Best Friends Forever (8 page)

I
t was ten a.m., and while Celine had forced a smile on her face for the last half hour, she couldn't do it anymore. Kassie had come in and sat with her for about twenty minutes, and Jackson and Lauren had looked in on her, but now she was glad they'd all gone to other areas of the house. That way she could stop pretending she was okay and could cry in peace. She'd been awake most of the night, likely because of how much she'd slept at the hospital, and she hadn't slept much this morning, either. More than anything, she just wanted this terrible pain of hers to go away. And she wasn't talking about physical pain—she was referring to emotional suffering.

It was strange how she'd finally been able to stop worrying about her cancer diagnosis, but she hadn't been able to find peace about her and Keith's separation. She didn't want to love a man who had humiliated her in every possible way, but she did. If she could help it, she would, because she certainly wasn't proud of it. Lauren was her best friend and Jackson was her own flesh and blood, but she was ashamed about the way she was feeling. She couldn't imagine how stupid they must have thought she was; how insane she must be for still wanting her awful husband to leave his mistress and come home. Celine knew there was a chance Lauren and her brother were thinking this way about her, because she'd think the same thing about any other woman in her shoes. She wished she could say she wouldn't, but she was already guilty of doing this kind of thing in the past. Now, of course, she felt bad because she finally knew how “being stupid” actually felt. It was horrible, and at this very moment, Celine remembered and ate every word she'd said about one of her church members—a kind woman who'd cried for months about a husband who'd left her with two small children. The man had even moved into his mistress's home and flaunted her around town like he was single. He'd disrespected his wife on every level, yet the woman had begged and pleaded with him to come back home. She'd forgiven him, and she'd wanted him back, and today, Celine understood it.

Celine reached toward the nightstand and lifted the phone from its base. She dialed Keith's number and waited. To her surprise, he answered.

“Hello?”

“Keith, why didn't you return any of my calls? I tried you three days in a row.”

“I've been busy.”

“Don't you even care how my surgery turned out?”

“I'm assuming since you're calling me from the home phone, it went well.”

“And that's all you have to say about it?”

“What do you want me to say, Celine?”

“I don't know. Anything.”

“Look, I can't really talk right now.”

“Keith, that's fine if you don't care about me, but what about Kassie? Are you ever planning to call her again or come see her?”

“Of course I am.”

“When?”

“Soon. I really have to go, okay? You take care,” he said.

Celine held the phone for a whole minute before finally setting it back on the nightstand. She curled her body in the fetal position and sobbed like a child. She'd so thought she was in a better place when it came to Keith, but now that her surgery was over, she felt alone and rejected. Even with Jackson, Lauren, and Kassie there with her, she felt depressed, and she knew it was because of how badly Keith had treated her. She'd asked herself this before, but what she still didn't get was why Keith had done what he'd done, and why now. Why not a year ago or many months from now, when she wasn't dealing with cancer? And he'd been so mean to her before moving out. Then, to add insult to injury, he didn't even want to talk to her or Kassie. Not on his worst day would Celine have expected something like this from Keith. From the time she'd met him, she'd seen him as the ideal husband, and it hadn't taken much at all for her to fall in love with him. He'd been considerate, caring, and responsible, and their marriage had been the one thing Celine had always counted on. She'd known that even if all else failed in life, she and Keith would have each other. She'd believed it was the two of them and their daughter against the world forever.

She lay there, but when she heard someone knocking, she hurried to dry her face with her hands.

“Come in.”

Jackson walked over to the bed and sat on the side of it. “What's wrong? Are you hurting? What can I get you?”

Celine thought about the way she'd cried in the recovery room yesterday and how her nurse had thought she was in physical pain, too.

“I'm okay.”

“Then why are you crying? And I can tell you've been crying a lot.”

“It's nothing.”

“Look, Sis, I know this isn't my business, and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but if Keith was low enough to leave you like this, you're probably better off without him.”

Jackson's comment made Celine weep more.

“I'm sorry, but if that fool doesn't realize what a good woman you are and all he's giving up, then so be it. I know this doesn't feel good, but you're going to have to move on. You're going to have to be strong and find your new normal.”

Celine kept quiet because she was too embarrassed to say anything.

“I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you won't always feel this way. It's just going to take some time is all.”

