Bitter Hearts (A Southern Loving Book 3) (20 page)

“You
little girlfriend is always there! I think we should hire another decorator for
the house. Every day when I step into the house I have to be reminded that she
designed each room.”

Hank
started to brake, he turned the truck into a parking lot. “Look here! Don’t
start with me! I didn’t have a relationship with Kari until you left me! You on
the other hand fucked another dude every chance you had. The lies you told! So,
be freaking real when you talk about Kari.”

“Do
not put this on me!” Natalie yelled. “If you would have been a better husband I
wouldn’t have cheated.”

“How
better can I get! Gave you everything you want including emotional, financial
and physical support.

“Yeah
I cheated! I made a huge terrible mistake and broke the trust our relationship
was founded on,” Natalie yelled. “But you stop paying attention to me! The
dreams we made for ourselves was somehow washed away.”

“Because
you want me to become this big time recording artist, live the fast life in Los
Angeles! You’d been cheating for months and you still won’t own up to that.”
Hank had enough from Natalie, he needed to get away from her. He grabbed his
wallet and phone, the car door opened and he hoped out. “Go home, I’ll be there
later.”

Natalie
scrambled to get out the truck. “Where are you going?”

They
stood in the parking lot of a crowded grocery store in the cold, in the middle
of the evening.

“Our
marriage was never perfect on either end, but I always thought you were
faithful,” he said, pushing his hands into his pocket. “But I never once
doubted you until now. You lied and left me for another man, so excuse me if I
can’t pretend with you. I’m not going to apologize for loving another woman.”

Natalie
appeared shocked.

Hank
saw the way Natalie was standing there shaking, in shock and not knowing what
to say next.

“You
love her?” she asked in a low voice that was almost like a whisper.

“Yes.”
He wasn’t trying to hurt Natalie. That was never his goal when she came back
into his life. “All the care and love I had for you…has been transformed into
disdain and hate for a woman I don’t even know anymore.”

“You
know why I cheated! It’s because you didn’t make me happy anymore and I found
someone who did.”

Hank
didn’t say anything; he took one last look at Natalie before he trekked down
the busy road with no destination in mind.

***

With
her foot in a soft cast, Kari was only able to stand clinging onto Corey’s
boyfriend, Tony.

“Are
you fine to stay the night by yourself?” Tony asked.

“Yeah,”
Kari answered with a frown on her face, looking slightly unsure.

“Uh-Kari,
if you fall out here I can’t pick up you,” Tony laughed.

“Don’t
worry, I have no desire to fall down,” Kari whined. “Are you sure you can’t
carry me because I thought you at least weighed 190 pounds.”

Tony
stumble on the sidewalk causing Kari to shriek, “I’ll have you know girl, I
weigh 170 pounds thank you very much.”

Kari
gave him a stern look that said
yeah right
. Tony McKay was the ying to
Corey’s yang. She gripped Tony’s tan hand, beads of sweat trickled down the
side of his head. Kari couldn’t help but laughed at Tony.

“May
I be of assistance?”

Kari
stilled at the sound of Hank’s voice. Turning around slowly, she stared into
his grey eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I
wanted to make sure you got home safely,” Hank said, taking a step closer to
Kari.

“Don’t
need your help-”

“Child!
Speak for yourself, we will be here all night trying to get your ass up these
stairs.” Tony smiled brightly at Hank. “I’ll go unlock the front door.”

“Tony,”
Kari said through clench teeth, but it was too late. Tony was already walking
up the stairs. “Son of a bitch,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Looks
like it me and you,” Hank smirked, scooping Kari up in one smooth swing.

“Where
is your
wife
?” she said, holding on to Hank’s neck. Her face was so
close to the rancher, she could smell his Polo cologne.

“I
don’t know,” he grumbled, carrying her gingerly up the stairs into the house.

***

Hank
sat Kari down on the sofa in the living room. He watched the Hispanic guy name
Tony in the kitchen looking through the refrigerator.

“Kari
you don’t have a lick of food in this place,” Tony said with his hand on his
hips. “I’m going to run out and buy something for dinner.”

