Behind the Strings (13 page)

32

Life gave us until about ten o’clock the next morning before it called us back down from cloud nine. Jesse’s phone woke us both from a deep sleep. My hands held on tight to his as my prone body fit snug against his. He let it go to voicemail and we lay there for a few more minutes until my phone did the same.

“Who’s calling this early on a Saturday?” I groaned, letting mine too go to voicemail.

I rolled over in Jesse’s arms to face him. He too was now wide awake. I loved the way the sun peeked in through the window just enough to reflect off of his eyes. My arms rested in between us as we welcomed the morning with a kiss.

“All I want to do is stay like this all day,” Jesse said.

‘That sounds like a perfect plan to me.” I rolled him over and made myself comfortable on top of him. “Can I ask you something?” He nodded. “You do live alone, right?” I asked, thinking about last night. I didn’t feel as if I did a very good job muffling my emotions.

“Technically, no, I do have a roommate.” My eyes widened. “But he’s barely ever here and definitely wasn’t here last night. He’s in production and out on tour for a while.”

I sighed heavily and laid my head down to the warmth of his skin. Every now and then I would turn my head to kiss his chest as he continued to hold me tightly in his arms.

A few minutes later his phone rang again and we both surrendered. I sat up on top of him as he stretched his hand out to pull it over. He turned it to me and I shrugged at the sight of Logan’s name. Neither of us knew what to do, but it was a hard hit to both of us when it happened. It was a harsh realization that there was life outside these bedroom walls, life that the two of us were both going to have to face. Things we were going to have to talk about and people we were going to have to tell.

“Hey, man,” Jesse said.

I could hear Logan’s voice on the other end of the phone, but couldn’t really make out what he was saying. I tried to understand the conversation from Jesse’s end, praying he hadn’t found out about us through some sort of third party and was calling to give us hell. From what I gathered, it was about music, which calmed my nerves until Jesse hung up.

“My services are needed today,” he said, “Logan and a couple others want me to do some writes.”

“And there goes our plan to play hooky all day.”

I lifted myself off of him and pulled my phone from the nightstand. I too had a missed call from Logan. He hadn’t mentioned anything about me to Jesse, but I did find it kind of strange he’d call the both of us within minutes. Panic set in again as I listened to the voicemail.

“Hey Celia, just checking in to see if you had any plans tonight. Thought maybe we could grab a bite. Let me know.”

“Oh, a date with Logan, huh?”

I couldn’t tell by looking at him if he was joking or if there was a hint of jealousy behind that comment. To ease his mind just in case, I leaned in and kissed him. Then kissed him again…and again, until he soon forgot about anything other than him and me, once again alone in his bed.

33

I waited until I was almost home before I called Logan back. Not for any other reason than Jesse and I were a little busy for the rest of the morning. Busy in the bed and in the shower before he peeled himself away from me to head out around noon.

“Good morning,” Logan said once he picked up.

“Morning? It’s afternoon.”

“Already? Jeez, this morning flew by.”

“You’ve been busy?” I said inquisitively. I pretended not to know what he was up to.

“I haven’t slept yet,” he said, “was on a roll all night writing songs. Jesse got here a little while ago actually to help me with a few I’m stuck on. We’ll be here a few more hours, I’m sure, but I wanted to see if you had plans tonight.”

I had to think about it for a minute. It was shocking to me that I actually had no plans. I had nowhere to be, no article that needed attention, and no interviews to give. Today was starting out to be one amazing Saturday.

“Want to meet me in 12 South about seven?”

I looked at the clock on the dashboard. It was half past noon. My hair was still dripping wet and I had on last night’s outfit, but that would give me plenty of time to get home, enjoy a cup of coffee, and actually relax before getting ready. I accepted the invitation and by the time I hung up I was back home in my kitchen searching the cupboard for the largest mug I could find and poured myself an extra strong cup of coffee, which I sipped while sifting through my closet for some fresh clothes to wear.

