Big Girls Drama (7 page)

There was that damn eye contact again. Georgiana looked at my husband once more in that loving way that I knew was melting Devin's heart.

Mr. Woods chuckled, saying, “You got a point there. That boy didn't even like when I used to push him on the swing. He always wanted to do it himself.”

Laughter erupted around the table, and Devin even chuckled himself.

“You see, Devin wanted to be independent back then, and that was because he wanted you to see he could do it,” Georgiana added.

Nodding again, Mr. Woods said, “Son, I want to apologize for what I said and how I came off earlier.”

“It's okay, Dad. I should have taken your feelings into consideration about a day I knew was very important to you and Mom. I promise I'm going to try to rearrange the trip for another weekend.”

“Amen,” Mrs. Woods said, smiling as she reached over and grabbed her husband's hand. She then reached out and grabbed Devin's hand as well. “God is so good.”

“Yes, he is,” Georgiana agreed, along with the other guests around the table.

“Thank you, Georgiana,” Mr. Woods said. “You always knew how to come to my son's rescue.”

“That's because she knows him,” Mrs. Woods declared.

“It's not a problem. You guys know no matter what, Devin will always have a special place in my heart.”

Out of my peripheral, I could see Mrs. Woods glaring at me as Georgiana again gazed at my husband. She shifted her look to me but kept that same kind smile on her face . . . like she'd won. And I guess in a way, she did. She definitely won his parents over, and now I thought she was winning with my husband as well.

“Now, let's get back to eating some of this good food I prepared,” Mrs. Woods gushed.

Chatter filled the room as eating resumed. Needless to say, my appetite was ruined. Georgiana's presence overrode mine, and if I didn't know any better, I was the freaking extra here. It was evident his family wanted Devin to get back with Georgiana, and from the subtle glances they kept giving each other, I wondered if my husband wanted to get back with his first love as well.

I lay in my husband's arms hearing the rapid beat of his heart after I'd just finished sucking him to a blissful end. I was happy I could bring him to this brink of pleasure since most times when I sucked him, he refused to climax, always wanting to get inside me to reach his pinnacle. I found it extremely gratifying to bring him to a level of exploding without him even entering me. He was always disappointed, but he truly didn't understand the fulfillment I got from pleasing him orally.

I knew I had to do something. It had been close to two weeks since Sheldon and I did anything sexually. The only thing we did was kiss when he was on his way out the door to his job. As fine as he was and as horny as he stayed, I couldn't understand why he wasn't interested in having sex with me as much anymore. In my eyes, we were still newlyweds. Just having celebrated our first-year anniversary, I thought we should still be at the stage of not being able to keep our hands off each other. But, boy, how times had changed.

“You okay?” he asked tenderly.

“I'm good. Why do you ask?”

“Because you are not saying anything.”

“What am I supposed to say, babe?”

“I don't know. I just wanted to make sure you were good. You seemed troubled about something.”

I was, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt. In the darkness, he couldn't see my grim expression. As much as I would like to think things were okay with us, I honestly didn't feel good about us at all. We were living an amazing life in a new city and a fantastic home, but for me, I felt like if the sex wasn't present, then things were critical.

I still couldn't get over the fact I couldn't reach over and touch him in the middle of the night without him jumping up and acting like he wanted to attack me. The first time he reacted like that, it scared me. I didn't think wanting to hold my husband was a bad thing, but from his reaction, evidently it was. He explained that I frightened him, but he always had this same reaction when I tried to touch him. A few of those times he got mad at me for waking him. What man didn't want to be awakened by his wife holding his dick in her hand, ready to please him?

I asked him about his reaction to me touching him in the middle of the night, and he basically brushed it off like it was no big deal. But I could clearly see it was a big deal. The one thing about being his friend first and now his wife was that I could see when something was up with him. Why he wasn't telling me bothered me. Maybe I was overreacting. I tended to read too much into things sometimes. Besides those incidents and the decrease in our sexual activities, Sheldon wasn't acting any different. He was working more but seemed to love his job. At home we talked and laughed like we always did, but I knew there was something he was not telling me, and the fact he felt like he couldn't tell me bothered me.

