Best Friends Forever (3 page)

C
eline sat outside the women's center meditating and praying. She was a whole half hour early, but she was glad she'd arrived when she had so she could try to settle her nerves. From the time she'd gotten up this morning, a thousand thoughts had circulated her mind, and she'd barely been able to keep her composure. She'd even come close to telling Keith about her appointment and asking him to call in to work so he could take her, but she'd decided it was best to deal with this on her own. She'd also considered calling her best friend, Lauren, last night, this morning, and again only a few minutes ago. But why worry anyone before she knew her results? Why upset those who cared about her when there was likely nothing to be concerned about?

Celine closed her eyes, listening to one of her favorite gospel songs, “It's Working” by William Murphy. When it finished playing on her iPod, she selected another one of her favorites, “Grateful” by Hezekiah Walker. As usual, both songs brought tears to her eyes, and because of the joy they gave her, she played each of them a second time. Then she prayed again, took a deep breath, and stepped out of her car. When she walked inside the women's center, she waited behind another patient who was already in line.

After Celine checked in for her appointment, one of the receptionists met her at the door leading to the waiting room and took her back to the dressing area. The room was lined with a wall of wooden lockers.

“You'll only need to remove your top and bra, and if you have on deodorant you can remove it with one of the packaged wipes over there,” the receptionist said, pointing to a beautifully decorated basket. “You can then slip on the robe I have here and take a seat in the waiting area around the corner. There's water and tea available as well.”

“Thank you so much,” Celine told her, and the receptionist left.

Celine removed her clothing from the waist up, the same as she had two days ago at Dr. McKinley's office, and slipped on a pink cotton wraparound robe. She also took off the diamond heart necklace Keith had given her two years ago for her birthday, and while she knew she didn't need to, she removed her watch as well. Normally she wore a bracelet or two daily and a silver ring on her right hand, but today she only wore her wedding solitaire—a ring that had symbolized her happy marriage for twelve years. But now she and Keith seemed worlds apart. At least, this was how Keith had been acting. Celine couldn't fathom the idea of his sleeping around with another woman, but just as she'd been thinking the last few days, she wasn't naïve. All the signs were in place, and he hadn't denied her accusations.

Celine walked into the waiting area and smiled at the only woman sitting there. The woman smiled back and it was obvious that, for whatever reason, they were both nervous and anxious to get their testing over with. The TV channel was set on HGTV and though Celine tried to watch it, she couldn't focus on it the way she normally did. Then, when the other patient was called back by a nurse, Celine found herself worrying about the lump in her breast, along with her troubled marriage.

Only minutes later, a different nurse came to get Celine and they took a seat in an office.

“How are you today?” the nurse asked.

“I could be better, but I won't complain.” Celine forced a smile.

“Well, I'm Judith, and I'll be doing your mammogram today. But first, I need to ask you a few questions,” she said, pulling out a sheet of paper with an illustration of a breast on it and circling the area in question. “Is this the area your doctor found the lump in?”

“Yes. I found it on Sunday, and she confirmed it two days ago.”

“It's always good to hear that someone really is doing self-exams. So many more lives could be saved if all women did,” Judith said. “Some women won't even have a mammogram done at all, even though they're well past forty.”

“I know a couple of women myself who don't see a reason to get one, and it's very sad.”

“I agree. Now, I do have your family history here from last time, but has anything changed?”

“No. None of my relatives were ever diagnosed with breast cancer.”

Judith asked her a few more questions and then led her into the imaging room. Getting a mammogram wasn't excruciating, but when the compression plate clamped down on Celine's breast, she definitely felt it. Judith took multiple images, and it was a bit uncomfortable each time. Still, getting either a yearly screening or a diagnostic mammogram, which is what Celine was having now, was well worth it and very necessary.

When her testing was complete, Judith escorted her back to the waiting area. “You can have a seat, but please don't get dressed, because once the radiologist takes a look, he'll let us know if he has everything or if you'll need additional testing.”

“Okay, thanks,” Celine said.