A strong breeze met me on my front porch that afternoon once I was ready go. It reminded me why fall was my favorite time of year in Nashville. It was cool enough for me to wear my favorite new cardigan, but didn’t give the air such a chill that flip-flops were still allowed to be worn.

I lounged around most of the day and took a much needed nap before it was time to meet Logan. I refreshed my hair, threw on a new outfit and pulled up to the 12 South neighborhood right on time. Through my sunglasses I saw Logan across the street. He was so preoccupied with his phone that he hadn’t even noticed me come up behind until I grabbed him.

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed, spinning around and laughing. “You scared the living daylights out of me.”

“That was the plan,” I said.

“Get over here, you brat,” he said and pulled me in for a hug. “Well, don’t you look all sprightly this evening?”

“I do?” I asked.

“Yes, you do. Life must be treating you well.”

“Oh, not any different than usual,” I told him instinctively, then winced as a twinge of guilt came over me. “So, where are we going?”

“Taproom?”

“Let’s do it.” I wrapped my arms through his and let him lead the way.

Once we were seated inside, I took a good long look at Logan. His poor eyes were bloodshot. The color in his face was not nearly the way I remembered it. The paleness on his cheeks made him look sickly. I knew he was under a lot of pressure, but it had me a bit worried.

“I hope you get a good night’s sleep tonight. Pulling an all-nighter is not good for someone always on the go like you.” I said.

“It’s that obvious, huh?”

“You look like death.”

He laughed. “Well, thank you.”

“I’m sorry, you just have me worried. I don’t want you to run yourself down.” I pulled a bottle of multivitamins out of my purse and handed them to him. “Take one of these,” I said, pushing the glass of water the waiter delivered closer to him “No sleep means your immune system gets weak, and the last thing you need is to get sick.”

“Who carries multivitamins around in their purse? Oh yeah, the daughter of a nurse.”

There was no argument from my end. I was absolutely my mother’s daughter. Also in my purse, should I need it for any reason, I had painkillers, topical ointment, vitamin E and Band-Aids.”

“Laugh all you want; you’ll thank me later.”

“Is this what you’ve been doing lately? Taking multivitamins?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, taking a sip of my drink

“I don’t know; you seem different, that’s all. In a good way. Whatever it is you’re doing, keep it up. It looks good on you.”

I choked down a few more sips of my water. I wanted to tell him why I was happy. I wanted to tell him all about it, but I couldn’t. Jesse had become the guy that Logan wanted to be. And the worst part was that Jesse wasn’t just a random guy I met out at a bar. He was Logan’s friend. A good friend. Someone he trusted and relied on. What Jesse and I were doing, it felt so right to me, but would Logan understand? I tried not to think about all that right then and focused my attention on spending time with Logan.

“So, how did your songwriting go this morning?” I asked.

“It went pretty well for the most part, but there was this one song I desperately wanted to finish and I couldn’t do it. I had a couple bridges written out, but no chorus, I couldn’t get anything to sound right so I called Jesse and he came in this morning. That kid, he’s ridiculously talented.”

“Oh really? And why’s that?”

“I spent hours trying to write that chorus and honestly, I had nothing. I called him and the two of us, we finished it in just over an hour and it was freakin’ phenomenal. We videotaped it, actually, hold on.”

Logan took out his phone and handed it to me. I hit play and my two favorite people came to life. The sound of their voices together truly was amazing, but what drew me in the most were the words. I scrolled back a bit and listened again, making sure I heard it right.

And we’ll let the world dance around us

While you lie here in my arms

The beat of your heart

Is all the music I need to hear

I spent my whole life searching for this melody

So I’ll listen while I hold you near

I wasn’t one hundred percent sure the lyrics were inspired by this morning, but I was at least going to pretend they were. I kind of liked the idea of it, and listening to those words come out of his mouth…there wasn’t anything like it.

“Wow, that really…wow,” was all I managed.

“Ha, speechless. I’ll definitely have to let Jesse know it was that good.”

“No, don’t,” I blurted out. “I mean…he probably really wouldn’t care what I think, so there’s no point in telling him.”

