Becoming Forever (Waking Forever Series) (32 page)

Coleen sat on the stool, and gestured for Emma to sit on the cot. “Where are you from, Emma?”

Emma felt uncomfortable sitting on the woman’s bed, but it would be more awkward if she continued to stand. Sitting on the edge of the cot, she crossed her legs. “Grafton,
Vir - well, now - West Virginia.”

Coleen’s eyebrow arched. “West Virginia? Interesting what happened there.”

Emma nodded. “The application for admission to the Union was made to Congress in May, and I’ve heard acceptance into the Union will be approved by year’s end. On the condition, of course, that a provision for the gradual abolition of slavery be inserted into West Virginia’s constitution. If memory serves, this will be the most expedient admission of a state in the history of the country.”

Emma could see the amused expression on Coleen’s beautiful face, and blushed. “Sorry, it’s something I feel very strongly about, and I can sometimes go on too long.”

Coleen considered Emma for a few seconds, and the woman’s scrutiny made Emma shift nervously. “Then you support the war?” the dark haired woman finally asked.

“I believe cruelty, intolerance and oppression has no place in a country built on the idea that all men are created equal.” Emma frowned. “I do wish the Founding Fathers had thought to add
all men and women
though.”

Coleen grinned. “Don’t you know?” Emma tilted her head to the side, a perplexed expression on her face. “Emma, no one gives you power - least of all a man. You take it. ”

Emma chewed nervously on the inside of her cheek. She had never heard a woman say such a thing, and it both excited and scared her. “Who did you take your power from?” she managed, in a voice barely above a whisper. The sound of the rain was pattering against the tent, nearly drowning her out.

The dark haired woman stood, walked the few steps across the tent until she was standing in front of Emma. Kneeling, Coleen looked intently at Emma, her eyes wandering over the entirety of her face. Coleen placed her hands on either side of Emma’s hips, and leaned forward until their lips were only an inch apart. “Tell me to stop.” Coleen’s breath was cool on Emma’s face, her eyes looking straight into Emma.

The idea of asking the beautiful woman to not kiss her hadn’t occurred to Emma. From the bottom of her stomach there began a slow burn. It spread out across Emma’s abdomen and up into her chest where it wrapped around her rapidly beating heart.

In the end, it was Emma who closed the space between her and Coleen. The first tentative touch of her lips against the coolness of Coleen’s elicited a quiet sigh from the blonde. Coleen’s lips parted, and the tip of her tongue pushed gently against Emma’s lips. Reaching to take Coleen’s face in her hands, Emma pulled the woman to her.

An urgency grew in Emma as she clung to Coleen. The entirety of her life, and the security she had known, shattered as brilliant flashes of light popped behind her closed eyes. All at once, she was alive and vulnerable in this woman’s arms.  She had felt wrong for having wanted Rebecca, and wanting to be wanted by her. The wholeness of who she was had been hidden, and it had been hard suffering the weight of that secret. Now, with that weight lifted, Emma felt elated.

Coleen gently pushed Emma back onto the cot, their lips never parting. Emma was having trouble catching her breath as the woman’s lips found the front of her throat and began to gently suck the delicate skin. Emma entwined her fingers in Coleen’s hair, the texture reminding her
of silk.

“Miss
Atman! Are you in there?” The sound of John Heywood’s voice came from the other side of the tent flap. John was a twelve year old who had been orphaned during the early days of the war, and taken in by the advancing Union troops when he was found half-starved in a burned out homestead. Now he did odd jobs around the camp, and tended to the horses as needed.

Emma gasped, and turned her head toward the entrance. Coleen continued to gently suck her neck, undeterred by the interruption. “What is it
, John?” In spite of the fire whirling within her, she managed to sound calm when she spoke.

“Urgent letter for you
, ma’am.” John answered.

“Alright John. One minute please.” Emma put her hands on Coleen’s shoulders, and tried to push her back, but the woman wouldn’t move. A low moan escaped her lips, as she ran her tongue up the length of Emma’s neck. “Coleen, I have to get this, please.”

