Beyond Ruin (15 page)

She hung up before James could speak another word. He set the phone receiver back in its place and scrubbed his face with his hands. What in God's name was going on at The Golden Palm?

He crossed the distance from his office to Audra's and found her immersed in her laptop, deep lines of concentration etched into her skin.

"You're not allergic to latex, are you?"

"I literally don't even have time to answer such a stupid question," she growled. When he didn't leave she glanced up at him and frowned. "Why are you asking?"

"Natalie's assistant called asking if either of us are allergic to latex. Apparently there are latex costumes involved in tonight's festivities."

"Good. Things were getting a bit boring around here lately." Audra closed the lid of her laptop and leaned back in her seat, stretching her arms above her head. "Honestly what did you expect, James? We're asking her to present an idea for a members-only club where men buy women for the night. You
should
have your expectations set high." The vibration of her cell phone going off against her glass desk caught her attention. "It's Caroline." She swiped across the phone and set it back down on the desk. "Hey, Caro. You're on speaker. I've got James in my office."

"Oh my God, James, your mother sent Celine the most
gorgeous
sterling silver feeding spoon for the baby."

"Fantastic," he groaned. "My son will literally grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth."

"No, no, it's a gift. You don't actually use it," she clarified.

James rolled his eyes and slumped down into the chair opposite Audra's desk. "Is Celine there? I wanted to tell her that I put in an offer on that house she liked."

"No, she's laying down for a while. She wasn't feeling well."

He sat up a bit straighter in his seat. "Is everything okay with the baby?"

"Mom and baby are both fine. She's just finding it difficult to get comfortable lately. I'll be sure to pass along the news."

He listened in and out of Caroline's conversation with Audra, his mind on Celine. There was a very real part of him that had a growing cancer of guilt over the fact that he hadn't seen her in weeks. He should be there for her in her final weeks of pregnancy, regardless of how tempestuous their relationship had been of late. His own mother sending gifts to Celine in New York was a sure sign that he'd be getting a phone call from
her
soon enough, and he wasn't quite prepared to deal with the added guilt she would undoubtedly lay on top of him.

Sterling silver baby spoon
, he thought with disgust. His son wasn't even born yet and he was already beyond spoiled.

"We should probably plan on heading out to New York next week in between Salt Lake and Miami," she said after disconnecting the call. "If we don't go to her she'll just make us feel guilty about it."

Sterling
. Why was that word bothering him?

"James?"

Something wasn't right. "Before Caroline left for New York she said that she saw you out at dinner with Natalie."

Audra pursed her lips together. "She did."

"Was that Monday or Tuesday night?"

"Monday night was the tour with Natalie and Joe."

He sat up in his seat and leaned forward, arms resting on his knees. "But Caroline left Wednesday morning. Which means she saw you and Natalie at dinner on Tuesday."

Audra inhaled deeply through her nose and sat up straighter in her seat. "Mmm-hmmm," she nodded.

"But Tuesday night ... was your date," he said slowly. "A date to whom you sent one hundred roses."

"James..."

"Sterling roses?"

"James-"

"No," he cut her off. "I've known you for more than a third of my life, Audra, and in that considerable time I have never once lied to you. So please do me the courtesy of being honest with me now."

"I've never lied to you either, James."

"Were you on a date with Natalie?
My Natalie
?!" He tried not to shout, but he couldn't help the rise of his voice as realization, confusion and anger filled his insides.

"She's not
your
Natalie, she's her own person! And yes, I was on a date with her."

"Oh my god." He smashed his face into his hands and tried to calm his breathing, but he couldn't manage it. "How long?"

"What?"

"How long has this been going on? How did it start?
Why
did it start?"

"What does it matter?"

"
What does it matter?!
" he yelled, on the verge of screaming right there in the middle of the afternoon inside her office.

"Oh is it semantics you want?" she yelled back. "All right, here's what fucking matters: You two haven't been together for months. You got Celine pregnant, and it's worth reiterating at this point - because it seems to have escaped you - that you did this
after
finding out that she cheated on you and lied about Frankie being your daughter. Then you got Natalie pregnant, and while she was off trying to make something meaningful of her life and build a future for herself, she miscarried. She was devastated. She was in love with you, she had miscarried her baby and she was devastated."

"So you swooped in and you what, seduced her?"

"Hey fuck you, Fitzgerald! I found her in the bar of our hotel trying to drown her sorrows in alcohol because she didn't have the courage to go up to your fucking penthouse suite after you sent her some text message professing your undying love for her. I took her home. That was it. It happened weeks, months ago. I have always liked Natalie but I never once acted on it. But believe me, when I did it was mutual."

James bit down on the insides of his mouth in an effort to prevent his teeth from grinding. Red was starting to fill his vision, and it took every bit of strength not to let it overtake him completely.

