Black (2 page)

“Three…” I finally spoke, and she gave my hand a squeeze, “I want to stop the beatings.”

Then we jumped.

The water was cold. It gave me chills, running up and down my spine. Our hands broke apart as we hit the water. I came up first and couldn’t see her anywhere. I looked around frantically. She couldn’t have drowned. Surely she knew how to swim? Two hands came around my neck, pulling me down. She laughed in my ear when I didn’t go down too far. Her laugh was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. I wanted to hear more of it, often.

“I like you,” she whispered, and I instantly wondered why. How could this beautiful girl like me? I was the most hated person in school, people were afraid of me. They never spoke to me, always looked the other way. And yet here she was, glued to my back and laughing in my ear.

“You know who I am, right?” I said, and then started swimming with her on my back, her legs came around my waist. She kept on laughing every time I took us under and surfaced with her still on my back. I managed to untie her from my back and spun her so she was face to face with me. She looked at me then, and I could just make out the blue in her eyes. Her smile was broad. I picked her up as much as possible and threw her backward. She surfaced laughing and coming straight back for me, tangling her legs around my back again. I swam around, tiring myself out. Listening to her sing, she was peaceful. I liked that about her.

“I have to get home, it’s late,” she said, swimming backwards away from me, heading toward the rock, where she found one she could climb. She dressed quickly, and just before she disappeared from the side she yelled out to me, “Come to school tomorrow,” and then she left.

My face wasn’t as bruised as it usually was. Last night I had done my job, but it was late. So I was beaten—black eye and possible cracked rib—but I was going to school. When I turned up, she was sitting on the steps. Her glasses perched on her nose, head down in a book. I was thinking about tapping her shoulder, telling her I was there. Then I thought better of it and walked straight past her. She caught me, though, her hand snaking out and trapping my ankle. My first instinct was to kick, but I didn’t want to risk hurting her. She looked up, and her eyes now looked like an intense storm. The blue came through like the sky. She smiled and stood.

“We have math together,” she said, handing me her bag while keeping her head down and reading. I threw her bag over my shoulder and we walked to our first class, people giving us odd looks as we went.

Class was nearly finished before she said a word to me. She sat next to me but hadn’t looked up since devouring her book.

“I think we should kiss,” she said, her head now lying on the desk, staring up at me. I pulled a face at her, because that was the weirdest thing she’d said. Considering last night was weird, this was weirder.

“Okay, I want you to graffiti my name on the wall for me,” she said. I wondered if she was using me then. I thought it was possible but dismissed it. The bell rang and I took her hand this time, running from the school. She screeched and laughed, and my heart swelled. I loved that sound.

I stopped at the train station. The trains where arriving. No one was around, so I pulled two cans out of my bag. We walked behind one train so we weren’t in clear view and tagged my name. I gave her the other can and she lifted it and sprayed me. I was in shock, but she was trying to contain her laugh. So I did the same to her, painted her white shirt bright red. Soon we were both covered in blue and red paint, laughing and not even paying attention until we were called. I grabbed for her hand again and ran. We stopped in the bushes, both out of breath and full of adrenaline. She looked up at me, smiled, and placed her soft lips on mine.

It was surreal, I’d been kissed, and I’d even fucked, but never someone like her. Someone so perfect, so beautiful.

She broke away, smiled, and said, “Told you I wanted to kiss you.”

I was hooked, and from that day forward I went to school every day just to see her. Just to get a glimpse her. She rewarded me daily with a kiss, and it went on like that for a month. We sometimes stayed in school, but often we snuck out doing the most random things we could think of. And it made me happy, she made me happy. Then one day she didn’t turn up. I waited. Then the next day, another no show. I waited months for her until I realized she was gone and not coming back. After that I went back to my old ways, back to the bad. She was the light and she took it with her that day, stole it and never gave it back.

The sound of the snap, the clank of the metal. The beating of the heart, the smell of fear.

It’s there, evident in his eyes.

He’s scared.

He should be.

“I knew you were coming.” His voice is shaky with fear. He takes a tentative step back, blocking him against the edge.

No words leave my mouth. No words are needed.

