Betrayed (16 page)

And if I can't… if I can't, I'm sure that you'll be strong enough to protect yourself.

My pen is feeling heavier and heavier, and as much as I want to write pages and pages and pages, I can't. There's
one other thing I want to tell you. I know by now you'll have heard the stories about me. You'll have heard that I was
accused of killing Erika Keaton, my best friend. I know your father will have told you this many times by now, but I
want you to hear it from me-I swear to you that I did not murder her. I never would have done anything to hurt Erika.

Never. Please don't ever be afraid that you have the capacity to do such an evil thing within yourself because of
what you've heard about me.

I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I could give you enough evidence to bury even the tiniest bit of doubt. But
there are reasons… I can't bear the thought of somehow bringing danger to you and your father. Just believe me. I
know it's asking too much of you-you won't even have the tiniest memory of me-but believe me, believe that your
mother, although she's done many stupid things, could never be the murderer they called me. I couldn't defend
myself because I have to stop now, my Rachel. Happiest of birthdays, my sweetheart. I love you now. I will love you
always.

XXXOOO Mom

Rae allowed the letter to flutter from her fingers. There was no way she could keep holding it, not with the sobs
shaking her body. "Oh God, Mom," she choked out. "Are you there somewhere watching? Because if you are, I
could really, really use some help."

She listened-felt-for an answer, even just a tiny flicker of response. But Rae got nothing. She was all alone. Without
her mother. Without Anthony. Without Yana.

Rae cried until she felt hollowed out inside, hollowed out and strangely calm. Detached. As if she was a second Rae,
looking at the Rae crumbled into a soggy ball on the bed. She had to be logical, to think clearly. She had to make
sense of all this.

Okay, first thing to do is see if Mom was telling the truth
, Rae told her soggy self. She sat up, grabbed her mother's
letter, and did a thorough fingerprint sweep.
never hurt Erika
will Rachel have/can't tell/hurts/I won't be/heavy, so
heavy/Rachel/Rachel/

A geyser of elation went off inside Rae. There was nothing in her mother's thoughts that indicated she was lying. If
she had killed Erika, a thought about the murder would have had to have gone through her mother's head while she
was touching the paper. Her mother couldn't write about being innocent without some little piece of a lie slipping
out in her thoughts if she was actually guilty.

"I'm not the daughter of a murderer," Rae said aloud. It was so strange to hear the words. For so many years the
fact that her mother had killed someone had felt like the most important thing about Rae. The thing she had to keep
hidden. The thing that would make people recoil from her if they learned the truth.

Wait
, Rae ordered herself.
Wait. Maybe Momreally believed she was innocent. But that doesn't mean she actually

was. The experiments, the disease, either one could have affected her mind to the point that she couldn't separate

reality from fantasy.

But Dad wasn't experimented on. Dad wasn't sick. And Rae had never gotten a splinter of a doubt in any of his
thoughts about her mother. He loved her so much, Rae thought. He could just be delusional, not want to face the
truth. That's what Rae had always believed.

Yet now… Wasn't there as much reason to believe her father-and her mother-were telling the truth? The idea that her
mom had been framed for murder didn't seem nearly so delusional as it used to. The past months had shown Rae
that a lot of stuff that seemed ridiculous and impossible was actually true and real. And she certainly knew what it
was like to be afraid to let the people she cared about know the full truth-afraid that it would just put them in danger
as well.

Rae took the locket out of the box, her eyes stinging at the rush of Mom emotion, and found the tiny mechanism
that opened it. Inside was a picture of her mother. Her mother with really bad helmet hair, all poofy and hair-sprayed
on top and the bangs, with the rest falling to her shoulders. Rae let out a choked laugh. "You look good,
anyway,Mom," she said. She moved her eyes to the picture opposite her mother's, assuming she'd see a picture of
her dad. Instead it was one of Rae's baby pictures. Rae's heart twisted up so tightly, she felt like it could spring out
of her body.

"Maybe I'm joining Dad in the fantasy zone, but I believe you," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "I just do."

I'm never taking this off
, Rae thought as she fastened the locket around her neck.
When I take Steve Mercer down,

I'm going to be wearing it. Because we both deserve revenge. Me and my mom.

Rae stood up and moved in front of her dresser. She wanted to see the locket on. But a flash of light distracted her.

Headlights. Headlights of a car pulling into her driveway.

"Is that you, Mercer?" Rae muttered. "Because tonight I'm ready for you." She took a step toward the door, then
froze. What was she thinking? She wasn't some kind of Terminator. She was just a girl, a girl who could read
thoughts from fingerprints. There was no way she could march out there and take down a full-grown man. A man
who very likely had a gun.
For God's sake, you almost flunked PE last year, she reminded herself
.

Yes, she was going to deal with Steve Mercer. And yes, she was going to do it alone. But she had tobe smart. She
had to have a plan. Tonight was not the night, no matter how much she wanted Mercer out of her life.

I'll just call the police and tell them there's a strange car in front of our house
, Rae decided.
I won't even stick a toe

outside
. She crept over to her window, wanting to confirm that someone was still in the driveway. Maybe she was
getting all hysterical about someone who had only pulled in so they could turn around.

Rae pulled the curtain a few inches away from the edge of the window. A car was still in the driveway. Marcus's car.

Relief rushed through Rae, making her dizzy.
Guess I better go see what Mr. Salkow wants
, she thought. She was
still dressed, so she was out of the house a few seconds later. Marcus climbed out of his Range Rover and cut
across her front lawn to meet her.