“You
don’t have to do that,” Kari started to say; her words were waved off by Tony.

“Nonsense,
you have Hank here and I’m pretty sure he is capable of helping you get
situated until Corey or I return.” Tony grabbed his keys off the countertop and
walked out the room.

“Shit.”

Hank
silently watched Kari as she avoided all eye contact with him. He stood against
the wall and watched as she struggled to get up from the sofa. Once she
accomplished standing up, he nearly laughed as Kari hopped on one foot to the
staircase. “Why don’t you just ask me for help?”

“I
don’t need your help, Jackson,” Kari snapped. “Why don’t you just leave?”

Hank
couldn’t stand watching her struggling with walking; he strode over to her,
picking her up. “Now, was that so hard?” Hank questioned, and started walking
up the stairs.

Kari
ignored him. “Thank you,” she said, when he laid her on the bed without looking
at him. “You can leave now.”

You
can leave, his mind repeated as he gazed over at Kari laying in the bed. His
life and marriage had a question mark by it. Hank knew he should delete her
number, stop calling, stop driving by her place and waiting to catch a glimpse
of her.  But he couldn’t erase her name or memory. He was acting selfish; he
should be removing himself from her life completely. There is a tiny voice in
the back of his head that say ‘move on,’ so that she could.

Every
night he closed his eyes, he sees her face. Those full lips that could make any
man weak in the knees, touching her soft brown skin and how she rested her head
on his chest before they fell asleep at night.  Every day, he tried to forget
how she smell like a field of daisies or how those desirable kisses tasted like
honey.

It
was hard to forget that this woman loved and trusted him. He willed himself to
forget how she screamed his name during their lovemaking. It was hard for him
to forget how sexy and cute she looked in his shirts. He didn’t want to picture
her with another man, but he did even when it pained him. Hank knew that Kari
deserved someone better than him, but right now as he stood there in her
bedroom the decision of relinquishing her was harder.

“I
can’t leave,” he said, sitting down on the bed next to her. “It’s not fair to
you that I don’t know what I want.”

“It’s
all or nothing; two people like us cannot be just friends…especially after we
have been intimate,” she said softly.

Hank
touched her hand into his. “I’m still trying to figure this all out; it would be
selfish if I asked you to wait for me.”

Kari
pulled her hand away from Hanks. “I’m not this option you keep open! I have
feelings and needs like the next woman. I will not, and I repeat, I will not be
a toy that you play with every now and then.”

“I-I
didn’t mean it like that,” Hank stuttered.

“When
you leave here Hank, don’t come back,” Kari said, standing up gingerly on her
sprained ankle. “You’re taking me for granted and thinking that I will be there
at the end of the day. No! I love myself and my happiness, even if you don’t.”

“Kari,
sit down and just hear me out,” he pleaded.

“No!
It hurt to know that you’d rather be with someone who’s less interesting, less
thoughtful or who isn’t loyal to you.” Kari pounded her chest. “I love you and
have been loyal to you.”

“I’m
terrified that I will make the wrong decision.”

“This
is our finality, Hank; in all honesty I wish you and your wife the best.”

Hank
sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, this wasn’t what he expected when
he ventured over to Kari’s house. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“It’s
about accepting and letting go, you will always be a part of me; it’s time for
us to turn the page-to start a new chapter in our lives.” She stepped towards
him staring him in the eyes, reaching up she caressed the side of his face
before kissing him. “Goodbye, Hank Jackson.”

Hank
watch as Kari hobbled to the bathroom and closed the door. He stood there a
minute before walking out the bedroom and out the house. He was terrified to
let her go, and afraid that she would find someone that wasn’t good enough for
her.

“Look
what the cat dragged in.” Corey gave Hank a disapproving look. “Kari is not a
placeholder in you love life, she is not a fall back option. If you want
something with her than you have to end your current relationship.”

“Don’t
you think I know that!” he shouted. “I could never cheat on Kari or Natalie. I
would never want them to experience that level of pain or break of trust I have
experienced.”

