Beyond Tantra: Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex (18 page)

Woman:
Breathe slowly and deeply (you’re getting used to this instruction by now, I suspect!). Try to still your mind by focusing on what you are feeling in your body. As your partner works around your clitoris, note when he does something that feels especially good. Agree a sign with your partner to communicate this as you may very well get to a point where talking is not going to be the best way to communicate. For instance, you could agree that if you raise two fingers it means ‘Ooh, that feels good!’ Most women find that they are particularly sensitive at certain points around the clitoris. This can be a great journey of discovery for you and your partner.

Man:
Make a mental note of where the most sensitive spots were after completing a full circuit of the clitoris. Now check with your partner if it’s OK to massage a bit more on the sensitive spots you’ve found.

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex She might enthusiastically say ‘Yes’, or she might need a breather for a second before continuing. She might not be clear yet on where her sensitive spots are, in which case you can simply do another circuit of the clock.

Spend up to ten minutes on the ‘massage around the clitoris’.

Both partners:
There’s a pretty good chance that Sexual Qi will start to flow quite strongly now and this may even start to bring up orgasmic surges. If you feel these waves start to come, slow down. The man can also stop what he is doing and just hold his hands over Yoni and the woman’s heart as the woman slows her breathing, relaxes her limbs and ‘breathes into’ her Yoni.

Man:
Note that the clitoris can be a bit tricky to massage as it can ‘come and go’. Just like your Jade Stalk, the clitoris can be larger or smaller depending on how excited a woman is. Sometimes the clitoris will seem to disappear completely as it retracts into the body. This happens when a woman gets very excited. If this happens, it’s a sign to be extra attentive and slow down your movements.

Now check with your partner if it’s OK to massage her clitoris directly. If your partner is getting quite excited, and she may well be, make sure that you have agreed on non-verbal ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ signals, such as raising a single finger or showing an open hand with the palm towards the man.

Move gently into the first step of the direct clitoral massage. Using your thumb and middle finger, gently squeeze and slide up and off the clitoris with a very slight pulling pressure. Watch your partner carefully as you do this, as her feedback will help you gauge the correct pressure and speed to use. Do this nine times and stop for a second. Then do another nine strokes and rest.

This ‘nine strokes and rest’ rhythm is very important. Sexual Qi can rise just as much during times of inactivity as during direct stimulation. It’s also one of the most difficult things to judge correctly, as some women like longer periods of activity between gaps and some can only take three or six strokes before needing a break. This rhythm can also change over time as you both become more sensitive and can also be different just because things happen to be different that day! There are no hard and fast rules; it’s all about sensitivity and communication.

Both partners:
So how do you know if you’re ‘doing it correctly’? It’s pretty easy, actually. Just watch for the tell-tale signs of excitement (quickened breathing, flushes etc.) and pause when you see that there is a sudden increase in Sexual Qi. After you pause, you may observe that you don’t return to the same starting level of excitement but that instead you ‘move up a notch’ each time. This slow but steady increase in the level of Sexual Qi is the key to the whole exercise.

Man:
What you’re doing is slowly but surely increasing the amount of Sexual Qi flowing through the woman’s body. During the pauses, you give the

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Sexual Qi a chance to spread throughout the entire body outwards from Yoni.

You can assist this during the pauses by stroking gently but firmly up the body and down the arms or down the legs. You can also move into the ‘honouring’

position with one hand over Yoni and the other hand on her heart. It also helps if you watch your own breathing and Qi circulation when you sense the Sexual Qi starting to flow. Sit straight, breathe deeply from your belly and circulate your Qi. When you do this, you will notice that it helps your partner to stay present and in her body.

After some minutes of clitoris stroking, try this: Place your thumb and middle finger at the base of clitoris. Squeeze very gently and use your index finger to very, very gently ‘tickle’ the clitoris. Do this by curling your index finger and pulling it upwards, just touching the very top of the clitoris as you do this.

Do this three, six or nine times and pause. At this point your partner may not be able to provide feedback as her Sexual Qi may be flowing strongly. If so, it’s up to you to hone your sensitivity finely so that you don’t push her into an orgasmic explosion. Please resist the temptation to do this, although that may be easier said than done.