Celine flipped through a few magazines, but soon she became too nervous to concentrate. So she got up and walked around the room. Then to make matters worse, Judith called her back into her office, letting Celine know that the radiologist wanted her to have an ultrasound. Celine knew this couldn't be good. She'd done enough research to know that when an ultrasound was ordered, the radiologist either needed a much better image or he didn't like what he saw from the mammogram results and wanted to confirm his opinion.

“One of our ultrasound technicians will come get you shortly. And if you'd like to wait for those results as well, you're welcome to do so, or we can call you.”

“I think I'll wait.”

“Sounds good.”

The ultrasound testing hadn't taken long, and now Celine sat in the waiting area again. She did more praying. She was ashamed to say that she hadn't prayed this much in years. Now she wished she had, because it was never good to wait until something was wrong before spending adequate time with God. It was much better to thank Him daily for watching over you and protecting you, and sadly, Celine had become a little lax in that area. She knew God's will would be done either way, but from now on, she wouldn't go days without praying. Her mom used to say, “We have to stay prayed up at all times,” and Celine was now in a place where she took those words seriously.

Celine waited as patiently as possible, still hoping and praying for the best. But then Judith called her back to her office again.

“Well, the good news is that we finally have all the images we need, but the not-so-good news is that you definitely have a tumor of some kind. I can't give you full details, but once the radiologist compiles a final report, he'll be sending it over to Dr. McKinley.”

Celine could barely breathe, but she tried not to show how afraid she was. “I know every case is different, but can you tell me what the next steps might be?”

“Chances are, Dr. McKinley will refer you to a breast surgeon who will consult with you and perform a biopsy.”

Celine's heart beat faster and faster, and tears filled her eyes.

Judith rested her hand on top of Celine's. “I'm really sorry I don't have better news, but please try to stay positive. It's always best to wait and hear what your specialist has to say.”

Celine hoped—desperately—that Judith would continue her comments with something like “We still don't know if it's cancer or not.” But she didn't, and Celine wondered if she knew more than what she was telling her. Maybe Judith already knew the tumor wasn't benign. Celine wanted to ask her, but she didn't want to place her in an awkward position. So instead, Celine thanked her and went to get dressed.

She tried to stay positive the way Judith had advised her, but she couldn't. However, when she went outside and got in her car, she made a decision. She would deal head-on with whatever the diagnosis was, and tonight, she would tell Keith everything. She would also tell Lauren, because Celine was finally at a point where she needed strong moral support and constant encouragement. As much as she hated to burden anyone, she couldn't do this alone. She just didn't have the strength to, or even the will, for that matter.

I
t was six p.m., and Celine and Kassie were having dinner. This morning, Celine had planned to cook something, but after receiving the news about her test results, she hadn't felt up to it. Kassie didn't mind, of course, not with her loving Chinese food as much as she did. Celine had also tried calling Keith three times, but he hadn't answered, and this added to her sadness. She was hurt, afraid, and starting to get angry, but she did all she could not to display her emotions in front of her daughter.

“Everyone is so excited about Delia's birthday sleepover on Friday,” Kassie said, blowing the egg drop soup on her spoon, trying to cool it down before eating it.

“I'm sure. Sleepovers are always fun.”

“I know, and I'm just glad Delia is the one having it so I can get to go.”

Celine smiled because while Kassie never did much complaining, she wasn't always happy about the fact that Celine rarely allowed her to spend the night with friends. To be honest, the only reason Celine was okay with Kassie staying at Delia's was because Celine was friends with Delia's mom. Celine had known Sarah for a long time, and she knew Kassie and the other girls would be safe.

“When are we going to get Delia's gift?” Kassie asked.

“Tomorrow when you get out of school. I guess we should have thought more about it when we were at the mall the other day.”

“I know, but I was too busy picking out my own stuff. It was really fun, and I hope we can do it again real soon.”

“I'm sure you do,” Celine said, laughing. “I'm glad you had a great time, though, and so did I.”

“When is Daddy coming home?” Kassie asked with no warning.

“I'm sure he'll be here soon. He's probably working late again.”

“Is that who you were calling?” she wanted to know.

“Yes, but he didn't answer.”

“Do you want me to call him from my phone? He always answers when I call him.”

