Begin to Begin (23 page)

Marin and I took both cars back to her place. I wanted to drive her, but she insisted on taking her own. Honestly, I think she wanted time to herself. I can’t imagine what is going through her head. Tonight was the first time she has been with anyone since her fiancé. I don’t get the impression that she regrets it, well, at least, I really, really hope she doesn’t, but there was definitely something bothering her. But when I pull in behind her car in her driveway, she seems fine.

She jumps into my arms as soon as I am out of the Bronco. I carry her directly into her room and we make love again.

Savoring every second that she’s in my arms, I don’t want morning to come.

But it does.

It always does.

******

The morning sun dances across her skin, and there has never been anything more beautiful that I have ever seen. She looks like Snow White in her deep sleep. I want to wake her by placing light kisses across the freckles on her naked back but I also want to treat her to breakfast so I sneak out of the bed into the kitchen. I know she will want to get to the store early today so I want to get breakfast made fairly quick.

As soon as I open the refrigerator, I realize that this may be harder than I think. There are eggs and milk, a little bit of some kind of cheese and ham and part of a green pepper. I grab the ingredients and go to town chopping and cooking.

A few minutes into my Guy Fieri impression, there is a light knock at the door. It’s pretty early so my first thought goes to her friends. Maybe they were told to come early and wake her up. Who knows?

But when I answer the door, I’m shocked.

It’s Detective Merritt.

He looks as surprised as me when I answer. “Dalton. I didn’t expect to find you here but I must say I’m truly not shocked.”

“Is there something I can help you with, Detective?” I ask, fear lacing my voice. I know why he’s here. It was early yesterday that he cracked the case that he’s been trying to crack now for a long time.

“I came to tell Marin the news.” I nod, not needing him to continue on.

“Oh, well, she’s still asleep. I can go wake her.” I turn to go toward the bedroom but his voice stops me.

“You haven’t told her yet, have you?” he asks, not completely angry, but definitely frustrated that he knows I haven’t.

“Not yet. Honestly, it hasn’t been the right time yet. It’s only been a day. I planned on telling her tonight.”

And then there is a voice that I would give anything to turn back time not to hear.

“Tell me what?” Marin asks from behind me. I glance over my shoulder and she’s pulling her robe tight around her, but before she lets me answer, she looks to Detective Merritt. “Good morning, Detective. It’s nice to see you but it’s pretty early, so do you have some news?”

Her eyes are so big and hopeful right now. I’m not sure what to do. It’s definitely his job to tell her the news but I can’t help but feel it needs to be my job due to my involvement. It won’t matter who is the one to tell her. She will be relieved and happy with the news of the arrest but devastated by the story of what really happened.

He looks to me for approval to tell her and I nod. There isn’t any sense in fighting this now. She’s finding out everything right now. But I feel I need to prepare her somehow.

“Detective, can you just give us a minute,” I ask him.

Marin looks so confused. I want to protect her from all of this. I want to pull her close and hold her tight, but I can’t right now. So I lead her back to the bedroom.

I shut the door behind us and she turns to me with fear in her eyes. “What’s going on, Dalton? You guys are scaring me.”

Gently, I place my hand on her shoulder and lean down just a bit so I can look directly into her eyes.

“Listen to me, Marin, I just need you to know that what he is going to tell you … it’s big. And it’s not good. But it is at the same time.”

“What are you talking about. You’re not making any sense.”

“I know. It will all make sense in a few minutes. But, I just need you to know that you’re my everything. My entire world. Nothing will change that.” I pull her to me and kiss her hard. I kiss her with everything I have in me to give her and then end it just as quickly as I started it.

“Dalton …” She starts to ask more questions, worry creasing her brow, but I stop her by placing my finger to her lips.

“Shhh. It’s all going to be OK. I promise.”

I take her hand and lead her out of the room.

I lead her to the truth.

What the hell is going on?

Dalton is scaring me, and why is Detective Merritt here? When I walked in the room a few minutes ago, they were whispering and talking like they know each other better than just from the one meeting at the station.