I wondered if us getting married was a mistake. I loved him, but I loved the friendship more. It was so effortless. Marriage made things more complicated. The excitement of us being together was no longer present. I felt like somehow, it was my fault, and maybe he came to the conclusion I wasn't the woman for him after all.

This was what I hoped would never happen with us. Sheldon was my best friend for years before that one night that changed everything. It was after a nightmarish dinner I had with my sisters. Sheldon ended up coming over, explaining how he had the same type of awful night himself with some blind date he went on. We sat up laughing, eating, and watching television until we both drifted off to sleep. The next thing I knew, he was nestled up behind me with his arm draped around my waist. I could feel his erection poking into my backside, and it felt good. I knew this was a line I shouldn't have crossed, but that night, we stepped over the line. We damn near erased it, in fact, and it ended up being one of the best nights of my life because Sheldon rocked my world.

That sexual encounter ruined our friendship for a while, which was the main reason why I never wanted to go there with him. I didn't realize I was pushing him away because I wasn't happy with myself, especially my body image. I was a plus-size sister weighing 225 pounds at five foot five. I felt like Sheldon was the type of man that should be with someone half my size and as gorgeous as he was. I wondered why he would want me when there were so many other women that would look better on his arm.

“Viv, you know I love you, right?” Sheldon asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“I know, babe. I love you too.”

“Do you?” he asked.

“Of course, I do,” I said lifting my head to look at the outline of his face in the darkness.

“I understand things have been a little weird lately, but please understand it has nothing to do with you.”

I wanted to ask him what it had to do with, but I didn't want to ruin the tranquil moment we were in right now. So I just listened.

“Did you hear me?”

“I did, Sheldon.”

“Do you believe me?”

Exhaling, I said, “Yes.”

“I know you have a lot of fears, Viv, and I don't want our relationship to be one of them. Like today at the restaurant, I know that bothered you.”

“What made you think that?”

He chuckled.

“What you fail to realize is women like that waitress Hailey are always trying me. They are wondering how a woman like me managed to snag a man like you.”

“A woman like you? What does that mean?” he asked.

“Come on, babe. I'm a plus-size sister, and you cut to the max. Hell, you can be Morris Chestnut's body double.”

“First of all, Morris Chestnut is bald, and I have dreads. Second, I think I'm better looking than him,” he joked.

“You are right.”

“You're just agreeing because I'm your husband.”

“You are my sexy husband who I adore.”

“I adore you too.”

As much as I would like to think I got over my insecurities about being the size I am, I wasn't past it at all. If anything, being married to such an attractive man made me feel even more insecure about myself. I didn't know what I needed to do to change my perception of myself, but I knew I needed to do something quickly before I allowed my insecurities to ruin my marriage. I'd pushed him away before. I didn't want to do that again now that I was his wife. I had to understand he chose me, and this was an equal exchange of love and affection. But deep down, I couldn't help but wonder if he ever believed he was doing me a favor by being with me.

“You are a very attractive man, Sheldon. You can't tell me you haven't been hit on since we've gotten married.”

“I'm not interested in any other woman, babe. I've told you that.”

“I hope not.”

“What do you mean? You're saying that like you think I have some side piece or something.”

“Do you?” I asked.

“Hell no. Do you have another man?” he retorted.

“Of course not, Sheldon.”

“Okay, then, this subject needs to be squashed.”

“I know you love me, but I'm always scared someone else will come along and take you away from me. And, of course, I'm going to think it has to do with the way I look.”

“There is nothing wrong with the way you look. I hate that you are always so down on yourself. If anything, that makes you unattractive.”

His words hurt. Was it already starting, me pushing him away by my negative opinions of myself?

“Society makes me put down myself.”

“But you don't have to feed into it. You need to love you. You don't need to worry about society, babe.”

