Better Off Red (42 page)

I made the decision to keep the girls in the dark about everything that had happened until the following morning, all but Barb. I’d need her to feed Camila tonight. I told them to let the girls know I was fine, but I didn’t plan on going anywhere until I heard from Dalhem.

If anyone on campus asked, I’d gone home on a family emergency.

It was up to Rodrick what he planned to tell the boys about Greg.

My sister-queens offered, like they had with Cleo, to let me choose which of the girls I wanted to act as my feeders. I had been less than comfortable watching Natasha unbind herself from Sam. It didn’t feel right picking and choosing. For a moment, I considered who’d I be most comfortable with, but then I remembered the moment I tasted Sam’s blood. Previous comfort levels had absolutely nothing to do with the bond between demon and feeder. Even Andrew, who had seemed to be pretty devoted to Moreland. He’d latched on to Cleo so quickly and completely, it was as if they’d been bound together their whole lives. I cared for all the girls and would happily take the first two willing volunteers.

Sam had no interest whatsoever in leaving my side. I needed her to at least try to get through the week. Greg was gone, and I was clearly going to be a no-show for my exams the next day. I hated the idea of forcing her to do anything, so we compromised, agreeing she would get some sleep if Camila and I let her stay in our apartment.

After my sister-queens left, Camila and I got Samantha in the shower, and in my first real lesson in mind control, Camila showed me how to clear Sam’s mind. I was horrified at all the things I saw as I sorted through the memories that kept her heart racing. Her emotionally dismissive mother, images of her father, who, in spite of his kindness, was a clear spokesman for Too Distant Dads. And

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then the parts of her that were clinging to Greg. She couldn’t believe he was gone, and I couldn’t believe after seeing the things he’d put her through, that she still loved him.

For the time being, I erased his face from her mind, soothing all the pain, pinpricks, and deep gouges, with calm and peace. Camila and I watched her for a moment as she drifted off between our satin sheets, both of us a little lost on what we would do with her when the morning came. And I wondered what Sam would have done if she hadn’t followed us up the stairs, if Greg hadn’t pushed me. How long would she have gone on letting him hurt her? How long had Greg been hurting others?

As if I’d asked the questions out loud, Camila took my hand.

She showed me all the things Samantha hadn’t seen. The girlfriend Greg had beaten all through high school, the unwanted advances he’d made on Micah, the rough way he’d handled Andrew just the night before, and countless other instances where Greg had lost his cool and crossed some lines. And then there were things I hadn’t come close to expecting, like Greg’s deep self-loathing and his obsessive feelings for me.

Greg hated himself and instead of turning it inward, he let his rage out on anyone unfortunate enough to get close to him in any way. He’d pushed me off the stairs because I was secure in who I was. He pushed me because I was happy with my love and my life and he knew no amount of seduction, intimidation, or force would make me give in to him. He had wanted me all along, knowing he’d missed his chance or that he’d never had one.

But no matter the reason for my death, Greg was a psychopath and all of us, in one way or another, had fed into his behavior.

Whether it had been Rodrick’s refusal to see anything but the best in his feeders, Camila’s willingness to let Rodrick run his house the way he saw fit, or even my refusal to get involved simply because I didn’t like Greg and his attitude toward my relationship with Camila, the human in all of us had let the monster in Greg get away with near murder.

“That’s why I killed him,” Camila’s voiced floated quietly in the dark. “I grabbed him, and his mind opened and I saw everything

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he’d ever done, things Rodrick wouldn’t have known unless he’d done a complete mental strip. I know he wasn’t mine, but he was a monster. Like he said, Dalhem wanted justice for everyone. He wanted Greg to own up to what he did to Samantha in front of Rodrick and his father. I couldn’t let him get away with anything more.”

Then something else occurred to me. “How come Natasha didn’t know what was going on with Sam?”

“You saw the other things, with her family, you’ve seen how she is with you girls. Sam has always been hurting. She’s always been angry. The tone of her emotions was the same before Greg.

