Authors: Andrew Simonian
“He’s on his knees!” cried one sailor.
“But not in a good way!” cried another.
They picked him up. One held his hair, while the other rubbed his back.
“Best! Night! Ever!” thought George through all his tears and snot.
And at last he got it all out of his system.
At last, the long trip was over.
“That was the gayest cruise in history,” thought George.
“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” said the man.
George and the man with the sassy purple beret walked down the gangbang--
“GangPLANK,” corrected the man--
and on to the man’s impeccably decorated loft in the trendiest part of the city.
After a light vegan supper and a smoke of something George quickly realized was not tobacco, George finally felt relaxed and ready to make it happen.
He crawled into the man’s bed to wait for him.
But the man never came.
So neither did George.
The next morning George woke up alone and upset.
But you just can’t stay angry with a man who wears the same purple outfit every day.
The man telephoned The Zoo.
“Whose list are you on?” they asked.
“I’m with the DJ,” said the man with a confident wink and a smile.
George was so turned on.
But the man went away again.
George was lonely.
If the man could find gay love on the telephone, so could George.
But who to call?
George thought and thought.
Then he started dialing.
went the phone at the fire station.
The firemen rushed to the telephone.
“Hello! Hello!” they said.
But George did not answer them.
“Don’t worry, we’re coming!” they yelled.
“You sure will be!” thought George.
He could picture them racing over and was so excited. This was the perfect plan.
Firemen were even sexier than sailors!
The firemen rushed through the door.
“WHERE IS THE FIRE?!” they cried.
“In my pants!” George was going to say.
But he stopped himself--
these firemen weren’t sexy at all!
They were old and had big bellies.
Where were all the hunky firemen???
George feared that his wall calendars had been lying to him all these years.
The firemen were very upset that there was no fire.
“Catch that gay little monkey!” they cried.
“Hey, relax with the labeling!” thought George as he tried to run away.
He almost made it, but he tripped over one man’s clogs, and---
two firemen grabbed George’s arms and took him to prison.
“You’re not even going to use handcuffs?” thought George. “How disappointing.”
George had heard stories about what happens in prison.
Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
But they put him in a cell all by himself.
No tatted up cellmates. No group showers.
Prison sucked. George was bummed.