Between Hope & the Highway (48 page)

I grit my teeth. Why did she think I needed a man? What I needed was time to mourn Daddy.

Throat-clearing behind me made me spin around and cry out in relief. My brother-in-law, Cam, and my sister, Esther, had arrived. I threw my arms around Cam’s waist, but pulled away quickly, feeling awkward.

“How are you, Liz?”

His concern made me blink back tears. “Hanging in there.”

Esther hugged Mom. “Don’t you look beautiful, Mama.” That’s why she was the favorite. “I’m going to take Liz off your hands. Can you keep Cam company?”

“Certainly, but Elizabeth has a date with that luscious Dallon.”

I shook my head when Esther glanced at me.

“I’ll call and postpone, Ilene,” Cam offered. “Liz and Esther need some sister time, don’t you think?”

She pursed her lips. “I guess.”

Cam pulled her into the kitchen and Esther whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”

She didn’t need to tell me twice. We booked it out of the house and into her posh Range Rover.

“I wish you wouldn’t rile Mom every time you come over,” she said as we pulled away from the house.

A lump lodged in my throat. “I don’t mean to. It’s just that I don’t want to date every guy she tries to hook me up with. I’m still in mourning.”

“You’re always in mourning.”

I leaned my head against the window until we pulled into a Baskin Robbins. Perking up, I unlatched my seatbelt. My emotions were at an all-time low. Cream and sugar in abundance could never hurt. They might even help. At the counter, my gaze zeroed in on the flavor I wanted. As Esther and I sat at a table, I sank into my rich, nutty pistachio cone. The cold, smooth texture made me close my eyes as stress oozed from my body.

Esther snorted. “You look like you’re in love.”

I licked the melting green goodness. “I could marry a tub of pistachio and go home to enjoy the honeymoon.”

She bit into her raspberry sorbet.

A frown formed despite all the creamy goodness in front of me. I’d ruined all chances with a certain handsome Pistachio. Dad had told me I was running away, and I realized now that he’d been right. How I wished I had listened to him instead of arguing.

“You look like you just found a fly in your ice cream.”

A fly in my brain, more like it. Why couldn’t Rawson Law stay out of my head? “I’m just thinking. Do you want to go visit Daddy’s grave? I didn’t get over there to put new flowers on this week and—”

“I don’t have time for that, Elizabeth. We have important matters to discuss.”

“We do?”

The skin above her nose furrowed. “I brought you here to discuss Mom.”

I winced. That wasn’t my favorite subject.

“Dad’s death has been hard on her. Yesterday when I dropped by to check on her, I found her comatose and unresponsive on the couch. I rushed her to the hospital and we discovered that she’d overdosed on Seroquel.”

I gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me? What’s Zerowell?”

“Seroquel. It’s bipolar medicine.”

My mouth hung open. Mom had bipolar disorder? That explained so much.

“The doctor said she ingested a month’s worth of her prescription in one sitting; he believed it was a suicide attempt.”

I squeezed my eyes. “Why didn’t you call me?”

My sister waved my question aside. “Cam and I were busy at the hospital.”

I stared at my hands. “Did Daddy know she was bipolar?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes. The doctor said he always came in with her for her appointments. But that’s not the issue here.”

Poor Dad. No wonder he’d always seemed drained. I assumed his occupation wore him out; now I wondered if hard labor had been his release from dealing with Mom.

“The important thing is that Mom’s unstable. She’s been acting off—saying weird things, acting flirtatious, and forgetting everything. Cam and I have discussed this at length and think the best solution is for you to move in with her and be her caregiver.”

“What?” She couldn’t be serious.

“You’d need to be discreet, since her pride runs deep. But I don’t trust her, sis. All it would take is one dark thought, and she might try to end her life again.”

My throat stung. “Why can’t she live with you?”

Esther glared. “I should’ve known you’d only think of yourself. Is it not enough to lose our dad? Do you want to lose Mom too?”