Don’t ask Natasha about it, Red. She and Rodrick already feel like they’ve failed us all.”

“I won’t,” I murmured into the darkness. “I’m still not sorry you killed him. Who shoves someone down a flight of stairs?” I chuckled harshly. Camila huffed back as I squeezed her hand tighter.

It took a few breaths, a few moments in the dark silence, but a sense of calm settled around and in that calm, I was split in two.

The demon in me felt strong and whole. I knew my place and what I must do. It longed only for Sam’s blood and her safety and Camila’s touch. My human side, the part that was still alive, was crying out. I would never see my family again.

I pulled my hand out of Camila’s grasp and took a step away. I could see the pain in her eyes.

“I love—I need some time.” I did love her, but I needed more than five minutes in a dark room to process what my life had become now that she was safe. I figured it would take a few years of mourning and searching for closure to find peace with my new life. I hoped it wouldn’t take as long to come to terms with Camila.

She swallowed anxiously. “I’ll just be in the office.”

“Okay.” I couldn’t ask her to stay. Still, it sucked to watch her go. I stood near the bed long after I heard the office door close, but eventually I climbed under the covers with Sam. She was warm and her body was an instant comfort, but she was a wild sleeper. I had to stop her from kicking me in the shins half a dozen times as she

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tossed and flopped around. When I spooned her body against mine and took a few passes at stroking her hair, she finally settled down.

If only I could say the same for my over burdened mind.

Figure it out. Figure out what you’re going to do, then go talk to her.

There was nowhere for me to run. I couldn’t hide in my dorm room. I couldn’t go home. The ABO house was my home now. Even if I escaped to another sister-queen’s room, Camila was a part of me now. I knew exactly what Mom would say. Forgive her. She would tell me to embrace the change and to forgive Camila or I would poison everything we’d shared together. I would taint any chance of happiness in my new existence. Making things right with Camila was something I had to do, though at the moment I wanted something different.

I wanted to call Todd and my parents, even though it was the middle of the night. I wanted to call my brother and thank him for finding me and thank my parents for loving me. I saw Cleo’s point even more now. I knew things would never be the same no matter what my master had to report, but I did want to say good-bye.

Dalhem struck me as a punctual man, so I knew when he said thirty-six hours, thirty-six hours was what he meant. We’d returned from his house a little before eleven p.m. I expected to hear from him no later than eleven a.m. Tuesday morning. And between now and then I would get on with my immortal life and let the rest—let my family—go. I had no other choice.

❖

Just before two a.m., Benny showed up at the door. I left Sam sleeping and let her in.

“I didn’t walk over here alone,” she said as we walked to the couch. “Faeth picked me up.”

“I’ll have to thank her. Your step-dad is pretty…interesting.”

“Did you see his wings or his talons?” She chuckled quietly.

“No. But the horns and the teeth. I definitely saw those.”

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Benny frowned and leaned a little closer. “He is good, Ginger. I know he’s intense, but he is good. He’s just…not human.”

I sighed sadly. I had no ill will toward Dalhem, and there was no need for her to think I did.

“I know. It wasn’t him, Benny. It was the situation. I understand he was just doing his job.”

“Where’s Camila?”

I pointed over my shoulder to the office. “We’re…taking a break.”

“Faeth told me a few things in the car. That night in the hospital you couldn’t have saved Cleo.”

“I see that now. The bond is much stronger from this end. I should have listened to Camila.” I stopped myself before my mind started with an impossible game of what if.

“It’s not just that. Cleo had a year or two tops before her relationship with her mother fell apart. She was going to come out after graduation and her mother would have disowned her. And believe me, her church loves to make examples of homosexuals.

My parents were already planning to support her. I figured if she became a demon it would soften the blow of her family’s rejection.

She just wanted to hold on to this charade she had going with them a little longer.” Cleo has almost said as much that day in the mall, but part of me thought she was just afraid to tell her mom she was gay. I never thought her family would actually kick her out.