STAGE 7: MASSAGE G-SPOT AND DOUBLE STROKE

Women have many ways of generating Sexual Qi; clitoral, vaginal, g-spot and nipple manipulation are some of the many possibilities. There’s no right or wrong way to generate Sexual Qi. What is useful to be aware of is the fact that different parts of the body generate different qualities of Sexual Chi, some more intense, some more gentle. It’s also possible, with a bit of skill and sometimes ingenuity, to combine different points to wonderful effect.

Man:
You’ve now come to the last stage of the Yoni Massage. You’re now going to do a ‘G-Spot’ massage. Of course, it helps if you know what the G-Spot is and how to find it! The ‘G-Spot’ was first described by (and named after) a German obstetrician and gynaecologist called Ernst Grafenberg. He wrote in 1944 that the G-Spot is a ‘zone of erogenous feeling’ that is ‘located along the sub-urethral surface of the anterior vaginal wall’. This is technically accurate, but here’s a simpler way to find it:

First, ask your partner for permission to work on locating her G-Spot. This means that you will enter Yoni with your fingers.

Woman:
Make sure that you’re OK with this. Are you feeling relaxed?

Trusting? Lubricated enough? Don’t hesitate to communicate honestly and make sure you feel 100% comfortable with saying ‘Yes’. It is completely OK to take a break or even decide that you’ve gone far enough for this session. The golden rule

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex is that you decide what is happening. The Yoni Massage is a chance for you to allow intimacy on your terms.

Man:
After you’ve heard a ‘Yes’, place both of your hands on Yoni for a few seconds. Wait until you feel the muscles around Yoni relax and for your partner’s breathing to slow down. The more relaxed she is, the nicer it is for her.

Now gently draw the middle finger of your left hand up and into Yoni. If your partner is very relaxed and wet you may find that there is no resistance at all, but you may also discover that Yoni’s opening is still closed a bit. If you feel any resistance, simply stop moving your finger and let it rest against the opening of Yoni. After a while, Yoni will relax and you can move in a bit more. You can also try withdrawing a bit and then moving in again or very slowly moving your finger in a circle. The goal is to have a completely relaxed Yoni that is ‘welcoming’ you in.

It’s very hard to give exact instructions here as each woman, and couple, is different. You’re working with a very intimate part of your partner’s anatomy and she may, or may not, even know what sort of tension she has there. It’s not at all uncommon for her to start crying or experiencing other strong emotions as she feels deep love and respect at such an intimate level. That’s perfectly OK. Just keep breathing and stay with her.

Once you have made your way into Yoni to the depth of your second knuck-le make sure your palm is facing upwards. Now slowly curl your finger until the tip of your finger touches the skin behind the pubic bone. Feel along the upper wall of Yoni here. You can tell when you’ve found the G-Spot because the skin is a bit rougher or dimpled there.

So, what if you can’t find it? Don’t worry. The whole area is very sensitive and all you need to do is communicate with your partner and she’ll let you know where she is especially sensitive.

Woman:
Relax. Breathe. Keep eye contact with your partner as he moves into your Yoni. When he starts to move inside you, focus your attention on the sensations that arise. Some women actually feel like they have to pee when the G-Spot is stimulated so be aware of this and let your partner know if he’s found the right spot.

Man:
Spend anywhere up to ten minutes gently massaging the G-Spot. Try circular, up and down and sideways motions, all the time watching for feedback.

The G-Spot is normally not nearly as sensitive as the clitoris so you can be slightly firmer in your touch. Just as with the clitoral massage, stay very aware of your partner’s Sexual Qi If you feel that she is coming near to the crest of a wave of energy, slow down or stop the movement of your finger. At the same time, you can spread the Sexual Qi up her body with your right hand.

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After a while, you can move into the Double Stroke, which is a wonderful combined stimulation of the G-Spot and the clitoris.

You do this by using your right hand to stroke over Yoni starting from under the clitoris and moving upwards while at the same time stroking G-Spot with your left hand. You start with your hands together and facing each other and then draw them apart in a single, fluid motion. Use your intuition and sensitivity when doing this as some women will enjoy some strokes and a rest while other will want to just carry on without stopping.

Since you’re reaching the end of the massage, you can continue until the Sexual Qi peaks and flows. When this happens, help your partner to circulate her Qi by moving into the ‘Connecting the Circuit’ position and follow her orbit with your mind.