Bellona (Part 1.5 of The Saskia Trilogy) (4 page)

Chapter Five

The Party

The white dress hangs from the mirror, my hands reach out to stroke it, but a firm slap across my knuckles makes me pull my hands away. My mother gives me a disapproving look. “You have no patience or manners, Bellona.” She tuts.

I glance at the three maids but they all keep their heads bowed, not seeing my burning face.

“I remember wearing this dress on my birthday.” My mother runs her hand along the snow white lace as I had wanted to, she smiles. “I was the most beautiful woman ever to be seen, all of Saskia gasped when I arrived.”

I find myself smiling too, wondering if that is the reception I will receive also. My mother’s smile falls as she glances at me. “But you, I’m not sure.” Before I can respond she beckons the maids “Get her ready.” My mother sits on the armchair beside the fire as the maids help me into the dress. It takes a long time to button the back of it as the buttons run from my neck the whole way to the ground but the end result has me smiling at my reflection. The dress fits me perfectly, emphasizing all my curves, yet I am covered completely. The lace rises up to the neck line, tucks in tightly at the waist and trails to the ground, the lace sleeves just stop at my knuckles. The dress is truly magnificent. My hair is left loose around my face. My brown eyes stand out from the soft gray shadow that has been placed around them, my cheeks pink from the tint and also my lips. I am stunned with the end result. As the maids help me into the heels they complement me on how beautiful I look, and for the first time I feel it. When I’m finally ready I turn to my mother, still smiling, waiting for her approval. “Don’t smile, Bellona, it makes you look ugly.” At that she turns and the maids and I follow, my heart feels deflated with her words. I don’t smile as we make our way to the grand hall, I don’t smile as everyone applauds, I only nod politely and I don’t smile as the music starts or when a glass of wine is placed in my hand. I don’t smile as people compliment me on how well I look, I just thank them.

“Bellona you look …” I turn to Nierra, biting my lip. “Stunning,” he finishes, his smile broad and his eyes light up and for the first time I smile.

“Thank you.” His hand finds mine and he walks me out onto the dance floor while everyone else stands aside.

“Princess Bellona and First Guardian Nierra will take the first dance.” The announcement sends butterflies to my stomach and the way Nierra looks at me makes me feel beautiful, wanted and special. I laugh as Nierra twirls me around the dance floor, I forget anyone else is there and I get lost in his arms. But the song ends and we both get swallowed by others wanting to meet the future King and Queen. I haven’t seen my father and for that I am grateful. My mother takes me by the elbow, introducing me to the other leaders from different regions; I don’t pay attention, my eyes wander the crowd for Nierra.

Nails dig into my arm and I snap my head to my mother. “Pay attention,” she whispers, her eyes cold. She hands me a glass of wine and smiles at the group that have formed around us, she speaks of herself but keeps glancing at me to make sure I am paying attention.

The glass in my hand is knocked by a dancer close by who doesn’t seem to notice what he has just done, and its contents spill on the lower part of my dress, creating a path of what looks like blood. No one has noticed, I grab a napkin off a nearby table trying to clean up the mess but the dress is ruined. “Bellona.” My mother’s sharp voice has me closing my eyes and taking a breath before turning to her and all the people she has been talking to, she looks at the destroyed dress and I know sorry isn’t good enough, her eyes blaze with fury but then something else flickers through them. She reaches out and takes my hand, it seems almost affectionate. “Oh darling, your womanhood has finally arrived,” she says it loud enough that people all around us hear and the snickers soon turn into guffaws hidden behind their hands. My eyes grow wide as I stare at my mother.

“No, it’s wine,” I say, but she pats me gently.

“Don’t be embarrassed, you’re a late bloomer.”  Now my mother joins in with the laughter and I look around at all the faces that seemed to mash together. Music starts up again and the beating of drums and their laughter has my heart pounding. I can no longer hear them, only my own blood pouring through my veins.

