Better Off Red (38 page)

“And you better show up,” Maxwell said. Then her parents and her brothers hugged and kissed us, and just before they hopped in their vehicles, Barb gave Cynthia Jones Cleo’s ruby necklace. Once they were out of sight, in the shuffle to get out of the cold Benny slipped away again.

I made it to the hall of Camila’s quarters before I leaned against the wall and sobbed. Cleo’s poor family. And I thought of my parents, what Dad and Mom would do if they lost me too soon and what Todd would have to say to the girls if he was in Maxwell’s shoes. I knew Cleo would be okay eventually, but I wished there had been another way to save her parents from all this pain.

Camila walked out of her office as I came into the lounge.

“Are you okay?” she asked as her lips brushed my cheek.

“Yeah.” I pulled away, annoyed for some reason that she wasn’t more worried about the rest of the girls. I walked past her to sit on the couch and dug my chem book out of my bag. “I have to study.”

❖

My behavior over the next few days was a little immature. I was angry with Camila and she knew it. I didn’t know how to broach the subject with her without hurting her feelings, which wasn’t my intention. I was happy that Cleo was still with us, but things were weird around the house. Benny had basically vanished from the sorority. I only saw her on campus, and she only offered up small talk if we were alone. She avoided everyone else, especially Laura and Mel. It made me so upset to see how hurt she was. Cleo too, was still wound tight. She didn’t pick any more fights with Camila, but she wasn’t happy, and that made me angry.

Camila kept saying things like, “Give it time,” or “Don’t worry.

Cleo and Benny will make up soon.” I wasn’t so sure about that.

Despite my mood, every afternoon I studied at Camila’s place, and even though we didn’t have sex for those few days, every night

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I ended up back in her bed. I needed some space, but I couldn’t turn my back on her. That’s where the real immaturity came into play. Not only was I keeping my feelings to myself, but I kept hanging around avoiding the subject when I should have dealt with the situation.

It wasn’t like I didn’t love her anymore, and I didn’t want to end our engagement, but I needed something more from her to make the anger go away. This petty part of me wanted more proof she was actually sorry for something, but there was no black and white solution. Cleo was gone to her family now, Benny was broken, and Camila seemed confident it would all be okay. So confident she only talked about it if someone, usually me, brought it up.

The girls had no issue pushing back my birthday party. It was pretty obvious that throwing a rager for one of Cleo’s closest friends would be a little messed up in the eyes of the student body. Instead, we all had breakfast together at the house. That more than made up for any sort of party. Presents from my parents were waiting at the university post office. I was too lazy to walk to campus to pick them up.

That afternoon I worked on my final English paper, an informative essay based on the many uses of sugar, a topic my chem lab TA gave me after he heard me bitching about not having a topic.

I had almost finished it when Camila forced me to close my laptop.

“I know things have been a little tense between us lately, but I love you. So much. And I wanted to say happy birthday.” Without me even noticing, she’d placed three boxes and a plate of cupcakes on the table. “Go ahead and open them.”

The first two gifts were perfect: some pricey makeup I’d been coveting and my own leather strap-on that I would definitely use on Camila when I was thinking sexy thoughts about her again. I unwrapped the largest box, and when I pulled back the tissue paper, I gasped in amazement. The carved wood of the antique frame reminded me of the small piece of elegant woodwork that held my engagement ring. And even though I had yet to wear the ring, I knew what this frame held I would treasure just as much.

I looked at Camila then back at the painting.

Kina had used her unique graffiti style to capture a moment of my Mila and me together. It wasn’t a particular moment I’d remembered, but a moment we’d shared so many times. On the

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canvas, I sat in Camila’s lap, my legs wrapped around her waist, and she held me, her palms gently spread on my back. The two of us wore nothing but a black sheet covering our lower bodies. You could only see the slight profile of my cheek and chin, but that’s not what I loved about it. Camila’s beautiful face was completely visible, her full red lips pressed against the side of my neck. It captured my feelings for her in the most amazing way, highlighted the place and the person in this world I felt most whole with. I felt my anger and frustration from the last few days slipping away.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, softly kissing her lips. “We should hang it in the bedroom.”