“They call you…” he looks behind him, effectively cutting the words he was about to say. His eyes snap back to mine, and I’m closer now, inches from the end.

“They say all you see is black… you’re black, black as the night sky on a stormy night.” He waits for me to respond again, but I won’t. He carries on, stalling me. It’s not working. Another step, I take inches now from his life.

“They call you Black! But if I’m going into the black you’re coming with me,” he says just as I shoot him. He reaches for my arm, the one with the gun, pulling me down with him. Falling into the deep, dark, inky water.

Everything is black.

Black as my soul.

Black like they call me.

Maybe they all should fear me?

Maybe I will one day turn black, everything I touch does.

The water is calm and I think about not surfacing, think about what it would be like if the black takes me over completely.

I surface, coming up for air. He doesn’t—dead at my hand, dead as the black.

I have demons, as I’m sure we all do. Mine come in the form of someone I loved, thought I loved. He hid himself, showed me someone who he wasn’t. Had me hook, line, and sinker. Betrayed me, used me, and abused me. Made me feel less than I was.

I was a fool. I thought he loved me, thought I loved him. He took me away, secluded me from any friends and family I had. Made me rely on him, made me think he was the only person to care for me. Love me.

He swooped in when I was young. I was naïve enough to believe all the things he said, the way he touched me, whispered in my ear that I was it for him. I believed every sick word that came from his mouth. I had no reason not to. He was popular and had a name for himself.

He just hid it, hid it well. I didn’t know what he was truly like until it was too late. Too late for me.

He fed me drugs, forced their use upon me. Made me do things for them when I needed more.

He got what he needed from me, something that broke me so badly that the drugs became the only answer.

It became too much. The hurt too much to bare.

My heart was broken, and he’d stolen it.

Then I escaped. I ran.

From one dark place to another.

My boots are heavy, wet from pulling the body from the lake. I trudge into my house, kicking my boots off as I go. I sit down, exhausted, but wanting relief. I needed to fuck—fuck hard—but there’s no pussy in sight. I clench my teeth, pick up a smoke and light it. It brings some relief, but not what I want or need. Two weeks without sex has me wound up tightly. I was off guard and let the man pull me into the river. Yes, he was a paid job, though he would have gone out easier if he’d stopped talking.

I lean back on my couch, wondering what the fuck I’m doing. How the fuck did I get to this place in my life? How did I become one of the darkest people I know? I shake my head, running my hand through my beard, trying to disperse those thoughts. I look out the window—a motorbike is pulling in. More than likely it’s Jake to take me to the clubhouse for pussy and business. I was down for pussy, just not the business part.

My house is two stories, it’s old, standing on stilts, surrounded by acres of land. I bought this house for next to nothing. It’s in a good position, value for money, especially if you had the cash. Which I did. The furniture’s plain and the inside the house smells fresh. I hired a bunch of neighborhood kids to graffiti it. Color lines the walls from my kitchen to my living room. It’s bright, beautiful—and all the things I’m not.

The hard knock comes from the front door. I stand, ridding my suit jacket as I walk, leaving me in just my black slacks and white shirt. I walk a few feet to the door and swing it open. Jake smiles, then taps my back as he makes his way straight to my fridge. His vest is displayed proudly. Vice President badge on his chest, the other states
‘Coffin Soldiers’
. They’re our local MC. They’re large, chapters all over Australia and around the world.

“Fucking some sweet ass pussy tonight, my brother?” He lifts the beer, touching his lips, and he downs the whole thing. Not stopping until it’s gone, and then he throws it in the sink, smashing the glass bottle. He looks me up and down, laughing when he sees I’m still wet from my unexpected swim in the fucking lake.

“You went for a swim? In your clothes?” he questions me. I shake my head. He knows better than anyone why I’d be wet, and it wouldn’t be from fucking swimming, that’s for sure.

I enter my bedroom, the only place inside the house that’s pitch black, not an ounce of color anywhere, not even in my wardrobe. I throw my socks to the floor, then my pants and my shirt are next. I’m dressed in exactly what I was wearing before, but now clean and dry.