I don’t run as my body commands but walk stiffly away from the laughter.
I will not cry
, I chant in my head. My chest feels tight, my heart beats erratically but still I walk, letting the distance grow between me and the beat of drums from my party. I hate her more than anything. I move through the garden until the drums are a distant sound and I stand so very still. My head pounds with the want to cry, yet I don’t. The tightness in my chest is causing a dizziness, my shallow breaths make it hard to focus, my knees buckle, small stones dig into my knees as I hit the ground. But the pain doesn’t register, it only gives way to the anger and hurt that is built up inside me. A whimper escapes my lips as my eyes shoot around the garden. I want someone to save me, someone to take this pain away. But no one is here; there never is anyone to save me. My chest grows tighter as if a boulder has been placed on top of it. I can feel the panic, the need for release and I let it go roaring into the night sky. My screams turn into cries that wreak my body before I roar again, digging my hands into the small stones, letting them dig into my flesh. Hysterical laughter bubbles up inside me before turning into sobs again. I feel my control slipping, my hand strike my face hard and fast as I scream before digging my nails into my scalp. I howl, not from the pain I am inflicting on myself but from the pain that rises inside me. I continue to scream and roar, cry and laugh. My body shakes, my hair tears free from my scalp, warm liquid drips down the side of my face. I don’t know how long I stay like that but my body grows limp, my heart heavy, my sobs a whimper. At that moment I know I don’t want to live like this any longer, I can’t, I won’t. I want it to end. I lie down slowly, my body shaking as my soft cries continue, closing my eyes from this cruel world I beg God to take me, to take away my pain.

“My lady.” My eyes open slowly to see several guards standing a few feet away from where I lie. Their eyes roam over me, pity, disgust, and confusion shines through all except one — his head bald, his eyes hold nothing.

“Get away from me,” I whisper before closing my eyes again. Shutting out the world.

“My lady your mother asks for you to return.”

My anger rises and with it so do I. “Get away from me,” I bite out each word. How dare she. All the guards stand still, none of them making a move to leave. My hands ball into fists and my body shakes with the injustice of this. Each guard’s spirit flares to life, all tainted with blood that they have spilt, the guard with the bald head has the darkest spirit. My eyes scan them one more time before I tug and they all take a dishevelled step forward. Each looking around confused, I find myself smiling as I tug again, harder this time. One of the guards falls to his knees.

“My lady we are not here to harm you,” the bald guard speaks and I grip his spirit, he doesn’t flinch, but his body shakes as he fights me. One guard moves towards me and I do something I never knew was possible, I squeeze his spirit. The air cuts off from his lungs, his face grows gray and I tear it from his body. His spirit flees, his body hits the ground hard. I still hold the bald man’s spirit, blood drips from his nose and ears. The other three guards take a step back and I roar with anger. Grabbing all three I pull them back until they hit the ground hard — two rise quickly, drawing their swords and I throw my head back and laugh before ripping the soul from the guard who still lies on the ground. I don’t give the body a second glance before I turn to the two who have drawn their swords. The third man with the bald head just watches them, his hand on the hilt of his sword. He doesn’t draw it so I focus on the two that have. I pull on one man’s spirit and he stumbles. It is enough for the second man to charge. I quickly rip the man’s soul from his body before turning to the charging guard but I am too late. He is an inch from me before he slumps to the ground, a dagger protruding from his back. My eyes clash with the last remaining guard.

He saved me. Someone saved me.

“What is your name?” My voice is low but he hears me.

“Taurus, my lady.” He inclines his head in respect but his eyes remain dark, as dark as his soul. Yet, he saved me.

“Bellona,” Nierra’s voice breaks my gaze from Taurus, he halts when he sees all of the bodies. My stomach tightens, but my face is in his hands as he surveys me. My hair is in tangles, tears are still wet on my face, hand marks are visible on my cheeks, and blood trails down the side of my head. “Who did this?” His words send a shiver through me, he is barely containing his rage.

I scramble for an explanation, but Taurus gives one. “The guards attacked but I was able to disarm them.”

We turn to Taurus. I look at him stupidly, why is he helping me?

Nierra pulls my gaze back to him. “Bellona, is this true?” he questions, and I nod, still reeling in shock.

This is my way out so I stand a bit taller. “Yes, Taurus came to my rescue.” I look at Taurus. “He saved me,” I whisper. Someone saved me. “Very well.” Nierra’s words are spoken louder than necessary, breaking my gaze from Taurus. But confusion clouds his beautiful eyes.  “But why did they attack?” he asks.

“Because I wouldn’t return with them. One guard just couldn’t contain his anger and he attacked. Then everything happened at once. Taurus stopped them from hurting me further. He …”

Nierra cuts off my words, finishing them for me. “Saved you,” his words sound angry and I feel a twinge of my own anger towards Nierra.

I slip out of his hands and turn to Taurus who stands still, giving nothing away. “Thank you, Taurus. I will be forever in your debt.” I bow to him and can hear the sharp intake of Nierra’s breath, but I turn away before glancing one last time at Taurus. His eyes look lighter as if he is smiling and I find myself smiling the whole way back to my chambers.

“Bellona, this needs to be reported.” Nierra moves beside me and guilt swamps me.

I turn to him. “Taurus will report it tomorrow. Right now I want to get cleaned up and return to my party.”