“No!
Instead your ‘Brokeback Mountain’ pretended to love Kari and threw her away
like discarded trash.”

Hank
jacked Corey up. “Don’t you ever insinuate that I don’t love Kari, I know she’s
been hurt before, I’m trying everything in my power not to hurt her again.”

Corey
pushed Hank off him. “Don’t ever in your life think you can punk me,” he said,
straightening his shirt.

“Stay
out of my business with Kari,” Hank spat.

“Kari
is my sister, not just friend,” Corey said through clench teeth. “You weren’t
there the first few days when she cried herself to sleep.”

Hank
lowered his head and walked down the street.  He had to figure out his life.
Could he live another thirty or forty years with a woman he didn’t love? How does
one take back a spouse after they cheated? Do you leave your cheating spouse
for another who makes you feel special, desired and loved?

Chapter Eleven

Hank
sat in the chair by the fireplace that held so many new memories of him and
Kari making love. He shifted uncomfortable in his chair thinking about the
tears rolling down her face. Closing his eyes, he tried to get the thoughts of
Kari out his mind. Her job decorating for Farrah was over, he knew that over
the span of two months that both women bonded and had a friendship.

He
opened his eyes and looked up when he heard pots and pan banging together in
the kitchen. Natalie stood there attempting to cook something for dinner. Those
days he laid in bed asking for a miracle that would send his wife right back to
him and now that she was it wasn’t what he wanted anymore.

The
love that he had for Natalie wasn’t the same anymore. He wanted and needed
Kari, the woman who brought love and happiness to him. He was better than he
was with her. He wanted to be that man he was with Kari; happy and free.

“What
are you thinking about?” Natalie asked, looking at him strangely.

“Only
about some stuff I need to take care around the ranch,” he replied, trying not
to appear guilty.

“I
thought you were planning on getting back into the recording studio?” she asked.

Hank
picked up his iPad and realized that Kari was still his screensaver. Going into
the settings he looked for another picture to use, but he was so caught with
looking at pictures of Kari and him at Graceland, that he didn’t realize that
Natalie was standing behind him.

“She
is pretty,” Natalie said, standing over his shoulders.

“Yeah,”
he said clearing this throat and turned off the electronic device.

“I
deserve this.” She sat on the ottoman in front of him. “I’ll be the first to
admit that I did you wrong and I don’t deserve you or your love.” Natalie stood
up and sat on his lap and slowly her arms engulfed him.

It
took a minute before Hank returned the hug. When Natalie left him, he always
thought that he took her for granted. It’s like what Kari said ‘Sometimes
people don’t realize what they had until it’s gone,’ being with Kari showed him
that it takes two to make a relationship work or fail. “I need to finish up in
the barn,” Hank said, gently pushing Natalie up from his lap.

“Okay…When
are you going to the studio? I thought I could go with you,” Natalie said,
tucking a red curly behind her ear.

Hank
put on his boots. “I don’t know,” he said, walking out the door.

Hank
realized how stupid he was to leave Kari to go back with Natalie. He wished he
could take it back. Walking to the barn, he sat on the bale of hay and looked
at the sun-setting in the distance.

“Made
the wrong decision?” a deep voice said from behind.

“Can
it, Shane. If I wanted your opinion I would have called you,” Hank said through
clench tenth. The last thing he needed was his cousins to gain up on him. When
both of them had no room to talk.

“Well,
I reckon you need my advice. Especially, since you’re sitting here with that
ugly look on your mug.” Shane took a seat next to Hank.

“I
think what I need is a stiff drink to keep the memories away.”

“Well
I got some Jack,” Shane handed him the bottle filled with brown liquor.

Hank
chuckled and accepted the bottle, tearing the cap off. He look a swig before
handing it back to Shane and he did the same. “How are Jasmine and the baby?”

“She’s
gotten bigger since you saw her in Dallas.” Shane smiled with love for his new
wife and baby.  “Baby number two will be here in the fall.”

