Beyond Tantra: Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex (21 page)

Woman:
As you feel your partner relaxing, focus your attention on massaging around and then on the Hui Yin point. The Hui Yin point (a point between his legs, half way between his Jade Stalk and his anus ) is important for male health since massaging it also massages the prostate gland. Prostate cancer is the second most common killer of men over fifty and massaging the prostrate gland has been shown to have a beneficial effect. Start very gently and check with your partner as you proceed.

The first time you massage the Hui Yin point, you may find that the entire area is very tense and that you can’t really get it to relax. Don’t worry; after a while this will change and the whole area will start to soften up. This can take a few

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months, however, so don’t give up.

Man:
It can feel a bit strange the first few times when you get your Hui Yin point massaged. See if you can manage to bear with any discomfort you may experience while it’s being loosened up. If it’s very painful, you may wish to have your doctor have a look just to be on the safe side, but ninety-nine times out of hundred it relaxes and feels much better after a minute or two of massage. An added bonus is that, once you have relaxed this area, the squeezes that you do when you circulate your Qi can also massage your prostrate gland more efficiently.

STAGE 4: MASSAGE JADE STALK WITHOUT EJACULATION

It’s not only women who have had negative sexual experiences that have left scars in their mind, emotions and body. Just think about how many boys have stories of being laughed at in the changing-room at school. Many men also have unhappy memories of not being able to ‘perform’ or of feeling sexually inadequate at some time or another in their lives. Other men ejaculate very quickly after being sexually stimulated and find this frustrating and upsetting. These bad experiences leave their marks in ‘body memory’ that leads to their Jade Stalks being less sensitive than they can be. It is possible to undo this negative conditioning and learn new skills, but it can take time. Just as with the Yoni massage, respect, love and awareness can make all the difference.

Woman:
Make eye contact with your partner, all the while keeping your hands connected to his body. Now ask your partner to tell you about his Jade Stalk. What does he enjoy? Is there anything you should be aware of?

Some men talk about their Jade Stalk in the first person,
i.e.
‘I’, while others refer to Jade Stalk in the third person,
i.e.
‘he’. I guess that’s because sometimes Jade Stalk seems to have a mind of his own! As a woman, you can take the cue from your partner when it comes to how to address Jade Stalk. And men, if you’re used to saying ‘he’, you might experiment with ‘I’ and see how it feels.

Sample Dialogue

‘I’d like to know a bit more about you and your Jade Stalk. Can
you tell me or show me where you are particularly sensitive?’

‘What do you enjoy having done?’

‘What can I be aware of that will help you stay relaxed while you
get excited?’

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex
Man:
Now is
your
chance to take a risk. Go ahead, be honest and straightforward. Take a minute or two to tell your partner what you like. Vigorous and quick, or gentle and slow? Tell her where you are sensitive and what she should know. Do you like having your testicles massaged or are they very sensitive? The important thing here is to get the communication going so your partner doesn’t have to guess what you like.

Woman:
Listen carefully. Ask for clarification if there is something you’re not sure about. When you feel you’re ready to begin, ask your partner for permission to massage Jade Stalk.

Man:
Make sure you can say ‘Yes’ wholeheartedly. You’re saying ‘Yes’ to relaxing, being touched and, potentially, showing some softer sides of yourself.

Woman:
Once you’ve received a clear ‘Yes’, begin working on Jade Stalk. Use some lubrication on Jade Stalk as it feels really nice. Continue massaging your partner’s Hui Yin point with your left hand and start to stroke very gently his Jade Stalk with your right hand. You’ve now reached a very important stage in the Jade Stalk Massage where you are going to stimulate Sexual Qi with your right hand and keep the relaxation going with your left hand.

Man:
Concentrate on relaxing and lowering your sacrum when your partner starts to stroke your Jade Stalk. Observe what is happening with your legs and thighs. Do they tense up when Jade Stalk begins to ‘stand to attention’? Exhale and ‘breathe into’ any area that starts to tighten up. Watch what happens to the rest of your body as well. Do your arms and chest tense up? Relax them.

Woman:
As Jade Stalk starts to rise, focus your attention on the other parts of your partner’s body. Is he clenching his fists? Suggest gently that he relax his hands. Is he starting to take short, shallow breaths? Ask him to breathe deeply.

Work together with him to maintain as much relaxation as possible.

Both partners:
The idea here is to generate Sexual Qi in the man while creating as much ‘space’ as you can in his mind, body and emotions for the Sexual Qi to flow. Try to drop all pre-conceptions you may have as to what might or might not happen and try to stay fully in the present. It doesn’t matter if an erection appears or an erection disappears. One of the things you may find out is that it can be just as exciting for the man to be massaged without an erection!

Woman:
When you have got your partner’s Sexual Qi flowing after some minutes of Jade Stalk / Hui Yin point massage, you can move into focusing all of your attention on Jade Stalk. Here are some things you might want to try, all the while watching and listening carefully for feedback:

• Gently massage his testicles, taking care not to squeeze too hard

• Use up and down strokes on Jade Stalk. Some men like a firm touch, others like a gentler stroke

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• Do a ‘twist and pull’ stroke

• Lightly stroke just the top of Jade Stalk

• Do an X-Stroke massage (see below) to the draw the energy out to the rest of his body

DESCRIPTION OF THE X-STROKE

Start with your left hand on your partner’s right knee and your right hand on your partner’s left knee. Your arms are not crossed.

Move your left hand slowly up the inside of your partner’s right thigh towards his Jade Stalk. Gently brush over the testicles and Jade Stalk.

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex Continue moving your left hand over his belly towards his right nipple and out over his right shoulder. When your left hand crosses his belly, start moving your right hand. Move up the inside of his left thigh and over his Jade Stalk towards his left shoulder. As you move your right hand up his thigh, complete the left hand stroke over his right shoulder.

As each hand crosses either his left or right nipple, start a new stroke from the knee with the other hand. The idea is to create a continuous, flowing motion where there is always one hand in contact with and stroking his body.

Man:
The Jade Stalk Massage is a chance for you to observe when the urge to ejaculate starts and to catch it before you’ve reached the point of no return.

This takes practice. In fact this may well be something you want to practise alone if you find that the presence and touch of a naked woman is too stimulating. The technique is quite simple but you really do have to watch yourself closely.

Stimulate yourself, or let someone else do it as in the Jade Stalk massage. When you notice that the urge to ejaculate is coming, stop. If you’re working with a partner, you can say ‘Stop’ out loud or you might have an agreed-on signal such as putting your hand up in the air.

A good way to learn how to ‘last longer’ is for your partner to work on Jade Stalk for a given interval – 1, 2, 5 or 10 minutes depending on your arousal pattern. Then pause for a few minutes and circulate your Qi before starting again.