I had no idea if I saved myself of not, but I prayed to everything holy that Logan wouldn’t tell him I had heard it. If it wasn’t at all inspired by me and he told him my reaction, I would be so embarrassed.

“You know,” Logan said, “speaking of Jesse, is everything okay with you two?”

“What? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, at my party you two seemed really uncomfortable around each other, and at trivia you looked really on edge when I found you two outside.”

“No, not at all. Honestly, both nights I really wasn’t feeling well.”

“Okay, good,” he sighed. “He’s a cool dude, and I would’ve felt bad if I had to punch him in the face if he did something to cross you.”

I laughed and then swallowed hard. Suddenly a lump formed in my throat. I chugged down half a glass of water to drown it, but it wouldn’t go away. What is the hell was I doing? Was I crazy? It’s one thing to be sleeping with Jesse, but now I was lying about it. I had never lied to Logan about anything before. A lump formed in my throat and I began to feel nauseous. I managed to croak out a question at last. “Hey, Logan, can I ask you something?”

“Always,” he said.

“You and me, we’ll always be friends, right? No matter what?”

He raised his eyebrow. “I thought we already talked about this. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” I asked.

“Celia, where is this coming from?”

“Nowhere.” I let out a soft laugh. “You’re really important to me, that’s all. Our lives can be hectic sometimes and I don’t want you to forget what you mean to me. So, promise me, no matter what, we’ll always be friends.”

“I promise,” he said without hesitation.

34

Now that Logan had done some songwriting, it was time for him to get back on the road. His newest single was now on the charts and climbing fast, so now he needed to do a little promotion for it. With Halloween coming up, it was the perfect excuse to send himself off with a bang by hosting a barbeque.

The day of the party, I drove down the residential street lined with townhomes until I arrived at Logan’s. My hair was covered in a red bandana. I cut up an old white crop top and wrapped my neck and wrists in an abundance of jewelry to seal off my pirate look. I was the first to enter under the brick archway of his patio and yelled out to him through the open door. When he didn’t answer, I walked in, my hands full with stacks of store-bought baked goods. Logan was well aware of my cooking skills, so he gave me the simple task of picking up some desserts. I set them all down on the counter and slid open the screen door to the back deck where the smell of good ol’ ribs over charcoal hit me as I stepped out onto it.

“It smells amazing out here,” I said. “Whoa, look at you” His legs were adorned with green tights. A feather stuck out of the hat on his head. “Looking good, Peter,” I said with a wink.

“Thank you, Captain Hook.”

“Jack Sparrow, duh.” I shook my head at him. Clearly I was going for Johnny Depp. “Oh, shoot,” I said, “I forgot something in the car. I’ll be right back.”

I ran back into the house and out the front without slowing down. I had remembered the one thing I did actually make I left in the trunk: Jell-O-shots. I was quite proud of how they came out and definitely didn’t want them to melt. I leaned into the trunk to pull them out and heard a familiar voice behind me.

“Hey, pretty girl,” Jesse said.

I turned around to find his blue eyes staring at me through a black mask. Zorro looked good on him. He reached out and we did that whole “
let’s hug you in a way that looks like we’re just friends
” sort of thing. I couldn’t really tell if he was uncomfortable seeing me or it was because we were at Logan’s house and he was still in the dark about us, but I was hoping it was the latter. With my free hand I took one of the many bags from his hands and walked with him inside.

Jesse and Logan didn’t waste any time getting the party started. They were a halfway through a bottle of some kind of liquor when others started to arrive. Finn, dressed as a black cat, was one of the first. She went to Logan first, leaving red lips on his cheek this time before she sank her claws into Jesse. I do mean that literally, too. Her diamond-studded nails wrapped through his arm while he tended the grill and that’s where they stuck.

I watched Jesse try to squirm his way out of her grasp a few times, but he was unsuccessful. I wanted so badly to grab her by her fake blonde hair and tell her not to touch my man, but I couldn’t because no one actually knew that. In fact, I wasn’t even sure that he was
my
man. So instead, I decided to go inside and pour myself a drink to drown my sorrows.