“That's easier said than done, Sheldon.”

“I'm trying to love you for the two of us. If you can't love you, then I'm going to love you more than ever, because then, I will be loving a woman who's grown to understand her value. You are worth so much, babe. You just need to see that within yourself,” Sheldon said thoughtfully.

I smiled at his empathetic words.

“I'm sorry I've been feeling this way. We've seemed distant lately. Our communication has been less, and our sexual connection has been damn near nonexistent. Of course, I'm going to fear you finding someone else. Especially with your high sex drive.”

He chuckled as he said, “Believe you me, Viv, I've wanted you. I mean, I want to get all up in that ass. But, babe, I've been tired as hell. There is no other woman, I promise. I told you I would never do you like that. You are my world. I've loved you for years before you agreed to be my wife. No woman—and I mean
no
woman—compares to you.”

Sheldon rubbed my shoulder as I smiled down at him lovingly.

“Thank you for that.”

“Thank you for being my partner for life because without you, I would have nothing.”

I leaned down and kissed Sheldon deeply. His tongue explored mine as we enveloped each other. There was the Sheldon I knew. Then I reached down to caress his manhood.

Disconnecting, he asked, “Are you going to ride it for me?”

Smiling devilishly, I said, “I would be happy to.”

The sex was absolutely amazing. I know I'd climaxed several times to the point of wanting to pass out and was happy because my body needed the release. When I looked over at my husband, he was sound asleep.

I was happy we'd talked and had this moment with each other. Still, I felt like he wasn't saying something to me. I was going to leave it alone for now. Sheldon could brush it off all he wanted to, but eventually, I was going to get to the bottom of what I was feeling. I just prayed it wouldn't have a devastating impact on our marriage.

The ride home was a quiet one, and it was no different when Devin and I climbed into bed to go to sleep. He seemed exhausted, but I was still seething from the show his parents and ex put on for me and the church committee. It upset me more that Devin didn't bother to see how I was doing with what happened. I guess he was so deep in his own thoughts he couldn't worry about my feelings. But I bet you his behind was wondering about Georgiana and how
she
was doing.

Before we left his parents' home, his mother asked to speak to him for a moment. They went in the direction of the kitchen as everyone remained seated around the table. Georgiana was still in our presence, which meant his mother wasn't trying to let the two have a private moment together. Every now and then, Georgiana's and my eyes met. Mine was telling her she better back off, and hers were telling me, game on, bitch.

Mr. Woods laughed and talked about church and visits he'd had with some members of the congregation as we sat and listened. I didn't want to hear any of this. If anything, I was ready to go home. So I decided to excuse myself and find my husband so we could leave.

I noticed Devin and his mother in the direction of the kitchen, and that's where I heard them talking. I stood at the corner and waited as I listened to what they were talking about.

“Mom, please. I want you to stop this,” I heard Devin say.

“Son, you know Georgiana is the woman for you.”

I knew that's why she invited her. She wanted them back together. This infuriated me. It was one thing to think I knew, but to hear it come from the horse's mouth pissed me off. I almost walked in to lay his mother out, but that would have let them know I was eavesdropping on their conversation, so I remained still and continued to listen.

“We are over. We had our chance.”

“Then give her another one.”

“Mom, I'm
married
. You of all people should understand the vows I said before God. How are you asking me to betray that?”

“That marriage is the devil's doing. You know I never wanted you to marry that woman.”

“It's not about you.”

His mother ignored what he said and continued like he said nothing.

“That woman was nothing but a rebound. The only reason why I went along with it was because I wanted you to be happy. You know as well as I do you married Monica to get over Georgiana.”

Devin said nothing to defend his love for me, and that upset me. Why wouldn't he speak against what his mother was saying . . . unless what she was saying was true?

“Mom, I'm married.”

Was that all he could say?
Mom, I'm happy
. Why not give her reasons why you married me and why you loved me?

“Devin, are you happily married?” she asked.

