Before the Storm (41 page)

Jamie,” I said.

He looked toward where we’d last seen the whale. “I’m

going to ask Laurel for a divorce,” he said.

The muscles around my heart squeezed so tight that I

rubbed my hand across my chest. “What are you talking

about?”

“I know it’s a shocker,” Jamie said. “You probably think I’m

crazy. Like I have the best marriage going and why would I

screw it up?”

“Exactly,” I said. “You’re…I don’t know anyone more into

his family than you.”

He reached beneath his sunglasses with his thumb and forefinger. Maybe rubbing tears away. I couldn’t tell.“I love her, but

it’s like loving a friend,” he said. “It’s been that way for a long

time. When she was in rehab, I started feeling different about

her. It’s not fair, I know. What happened wasn’t her fault, and I

kept hoping the old feelings would come back, but—” He shook

his head.

“How can you not love her?” He was crazy. How could he

want to leave her? And wasn’t that what I’d wanted only

twenty-four hours ago? No. It wasn’t. I’d wanted Laurel to ask

him
for a divorce. I wanted
her
to be the one calling the shots.

Not the one getting hurt.

“I’m not sure how to tell her,” Jamie said. “I don’t want to

hurt her more than I have to.”

“Is that a question?” I asked. “Because if it is, the answer is,

362

diane chamberlain

there’s no way you won’t be killing her.” I wanted to tell him

how she’d turned me down out of her devotion to him. I

wanted to rub his face in it.

“I know,” Jamie said. “And I’m sorry to lay this on you. I

wanted you to hear it from me first, though, because they’re

going to need you.You care so much about her and the kids.

They’ll need to lean on you for a while.”

A couple of gulls flew overhead. I watched one of them dart

to the surface of the water, then glide into the air again with

a small fish in its mouth like it took no effort at all.

“This is unbelievable,” I said.“I mean, so you tell her and then

what?You move away? Go to California to start a new life or

what?”

“You’re pissed,” he said.

“Just…I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you.” He blew out his breath again. His

jugular pounded beneath the damp skin of his throat.“Look,” he

said,“here’s the truth, all right? I’m in love with someone else.”

I wished I could see his eyes behind the dark lenses.“You’ve

been cheating on Laurel?”

“That’s an ugly word.”

I laughed. “You got a better one?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Well, why don’t you tell me what it’s like then.” I folded

my arms across my chest, suddenly the nobler of the two sons

of bitches in my boat.

“I shouldn’t have told you.”

I didn’t want him to stop talking. I needed to know everything.“You can’t blame me for being pissed,” I said.“You’re not

Jamie anymore.You’re somebody else.”

before the storm

363

“It’s Sara,” he said.

His words hung in the air for a few seconds before they sank

in. “Oh, nice,” I said. “You pick your wife’s best friend.”

“It wasn’t…that isn’t how it happened.” He lifted his damp

T-shirt from the bottom of the boat and wiped his forehead

with it. “I lived with Sara and Steve back when Maggie was

little, remember? I fell for her then. We clicked. Laurel was

such a mess and Sara was… Her marriage wasn’t so great and

Steve was gone a lot. We needed each other.”

“That was a long time ago,” I said. “This has been going on

all these years?”

“No. At least not physically. Once Laurel got pregnant with

Andy and I moved back into The Sea Tender, it was over with

Sara as far as I was concerned. But it’s one thing to say something’s over and another to feel it.” He rubbed his chin. “Sara’s

been great.” A smile curled his lips. I wanted to smack it off

his face. “She always told me it’s up to me what happens.

During the last few months, I realized I’ve been living a lie,

pretending I love Laurel, telling her I love her when I don’t.

Living a lie isn’t fair to anyone.”

“You son of a bitch.You’re just going to walk out on your

kids?”

“I’d never do that,” Jamie said quickly.“That’s why we’ll stay

here. Either on the island or maybe inland. We’re thinking of

Hampstead. That way I can still be a part of Andy and Maggie’s

lives but Laurel won’t be tripping over me at the grocery

store. I’ll always provide for them,” he added.“For Laurel, too.”

I really wanted to hit him. When we were kids, I’d try to beat

him up and he always won. He had the brawn and the years on

me.Now,though,I had the anger.I could take him down if I tried.

364

diane chamberlain

“Marcus.” He spoke in the quiet, calm voice that echoed in

his chapel on Sunday mornings. “Look at me.”

I did, my lips pressed together so tightly they hurt.

“I have another child to provide for,” he said.“To be there for.”

“What are you talk…” I pictured Keith. Six years old now.

Handsome kid. Big brown eyes. Dark wavy hair. Slowly, I

shook my head.

“Keith,” Jamie said, as if I hadn’t figured it out. “I’ve been

giving Sara money for him since he was born. She deserves

more from me than just a few hundred bucks every month.”

“I feel like I don’t know you,” I said, staring at the stranger

in my boat. “You encouraged Sara to help Laurel.You practically forced them to be friends.Your wife and your…mistress.

How many times have you had your wife and your mistress in

your house at the same time?”

“Shut up, Marcus.”

He was getting angry with me and I was loving it.
Damn.
I

hated his self-control. His calmness.

“And your bastard kid,” I said. “Do you expect him and

Maggie and Andy to be playmates? All one big happy family,

except without Laurel?”

“Look in the fucking mirror, Marcus.” Jamie crushed the

empty cup in his hand and tossed it over the side of the boat.

“You screwed my wife.”

I must have shaken my head, because he leaned toward me.

“Don’t try to deny it! You think I was born yesterday? You

screwed her and you got her pregnant and hooked on booze.

Andy is the way he is because of you.”