Logan came in behind me as I was shaking my coconut rum and fruit juice concoction. That dreaded red lipstick was still stained to his cheek. I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He wiped profusely, but to no avail.

“Get over here,” I said.

It was a good thing we’d been friends for a while. That way it wasn’t awkward when I licked my finger and started scrubbing his cheek with it. It took a few tries, but finally it disappeared.

“So,” I said, pouring my drink into a glass, “who is that girl, anyway?”

“Who, Finn?”

“Yes,
Finn
.” I emphasized her name on that one.

I guess I should’ve known, but Finn turned out to be a cocktail waitress at one of the bars Logan used to play at. She was the one who always made sure his cup never ran empty while he was on stage.

“Why, you jealous?” he asked.

“Of Finn? No.”

“You just rubbed your lip.”

I had no idea what that had to do with anything, but it seemed that it was a thing Logan remembered about me while we were growing up. He said I always did it in front of my mom when I was trying to lie my way out of something. I certainly wasn’t jealous of Finn, but I know I wasn’t doing a good job at hiding the fact that she got under my skin. The problem was that because Logan didn’t know about my recent relationship drama, he thought my issue lay with her and him.

“I’m not jealous of Finn,” I said, “she just sort of came out of nowhere, that’s all.”

“We all used to hang out every now and then back in the day,” he said. By all, I realized he meant Jesse too. “She doesn’t live here anymore, actually. Moved to California to make it in Hollywood. She’s back visiting family for a couple weeks and wanted to catch up. She’s harmless, I promise,” he said, “and she’s got nothing on you.”

I didn’t really know how to take that, but before I could react a few others passed by from outside followed by Jesse.

“What’s going on in here?” he asked as he reached for a handful of chips from the counter

“Celia’s jealous of Finn,” Logan said.

“Of Finn, huh?”

“Yeah, she thinks she’s trying to steal me away from her.”

Logan stepped closer and put his arm around me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and from the way most of his weight leaned against me, it was clear he was closer to drunk than sober. I slapped his hand off my shoulder and said again that I was not jealous of Finn.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, everyone in here knows you love me,” Logan said. “Right, Jesse?”

He choked down a mouthful of chips before he mumbled, “Yeah, right, of course.”

Jesse quickly excused himself and walked out into the hallway. I shot Logan a fiery glance, but all he did was laugh. Not wanting to be incredibly obvious, I wasted a few minutes throwing away cups and wiping countertops before I walked out of the kitchen to find Jesse wandering the front sidewalk with a cigarette in his hand.

“You don’t smoke,” I said as I walked down to meet him.

“Not on most days,” he said.

“Are you mad?” I asked.

He shook his head and blew a cloud of smoke from the side of his mouth. I faked a cough; he laughed, tossed the cigarette from his hand, and reached out for me. I walked in close to him, lifting my chin up to his, and when I got close enough he bent down for a kiss.

“I have wanted to do that all damn day,” he said.

We had time to sneak in a few more before my new best friend pulled open the front door and gestured for us. Finn called Jesse in to be her partner in a game of cornhole, but he slyly offered a guys-against-girls challenge and winked at me.

“I hate you so much right now,” I said quietly, punching him in the stomach.

“I’m highly offended,” he said as he pushed me inside.

Of course Finn insisted Jesse play on her side of the board, so I stood on the far side with Logan as he took the first shot. Every attempt hit the board, but none went in. Finn wasn’t close to hitting where she should’ve, but I’m pretty sure she wasn’t even actually trying. Every other throw she would look at Jesse and ask if she was doing it right. I had to look away during the times he’d give her instruction before I got sick.

“Wow,” Logan said, “she really does get under your skin, doesn’t she?”

“I just don’t know how a girl like that survives in the real world, that’s all.”

I must have said that a little too loud, because within a few seconds I found myself ducking at the final beanbag she threw our way. Jesse tried hard to hide the humor he found in it, but I could see through the hand he had in front of his mouth.