Hank
was happy for his cousins, they’d both found amazing woman who were their ribs
and mothers of their children and here he was-still trying to figure it out. He
loved Kari with all his heart and wanted to be with her, but another part of
him felt like it owed it to Natalie to somehow rebuild their marriage. They
been through two miscarriages and her infidelity did rock their union. “I’m
happy for you guys.”

“Thanks
man.” he swallowed more whiskey. “I’m not going to knock what you’re trying to
do, but the marriage with Natalie can work if you both are willing to work hard
and be honest about what happened.”

“He’s
right,” Austin said, walking towards them and sitting next to him. “Daddy
always said that cheating corrupts everything you work hard for.”

Hank
took another drink from the bottle and gasped as the strong liquor burned as it
traveled down his throat. “I know; it’s scary because when I go home and step
between those doors I look at this woman and try to assure her things will be
okay, but it’s not. The love and trust is the same.”

“And,”
Austin said taking a drink.

“Kari
memories burn like a fire and I can’t put out the flame. She’s sunk into my
veins, I love her so much that sometimes it’s unbearable to be away from her.”
He reached from the bottle and took a long swig before Shane tore the bottle away
from his mouth.

“You
can’t drink her out of your heart,” Shane said sadly.

“If
you ask me for my opinion, I would say that Natalie doesn’t want you to be
happy,” Austin mumbled. “It’s obvious that Natalie came back in your life when
it really count, dating Kari Hayes, you’re back in the studio working on a new
album.”

“The
‘I don’t want him to be happier than me’ syndrome.” Shane nodded his head in
agreement.  “You know we’re more like brothers than cousins and I would never
do anything to steer you, but let’s not forget Natalie’s bad temper and how she
alienated everyone around her. If she is not happy she doesn’t want anyone else
to be.”

Hank
sat there and stared into the distance, his mind was running rampant with thoughts
of Kari and Natalie. Each woman was different but each woman was personality
and how they was apparently different. Kari was vocal about what she wanted and
needed, but most of all the small things made her happy. When he needed someone
to listen she did.  When they were in Texas for a week, he saw the woman who
wasn’t scared to give love. He worked to gain her trust for him to only betray
it like all the other guys. Kari was a keeper and any man in his right mind
would see that in her.

Natalie
was different after three years of marriage, she was the type of woman who
carried grudges, never showed grace and forgiveness wasn’t even in her
vocabulary. She always needed to feel right and allowed her pride and ego to
overshadow her need to receive and give love.

“With
Jasmine I learned that life has an expiration date…who would you rather spend
your life with?” Shane said, taking the cap and putting it back on the bottle.
“This is not going to help you find a resolution to your problem.”

“Amen,”
Austin said and nudged him. “Another day will continue to pass by and you’re
not loving the woman you want to grow old with.”

Hank
stood up and moved away from his cousins. He closed his eyes and felt the night
air wash over him. Opening his eyes, he looked up at the stars in the night
sky. A smile spread on his face as Kari’s voice echo in his head.
‘I wish I can
put a few stars in a mason jars so it can light your way to me in the darkness
when your lost.’
She took his soul and wiped it clean. “I need to see her,”
he said, turning to look at his cousins.

“Go
when you sober,” Shane said.  

“Are
you forgetting about your wife that’s at home cooking dinner?” Austin looked at
his watch and stood up. “I’m all for a happy reunion, but I know from a lesson
with Farrah is that you need to go to Kari when you don’t have the baggage of
still being someone’s husband. You owe Kari that much.”

It’s
pained Hank to say what was about to come out his mouth next. “You guys are
right,” he said, sticking his hand into his pockets.

“Did
we just hear him right?” Austin joked. “This is the first.”

Shane
reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. “Can you say it again? This
time I want to put it on camera.”

“Get
the hell out of here with that,” Hank laughed and gave his cousins a brotherly
hug. “I need to tell Natalie I want a divorce.”

***

“
Mi
hija,
remember what I told you about love?” Rita asked.

Kari
inhaled and exhaled. “You said true love is about affection, selflessness and
generosity.” She ran her finger along her yoga mat. “If I don’t have any of
those qualities in a relationship I shouldn’t be there.”