“But my family, my mom, they knew about me. They wanted to meet Camila. I need them, Benny. I need my family.”

“You still have a family. You don’t have to go through this alone. You have me and Amy. You have Sam. You have the sister-queens, a house full of sorority girls. Rodrick and the brother-kings are always around, and you have Camila.”

Finally, I let myself cry. I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Everything Benny was saying made sense, but I wasn’t ready to accept the truth. Benny walked over to the bar and came back with some napkins. They were black, but I knew as I wiped my face they were now stained blue.

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“Dalhem told me all humans get three chances at life, but most of the time we don’t see them as opportunities, just obstacles. The time isn’t right for me and Cleo. Her problem is with me, not the life of a demon. Don’t let this stand between you and Camila. She loves you more than I think you know.”

“I know. This just—” I laughed humorlessly. “This sucks.”

“What’s it really like?” I figured Dalhem could tell her everything she’d ever want to know about being a vampire, but Dalhem had never been human.

I sat back and wiped my face again. “I like the teeth. A lot.”

Benny smiled when I opened my mouth, letting my fangs grow to their full length. I hissed at her playfully, giggling myself before I sheathed them. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about food in a while. I should be tired, but I’m not. Blood tastes really good.”

“Cool.”

“It’s just weird. I don’t feel like I’ll ever be myself again.”

“You won’t, but that’s the point of college. To grow up and change,” Benny said.

“Literally. Listen. Sam’s here, but do you want to stay?”

“Yeah. I think Samantha’s in need of a second chance too.”

I waited for Benny to kick off her boots and her jeans. She climbed into bed with Sam without a moment’s hesitation. Minutes after they cuddled together, Benny was out like a light. I watched them for a few minutes more, gathering up the courage to take Benny’s advice.

❖

“If I asked you to take me somewhere, would you?” I said quietly. Camila stood from her office chair.

“Of course. Where—” I didn’t blink as I shared my thoughts with her, showing Camila my mind’s image of where exactly I wanted to go. Sadness clouded her face, but she held out her hand for me. In the next breath, I was in Camila’s arms. I shuddered as our cheeks touched. I could feel it in my bones, across every inch of my skin. This was home.

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“Close your eyes,” she said. I did as she asked, feeling the warmth of her lips against my neck and then I felt the heat of the Mexican night wind blowing through my hair.

I opened my eyes and glanced across the shallow river, lit blue and silver by spots of moonlight pushing through the trees. It was the very spot Camila had been that day, here on the fertile riverbank.

I glanced around, seeing that Dalhem had kept his promise. The land remained untouched, and I knew as Camila exhaled a deep, somber breath, that almost nothing had changed in those sixty-five years.

We held perfectly still, letting the night creatures grow accustomed to our presence, and after a few moments, the small chirps of tropical insects and midnight birds rose again. Then I walked down to the water, letting my fingertips break the cool surface. Camila kept her eyes on me the whole time, not saying a word as I let the last few days roll around in my head.

It wasn’t long before she’d had enough. She was having a hard time just standing on the bank with her back to what was once her home, but I had to know the truth. I had to hear the words from her willingly, without our connection or our relationship working against her in a moment of weakness. I turned to face her, keeping the physical distance between us.

“We were screwed from the beginning, weren’t we?” I said, my voice sounding overly loud in the dark wilderness. “You would have saved me yourself no matter what. If I’d gotten hit by a car or choked on some broccoli, you would have saved me, no matter what I said.” Her eyes darkened a bit in the moonlight. I could feel her fighting the urge to lie to me, but it wasn’t going to work.

Camila swallowed then shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I would have done the same thing.” I walked to her and gently tucked a short spike of hair behind her ear. “If I’d been in your shoes, I would have saved you too. A thousand times.”

“Dalhem was right. Natasha or Faeth could have made you whole again, but I wasn’t thinking, and I ruined your life.”

“No. Greg is the one who pushed me. You just followed your heart. I feel it now, with Sam, even with you. You were right. This body and its connections—it’s different. It’s more. I’ll miss my