A knock on the door stopped Camila’s answer. “Come in,” she called out. I could see Andrew in the hallway, but Cleo poked her head inside. She was calm, but she looked like she’d just been crying.

“The sun is down. Can I go down to Moreland’s with Andrew?

He misses Luke.”

“Yeah. That’s fine,” Camila said. “But during the holiday break you need to get him back on a normal human sleep schedule.

Moreland likes to forget.”

“I got it,” Cleo replied. The fight in her was gone. I could see it in her face and hear it in her voice. When she closed the door quietly without even looking at me, I slid back on the couch, away from Camila.

“What’s the matter?”

I paused for a second and stared at the door, literally biting the tip of my tongue. It was useless though. The words were already coming. “Is this what you mean by okay?”

“What do you mean? Are you talking about Cleo?”

“Yes. I’m talking about Cleo. Can’t you just give her a break?

She knows there are rules. She knows all the things she can’t do.

You don’t have to keep reminding her.” Camila’s lips parted as she frowned. I’d shocked us both. Still, I wouldn’t take it back.

“Are you angry because I’m being tough on her or is it something else?”

“You know what, it’s everything. You don’t seem to care that she lost her family. All you seem to care about is keeping her in

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line. And you don’t even seem to find it a little odd that she won’t separate herself from Andrew for a minute. I told you she didn’t want this and it would have killed us all to lose her, but can’t you see that for her that may have been the better option?” I didn’t entirely believe that, but at the moment my temper was in control.

Camila exhaled, but tensed even more. “I have to tell you something. And I will tell you even though you won’t understand.

Our bond with our feeders—”

I smiled at her, huffing indignantly. This wasn’t about vampires and magical connections. “Right, your bond is strong and it makes you feel like—”

“No, Ginger. Listen to me. I know you feel the feeder bond, but for us demons it’s different. Our love for you girls is beyond unconditional. You have no idea the lengths we will go to protect you. It’s the oath we’ve sworn to Dalhem, but you can’t understand that because you’re not completely one of us. You don’t understand what it’s like to have this precious thing linked to your very existence. Cleo has been with me for three years, and in that time I have grown to love her more than any feeder I have ever known with the exception of you. I could not let her suffer.”

I knew what she was saying, but all I could hear was blood, blood, blood. We need you for your blood. We were the prize calves who must be protected from the wolves.

“I think that’s crap,” I said plainly. “You made a decision and you think you know how it’s going to work out, because it worked out for you. Well, what if it doesn’t work out for Cleo? What if Benny doesn’t get over her?”

“Because I know Cleo. She will bounce back from this. I know what she told you, but people feel much differently talking with their friends than they do when they are staring death in the face.”

“Right, but you didn’t have to face Cleo’s mom. You and your sister-queens risked a lot to save her. I get it, but you didn’t have to eat all the food her father made us to keep himself busy. You didn’t see her brothers forcing themselves to smile. You—” My voice cracked. “You didn’t hear Cleo’s mom praying for her soul, praying for us. You hide down here, and the rest of us—us humans—are

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dealing with the fallout. And what about Benny?” I asked again.

“Have you even talked to Benny?”

“I tried, but she shut me out.”

“I can’t force Benny to open up, but maybe someone a little bit more powerful than me, someone with a connection may force her to talk. Maybe that’s what she needs.” I stood and shoved my laptop into my bag. “And you’re right about one thing. I’m not a demon like you, but I know what Danni’s and Amy’s blood does to me and I’m not completely one of them either. I’m stuck in the fucking middle.”

After stomping into my boots, I grabbed my stuff and rushed out the door. I didn’t care if it was dark out, I didn’t want a freaking escort.

❖

Hot tears ran down my cheeks as I power-walked through the snow. I needed someone to talk to, but someone who would understand my side and someone who wasn’t involved in ABO. I texted Mom.

Mila and I had a fight.

