Authors: Andrew Simonian
This is George.
He lived in the jungle.
He was a straight little monkey but always very . . . curious.
One day George saw a man.
He had on a sassy purple beret.
And George got excited, despite himself.
The man saw George too.
“I’m always in the mood for some hot monkey love,” he thought.
“I would like to take him home with me.”
He put his beret on the ground, and, of course, George couldn’t help himself.
He came down from the tree to verify there was a real designer label inside the jaunty purple chapeau.
The man had looked so sexy in the beret.
George wanted to be sexy too.
He picked it up and put it on.
He felt gayer already.
The beret still smelled of the man’s cologne.
George closed his eyes to bask in the thick cloud of man stank.
The man picked him up quickly and popped him into his shoulder bag.
“It’s a man-purse,” said the man.
George was caught. And a little excited.
The man with the sassy purple beret put George into a little boat with a strapping young lad who rowed them to a big ship.
“Hello, sailor!” thought George.
He was sad to be leaving his home, but he was still a little . . . curious.
On the big ship, the man took George out of his murse.
“Finally,” thought George.
“I’m not a fucking Chihuahua.”
“George, I was once like you. And now I am here to help you,” said the man. “I am going to take you to a big club in the city called The Zoo. I have a feeling you will like it there. A lot. You will also enjoy this special cruise we are on. Now run along and play. But don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
George promised to be good.
But it is easy for horny little monkeys to forget.
On the deck he found some oiled-up men dancing and drinking.
He wondered how they could do so many of these things called “body shots.”
He was very curious.
Finally he HAD to try.
It looked easy. But--
oh, what happened!
and then this!
“WHERE IS GEORGE?” yelled every able-bodied seaman.
“Seaman,” George giggled between his dry heaves.
At last they saw him trying to make himself puke, and almost all tired out.