perfectly still, her light brown hair pulled back in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. “My daughter Martha will be singing,
Eternal Father, Strong to Save
. Please rise.”

Martha stood and nervously smoothed out the full skirt of her dark brown dress. Stepping to the front of the altar, she turned to face the congregation. Emma could see from the redness of her cheeks and the wringing of her hands that her sister was nervous. Martha looked at Emma, who sat two rows back. Emma smiled, nodded, and mouthed
,
You can do it
.

Martha managed a weak smile, took a deep breath and began si
nging in a pitch perfect soprano. “Eternal Father, strong to save, whose arm hath bound the restless wave…”

Emma watched with amazement and pride as her younger sister’s voice filled the space of the church. Looking at her father, his eyes full of wonder and delight, she could see the pride radiating from him. Martha’s eyes scanned the crowd, and rested on David Reynolds, a dark haired man with a slight build.

David and Martha had been courting for nearly six months, and it was common knowledge the two planned on marrying as soon as David, who was a clerk in the local grocery, had saved enough money.

“Is it wrong that I should be married before my older sister?” Martha had asked nervously of Emma when she and David had first begun talking about marriage.

Emma put down the dish towel she had been drying the dinner plates with, and turned to face her sister. “That’s backwards thinking, Martha. What difference should my marital status make to you and David?”

Martha took Emma’s damp hands in hers. “They say if I marry first, it means fewer suitors will be interested in courting you.”

Emma shook her head. “I do wish you wouldn’t listen so intently to the town gossips.” She put her hand on Martha’s cheek. “Sister, there is nothing bad that can come from your happiness.”

Martha pulled Emma to her. “Thank you
, sister!”

“…thus evermore shall rise to Thee, g
lad hymns of praise from land and sea.” Martha held the final note, and then gradually her voice faded. Smiling nervously, she hurried to her seat.

Henry walked to the podium, a smile covering his elated face. Turning several sheets of paper over, he cleared his throat. “Bow your heads. Lord, we pray not for tranquility, nor that our tribulations may cease. We pray for thy spirit and love. That thou grant us strength and grace to overcome adversity. Amen.”

Henry raised his head, looked at his wife who sat with Mary on her lap, and smiled. “This concludes our services today. The ladies’ auxiliary has provided punch and cookies in the rectory.”

Emma
inched her way out of the pew. Martha’s arm was immediately looped through hers. “Truthfully, I don’t think I have ever been so nervous in my entire life, Em.” Martha’s cheeks were still flush.

“You were wonderful.” Emma leaned in and kisse
d her sister’s cheek. “I think Father was about to burst with pride.”

Several other parishioners came up to Martha, congratulating her and expressing hope she would be singing at future services. Emma gradually pulled away, allowing Martha to linger and enjoy the well-deserved accolades.

Leaving the church, Emma turned and crossed the small lawn leading to the rectory. Built within the last year, the building was larger than the church itself, and had windows lining either side with black shutters framing each. A steady line of people made their way into the building.

“Emma, do you want to come with me to get Mary’s primer?” Rebecca was suddenly standing next to Emma.

“I think Ada wanted Mary to be responsible for retrieving it.” Emma wanted nothing more than to be alone with Rebecca. They rarely had time to themselves as they frequently met at church socials, or other group events.

Rebecca frowned. “Honestly, I was hoping for a minute alone with you. I need to talk to you about a rather pressing matter.”

A rush of heat ran through Emma, and she knew her cheeks burned red with it. “Okay. After all, odds are Mary will need to retrieve her forgotten primer at some future date as well.”

“Low expectations. I like that about you.” Rebecca teased.

Rebecca and Emma walked the quarter mile to the log cabin style building that housed the Grafton school. Given the limited resources, multiple grades utilized the building, and it wasn’t uncommon for Rebecca to be teaching children as young as seven with ones as old as fourteen.

Walking along the wood planked floor, the heels of Emma’s boots sounded hollow in the empty space. “What do you want to talk about?” She managed to speak past the lump in her throat.

Rebecca closed the door, and quickly lit the lamp hanging on the wall nearest her. The dimly lit room took on a yellowish hue as the lamp illuminated the space.

Blowing the match out, Rebecca crossed the room to stand in front of Emma. “You have to promise you won’t say anything.” Emma managed a slight nod. “Thomas Canter and I are to be married.”

Emma felt the bottom of her stomach turn, and the flush of heat she had experienced earlier was like a furnace burning at the base of her neck. She leaned back, and managed to sit in one of the small wooden desks before her legs gave out.

Rebecca frowned, and knelt in front of Emma. “What is it? Do you not approve of Thomas?” The worried woman took Emma’s shaking hands.

Swallowing several times before she could speak, Emma shook her head. “No. Thomas is a fine man. I’m just surprised. You don’t speak of him often.”

In truth, Rebecca hadn’t spoken of any man more or less than another. Thomas Canter was one of two blacksmiths in the town, and was by most accounts a respectable and honest business man. The fact he was nearly twenty years Rebecca’s senior only made the choice more perplexing to Emma.

“He thinks he is too old for me, and that people will judge us.” Rebecca slid into the desk next to Emma. “I told him it doesn’t matter what people think. My parents approve, and that’s all that matters.” She rested her chin on her palm.

“Do you love him
, Rebecca?” Emma needed to know if this was a marriage of convenience or if Rebecca truly had feelings for Thomas. She knew the outcome was the same regardless, but some part of her would take comfort if Rebecca’s heart was still not claimed.

Surprised by the question, Rebecca chewed nervously on her lower lip. “I’m very fond of him, and in time I know I will grow to love him.”

Emma exhaled. “Why marry someone if you don’t love them?” Rebecca seemed confused by the comment. “What I mean Rebecca, is if your parents aren’t forcing you, and there are no other reasons -” Emma stopped when she saw the guilt flash across Rebecca’s eyes. Her eyes quickly moved from her piercing green eyes, to her tapered midsection. “Oh. There are other reasons.”