Her accusation pierced deeply. “I didn’t say no. I just wondered if you had considered—”

“Cam and I have a life, Elizabeth. You don’t.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she plunged her knife in and twisted. “You live in that ghetto basement with that flake from high school. With Dad gone, you have no job or any prospects. You need a place to live, so this makes sense for both of you. If you don’t do this and Mom tries to overdose again, it’ll be on your head.”

“That’s a little harsh.”

She huffed. “I know you and Mom don’t have the best relationship.”

That was the understatement of the year.

“But this could give you a chance to build one. Maybe if you showed an interest in her instead of always pounding out your own way, you might see you have more in common than you think.”

“Maybe.” Although I wouldn’t hold my breath. At least the house was big enough that we wouldn’t have to cross paths too often.

My sister reached across the table. “Thank you.” She finished the last bite of her cone. “Oh, and one more thing. Dad’s finances weren’t in order. The company assets didn’t cover his debts. Mom’s going to lose the house. It’s going into foreclosure tomorrow.”

I dropped my cone.

“First item of business will be finding a suitable place to rent until the life insurance comes in. Cam’s made a list of places for you to call. If you run into any problems, we could put Mom up in our guest room and throw you on a cot in the playroom, but I’m sure you’ll find something.”

I walked out of Baskin Robbins in a daze. Esther chatted the whole way home, but I didn’t hear a word she said. The weight of responsibility rested heavily on my shoulders. I loved my mother. I did. But being her caregiver seemed beyond my capabilities. She didn’t like me. Nothing I did would change that. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, she was going to lose her home—the one Daddy had built with his own two hands. I was sure she’d find a way to blame me for that.

After Esther dropped me off at Mom’s, I drove to my basement apartment and locked myself in my room to watch
Phantom Menace.
My own little pity party on my last night of freedom. Every scene had memories of Rawson attached to it—snuggling with him, listening to him and Benny throw out one-liners in a battle of wit, kissing him. Not a day passed that I didn’t think of them and wish I had stayed at the ranch. I missed Rawson. I missed the horses. I missed Benny and Addie and my tastefully decorated room. I missed the mountains and the smell of manure and hay mingling in the breeze. I missed Susa’s cooking and Charity’s kindness.

I stared at my popcorn ceiling. Why had I been so unforgiving? Dad had been right. I needed to forgive. Bitterness for the man who killed Justin had crippled me by making me turn my back on the man I loved when he needed me most. Rolling over to reach into my side-drawer, I pulled out Rawson’s Tagheur watch and caressed it. I wished to go back in time and have a do-over. I’d listen to him and hold him instead of calling him a monster and running away. He’d cried out for help, for understanding, for mercy. Yet I swung the ax of justice down instead.

The man who sat in prison for killing Justin didn’t have a clue I’d loathed him all these years. My festering hate had only crippled me. Forgiveness was the key Daddy wanted me to reach out and take. His last words on the subject wouldn’t leave me. He’d wanted me to work through my hate so I could be happy; instead, I told him I never wanted to see him again and walked away. For years, I’d kept joy and peace locked out of my life. It seemed that making a total mess of things was a skill I excelled at.

Chapter 84

Rawson

Sundays had become a day of rest…not because of church, although I didn’t mind sitting through the service as much as I once did. I liked the day because I got a break from Garret, my new boss. I clenched my fists. Dad had put me on probation to see how I would adjust after rehab. Might as well be in prison with Damon as to put up with that arrogant ferret.

But today, I refused to give him a second thought. Life had set up a pitching machine on full throttle since I returned, but today I finally hit a home run. The doctor had called just an hour ago to tell me I was a match for Addie. Mom and I had cried together on the couch afterward. It was a miracle. I could give my sick little sister one of my kidneys and save her life. No more dialysis. It didn’t make up for Detrick dying, but it meant the world to me.

“Mom,” I called as I headed out the door, “Benny and I are heading to town. After church, I’m driving to the prison to see Damon, so I’ll be back late.”