Nierra looks confused. “Are you sure?” he asks and I smile at him, a real smile.

“I am positive.”

He kisses my hand. “Go get ready, I will wait right here for you. I won’t leave you alone.”

Tears fill my eyes but I won’t let them spill. “Thank you,” I say before turning to my chambers.

                                                        ***

I return to my party and pretend that I don’t notice the gleam of hunger in the eyes of the men or the envious streak in the woman’s eyes. Right now my mother moves through the crowd. I hold still and keep my head high.
I am not alone
, I chant in my head. And I wasn’t. Nierra stands right beside me, but Morrick arrives. “I will only be a moment,” he says and I swallow but nod as he moves away and my mother fills my view.

“What are you wearing?” her heated words and visible anger please me, for the first time in my life I am winning.

“A dress, of course,” I say while holding each side of the dress out. The red fabric is soft against my fingers. Her hand grips my arm roughly.

“Go back right this moment and change,” she whispers into my ear so no one can hear her cold words.

“Bellona.” It’s Nierra’s voice that makes my mother withdraw and smile. He bows to my mother before taking my hand and moving me away from her.

“I’m sorry, but Morrick had a question.” He pauses now. “And I am sorry that I wasn’t there, that they nearly hurt you.” I place my finger on his lips. “I’m safe, and you’re here, so dance with me.” I remove my finger and watch his emerald eyes light up before he smiles. “Anything for you, Bellona,” he says and he keeps to his promise; he dances with me the whole night and I never laugh as much or feel so powerful.

Chapter Six

                                          The Barn

My heart races as I leave my chambers. Nierra has asked me to come and watch his training today and not to stand in the shadows, but to sit in sight of the men. He said he would set up an area where I would be safe from any swinging fists or swords, but close enough that I can enjoy the training. I smile as I walk. My light blue dress brushes the floor as I walk. I have left my hair down today, a bold move if my mother discovered it, but I am feeling bold.

“Bellona you look beautiful.” Nierra’s kind words cause a soft blush to taint my cheeks, I smile back shyly.

“Thank you,” I say as Morrick moves towards us. In three strides he is in front of me, taking my hand and kissing it. I want to pull it out of his grasp, how dare he touch me. But for my future husband’s sake I smile while lowering my eyelashes so he can’t see my eyes.

“You are more beautiful every day I see you, my lady.” I look at a smiling Morrick.

“You are too kind.” I don’t wait for more of his fancy words but take a seat to watch Nierra. Once seated, I give Nierra a real smile and he smiles back. “Good luck.”

“I don’t need luck when I have you.” Nierra’s response makes my heart feel lighter and I beam at him, my jaws hurt from smiling. Morrick grabs a sword and throws one at Nierra, my heart gallops but Nierra catches it without looking and strides over to me. “You are distracting me already Bellona.” His eyes linger on my lips and I find myself wetting my own lips. My movement causes him to smile, he leans in and my heart races, he wouldn’t kiss me in public, or would he? I am feeling bold today but I’m not sure if I was feeling that bold. Nierra’s lips brush my cheek before he turns to Morrick and starts his practice. My fingers touch the place that he has kissed and I find myself smiling as I watch him practice. I cheer for Nierra and boo Morrick every time he wins. It feels like one of the best days ever. Where I’m not a princess with a cruel mother, I am a young girl in love. I don’t want to leave but the servants have arrived. My mother waits for me to join her for dinner; I leave while glancing back at Nierra several times, and each time he smiles back, not moving from the spot that I have left him at.

My mother doesn’t seem bothered with me today. She eats quietly and dismisses me before I have even finished my meal. But I leave immediately, grateful to the gods who must have been at work. I have never had such an easy dinner with my mother. I return to my chamber to freshen up, and take my time as I know the men may have left too for food. I don’t want to seem too eager.  I make my way back when a sufficient amount of time has passed, but on returning I see that maid again, the one who always smiles suggestively at Nierra. I don’t move from the shadows but watch her flirt again with Nierra. She wants to take him from me, I need to stop her. I let out a heavy breath and smile, understanding exactly what I must do. She needs to be removed and only I can do that. He isn’t suited for a servant, he is the future king and her notions of him are silly and unrealistic. It has to end.

I leave then, not returning to Nierra. His eyes scan around the girl and I wonder if he is looking for me. I don’t feel a smile come to my face at the thought of him looking for me. No, the maid has really and truly upset me. I will wait until later when no one is around and then I will end this.