“I can't help the way I feel. We've been married for twelve years, Jackson. Keith is the father of my only child. The man I was sure I'd grow old with. So how do I just up and stop loving him?”

“I don't think you can. I don't think anyone could do that when they've loved someone for so long. But I do think you have to see Keith for who he is.”

“That's easy to say when you've never been married. It's just not that simple.”

“Maybe not, but he just up and moved out like you and Kassie didn't matter. Like you never mattered to him all these years.”

“I don't think that's it. Keith and I loved each other, but then my business started taking up a lot of my time.”

“That might be true, but Keith's a grown man who knows marriages aren't perfect. Yet he went out and did whatever he wanted.”

Celine heard the door opening again, and she was glad to see Lauren. Celine loved her brother, but she couldn't deal with him right now. She heard all that he was trying to tell her, but ultimately he was on the outside looking in, and he had no idea what this was like for her.

“No matter what, though, I want you to remember this,” Jackson said. “I love you, and I'll do anything for you. All you have to do is ask.”

“I love you, too,” she said.

Jackson got up from the side of the bed. “I'm going to check on Kassie. Knowing my little niece, she's glued to some e-reader. But her uncle is going to find some game to beat her at.”

Lauren laughed and sat where Jackson had been sitting.

Celine was glad her brother was going to spend time with Kassie, because she definitely didn't want her to come back into the room and see her like this.

“So how are you feeling?” Lauren asked Celine. “You still not hungry?”

“No, not really. Maybe later.”

Celine had the comforter pulled up to her chest, but Lauren rested her hand on Celine's leg. “And this too shall pass. I know you're dealing with a lot, but just like you turned your cancer and surgery over to God, you're going to have to do the same thing about your marriage.”

“I know, but it just hurts so much,” Celine said as tears filled her eyes again. “And it's not getting any better.”

“But it will in due time.”

“This just doesn't seem real. It's more like a nightmare.”

“I can imagine. Not to mention, it's all still very new. Keith has only been gone a week, and you're still grieving. So please don't feel bad about that.”

“But I do. I feel crazy for still wanting to be with him.”

“Well, you shouldn't. And you definitely don't need to apologize to anyone about your marriage. That's between you, Keith, and God. Plus, everyone handles love and loss differently. I learned this very thing when David hurt me the way he did. There were moments when I thought it was the end of the world, and I'm sure some people would have called me pathetic. Most people would have just told me to move on and get over it. But eventually, I did that on my own when I was mentally ready. And you will, too.”

Celine listened, but no matter what Jackson and Lauren said, all she wanted was her life back. She wanted her husband to come home, so that they could return to living the life they once had. Not just for her, but for Kassie, too. More than anything, Celine wanted to go to sleep, wake up, and discover that none of this had happened.

L
auren truly was Celine's best friend forever. As if taking off the entire first week after Celine's surgery so she could care for her and Kassie hadn't been enough, Lauren had now made arrangements with her employer to work only half days in the afternoon for the next two weeks. That way she could take Celine to her last ten radiation treatments. Celine hadn't wanted her to make such a huge sacrifice, especially with her recently being promoted to senior project manager, but while Celine had driven herself to the hospital each day for the first four weeks, she was now highly fatigued. She'd known that exhaustion was a common symptom of radiation, but she'd been hoping it wouldn't happen to her. Of course, once Lauren had found out how tired she was, she'd told Celine she would drive her for as long as Celine needed her to. The good news was that Jackson was flying back in toward the end of next week, so he could take her to one or two treatments also.

But, yes, Lauren had been a sweetheart since day one, and just thinking about all that she'd done for Celine and Kassie made Celine teary-eyed. That first whole week after surgery, Celine had buried herself into a very dark place, and it had been Lauren who had given her the moral support she'd needed. Celine had cried on and off, daily, over Keith, but she was happy to say that she'd prayed her way out of misery. At one point, she'd slipped into total despair, but then one day she'd woken up feeling different. She hadn't felt sad or hopeless, and she'd finally found the strength to accept Keith's decision. Kassie still had her moments, some of which weren't so great, but Celine knew she could make it as a single parent. It wouldn't be easy, but she felt confident that she and Kassie would be okay. She'd also found a therapist for Kassie, which was helping her a lot, and if it became necessary she would find one for herself.

