Best Kept Secret (44 page)

That’s where having a support system comes in. I need to be surrounded by other people in recovery, because our brains work the same way. They have addicts in their heads, too, spouting off some crazy stuff. (I think it’s Anne Lamott who says, “My mind is a dangerous neighborhood not to be entered into alone.”) They understand why I did the things I did. They felt the same compulsion and the same profound self-loathing I suffered from when I couldn’t stop drinking. These people don’t judge me. They taught me that no matter the things I’d done, or how much I’d beaten myself up for them, I am worthy of love. And now I try to help other newly sober people understand the same thing.

Unfortunately, there’s no way to determine whether someone will overcome an addiction. There isn’t a personality type or social group that has a better chance at sobriety. When you’re emotionally fit, you’re able to use more effective tools to manage your life; when you’re not, you can easily fall back into unhealthy behavior, including using alcohol or drugs. Twelve-step programs are designed to help develop and then maintain that emotional fitness, and only the individual can decide if they are willing to do that kind of daily, continuous work on themselves.

Both Cadence and Martin were raised by single mothers, and both are determined to “do better” than what they were raised with—Cadence wants to be a more present mother, while Martin is determined to be a stable provider for his family. Do you think that the adults we grow into are inevitably reactions to (and perhaps against) our upbringing?

I think for the most part this is true. Though I certainly don’t take the stance that we should blame our parents, or whoever it was that raised us, for all that goes wrong in our lives. I believe we all do the best we can with the tools we are given. As adults, it’s up to us to take a look at what works for us and what doesn’t. If a behavior isn’t serving us anymore, or if it’s damaging us or the people we love, it’s our responsibility to reach out and gather new tools so we can grow as individuals. We need to ask ourselves if something we’re doing is a result of programming or if it’s something that contributes to the kind of person we want to be. And then we need to act accordingly.

What do you hope readers will take away from this novel?

Overall, I hope that women, especially, are able to see the similarities they share with Cadence, rather than the differences. I hope that the story widens the readers’ understanding and compassion, and perhaps makes them reevaluate any preconceptions they might
hold about women who suffer from alcoholism and mothers who don’t have primary custody of their children.

I also hope that any woman in the throes of active addiction sees herself in Cadence’s story and finds the courage it takes to reach out for help.

For me, that’s the inherent beauty of books—each person will walk away with something different from a story. My hope as an author is that readers will find a need met, perhaps one they weren’t aware they had to fill.

Do you have any plans for another novel?

I actually have another novel completed, though I’m sure I’ll have more revision to do! It tells the story of a woman searching for her homeless and mentally ill father, from whom she has been estranged for twenty years. I used alternating viewpoints, flashing back and forth between father and daughter as well as between past and present. It was a different approach for me, and I felt stretched as a writer, which was a good thing!

I’m also about to start my fifth novel, which will explore what happens when a woman is suddenly and unexpectedly thrust into the role of full-time mother and is forced to confront the complicated reasons behind her previously hard-and-fast decision to remain childless.