Celine felt like a fool but said, “No, that's okay. I'll just try him later.”

“I really wish Daddy would start back having dinner with us again,” Kassie said. “We used to have dinner together all the time, but now it's only you and me. Daddy never eats with us.”

“I'm really sorry about that, sweetie” was all Celine said, because she couldn't think of anything else to say without lying.

“I miss him, Mom.”

“I know, but it'll get better.”

Kassie ate her food in silence, and so did Celine. Worrying her was one thing, but upsetting Kassie was another, and Keith should have been ashamed of himself.

When Celine and Kassie finished eating, Celine said, “So do you have any more homework to do?”

“No, I finished it all before dinner.”

“Well, I'm going to clean up, and I want you to go upstairs to read for a while.”

“Okay,” Kassie said in a cheerful tone, already lifting her plate and utensils from the table to take into the kitchen.

Celine smiled because she loved the fact that her daughter enjoyed reading as much as she did. It was one of the reasons Kassie was such a great student. She read and understood things very quickly, regardless of what subject she was studying, and Celine and Keith had always been very happy about that.

As soon as Kassie went up to her room, Celine grabbed her cell phone and stepped outside the back door to the patio. Kassie's bedroom faced the front of the house, so Celine knew she wouldn't be able to hear her conversation.

Celine sat down at the patio table and called Lauren.

“Hey, girl, how are you?” Lauren said.

“Not so good. I was going to call you earlier, but I needed to pull myself together first.”

“Why? What's wrong?”

“On Sunday, I felt a lump in my left breast, so the next day I went to the doctor. She then had me go get a mammogram today. I also had an ultrasound, and it confirmed that I have a tumor.”

“Oh my, and you're just now telling me about this?”

“I knew you wouldn't be happy about that, and I'm sorry. But I just didn't want to talk about it until I knew more. I was so hoping it was maybe just a cyst or something benign.”

“Are they saying it's cancerous?”

“No, but I really believe it is.”

“Why?”

“It's just a feeling I have.”

“Well, we're not claiming that, right? We're simply not gonna think that way.”

“No, but I can't ignore the possibility, Lauren. When I left the women's center, I decided right then and there that I would deal with whatever I have to. It's not like I have a choice, anyway.”

“I hear you, and I understand, but I'm gonna pray for only good news. Have you spoken to your doctor again?”

“Yes, and I'm already scheduled to see a breast surgeon on Friday.”

“Keith is going with you, right? And how is he taking all this?”

Celine slightly paused and then said, “He's upset but hoping for the best.” She hated lying about anything to anyone, but she still wasn't ready to tell Lauren about her problems with Keith.

“Do you think you should call Pastor Black?” Lauren said, referring to the pastor of their church, Deliverance Outreach.

“Not yet. Maybe after I see the specialist.”

“I think you should. We have a large membership at Deliverance, but you know Pastor Black is very good about talking to his members. And he certainly prays for them.”

“I'll think about it, and thanks so much for listening. And especially for praying, because right now, I need all the prayers I can get.”

“Of course, and I'll call to check on you tomorrow.”

“Thanks again.”

“Love you, girl.”

“Love you, too.”

Celine pressed the End button on her phone. She wasn't sure why, but for some reason she thought back to the very day she and Lauren had become best friends. Celine's parents had taken her and her brother, Jackson, to a local 4-H fair, and Lauren's parents had brought her there the same afternoon. Of course, as soon as Jackson had spied two of his close friends, boys from the neighborhood, he'd begged his and Celine's parents to let him walk around and get on rides with them. Needless to say, this had left Celine without another child to ride with. That is, until she'd found herself standing in the merry-go-round line with another eight-year-old girl who didn't have anyone to ride with, either. Lauren had quickly struck up a conversation with Celine and not only had they ridden the merry-go-round together, they'd also gotten on every other ride side by side. They'd become fast friends and ultimately the best of friends, and they'd remained that way ever since. Then, when the two of them had turned twelve, Lauren's parents had moved only two blocks away from Celine's house, and they'd soon become inseparable. They'd even gone to the same junior high and high schools and had roomed together in college. They were sisters in every sense of the word, and they'd always been there for each other—through good times and not-so-great times. They also shared all their personal business with each other, and while Celine was ashamed to tell Lauren about her problems with Keith, she knew somewhere down the road, she wouldn't be able to help it. She would eventually have to tell the one person she could trust with her life—the one person she could depend on no matter how bad things got. It was the reason Celine loved Lauren with all her heart, and she would do anything for her as well.