"Are you fucking her?"

"That is completely and unequivocally none of your business!"

"ARE YOU FUCKING HER?" he screamed, red in his veins, his heart and his eyes. He hadn't even realized he'd stood up.

"NO!" She screamed back, standing so quickly from her chair it nearly toppled over backwards. "But you are, aren't you? Last night? That's why you came in here looking like the sun rose that morning just for you, with your judgements about me and my love life. Well how did it feel, James? Was it everything you dreamed of it being when you drove her up to Montecito and showed her the house you bought and told her of your plans to propose? Was it everything your heart desired to once again make love to the woman who ran away to New York for two weeks, cut off all her hair and changed almost everything about her personality, just to figure out who the fuck she is because she no longer knows? Has it never entered the realm of your imagination that she might be searching for something that doesn't have your name on it? Or are you too goddamn scared that if you let her go for just a second too long that she might go and fall in love with someone else? No, you can't see that. When it comes to that woman you will never be selfless enough to truly let her go. You're so blinded by your own pompous self worth that you've yet to realize that she might not want you like you want her!"

"Shut up!"

"Admit it! You know it's the fucking truth or you wouldn't be worried that something was going on with her!"

Oh, god.
The truth was a knife in the heart, wielded by the one person other than Natalie Harlow whom he trusted implicitly, whom he loved unconditionally. "I don't want to let her go."

"Fine. But be prepared to one day realize she might have let you go first."

"She said..." He took in a deep breath to keep his emotions from getting the best of him again. "She said she had done something I couldn't forgive. But she's wrong. I can... I..." He sniffled and then coughed, holding onto the deluge. "She said she was on a path that she couldn't turn back from, that she didn't want to turn back from. She could have just told me! She could have told me it was you..."

"Oh, honey. It's not just me."

"What?"

"You and I are not the only two people Natalie Harlow has been seeking affection with. And it certainly isn't with Quinn!"

He shook his head. "No. No, she wouldn't..."

"Get close to him? They're business partners."

"You and I are business partners and we never-"

"Joe Gallo isn't a lesbian. And neither is Natalie."

"She wouldn't!"

"She has! They share a home, a business, a life. I can't make you believe me. I didn't want to believe it myself but she told me. I don't know the details. I don't know if they're in love or if it's just sex. All I know is that it has happened. And there's nothing either one of us can do about that."

"I have to go." He had to do something, go somewhere, just to keep from coming out of his skin. He didn't want to believe her and in spite of everything he knew instinctively she wasn't lying. Their shared feelings for the same woman aside, James knew Audra would never lie so viciously, would never let him believe something she knew would be the end of his heart.

"It was never my intention to hurt you, James!" She called after him. "You're my family! But you'd be a lousy hypocrite if you judged me for loving her, too."

He turned and threw daggers at her with his eyes. "Be that as it may, it doesn't entitle you to my forgiveness. Or my friendship."

"James, where are you going?"

"I'm leaving."

"The presentation-"

"Fuck the goddamn presentation!" he bellowed. "You run that place. You hired her. You deal with it. I'm done. I’m taking my daughter and I’m leaving.”

He left before she could say anything more. There was nothing left to say. It was the end.

Everything was in place. The grand foyer of The Golden Palm had been transformed into a romantic gothic fantasy. Crystal globes of light floated with magical ease like glittering stars in the night sky. Golden candelabras six feet tall and lit with tapered white candles that towered above their heads made the entire space glow with an ethereal presence. Blossoming blooms of dahlia, ranunculus, iris, and night tulips so deep in purple hue they looked black in the candlelight added a soft and tangible texture that sharply juxtaposed against the six fierce woman who stood in costumed glory three per side along the interior entrance of the building. A woman in head to toe skintight black leather with metallic spikes; one in red latex the color of blood whose neckline cut so deep and wide her breasts spilled forth, full and wanting; one in a black latex corset with blue ribbons that crisscrossed the length of her spine; a woman of celestial beauty in a dress the color of blush on cream cheeks, a glittering silver contraption bracing her head from nose to shoulders; a fierce woman in a rubber catsuit with matching gloves, cat ears and whip; and a stunning blonde in virginal white lingerie, a silver crucifix dangling between her copious breasts. No surface was left untouched, no detail went unconsidered. It was a lush, decadent party where the promise that anything could happen was whispered on the collective baited breath of every single person in the building.

All that was missing was Audra and James.

Natalie, Quinn and Joe sat dejectedly on the landing of the staircase.

Quinn consulted the time display on her phone. “They’re late.”

“Give it time.”

“They’re probably stuck in traffic,” Joe offered.

“This is Los Angeles. Who doesn’t account for traffic in planning when they leave and arrive?”