Dalton leads me over to the coach and he sits me down but he doesn’t sit beside me. Now I’m really scared.

Detective Merritt is standing beside the window and he has his hands shoved in his pockets and looks the most uncomfortable that I’ve ever seen him look.

Dalton walks over and stands beside him and they share a brief look between them. I’ve had enough.

“Somebody better start talking and tell me what the hell is going on.”

Detective Merritt starts talking first.

“We made an arrest early yesterday morning in Benji’s case.” He glances as Dalton. “We made several arrests.”

“Oh my god!” I jump up off the coach and run to him and throw my arms around him. “Thank you! Thank you so much,” I tell him as I continue hugging him.

“You’re welcome sweetheart,” he says as he hugs me back with a sad smile. I need to know everything. I didn’t think this day would ever come.

Glancing over at Dalton, my joy immediately fades. Something else is going on here. Something I’m not sure that I want to know.

“What’s going on? Dalton? What?”

Detective Merritt takes my hand and walks me back to the couch to sit me down.

“Listen, Marin. I want you to know that we would have never been able to make this arrest without Dalton’s help. He was key in this operation, and without him, we would still be spinning our wheels.”

“Wait … what?” I know I keep asking but I am so confused. Why would Dalton have anything to do with Benji’s case?

“Would someone please tell me what’s going on?” I plead. I’m happy but I’m so fucking confused I can’t think.

Dalton rubs his hands down his face and then looks into my eyes. He’s silently pleading with me, but I have no idea what for.

“Marin …” he starts. “I was there.”

“You were where?” I ask.

“I was there the night Benji was shot.”

I stare at him. Not sure if I hear him correctly so I ask again. “What? No you weren’t. I know everyone that was—”

“Dammit! I was fucking there. I was there with the guy that shot the gun that killed your fiancé.”

The world seems to stop.

His arms drop to his sides, defeated.

I stare at him dumbfounded. This can’t be happening again. The floor feels like it’s falling out from under me.

Detective Merritt reaches over to touch my knee, and I jerk away from him.

“How long have you known?” I ask him, ignoring Dalton for the moment. I don’t even know how to deal with what he just told me. I don’t want to deal with it. I can’t even look at him right now.

He glances at Dalton and back to me. “Since the night we arrested Robert Greenwood.”

He’s known since the night he arrested my attacker. It’s been weeks. I jump up from the couch and run to the back door and start to go out. I need some air. Dalton grabs my arm to stop me and I yank it out of his grasp.

“Don’t you touch me!
Don’t you ever fucking touch me
,” I scream through clenched teeth.

Dalton drops his hands to his sides and stares at me. I see the fear in his eyes but I don’t care.

“I want you to leave.”

He only stares at me.

“Leave!”
I scream. I don’t wait to see if he does. I go out the back door. I hope Detective Merritt is still here. I hope he makes him leave. But I’m still angry at him too.

He should have told me as soon as he knew something. He knew Dalton and I were seeing each other. He had to have known from the way we were the night we identified my attacker. But he never said anything to me.

A sickness starts to build up inside of me and I run to the side of the house to relieve the contents of my stomach. I had sex with the man who murdered my Benji. Grabbing my stomaching and dropping to the ground, sobs wrack my body. I was falling in love with him.

But now I only feel disgusting, embarrassed and ashamed.

I’m not sure how much time has passed since I’ve been lying in the yard but I know Detective Merritt came out here not long after I did. He sat on the steps, keeping a watchful eye over me.

I know he’s still here because I can feel his presence. I hear voices coming from the house.

“Where is she?” I hear Amelia ask, and I immediately have a desperate need for her. She’s been my rock through everything, and I need her now more than ever.

Slowly, I get to my knees and stand. I know I am a mess covered in grass and dirt, still in my long satin robe from this morning.

“Oh, honey,” she says as she walks to me and wraps me in her arms. I sob against her as she rocks me back and forth and tries to calm my tears. “Come on, Marin. Let’s go inside and you can tell me everything.”