I tossed the beanbags back in their direction, one in the hole and two on the board. I whipped the final one across the yard and it easily made it over the board, perfectly aligned in Jesse’s direction. He jumped to the side and it landed right where he had been standing.

“All right, all right, I see what we’re doing here,” he said. “Logan, my man, we are taking no prisoners today.”

I wouldn’t call the rest of the match much of a game, but it was done in style and good fun. All of us had to duck a few more times at flying objects and waited out the other team with sips of beer that rested in our free hands. Logan and Jesse won with flying colors. I’d like to think I would’ve had a fighting chance should I have had a different partner, but losing actually turned out to have its advantages.

My little bladder could only hold that many beers for so long. I ran inside to the bathroom and right as I was about to come out, the door pushed back at me and Jesse stepped inside. He closed it behind us, cupped his hands around my face and before I knew it his tongue was dancing with mine and he pulled me by my waist up onto the countertop. My hands slid around him and I grasped firmly at the layers of black over his skin, but just as fast as it had started, Jesse pulled away.

“That’s it?” I asked breathing heavily.

He winked at me. “Well, I felt bad, you know, beating you and all.”

“Oh, so that was my consolation prize?”

“You could look at it that way.” I could sense his sarcasm. I smiled and grabbed the front of his cape to pull him in for one more kiss.

I hopped off the counter and unlocked the door, slowly peeking into the hall. When we were clear, we both left the bathroom and rejoined the party.

Most of the partygoers had cleared out by the time the sun went down so I started cleaning up and washing dishes to somewhat reorganize the house before I left. Jesse pulled the leftovers off the grill and Logan helped the best he could considering the state that he was in. The house was pretty much back to normal once it was finally empty of all its guests. I found Logan though still awake, slouched down on the couch. He had offered to walk me out, but Jesse said he would do it.

“Thanks, man,” Logan said, slapping him a handshake.

I leaned down to hug him. His arms held me tightly as he kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear.

“I’m going marry you someday,” he said.

I pulled back, alarmed but trying to keep my cool. “You’re so funny, drunky.”

“I mean it; we even have a witness, see?” He pointed to Jesse, “I’m going to marry this girl. You just wait.”

I didn’t give either of them time to keep the conversation going. Quickly I said goodbye and told him I would call to check on him in the morning. Jesse locked the door behind us and we walked outside.

“Can I ask you something?”

Jesse held me closely against the driver-side door of my car. He looked into my eyes with a serious expression I hadn’t seen before. I nodded, clasping my hands behind him.

“Logan…he’s a much better guy than me.”

“Jesse...”

“I know you already said you don’t have feelings for him, but Celia, what do you think he would do if he finds out about this?”

I opened my mouth to answer, then shut it. I really didn’t know. I hoped he would be happy for us. He’s already been able to see how happy I am with Jesse in my life even if he didn’t know the reason.

“It’s just, Logan’s been really good to me and I don’t want to do anything to step on his toes, even though I…”

“Even though?” I asked.

“Even though I like you. I like you a lot.”

“How much is a lot?” I asked sarcastically. He laughed. “Look, Logan and I we’ve been through a lot together and I would be lying to you if I said there wasn’t a time that he wanted something more from me. But, my intentions for Logan have been made very clear. We are friends and that’s all. You and me, this thing we have, there’s still a lot to figure out. Until the two of us really know what this is and where it’s going, I don’t want to bring anyone else into it. I feel like that’s the best thing for everyone. Don’t you think?”

“I do,” he said opening my car door.

“Am I going home by myself tonight?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, “are you?”

“I hope not.” It was my turn to wink.

That was all I said before I closed the door between us. I turned the key slowly, giving him enough time to get back in his car. Then I pulled out and watched closely behind me as I went through the light where he would turn to head home. I took my foot off the gas and watched. There was no blinker, no deceleration and no turn. I smiled as my eyes reflected in the rear view mirror. There was no need to hope anymore; I was surely not going home alone tonight.