“Sometimes
a relationship looks right on the surface, but feels wrong deep down,” Rita
continued.

“But
it doesn’t feel wrong,” Kari whined. “I had the affection, selflessness and
generosity.”

“In
a situation like this Kari, I would tell you to take a step back, which you
have done. Understand your wants and convey them to him when he comes to you.”

“He’s
not going come back,” Kari mumbled, laying back on the yoga mat. “I want to
stop this feeling I have inside of me.”

“It’s
okay to feel heartbroken; I always told you a breakup was a lesson in itself,”
Rita reminded her. “Remember to let go.”

“You
make it sound easy Madre,” she sighed, putting her arm over her head. Rita’s
old Spanish voice was nursing, inspiring, and exactly what Kari needed to hear.
Rita gave advice that her mother wasn’t able to give.

“Love
will arrive when it’s ready. People have the tendency to sabotage love with
their impatience. When it happens again give all yourself to him and he will do
the same.”

“Ugh.”

Rita
started to laugh. “All those fairytales that you made me read to you over and
over again. You always said that you wanted that fairytale ending but remember
that most of those stories were written by men, who thought that a woman needed
a handsome guy to come rescue her. Remember there is no fairytale and that love
is complicated and comes in different forms.”

A
single tear rolled down her cheek. “I will be coming for a visit in a few
weeks,” Kari said.

“I
would like that.”

“Well
until tomorrow morning, have a nice day,” Kari said.

“Love
you, sweetheart,” Rita said as she hung up the phone.

Standing
up, Kari strolled into the living room wiping sweat off her face, when the
doorbell sounded repeatedly.  She answered the door, and found Natalie Jackson
standing on the other side.  It was only 8 o’clock in the morning; she looked
at the other woman questioningly, as Natalie stood before her.

“What
are you doing here?”

“May
I come in? I came here to talk, woman to woman.”

Reluctantly
Kari nodded her head and stepped aside. She walked in, closed the door.

“What
do you want,” Kari said, she wasn’t about to exchange pleasantries with the
woman.

“I
want you to leave my husband alone,” Natalie said nastily. “You’re the reason
why my husband and I can’t move on.”

“Don’t
worry about me, Mrs. Jackson. I can assure you I’m not the villain you make me
out to be.” Kari picked up her tea and took a sip. “Hey, I guess you need
someone to put the blame on.”

“He
regrets even laying eyes on you,” she snapped. “You may have had him for a few
weeks but Hank Jackson will always be mine.”

Natalie
was trying to get under her skin and it wasn’t working. “Does it hurt to know
that the man who once loved you, sees hatred every time he sees you? Or every
times Hank is with you, I’m the one he is thinking about.”

“You
stole him from me!” Natalie barked, her face turning a crimson red.

“God,
you’re so freaking delusional! You lost him when you spread your legs to
another man.” Kari voice was cold as ice and laced with venom. “Whatever the
two of you had ended long before things between he and I began.”

“You’re
second best to me,” she said and scowled. “You’re competing with a wife of three
years.”

“That’s
where you’re wrong. I’m not competing with you, furthermore, I’m not worried
about you at all.  Maybe if you stopped thinking about me and focused on your
marriage, maybe just maybe, you could win this game that only you’re playing.”

“What
is it that he loves about you?” Natalie took a step towards Kari, her face
began to soften. “Are you a better cook, friend, lover?”

“You’re
reading too much into why Hank loves me,” she said, clearing her throat. “I asked
myself last week why did he chose you after you cheated. I wonder if he took
you back because of the words he uttered on the day he took you as his wife,
better or for worse. You don’t have to worry about me and Hank because I would
never settle for second choice.”

“So,
you will keep your hands off my husband? We deserve a chance to see if our
relationship can recover from the crack I made in it,” Natalie said as she
looked around Kari’s house.

Even
if Kari wanted to be with Hank, she knew how loyal and devoted he was. Natalie
came running back and he took her back with open arms. Natalie was familiar
ground, and she was unchartered territory. At the end of day even if Kari
wanted to fight for Hank she didn’t stand a chance with the woman who held the
upper hand.