Celine dialed Keith's cell again. There was still no answer, so she tried the direct line to his office, but he didn't answer that, either. Celine sighed and wondered where he was. She wondered why he was doing this to her. Yes, he'd explained how neglected and unloved he'd felt, but why hadn't he sat her down and been clear about how unhappy he was? It was true that he'd complained a few times, but it hadn't seemed as though he was to the point of wanting to see someone else. They'd even argued quite a bit lately, but weren't married people supposed to communicate with each other a lot better than that? Weren't they supposed to share the good, the bad, and everything in between? Didn't they have an obligation to do all they could to save their marriage? Otherwise, what good were the vows that they'd taken before God and others?

Normally, Celine wouldn't take the idea of infidelity so lightly—believing it was happening, yet doing nothing about it except sitting back, hoping it would end—but with all that she was dealing with relating to her tumor, she just didn't have that kind of fight in her right now. She didn't want to argue with Keith any more than she already was. She also didn't want to spend her time demanding that he tell her who he was seeing or playing private investigator. Saving her life was much more important. As it was, she'd already asked him who he was seeing, and he hadn't replied. Even a child knew that when a person didn't respond to a question, the answer wasn't encouraging, and it wouldn't be a happy one.

Celine went back into the house and straightened up the kitchen. Her mind switched from one thing to another, but soon she thought about her parents. Oh, how she wished they were here. Celine's parents had gotten divorced when she and Jackson were children—Celine had been ten, the same age Kassie was now, and Jackson nine, but until the day her father had died, Celine had never stopped wanting them to get back together. Jackson had seemed to deal with their parents' separation and divorce much better than she had. But to be honest, Celine had never truly gotten over it.

Now Celine thought about calling Jackson, who'd lived in Atlanta for the last nine years. He would certainly want to know what was going on, but she just couldn't tell him yet; not until she had results from the biopsy. Like Lauren, he wouldn't be happy to be learning everything after the fact, but she believed it was best not to worry him until it was necessary.

It was close to midnight. Celine had tucked Kassie in long ago, and she was now preparing to get into bed herself—until she heard Keith coming inside the house. In a matter of minutes, he walked upstairs and into their bedroom.

She stood, facing him. “Keith, didn't you see all my phone calls?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Then why didn't you call me back?”

“I was busy working, and then I was too tired on the way home. I also figured you were asleep by now.”

“Working? Till close to midnight?”

“I told you this is a busy time for us. Plus, it wasn't like I was at the office this late. Some of the guys and I went and had a late dinner and before I knew it, it was after eleven.”

“And you saw no reason to call me? You still think you can come in here whenever you want?”

“I told you I was working.”

“You're such a liar.”

“Believe what you want,” he said, and then went into the closet, undressed himself, and walked back over to the bed. He got in, pulled the covers up to his neck, and turned his back to Celine.

Celine got in bed, too, but sat against her pillows. “I'm really at my wit's end, Keith, and I want the truth. At first I didn't, but I'm tired of being disrespected this way.”

“Look,” he said. “I'm tired, and I'm not doing this with you tonight.”

“This is
exactly
when we're doing it, whether you want to or not.”

Keith got up in a violent manner. “Didn't I tell you I'm tired?”

“Then you should've brought your behind home a lot earlier. So tired or not, we're talking about this now.”

Keith snatched his pillow from the bed. “You can talk all you want—to yourself. Because I'm done,” he said, storming out of the room. Seconds later, Celine heard him shut the door to one of the guest bedrooms.

She sat in bed, wanting to cry but refusing to do so. None of this seemed real. Her spirit had never been lower or her faith this weak, and she wasn't sure how she was going to get through it—her potential illness or the breakdown of her marriage. Right now, she just didn't know anything.