                                          ***

I watch her leave. Nierra and the others soon leave the training ground for the day; once again I notice that Nierra looks around, for me? I knew that he wouldn’t be able to see me; I stand too deeply in the shadows. My attention turns back to the maid as she makes her way to the barn. My eyes focus on the sway of her hips as she walks. The bucket that hangs loosely from her fingers sways. I follow, keeping close to the shadows. Once she enters the barn I wait to make sure no one else enters. Most workers have left for the day, others now packing up. I don’t wait much longer and enter the barn closing the door over behind me. The screech of the hinges has her turning to me, shock then fear flitters across her pretty face. She drops into a curtsy. “Princess Bellona.” As she stands she places her hands behind her back. I don’t respond but turn away and examine all of the instruments on the barn wall. I have never held any as they are used for gardening and I am the future queen, such a chore is beneath me. I turn back around and she hasn’t moved from the spot, but fear is evident on her face.

“You are very pretty,” I say, while assessing her face. She is and that annoys me.

“Thank you, Princess,” she stutters through her words.

“Never the less, your looks won’t make you a princess or a queen. Your face holds no power. You are a servant. A servant with a pretty face.” I take a step closer. “I have quite the dilemma. You see a servant with a pretty face chases after the future king.”

“No, Princess.” Her face pales as my hand strikes out, the sound of the slap is satisfying. Her eyes are wide as she holds her red face.

“Don’t interrupt me again.” I wait and she stays silent. 

“So the dilemma, I am in. This servant with her pretty face is trying to steal my future husband. Now on one hand I know a servant can never be with a king.” I laugh and watch her face turn a satisfying shade of red. “But, on the other hand, it makes me angry. So very angry. So how should I punish the servant with the pretty face? Should I have her whipped?” Tears flood her eyes and a whimper escapes her plump lips. Lips I want to cut from her face. “Should she die? Or should I make her my personal servant?” I laugh again as tears flow down her face. “The opportunities are endless.” I move towards her and take her face in my hands, making her look at me. “So tell me, servant with the pretty face, what shall it be?” She shakes her head as tears continue to fall from her eyes. I let her face go. “Fine, if you don’t make a decision, I will.”

“Please, Princess.” She cries.

“Don’t beg, it’s really pathetic. Pick one.”

“I have done nothing wrong.” Her body shakes as she speaks.

“That is true. I have no evidence. My word would outweigh yours … but evidence would be fitting in this case.” Her cries slow as hope shines in her eyes. “Evidence in a form of a mark caused from your violent behaviour towards me over my future marriage with Nierra. You were jealous and lashed out at me. You’re unstable and really who in their right mind would attack the future queen of Saskia?”

“I never… I would never,” she stutters and I laugh and tut at her.

“I know that, girl. As if anyone would put a hand on me.” I turn away, my stomach flutters with excitement knowing what I have to do, what I need to do.

I picture her flirting in my mind but it isn’t enough so I let the thought of her kissing Nierra enter and my blood boils in my veins. I can feel the heat rise in my face, my heartbeat pulses at my neck and I swallow a scream. Nails bite into my palms and my breathing becomes laboured. I can hear her call me, her voice is the final touch and I roar in pain as I rake my nails down my face, I don’t stop until I draw blood. My frenzy ends abruptly and the burning from my scratches has me wincing. I turn back to the girl; her hand covers her mouth, her eyes wide. She looks gray, a color I have never seen on anyone before, and I wonder if she dying. I hope not.

“Guards, guards,” I call out, letting my voice screech through the barn, and it doesn’t take long for them to enter.

“Arrest her.” I point at the girl and they don’t hesitate. I watch her mouth open and close like a fish, but I never look away from her, I want to soak up the horror that fills her eyes. I want to savour this satisfaction of finally being rid of this maid. She doesn’t attempt to speak, she knows there is no point and they take her from the barn.

“My Lady, will I get the Queen?”

I look at the guard sharply. “The Queen?” I question, trying to keep as much irritation as possible from my voice.

“Yes, my lady, you have been attacked,” he states, at his words the stinging grows worse, or maybe I just have blocked the pain until now. He waits for my response as I assess him, wondering is he one of my mother’s personal guards? They don’t wear different uniforms from the others, so I am not sure. It is something I must observe in the future.

“No, I will inform the queen myself,” I say, not meaning a word of it.

“May I escort you to your chambers, my lady?”

I don’t want him near me, but if I have just been attacked I would most certainly not walk around by myself. I smile; actually if I had really been attacked, the servant would be dead right now. I would never have let her walk away alive. It doesn’t take long to reach my chambers, where two maids stand waiting. I glance at the guard who has escorted me here; he must have sent word ahead that I needed tending to. But that also tells me he has sent word to my mother.