Bleeding Heart (16 page)

***

I woke the next morning to a beautiful canvas of an orange and pink sunrise. Calix’s arms were wrapped around me and my back was facing him. He was kissing a line from my shoulder to the base of my neck and back. I felt his swollen length against my backside and felt my body respond immediately.

“You’re awake?” He asked against my skin, obviously noticing my stirring.

“Yes.”

“How did you sleep?”

“Amazingly.” I replied honestly. “You?”

“Never better.” He kissed me again and I felt his hand, that was resting against my belly, move lower.

My breath hitched. “Calix.”

“How are you feeling this morning?”

“I,” I stuttered as his fingers dipped between my legs, finding the moistness of my desire for him. My body turned to flames as his finger moved through the soft folds. “Oh,”

“Shit baby,” he ground out the words. “You’re soaked.”

“Umhmm.”

“Nova?” My name was a question I didn’t know how to answer and thankfully, Calix clarified with another. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.” I replied truthfully as his finger swirled around my clit. I moaned, “So good.”

He stopped moving his hand and I groaned a frustrated sound. “Nova, you need to be honest with me. I don’t want to hurt you. Tell me how you’re feeling.”

I rolled onto my back to glare at him. “I told you I feel fine.”

“Are you sore?”

“A little.” I huffed. “But it’s not a bad kind of sore.”

“What kind of sore is it?” He growled, clearly irritated with my avoidance of his question.

“The kind of sore that tells me you had me - that you were inside of me. The kind of sore that tells me I’m yours. The kind of sore that tells me I want to be yours again - forever and ever.”

The irritation in his eyes was quickly replaced with something I liked a whole lot better. Heat. And when he pushed me onto my back, I went willingly. My arms wrapped around his neck as he crushed his lips to mine, moving his hand between my legs. Softly, he stroked me into another orgasm before placing himself between my legs and pushing. There was a pain, but it was more a raw pain than anything and it was quickly forgotten as Calix filled me the way I knew only he could.

His arm moved around the small of my back, and he moved me on top of him as he flipped us over. The different angle of him inside me had my mouth open and a sharp breath stinging my lungs. “Oh Calix,”

“Is this okay?” He asked nervously, stiffly. I could see he was afraid of moving - afraid of hurting me. The look on his face was adorable. For the first time, this strong, take what he wanted man, was terrified of something. The frailty in his expression was beautiful, but what made it so beautiful wasn’t the weakness of it - but the fact that he allowed me to witness this weakness. And that I was this particular weakness’s Achilles Heal.

“I’m okay.” I breathed and his hands moved to my hips.

Gripping my hips firmly, he looked up into my face. “Can you move, love?”

I nodded, but I wasn’t sure. This felt so different than before - with him on top. He filled me so much as it was, but like this, with me on top, I felt even more full of him. Taking a deep breath, I started to move and winced. “I,” I pulled in a breath and I felt his fingers press into my skin. “I need you to help me.” I pleaded. “Calix,” I dropped my head into his shoulder, suddenly feeling nervous and hot. “Guide me.”

“Love,” he craned his neck to press a calming kiss into my hair. I knew he could sense my sudden panic because his hands moved slowly over the length of my back. “I’m going to sit up and bring you with me, alright?”

I nodded against his shoulder. “Okay.”

And then he moved. When he sat up, he filled me in a different way and it didn’t hurt nearly as much. Obviously, I was a little more sore than I’d thought. But now, with the sheets resting around our waists and me sitting in his lap, impaled on his shaft, chest to chest, face to face, I felt better. I just wanted him to move inside of me. I wanted to find the sweet relief I’d found with him so many times before.

“Please Calix.” I pressed my lips to his, kissing him hard. When I felt him move inside of me, slight gentle movements, I moaned against his lips as I lost myself around him.

He was gentle again this morning just as he had been the night before. His strokes were measured and soft, his kisses attentive and addicting. It didn’t take me long to meet him in another earthshattering orgasm as my body bowed and Calix held me tight as I fell into a few seconds of heaven on earth, before he joined me in that sweet heaven. When he was finished, spilling his heat inside me, he crooked his head and pressed a soft, loving kiss to my forehead.