“Quinn…”

“They’re late!” she said again.

“So what do we do?” Natalie asked.

“Call James,” Joe suggested.

“I did. He’s not answering.”

“Call Audra,” Joe suggested again.

“She’s not answering either.”

Quinn sighed and consulted her phone again. “This isn’t like them.”

“I agree.”

“You were with James last night and this morning. Was there any indication-“

“Quinn!”

“You were with James?” Joe cut in.

“You mean you
didn’t
hear the epic lovemaking? I had to change my underwear.”

Natalie shook her head and rolled her eyes. “He’s a heavy sleeper.”

“You slept with James?” Joe asked incredulously.

“Yes!” Natalie snapped. “I slept with James. I slept with you. I made out with Audra on a private airplane. I’m a confused slut, what can I say?!”

“Hey!” Quinn snapped. “Don’t disrespect yourself like that! Sleeping with two men does not make you a slut.”

“Are you still in love with him?” Joe asked. If Natalie didn’t know any better she might think she heard something akin to hurt in his voice.

“Oh my god
of course
she’s still in love with him! They’re the OTP.”

“
The what?
” Joe and Natalie asked at the same time.

“The
One True Pair
? Honestly you’re both young and spend all day on your phones, how do you not know internet lingo?”

“I’m on my phone all day because I’m working, not trolling the Sherlock tag on Tumblr,” Joe retorted.

“That was one time!” Quinn shrilled in her own defense.

“James asked me to marry him.”

“
What?
” Joe and Quinn asked at the same time.

“Last night.”

“Was it in the middle of orgasm? Because anything said in orgasm other than
‘oh baby I’m coming’
doesn’t count.”

“That’s pretty much true,” Joe agreed.

“It wasn’t in the middle of orgasm and it wasn’t the first time he asked.”

“What did you say?” Joe asked.

“Do I look like I have an engagement ring on my finger? I told him he wouldn’t want to marry me.”

“Why the hell did you do that?” Quinn asked.

“Because I’m not the same person he met and fell in love with. And the slut thing.”

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, you are
not
a slut!” Quinn screeched. “And people change! Is he the same James you met and fell in love with?”

“I don’t know?” Natalie replied thoughtfully.

“You think just because you’ve gone through some life experience you no longer deserve to be loved?”

“No, of course not.”

“So what’s the problem?” Quinn asked.

“I’m pretty sure the biggest problem he’s going to have is that I slept with Joe.”

“Sitting right here, you guys,” Joe said.

“Because of the Celine thing?” Quinn asked.

“It’s a pretty big thing!” Natalie defended.

“Still sitting right here!” Joe interrupted. “And let’s not forget that I was dating Celine long before Fitzgerald ever came into the picture. If you want to get technical about it
she
cheated on
me
with
him
. You have any idea what it’s like to walk in on the person you love getting in on with someone else?”

“No,” Natalie answered.

“Yes,” Quinn answered simultaneously.

“I didn’t seduce you, Natalie,” Joe continued. “I didn’t maliciously set out to bed you with the intent of hurting anybody. We’re business partners. We’re friends. We live together. You’re sexy and I like you. End of story.”

“You’re right,” Natalie conceded. “Both of you are right. James and I weren’t together when I slept with Joe or when I tried to sleep with Audra.”

“Or when you kissed me.”

“You kissed Quinn!” Joe looked absolutely stunned.

“To prove a point! And the
point
I’m trying to make now is that I’m not a cheater. Celine’s the cheater. Celine’s the liar. I’m not Celine. And if James can’t see that then that’s his problem!”

“Totally!” Quinn nodded in agreement.

“For sure,” Joe shrugged.

“Except…” Natalie began again after a long pause. “Joe isn’t just the man Celine cheated with. You’re Frankie’s biological father. That’s something James can never fix.”

Joe sighed as his posture slumped into the carpeted landing. “It doesn’t matter if I’m her biological father, her friend or some random stranger off the street. She’ll always see James as her dad. She worships him and I can’t compete with that.”

Another silence fell between them, but it went on longer than a moment.

Finally, forty-five minutes past the time she was meant to arrive, Audra Robertson opened the front doors and entered The Golden Palm.

She stopped dead in her tracks and cast her eyes about the room. “Wow,” she whispered. She eyed the crystal globes of light and the candelabras, the women in their assorted spandex and leather, the flowers and finally the three friends sitting up high on the staircase landing. “I’m speechless,” she admitted.

“This is just the wrapping paper,” Quinn said, sounding almost dejected. “You should see the surprise inside.”

Ignoring her friend, Natalie got up and strode down the stairs as quickly as her crystal-stilletoed feet could carry her. She could tell instantly from Audra’s posture that something was off, even wrong. She may have been impressed by the grand sights before her, but she didn’t open the front door to be wowed. It was clearer up close, the tell-tale signs that Audra had been crying. Mascara was smudged beneath her eyelids, and despite her beauty she looked years older than her age.