“Drive carefully.” She waved. Tears still glistened in her eyes as she gave me a smile full of meaning.

“When the doctor calls back to schedule surgery, make it as soon as possible. Nothing on my schedule trumps Addie.”

“Will do. I love you, son.”

“Love you too.”

Benny climbed into my truck and we pulled away. As I drove, I dialed an old friend from high school. When I pulled up to his curb and honked, Mace came barreling out of his door like an angry bull.

“Hey, Mace,” I said as he opened the door. “This here’s my little brother, Benny.”

He reached out to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you, kid. You have one hell of a brother.”

Benny looked like a frog catching a fly, probably a bit intimidated as Mace belted out a staccato laugh and pounded my back.

“How’s it going, you ornery son of a—”

“Great,” I interjected before my swearing Sunday buddy could offend my little brother. “Thanks for doing this.”

“No problemo. Glad to help out.” Mace had diarrhea of the mouth, so he proceeded to spew out stories on the drive across town.

I chuckled when I caught Benny’s wide-eyed stare as Mace paused to wheeze in between bursts of laughter. “Anyways, your brother has always been the king of cool. Even in tenth-freaking-grade, he was taller and stronger than most of us seniors. And the ladies loved him.” He whistled. “I was two years older and jealous as hell because he had senior chicks throwing themselves at him…a freakin’ tenth grader.”

I cleared my throat. “You up for the drive to Deer Lodge after the service?”

He belted out a round of laughter bullets. “Are you trying to change the subject, Roz?”

Yes, I was.

We made it to church and listened to an uplifting sermon on God’s grace. I had become a fan of it. As I pondered the last two months, I choked up and had to wipe my eyes on the sly. Since I’d come clean and taken the blame for the accident, many people in town had shunned me. I didn’t blame them; it only made me more grateful God was my Judge. I felt certain I’d receive a more merciful judgment from Him than my fellowmen.

When the meeting ended, Mace and I drove to the prison. Benny stayed behind with Alice since her parents had invited him over for Sunday dinner.

After we made it through security, Damon smirked at my white shirt and slacks. “I can’t believe you, of all people, are going to church.”

I pulled out a deck of cards, trying to ignore the itch of my collar against my neck. My hands shook as I broke the deck.

Damon grabbed the cards from my fumbling hands and shuffled. “Mace, I didn’t know you went to church either.”

“I didn’t until today. I’ve been on an eight year sabbatical.” He peppered the room with laughter bullets, riddling us with good moods. “Rawson made me return.”

Damon dealt. “Roz has been cramming his religion down all our throats. He thinks I should attend service here each Sunday.” He snorted. “Can you imagine that? God would strike me dead.”

“If I can, you can,” Mace drawled, leaving Damon momentarily speechless.

We splayed
Five Card Draw
and near the end, Mace left so I could speak to my friend alone.

“Damon,” I started, “Addie’s real sick and needs a kidney. I’m giving her one of mine, but that means I won’t be able to come see you for a while.” I pursed my lips. “Mace will visit you while I’m laid up. He’s a good guy.”

Damon hung his head. “So are you, Roz. I’m sorry for letting you down.” As he looked at me, I almost didn’t recognize him without his sarcastic, haughty mask. “It was me who messed up and killed Detrick. Not you. I wish you hadn’t been noble and took the blame like you did.”

It was difficult to talk around the lump in my throat. “I should’ve told the truth right away. Maybe then you wouldn’t be here.”

“Nah, I would’ve ended up here eventually. I know it. I also know I pushed your hands off the wheel and rolled us down that hill. That’s why I traded places. It was the only thing I could think of to take the heat off you.”

I made a face. “We both screwed up. We never should’ve gotten drunk when I had my little brothers with me. But it’s in the past. Forgive yourself. I want you to get out of here and live the life you always dreamed—become a welder, get married, be a good dad and break your old man’s cycle. That’s how we repay our debt…by making something of ourselves.”