I dove for him. Punched him hard on the side of his jaw. His

head whipped to one side, but he recovered quickly, grabbing

before the storm

365

my arm and wrestling me to the bottom of the boat. I fought

him with strength I didn’t know I had. I bent my legs, put my

bare feet on his chest, and sent him flying across the boat. He

grunted as he crashed into the back of one of the seats.

I was dizzy in the bottom of the boat. The sky twirled above

me. Scrambling to my knees, I felt like I was rising into the

air. Jamie started toward me, but then he felt it, too. The

shifting of the boat.

“What the—” He tried to steady himself, his legs wide

apart, arms out at his sides.

I looked around for a boat that might have created a freak

wave. Then I saw it—the huge tail over the gunwale. Before I

could grab hold of one of the seats, I flew into the air.

Jamie shouted as we were tossed from the boat. He flew

upside down, and I heard a
thud
as his head hit the bow. Then

I was deep under water, unsure which way was up, unsure if

the dark shadow above me was my boat or the whale.

I found the surface of the water. Gulped air. My eyes stung

from the salt. The boat was already yards away from me, and

my anger at Jamie turned into a fight to survive. I swam to the

boat, grabbing onto the short ladder at the stern as I scanned

the water for my brother.

“Jamie!” I shouted, listening hard for his voice. A few

seagulls cawed from the air overhead, but that was the only

sound. I climbed into the boat for a better view of the water.

“Jamie!”
I shouted again and again. The sound of that
thud

replayed in my head. I dove into the water once more, opening

my eyes in the murk as I searched for him. I swam underwater until my muscles gave out, and still I stayed in the water,

crying hard, gagging on each watery intake of breath.

366

diane chamberlain

Climbing into the boat again, I scanned the water once

more from that height. He couldn’t be gone. He
couldn’t
be. I

expected him to rise out of the water any minute. Laughing.

Getting me back for being asshole enough to try to fight him.

I couldn’t leave. Leaving would mean giving up on him.

“Jamie!” I called, until finally, I was only whispering the

word. I wanted my brother.

Even as I sailed back through the inlet, crying openly, I

thought he might greet me at the pier. He’d say I deserved his

cruel hoax and chew me out for being such a hypocrite.

But of course, he wasn’t there, and my real nightmare began

when I told the police what happened: a whale lifted the boat

and tossed us out. In
June,
when the humpbacks should be

somewhere north of New England. Ludicrous. Sometimes I

wondered if I’d imagined the great thwacking tail. I told no

one about our fight, no one about our conversation, but I had

scratches on my shoulder. Bruises on my neck. Was it any

wonder I failed the polygraph I’d stupidly agreed to take?

People who’d known our family for many years remembered the old rivalry between Jamie and myself. Did we fight

on the boat, they wanted to know? They remembered my

drinking. Had I been drinking out there? In the end, they had

no evidence against me and had to let me go. The firefighters,

whose love and admiration for me was nearly as strong as it

had been for Jamie, stuck by me, but Laurel didn’t believe a

word I said. And she was the only one who mattered.

“YOU’RE REALLY BRAVE TO VISIT KEITH,” AMBER said. She

was slumped in the passenger seat of my car with her bare feet

flat against the dashboard. I’d warned her that if we crashed

and the air bag burst open she’d end up with two broken legs

and her knees would smash her nose, but she told me I worried

too much. I
did
worry too much. I couldn’t help it. The fire

showed me how quickly things could go wrong.You think you

have control over your life, and then
bam!
Major wake-up call.

“What’s so brave about it?” I asked.

“I’ve heard burn units are beyond gross.” Amber had always

been a wimp. When we took the elementary schoolkids’

handmade cards to New Hanover Hospital, she stayed in the

lobby while I went to the patients’ rooms. Most of them were

368

diane chamberlain

there for smoke inhalation and minor burns, so it wasn’t that

bad. It seemed like my duty, taking the cards to those kids. I

was one hundred percent healthy. It was the least I could do.

I even got out of school legitimately today, since my counselor said a visit to Keith counted as “community service,” just

like planning the makeover event. I’d been working my butt

off on that thing, but no way was I talking to Dawn about it

again. I’d send her a big fat check when the event was over. I

was never talking to Dawn again about anything.

“I feel bad that I haven’t gone before now,” I said to Amber.

“I’ve been carrying the cards for him around for a week.”

Amber had interviews in the business department at UNC

in Chapel Hill, where she’d be going in the fall. I’d said I’d drive

her there, and her parents would pick her up later in the week.

I wanted to see Keith, and not just to give him the cards. Keith

was the one person who swore he saw Andy walking around

outside just before the fire. No way did that make sense. I

wanted to know exactly what Keith was telling the police so

I could figure out how to poke his story full of holes. Mom

had found the world’s lamest lawyer, so it was up to me to get

Andy out of this mess. While I was in Chapel Hill, Mom

would go to Raleigh to talk to a neurologist who specialized

in FASD. The probable cause hearing was tomorrow, and

although Mom said everything would turn out fine, I could tell

she was nervous about the whole thing.

“Travis’s parents had a meltdown when they found out I’d

be going to Carolina,” Amber said with a laugh. Travis’s parents

thought he and Amber were getting too serious too soon.

“Not much they can do about it,” I said. “Travis is a big boy.”

“Exactly.”

before the storm

369

I didn’t care about the ongoing saga of Amber and Travis,

but there I was, stuck for two-and-a-half hours listening to

every stupid detail about their relationship from the girl who

used to be my best friend, while I couldn’t tell her a single

thing about Ben. She’d never understand. She’d probably write

about it on her Facebook page. Amber had no idea what it was

like to have
real
problems.

God, I was so
jealous
that Amber got to be with Travis, out

in the open, hanging all over each other. It was so unfair. I

missed Ben! We talked on the phone, but I wanted to
be
with