Coleen finally relented, and when she leaned back, her face was framed by dark cascading curls of her hair. Her eyes seemed to glow in the dim light of the tent. “Come right back.” Her voice was low and demanding.

Emma ran the tip of her finger along Coleen’s lower lip. “Promise.” She had no intention of stopping now that she had discovered the intensity of feelings the woman’s touch stirred in her. Sliding out from under Coleen, Emma straightened her dress and hair before pulling the tent flap back.

“Here you are, ma’am.” The small boy handed Emma a weathered envelope, and ran off toward the center of the camp.

Emma closed the tent flap, and turned the envelope over. She recognized the handwriting as Ada’s and a smile formed on her lips. She had not heard from her family since leaving Grafton, and seeing the letter now, she realized how much she had missed them.

“Who’s it from?” Coleen sat up on the cot, and pulled her hair back.

Emma glanced up at the woman, and felt a new surge of desire rush through her. “It’s from my stepmother.” She slid her finger along the fold of the envelope, dislodging the white wax seal. Unfolding the letter, she began to read.

“You look upset. What is it?” Coleen stood and walked toward Emma.

“My father. He’s taken ill. Very ill, and is asking for me.” Emma’s eyes filled with tears.

Coleen took the letter from her, and looked at it quickly. “It sounds like the flu. How old is he?” She handed the letter back to Emma.

Staring at the floor of the tent, it took several seconds before Emma could process Coleen’s question. “He’s fifty-nine.” Emma folded the letter and slid it into the front pocket of her dress. “I have to go.”

Coleen shook her head. “Don’t be foolish. The lines are skewed all across this region. The odds of you getting through without being killed or captured are slight.”

“I can get an escort.” Emma knew requesting one of the much needed soldiers be pulled from the line was not only futile, but incredibly selfish.

“That won’t happen.” Coleen walked back over to the cot and sat down. “What do you hope to accomplish by going? If he’s truly that ill, and nearing sixty, his odds of survival are slim.” Her voice was casual and without sympathy.

Emma’s breath caught
. “Can your heart be so cold?”

Coleen’s brow furrowed. “I’m simply saying -”

Emma’s worry and sadness over the news of her father mixed with indignation that this woman would speak so casually about the death of her father. “You don’t know anything about it, so you would be best served to keep your opinions to yourself.”

Coleen leveled her gaze at Emma. “It’s your life.”

“That’s right, and I’ll not have my father die thinking I didn’t care enough to be with him.” Emma turned and quickly exited the tent. The rain had stopped, and the air was left with a chill. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she walked quickly towards the field hospital tents.

“Doctor Anderson.” Emma stood behind the man as he took an injured soldier’s pulse.

“Yes, what is it?” The doctor stood and faced Emma.

“I’ve received notice that my father has taken gravely ill. I will need to go attend to him at once.” She struggled to maintain a calm demeanor. Her emotions were off kilter with the news of her father coming in such close proximity to her affections with Coleen. Thinking about Coleen, and how insensitive she had been
, caused Emma’s pulse to race. “I will return as soon as I’m able.”

Anderson looked at Emma, and then glanced around the overcrowded tent. “I can’t spare you right now, but I promise as soon as the offensive is over, you can leave.”

Emma shook her head. “I’m leaving now. Under the revised United States Army Regulations of 1861, Article twenty one, subparts one hundred and eighty four through one hundred and eighty seven, I may be granted a leave of absence, not to exceed four months, for reasons of sickness.” Taking a deep breath, Emma continued. “The matter of sickness, and more importantly,
who
is sick, is not specified.”

“Emma - I understand - but -” Anderson stammered.

Shaking her head, Emma took the letter from her pocket, and handed it to the doctor. “My father and I parted on bad terms. He didn’t approve of me volunteering. I don’t want words spoken in anger to be the last ones he and I share.” She watched Anderson’s face closely, trying to gauge his reaction as he read over Ada’s letter.

Rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, the man exhaled. “How will you get there? The entire region is te
eming with Confederate troops. If anything happened to you -”

Emma took the letter back from the doctor. “I’ll stick to the back roads, and hunting paths. I know this part of the country very well. Grafton is a four day walk from here; so I will need to take supplies from the canteen.”

“I don’t want you to do this, Emma.” The man pleaded with her. “It isn’t safe for a woman to be roaming the countryside in the middle of a war.”

“It obviously isn’t any safer for a man doctor.” She looked around at the sea of injured soldiers, and not waiting for a response, turned and left the tent.

Entering her own tent, Emma stripped down to her cotton chemise and stockings. The damp chill in the air sent a shiver up her spine as she began to layer her clothing. Pulling a pair of brown trousers on, she then pulled a cotton shirt over her head, and tucked it into the waistband of the pants. She only had two dresses to choose from, and opted for the thicker wool dress. Emma picked the tattered, black leather high boots up off the floor, and sitting of the side of her cot pulled them on and began lacing them up.

She rose from the cot, and looking around, saw very little she could take with her. She rolled her bedding up, including a five by five swath of canvas, and tucked it inside the mail carrier style leather bag she had, along with a spare pair of stockings. Exiting her tent, she ran directly into Lewis Thomas, and stumbled backwards a few steps before the man quickly reached for and steadied her.

“Oh, ma’am. I am so sorry. Are you okay?” His hand was wrapped firmly around her bicep.

“I’m okay Lewis.” She glanced over his shoulder, nervous Coleen might be with him. She couldn’t think about her now. The mixture of desire and frustration she felt toward the woman would only further intensify if she had to face her before leaving the camp.

“Are you going somewhere?” Lewis let go of her arm, and looked at the bag slung over her shoulder.

“I have to go home to Grafton. My father is ill.” Emma began walking toward the canteen and supply tents.

“That seems very dangerous.” The corporal fell into step next to Emma.

“These are dangerous times
, Lewis.” Emma liked the handsome man. After all, he had saved her life, but she was tired of justifying her decision.

“Very true ma’am.” Lewis continued alongside Emma without speaking another word.

Emma knew the sergeant in charge of the canteen and supply tent from when she had helped him when his gout had flared up; so when she asked him for a pouch of matches, a dozen candles, and a week’s rations he hesitated only a second before honoring her request.

Stepping out of the supply tent, Emma saw Lewis standing nearby, leaning against a pine tree. She walked toward the young man, who wore a worried expression on his perfectly symmetrical face. “Don’t look so concerned
, Lewis. I’ve lived in this area my whole life. I know the roads and the hunting paths very well.”

Lewis nodded. “I have no doubt that of all the people in this camp, you would be the most likely to succeed in this endeavor.”

Emma appreciated that he had said
people
and not women. “Thank you, Lewis. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Doctor Anderson is aware I’ve left.” She hesitated, not sure if she should mention Coleen. “Tell your cousin I’ll see her when I get back.”

Lewis frowned. “Coleen won’t be here. She mentioned an assignment in Pennsylvania.”

Emma struggled not to feel hurt that Coleen would initiate a physical relationship with her knowing she was leaving the camp. “Regardless, tell her goodbye for me.” Emma felt tears begin burning her eyes, and she walked away from Lewis before she embarrassed herself.

“Be careful
, Emma.” Lewis’ voice was sincere and layered with concern.

Not looking back, Emma walked quickly toward the road leading west.

***

Emma sat under
a canvas square she had strung up between two trees, the patter of rain the only sound in an otherwise silent forest. She had draped a blanket over her head and shoulders to ward off the night chill, and was managing to keep a small fire going, though the heat it provided was minimal.

For the past three days, she had traversed the valleys, hills and forests of northwest Virginia into West Virginia. Her legs ached and her back was in knots from the strenuous climbing. She had stayed
mainly on a network of hunting paths, trying to minimize the amount of time she was on main roads. On the second day, she had heard musket and cannon fire in the distance, but other than that, the journey had been free of altercations.