Celine walked into the radiation room, preparing for her twenty-first treatment. None of them took more than thirty minutes from prep to completion, and Celine was glad of that. This was partly because, beginning with the first treatment, they'd placed ink marks on the exact area of her breast that they wanted to target. They'd done this in order to minimize the effects to surrounding areas, such as her heart, left lung, and arm. They also positioned her very carefully on the table for the same reason. Early on, Celine had wanted to know if she'd lose her hair, and while she knew appearance shouldn't have been important right now, she'd been relieved to learn that she wouldn't. The story would have been different, though, had she needed to have radiation for something such as a brain tumor, where the rays were directed toward her head. Her radiation oncologist had told her, however, that there was a chance she could lose the hair under her arm. There were other possible risks and side effects, too, but many of them were rare. Celine would have much rather not gone through radiation at all, of course, but she wasn't complaining because her pathology report had returned negative. No cancer had spread to her lymph nodes, and she was thankful.

When Celine's treatment was complete, she and Lauren walked outside and got in Lauren's car. As they left the parking lot, Lauren turned on Kirk Franklin's Praise channel on SiriusXM Radio. Celine took a deep breath and lay back against the headrest.

Lauren looked over at her. “So how are you feeling?”

“I'm really tired, but if it weren't for that I'd be good.”

“You'll get your energy back when your treatments are over. So only two more weeks to go.”

“I know, I was hoping I wouldn't get tired so quickly, though, because during my first visit, my radiologist told me that fatigue wouldn't likely set in until closer to the end of the six weeks. And I've only done four.”

“Yeah, but everyone's body is different. Plus, for a while, you were under a lot of stress.”

“Isn't that the truth? But thank you again for doing this.”

“Of course, and I know you would do the same for me.”

“Without any questions,” Celine said, shutting her eyes.

They drove along for about a mile, listening to the radio, and then Lauren said, “So I sort of have something to tell you, and I hope it's going to be okay. We've both wanted to tell you for a while, but we weren't sure how you would feel about it.”

Celine opened her eyes and turned toward her. “What's that? And who is ‘we'?”

Lauren looked straight ahead at the road. “Jackson and I. We really connected on the day of your surgery. We talked almost nonstop from the time they took you to the operating room until we came to see you in recovery. We talked a lot that evening, too, after you and Kassie went to sleep…and we've talked by phone every single day since then.”

Celine raised her eyebrows and smiled at the same time. “Really? Well, isn't that a pleasant surprise.”

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely. My brother is a great guy, and you already know how I feel about you.”

Lauren sighed with relief. “Boy, am I glad to hear you say that. We weren't sure if you'd be fine with it or if it might seem strange.”

“Not at all, but you wait until I talk to Jackson. What a sneaky little thing he is. You, too, for that matter,” she said, and they both laughed.

Just then, however, Celine's cell phone rang, and her stomach stiffened. It was Keith. He hadn't called Kassie in over a week, which was pretty much the norm for him, and Celine wondered what he wanted.

“I don't believe this,” she said, and then answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, how are you?”

“I'm well,” she said.

“That's good to hear. I'm glad.”

There was an awkward silence until Celine said, “Are you still there?”

“Uh, yeah. Um…hey, I was just wondering if I could stop by to talk to you.”

“For what?”

“If you don't mind, I'd rather discuss it when I get there.”

“I don't know, Keith. I just finished radiation, and I'm really tired. I was hoping to lie down as soon as I get home.”

“I promise it won't take very long.”

“Why can't you say whatever you need to say now?”

“I'd really rather talk to you in person.”

“Fine. We should be home soon.”

“We?”

“Yeah, Lauren and I. She's taking me to my treatments.”

“Oh…that's really kind of her. Actually, I wouldn't expect anything different. She's always been a great friend to you.”

Celine scrunched her forehead, wondering why Keith was suddenly being so nice. He wanted something, and she couldn't imagine what it might be. There was just no telling, but more than anything, she hoped he wouldn't be delivering more hurtful news. It was bad enough that he'd left her during the worst time of her life, but for all she knew, he now wanted a divorce. Keith had only been gone nine weeks, but at this point, she wouldn't put it past him. Not when he'd already proven what he was capable of. Not when he hadn't visited or seen Kassie one single time—not when he sometimes went five days or more without as much as calling her or Celine. Nonetheless, Celine would simply have to deal with whatever it was. Good or bad, it was best to get this meeting with Keith done and over.