“What’s going on?” she asked, reaching out for Audra’s hand. Audra reached out to Natalie but hesitated, was tentative. After a moment of consideration Audra took Natalie’s wrist instead and gently pulled her away from the showcase in the foyer. They slipped into the library, a room left untouched by the crew that Natalie and Joe had brought in earlier that day. It was like entering another world entirely, a sign that Natalie took to heart. She was guarded, prepared for something bad.

“Where’s James?” she asked as she took a seat next to Audra on a thick leather couch.

Audra released Natalie’s wrist from her grip and scratched at her forehead - a nervous tick.

“He’s not coming,” she said finally. She exhaled a shaky breath and looked up at Natalie through wet, crystal blue eyes. “He’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“He was gone hours ago,” Audra began, though it looked like it pained her to do so. “As I was getting ready to leave the office to come here I got a call from Caroline in New York.” Her hand went to her mouth and stayed there for a moment, as though she could hold back whatever was threatening to come out. “There’s been a complication with Celine and uh, and the baby…”

Natalie gasped.
Oh, no. Please, God, no.

“I don’t know what it is. Caroline said she wasn’t feeling well earlier. It could be nothing. It could be life and death. I don’t know. She said she’d already talked to James and he and Frankie were taking the jet to go to New York. I couldn’t get anything commercial until the middle of the fucking night.”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry!” Natalie circled her arms around Audra and pulled her in close. “Truly, I-“

“I know,” Audra said. She wiped away the few tears that had fallen from her eyes and leaned out of Natalie’s embrace. She kept and hand in Natalie’s lap, and Natalie took it and held it tight.

“You said he was gone hours before the call about Celine?”

“Yes. Natalie he knows,” Audra said sympathetically. She looked almost guilty at having to be the one to tell her. “About you and me. You and Joe.”

“Oh.” She knew it would happen sooner rather than later, but she wasn’t expecting sooner to feel like her chest had been hollowed out. “I was right. He can’t forgive me.”

“He was very angry.
Is
very angry. Or at least I assume so. He’s pretty much said he wants nothing to do with me.”

“No!” Natalie cried. “He can’t do that! You have too much history between you!”

“I know that. And that’s just one thing I’m struggling with right now Natalie because… because I think I may love you.”

Suddenly a wind blew through the hollow space inside her. Audra Robertson… in love with her?

“I have no grand illusions about you loving me back.”

“No,” Natalie interrupted. “Don’t say that. I-“

“We both know that anything that might have happened between us would have been short-lived. Incredible and fulfilling to be sure. Worth it, even. But short.”

“Audra, don’t-“

“It was always going to be you and James. And despite the deepness of my affection for you, Natalie, I don’t know that I love you enough to risk what I have with him. He’s my family.”

The wind stopped. The hollowness echoed. Natalie understood. But it hurt all the same.

“Well that’s… honest.”

“I don’t believe in making decisions while in an emotional state. I need to go to New York to be with my sister. In spite of how much I actually don’t like her, I still love her, and it’s my flesh and blood she carries, too. And I need to be there for James, even if he doesn’t want me to.”

“Of course. I understand completely.” Suddenly all she wanted was for Audra to leave so she wouldn’t see her cry. “Go. There’s no shortage of work to be done in your absence.”

“And speaking of which, I love everything you’ve done here tonight. I’m sure the surprise underneath the wrapping was spectacular. Whatever it was, do it. You have my full support.”

Natalie nodded and prepared herself for Audra’s departure. Any moment now she could let it all go, let loose the onslaught of tears that threatened to crack through her strong resolve. But there was something else there too. A loss. She felt as though she were mourning for something that hadn’t quite happened yet. If she didn’t speak up… if she didn’t say anything now…

“Audra?” she asked as Audra stood, ready to make her leave. Her head tilted back to accommodate the difference in their sitting and standing height, and her tears were powerless against gravity. “What do I do if I think I love you too?”

Audra crouched down and touched her hand to Natalie’s cheek. There was indecision and frenzied excitement in Audra’s eyes.

“I don’t know.” She held her breath and brought her lips to Natalie’s, soft warmth and trembling ache between them. When they parted Audra had tears in her eyes, but something of a smile on her face. “It’s enough for me just to hear it. I’ll be in touch, okay?”

Natalie nodded, and as soon as Audra’s back was turned she let the onslaught fall. Fear filled the hollowness, crept into the spaces where the tears were vacating. The sense of loss, she feared, would only consume her.

What am I going to do now?

*
* * * *

Natalie, James, Audra, Quinn and Joe will return…

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