I waited with bated breath to hear the answer to this. I hoped his answer wouldn't be I'm married again because that wasn't enough to suffice.

“You see, you are not. That's why I said this is the devil's doing. Why are you settling, son? You only get one life to live, and until you come to the realization she's not the one for you, your life will never be complete.”

“I love her, Mom.”

Finally, he said he loved me, and this caused me to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Do you?” his mother asked. “Do you love Monica as much as you love Georgiana?”

I waited to hear Devin say yes, and that he loved me even more, but again, he said nothing. It was like he was just trying to shut his mom down subtly but really believed in what she was saying.

“You see, you don't love her as much as Georgiana. You know you still have feelings for that woman.”

“Mom, what can I do about that?”

He did love her more than me
. I braced myself against the wall as my knees buckled beneath me. I clinched my stomach as I leaned my shoulder against the wall to steady myself. Here I was fighting for a marriage I longed for, and my husband wasn't in love with me as much as he claimed. Was our marriage a farce?

“You need to ask that woman for a divorce.”

“I can't do that.”

“Then you will be unhappy for as long as you are married to that woman. Son, please think about this. You deserve greatness. You deserve happiness. You deserve true love, honey, and your true love is Georgina.”

A hand on my shoulder caused me to whirl around, and to my dismay, it was Georgiana.

“Are you okay?” she asked with a look knowing she'd caught me eavesdropping on my husband's conversation with his mother. Her voice interrupted the conversation Devin was having with his mother as they walked out to see both of us standing there. Mrs. Woods gave me a look like she hoped I'd heard the conversation, because in hearing it, I now knew I was second best and the first-place winner for Devin's heart was standing next to me.

“Honey, I'm ready to go home. I'm not feeling well,” I said.

Now I was lying in bed next to my husband who had his back to me. He didn't even bother to say good night to me.

“Devin,” I called out to him softly.

“Yes, Monica?”

“Are we okay?”

“Yes.”

I paused to see if he was going to say anything else, but he didn't. I knew when he didn't feel like talking, but I needed some answers. Pulling the covers further up, I held them like it was my shield as I began to speak.

“I heard the conversation you and your mother had tonight.”

He sighed, turning on his back to look up at the ceiling. As much as I wished he would turn and look at me, I was happy that I wasn't talking to his back anymore.

“So you were eavesdropping?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I don't know. I heard your mother talking about us, and I wanted to know what she was saying about me.”

“You shouldn't have heard any of that.”

“But I did and . . . and . . .”

I choked on my emotions thinking of the next thing I wanted to say, and I knew I had to be prepared to hear the answer, whether it was good or bad.

“And what?” he asked.

“Am I the rebound?”

Devin heaved another sigh as he said, “No, Monica.”

My stomach relaxed at his answer, happy that he didn't say yes. I asked, “You can understand why I think this, right?”

“I can.”

“When you got with me, it was right after your breakup with Georgiana. I know losing her was devastating, but I thought you would be past that by now.”

Silence filled the room. Devin saying nothing was like him saying everything that needed to be said. My once-relaxed stomach quickly tightened.

“So you do still love her?”

“Yes,” he answered.

I was caught off guard. I really hoped in my heart he would say no. Was this
really
happening right now?

“Did you say yes?” I asked to be sure I heard him correctly.

“Yes, I still love her.”

“Do you love her more than me?”

“Yes,” he said again, and with these answers, I could feel my stomach churning. I felt like the dinner I'd consumed was going to come back up and choke me. Did he realize he'd just stuck a knife in my heart and twisted it?

“Do you want to get back with her?”

He paused for a moment before saying, “Yes.”

My breath caught in my throat as my heart slammed in my chest. This meant he didn't want me anymore.

“I'm sorry, Monica, but I do want a divorce. I've wanted one for quite some time, but I just didn't know how to ask you for one.”

“How long have you known?”

“At least eight months,” he answered.

“I feel like I've been jumping through hoops for you, Devin.”