"I wanted to give you this when it was still the actual day of Rae," Marcus said. "Happy birthday." He pulled a
necklace out of his jacket pocket-no fancy jeweler's box this time, Rae noted.

"It's adorable," Rae said, touching the little beaded daisy at the end of the long, delicate chain.

"Really? You like it?" Marcus asked in full-out puppy dog mode.

"Really. I like it." Rae turned around. "Put it on me." She felt Marcus move up behind her, then heard him cursing
softly as he struggled with the clasp. Finally the cool chain slid around her neck, and the daisy fell into place a few
inches above the locket.

What a night, Rae thought. What a hideous, beautiful, horrible, sad, amazing birthday night.
Marcus brushed against
her as he began to step away. Without thinking about it, without analyzing or questioning, Rae turned around and
hugged him, pressing her cheek against his chest.

Marcus didn't say a word. He just wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. Rae was sure if she could keep
standing there forever, nothing bad would ever happen. Her body would never turn to lava the way it did when she
was near Anthony, and a few days ago she thought she could never settle for less than that.

But it felt good snuggled next to Marcus. She felt a little like her old self, before her power had kicked in, before
she'd met Anthony or Yana. She felt normal. And that felt nice.

I can have this
, she thought.
I'll keep Marcus out of all the madness. He never has to know about Steve Mercer. He

never has to know about my mom. He never has to know about my ability. We'll just benormal together. Rae and

Marcus, Marcus and Rae, like we used to be. We'll go to the junior prom, and we'll …

"So, does this mean-I'm hoping this means we're back together," Marcus whispered against her hair.

"Yes," Rae whispered. Yana could have Anthony. And Anthony could definitely have Yana. And Rae would have
normal. No lava. But lots of sweet.

Marcus stepped back a half step, just enough so he could kiss her.
Mmm-hmm, very sweet,
Rae thought.
Happy

birthday to me. This is just what I need.

Anthony lay down in bed, then bolted upright again. Crap, he hadn't given Rae her birthday present. Not that it was
anything so great, just one of those goofy little statues that said World's Best Teacher at the bottom. Because Rae
was the best teacher he'd ever had. If she hadn't bullied him into letting her tutor him, he'd still be in the Bluebird
trailer back at his old school.

He spotted a pair of sweatpants in the corner and pulled them on. They didn't smell so great, but who cared? He
was just going to leave the present on her porch-with from Anthony written in really big letters so she didn't start
thinking it was from thesicko who had sent her the ashes and the mutilated pictures.

Yeah,
he thought as he pulled on a T-shirt. The porch plan was a good one. He didn't think Rae would want to see
him right now. The look on her face when she'd realized that he was with Yana-man, it was like she'd ripped his
heart out through his nostrils. He wanted to fall down in front of her and tell her that he knew he'd been an
incredible flaming butt hole for not telling her what was going on with him and Yana. But before he could remember
how to actually open his mouth, Rae was off to the bathroom. And when she came back, it was like nothing was
wrong. Or at least like she was pretending nothing was wrong and she wanted everybody else to pretend, too. He
figured Yana had explained the deal to her. Girls were better at that crap, anyway. But that didn't mean she'd want to
see Anthony tonight. And besides, she was probably asleep.

And besides, you're a friggin' chicken,
Anthony thought as he grabbed his keys and the present off the dresser and
headed out of the house. Because deep down, since the second he'd seen that look on her face, something had
been nagging away at him. And it wasn't just guilt for hurting her. It was the idea that it was possible that maybe Rae
really didn't want to be with Marcus. Maybe she wanted…

Who knows what she wants
, he thought as he got into the car and started driving toward Rae's. All he knew was
that right now his brain couldn't handle actually coming right out and thinking whatever was down there in his gut.

So it would just have to wait.

Anthony snapped on the radio to give his brain a break. About six songs later he turned onto Rae's street. He
headed toward her house, starting to slow down. And then what he saw made him speed right back up, zooming by
the Voight residence.

It's what you wanted
, Anthony told himself as he turned toward home.
It's exactly what you friggin' wanted
. But right
now, the image of Rae and Marcus on her front lawn, kissing, was making him so sick, he could barely drive.

There are clocks everywhere in this school
, Rae thought as she passed by one that had been incorporated into the
mural of happy Sanderson prep graduates. Every time she looked at one of the clocks, her stomach got another
knot, and her nerves stretched a little tighter. She had only three and a half hours before it was time to put her plan
into action.

And before that? Not anything too stressful. Just lunch in the cafe. With Marcus. As his girlfriend.
Pretend it's last

spring, early last spring, before the meltdown
, Rae coached herself as she entered the cafeteria and got on the food
line.
Pretend that it's the most normal thing in the world to go over to the table, sit down, and give Marcus a little

kiss.
Well,maybe normal was the wrong word. It had never felt normal to Rae, even back then. It had felt magical, like
somehow she'd entered a dreamworld where she was popular and completely accepted and so, so far from the
dorky Rachel girl she'd been pre-sev-enth grade.

Rae paid for her veggie sandwich and iced tea, sucked in a deep breath, and made her way across the caf. Marcus
was already at the table, smiling at her like, God, like there wasn't another girl anywhere in the world that he'd rather
have coming toward him. But what about everybody else? Rae's eyes skittered away from Marcus to take in the rest
of the group. Jackie was giving her an encouraging smile, like she got that this was hard for Rae. Vince was
shoveling food in his mouth, oblivious to the minidrama. Lea, Lea, who became Rae's best friend practically the first
day of the seventh grade, was going for casual but hadn't quite gotten there.