We walk up the stairs of the deck and past Detective Merritt and Joey. I glance around the room once inside and don’t see Dalton. But I didn’t think I would. I told him to leave.

“He’s gone, honey.” I nod as we make our way to my bedroom. She sits me down on the bed but I stand back up and start ripping the sheets off.

“Marin. What are you doing?” she asks.

I ball everything up and throw them in the corner of the room. “I slept with him, Amelia.” I shake my head, now angry more than anything else. “He never said a word to me and I slept with him. I thought I might be …” I stop talking as she watches me sadly.

“You thought you were falling in love with him,” she finishes my sentence.

As I nod a left over tear runs down my cheek.

“Oh, Marin. I’m so sorry, honey.”

“Don’t apologize. Just don’t. He’s the one that needs to apologize. More than apologize. There’s nothing he can do or say that can fix this. He was the one that took him away from me.”

Sitting on the edge of my bed, .not even sure where to go from here with all the information I have learned today. I watch as Amelia goes into my bathroom and draws a bath for me. She walks into my closet and grabs a pair of jeans and a tank top and then over to my dresser and grabs out a bra and panties. She takes them into the bathroom then walks back out to me.

“Come on. Let’s get you in the tub.”

As I follow behind her into the bathroom and my brain flashes to last night. I try to stop it from going there but it’s still too fresh. I told him that I wouldn’t regret making love to him but I do. I regret it with every part of my soul.

Shaking my head and ridding it of the memories of his touch, I want to wash all the memories away that have anything to do with Dalton Young.

“Thanks, Am. I can take it from here.” She looks at me concerned. “Really, I’ll be OK. Just wait out in the living room, and I will be out in a little bit.”

“OK. Just yell if you need me, OK?”

“All right.”

The door closes with a click and I’m left alone. Alone with my memories and heartache.

******

When I emerge from the bathroom and out into my living room, Amelia and Joey sit side by side. His arm draped over her shoulders pulling her close into him. Joey turns and sees me walk into the room. He eases Amelia back into the coach gently and then stands and walks to me.

No words need to be spoken as he wraps me in his arms. I can feel the relief roll off of him.

And even though I am angry and hurt and confused, I also feel relief. The men that murdered my fiancé, my Benji, are finally where they belong.

“You know, I want to kill him for what he did, but I want to hug him at the same time for helping close the case. How is that possible?”

“I don’t know, Joe. I don’t even know the entire story. I know he was involved in some bad things when he was younger. He told me as much, but aside from that, I don’t know anything else.”

“Well, I can find out anything you need me to find out,” Amelia speaks up from her spot on the couch. “Just say the word.”

Do I want to know?
What if he was involved more than he has let on and the only reason he helped the police was so he didn’t go to jail? Why isn’t he going to jail? Do I want him to go to jail?
I have so many questions. But I don’t want anyone else involved at this point in the Dalton mess. It’s my mess to clean up. Not anyone else’s.

“No. I will talk to Detective Merritt and then maybe be able to think straight.” I walk into the kitchen, in search of some coffee, and Amelia walks in behind me and Joey trails behind her.

“I just feel like Dalton deceived us all. He should have been able to tell you,” Joey points out.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I am so fucking confused, you guys. I need time to think. You guys can go. You don’t need to hang out here all day with me. It would help me out tremendously if you could close the store for the day, though.” I can’t go in there. Not today. I won’t be able to focus and I really don’t want to be around people.

“Are you sure?” Amelia asks as she rinses her coffee mug out. I know she doesn’t want to leave me.

God, just when I get them to realize I don’t need them constantly by my side. This happens and now they are afraid to leave me again.

“I’m sure. I promise. It’s not like when Benji died. My heart is broken again, but it’s a different kind of broken this time. I feel like my trust is broken as well. I just need to figure this out on my own.”

Joey looks on skeptically. I know he will do as Amelia says, but I also know he’s worried. That’s what he does best when it comes to us. Worries.