“I know, and I'm sorry.”

Did he think just saying those words to me was going to make everything okay? For goodness' sake, he'd just told me he wanted a divorce and was not in love with me but still in love with his ex who decided to call off their wedding two weeks before they were supposed to walk down the aisle. Yet, he still wants her.

A hundred things raced through my mind. I cook, I clean, I work and contributed equally to this household. I loved him. I sexed him. Hell, I even licked this man's ass before, and he wanted to be with the bitch that basically dumped him.

I erupted.

“Sorry?
You're sorry, but you want a divorce,” I said with a raised voice.

“Monica, calm down.”

“How in the hell am I supposed to calm down when my husband wants a divorce from me so he can be with his ex who left him crushed.”

“You see, I knew I should have just had you served with the papers.”

“What?” I said in astonishment.

Devin threw his legs over the side of the bed and sat there saying, “I have already filed. You should be receiving the papers next week.”

“You lying next to me like we good, and you've already filed the papers?”

“I should have told you sooner.”

“You
think?
Is that why Georgiana was there tonight, to be with you?”

“No.”

“Were you hoping I wouldn't go so you could be with her?”

“I didn't know she was going to be there.”

“We've been married for seven years, Devin. You mean to tell me you didn't know when you married me you were still in love with her?”

“I knew but—”

“You knew?” I said throwing a pillow and hitting him in the head with it.

Devin stood and looked at me with darkened eyes.

“I'm going to leave before this goes too far.”

“It already has,” I yelled. “I was supposed to have your whole heart. No wonder we've struggled in this marriage. You haven't been fully present.”

“I know I hurt you.”

“Why did you marry me? Especially if you didn't love me.”

“You were there for me in a time when I felt like I had no one to turn to.”

“So a rebound chick, just like your mother said.”

“At the time, I didn't see you that way.”

“How did you see me?”

“I thought I loved you. I guess I loved what you were doing for me.”

“Wow. I can't believe you. Seven years later and
now
the truth comes out.”

“I thought being with you would help me forget about Georgiana, and you did. But tonight, seeing her brought back feelings that help me know I've made the right decision in filing for a divorce.”

“Have you thought about her since we've been married?” I asked.

“Yes but—”

“When we had sex, did you think of her?”

He hesitated before saying, “Yes, Monica but—”

“You
are
a preacher's kid, right?”

“You know I am.”

“Isn't there a scripture that says honor your wife and your marriage?”

“Monica.”

“Your parents are the exact reason why I don't go to church. They smiling in everybody's face every Sunday playing the perfect Christians when your trifling mother is trying to tell you to abandon your marriage for another woman.”

“Don't call my mother trifling.”

“Would harlot or hypocrite suffice? Or how about heathen?”

“Monica, that's enough.”

“Come on, honey. Quote the scripture for me. I know you know them all. Tell me the Lord's words that coincide with you breaking your marriage vows to me to be with another woman.”

“I'm not doing this with you,” he said picking up the pillow I threw at him. “I'm going to sleep in the other room.”

“What? You can't stand the heat? You might as well get used to it because you are going to burn in hell for what you have done to me.”

Devin opened the door to our bedroom to leave.

“If you think I'm going to agree to this divorce so you can make Mommy and Daddy happy and so you can be with that woman, you got another think coming.”

Devin halted with my words but then disappeared into the hallway.

“You better lock the door,” I yelled. “Your ass might not wake up in the morning.”

My mother used to say you can't do people wrong and expect that wrong is not going to come back and bite you in your ass. As much as I was angry with Devin, I understood in this moment I was getting back what I deserved. Devin still loved Georgiana, and his secret feelings were now out in the open. I had a few secrets of my own, and I knew that's why this was happening to me. But I was happy no one knew mine. Not yet anyway. I might as well get ready for more bad karma to come my way because the revenge I was going to bestow upon my so-called husband was going to be sweet as honey. And as mad as I was, I didn't care what the repercussions were going to be for what I was about to do to him.