We’d had our birthday chat that morning, but she called me right back. “What happened, sweetie?”

“Nothing. I-I just…I can’t really talk about it. I’m just so mad.”

“Can you tell me what she did? Did she hurt you?”

“No, no. Not like that. She did something that she thought was right and I didn’t agree with her, but now we’re just not seeing eye to eye.”

“Hmm, not a fun way to spend your birthday. Is it something that makes you want to break up with her?”

“No…” I closed my eyes as the thought made my stomach ache. I loved Camila so much. What little part of me was a vampire needed her in my life, but why couldn’t she see how much Cleo and Benny were hurting, how much she’d hurt me?

“Well, step away for a couple days. Take some time to deal with your feelings. Study for your exams, but if you love her, sooner or

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later, you’ll have to forgive her. That’s just how love works, honey.

You can’t hold on to the anger or it kills everything around you. I want to kill your dad sometimes, but in the end I still love him so.”

Of course she would get me to smile. I knew she was right, and maybe Camila was too. There were things about being a demon that I didn’t understand. Time did heal some wounds, and maybe if we were all patient things would be okay. But Mom was right about one other thing. I needed some space.

“No, you’re right. I think I’ll take a break.” I sighed heavily and wiped my face. “Thanks, Mom. I’m going to go.” I climbed steps to my dorm.

“Okay. Did you pick up your gifts?”

“Oh. No, I forgot. I’ll grab them on Monday.”

“Okay, sweetie. You call me back if you need to talk some more. You wake me up if you have to. Your dad and I are here.” I sniffled, nodding as if she could see me. We said our good-byes and our I love yous. Talking to her helped some, though not completely.

As soon as I slid my phone into my pocket, I felt something behind me. I slowly turned to see Faeth standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“She made me follow you.”

“Tell her I made it back in one piece. She doesn’t need to worry.”

“She’ll worry until you come back,” Faeth said. “Trust me.”

I did.

I finished my paper and screened a few calls from Amy. I was not in the mood for an impromptu kegger at the Iota house. After a shower, I considered going to bed without another word to Camila, but that small, petty part of me needed that bit of contact before I went to sleep, that little jerk in me that would let her response determine how much longer we needed to be apart.

Going to bed. I love you.

I wasn’t so mad that I wanted her to think I didn’t love her.

She texted back right away.
I love you too, Red. I’m sorry.

I realized then, time was exactly what I needed.

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❖

The next morning I dragged myself to the library. I sat there all day reviewing my stats notes and polishing my paper until my chem study group showed up, four hours and seven chapters ago.

The whole time I was in a fog, more sad than angry, and frustrated with myself that I couldn’t just forgive Camila right away. I’d been ignoring her texts, but eventually we had to talk. After I aced this stupid chem final.

“I’m cheating on this test,” Alison said. “No, I’m serious. Greg, sit in front of me. I’m tattooing the periodic table on the back of your neck.”

“Fine, but who am I going to cheat off of?” Greg asked with a grim expression.

We were all going to do fine on our exam, but we were stressed and exhausted. Some of us for reasons that had nothing to do with preparing for this test.

“No one’s cheating. Let’s take a break. Then we’ll cover sublimation,” Judd said.

“See. I’m so screwed. I don’t even know what that is,” Alison said. Over the course of the semester, Judd had recruited Vince as a smoking buddy. The two of them grabbed their jackets and headed for the door. Alison trotted off to the bathroom.

I stared at my notes. I never got headaches, but I was on the verge of giving myself one.

“Ginger.” I glanced up. Greg tipped his head toward the stairs.

“Jamal, we’ll be right back,” I told him. He nodded, giving us a two-figured salute off his temple before he went back to his two-handed texting.

The stairwell was freezing, but it was nice compared to the stuffy heat of the library. It was weird to be in there at night, in the dead of winter. Only the lights from outside illuminated the echoing space, but the darkness didn’t bother me enough to drive me back inside to the maze of books and stressed out students. We walked to the top and I stretched, gripping on to the railing. Still