My heart swelled.

***

My reflection was staring back at me in the bathroom mirror. Calix was calling for breakfast to be delivered to our room - yes, room service on a yacht - again, he had too much money.

Shaking my head, I studied myself in the mirror, my skin was flushed, my eyes were shining the color of spun gold and even though my chocolate waves were messy, they looked great. I was naked - stark naked - standing in front of the mirror. I don’t know what I expected when I looked at my body, but I’d sort of expected it to look a little different. I expected to see some physical evidence that I’d given my innocence to Calix. But I didn’t. There was no evidence of our actions on my body. The only evidence I had was memory, the mess of a bed in our bedroom and the persistent, but sweet ache between my legs.

I glanced at the V of my thighs and blushed cherry red at the memory of him there, stretching me, filling me - and bit down on my lower lip. My night with Calix was one I would never forget. The slow gentle way he’d moved within me, the feel of his lips on my mouth and body, the scent of his skin against mine. It was all wonderful - perfect. And when he came - inside me - so warm and fulfilling, it was just - wow.

At that thought, I felt my teeth release my lip and my eyes dropped to my belly in the mirror. Holy shit - we hadn’t used protection. I wasn’t on birth control. And since I’d been with Calix, he hadn’t given me any to take to prevent - the thought was too much to bear and I felt my skin pale slightly as Calix entered the room naked to stand behind me.

Calix wound his arms around my waist, tugging me against the firm structure that was his front. I went against him numbly, my mind still on the fact that we hadn’t used freaking birth control! I mean, crap! Crap!

“Calix,” I gulped and he smiled into the mirror.

“You’re so beautiful, love.” His eyes swept over my body before coming back to my eyes in the mirror. “So perfect.”

“Calix,” I said his name again, and again, it was nothing more than a hoarse whisper. But crap, I was panicking. Inside, I felt a little like I was drowning.

Calix stiffened and his smile fell from his face as he watched my gold eyes darken and fill with tears. He looked stunned as he stared at me, unmoving, for what felt like eternity. Then, his arms moved away from me and he turned me to face him. His eyes focused on mine as he tipped my head back with a finger beneath my chin.

“What is it, love?” He asked seriously. “Are you hurting?”

I shook my head, still feeling dazed and slightly confused. How could he be so careless? I mean, I had a little bit of an excuse - I was an innocent. I’d never had sex before. I had never had to think of using protection or worrying about a freaking baby! What the hell was Calix’s excuse?

Continuing to shake my head, I spoke under my breath. “You came.”

“Yes.” He said slowly. “I always come with you, Nova.”

“No,” I shook my head harder before bringing my hands up to my temples. I was overwhelmed. “No, you came
inside
me.”

Again, Calix nodded. “Yes, I’d planned to.”

“But,” I sputtered. “I,”

“What’s wrong, Nova?” He asked, more stern this time.

“You didn’t wear a condom.”

“Yes,” Again he nodded. “And I never will with you.”

“But,” I couldn’t stop sputtering. I could barely contain the trembling pulsing through my body. “But I’m not on birth control.”

“I know.” He replied firmly before dropping his hand from my chin. Placing his hands on my hips, he pushed me toward the shower. “Get in, love.”

I stiffened, my voice raising a few octaves. “Calix!”

“What?”

“We have to talk about this.”

“What is there to talk about, Nova?”

My mouth dropped. It opened and closed and opened and closed so many times, I felt as though I were gasping for air. And who knew, maybe I was. “Calix!”

“Nova, you are my wife. You aren’t my wife for only today or the next year or the next five years. You are my wife until death do us part.” He eyed me through piercing blue orbs that chilled my skin. “Do you understand?”

“Yes.” I breathed.

“Then what are you going on about?”

I placed a splayed hand over my belly and watched as his eyes followed. His jaw tensed when I spoke and I watched a muscle twitch. “I’m going on about the possibility, the very good possibility, that I might become pregnant if we don’t take precautions.”

I seriously could not believe he wasn’t piecing together the danger in us having unprotected sex. My
Gods
! I thought he was smarter than this!

“I’ve taken that into consideration, Nova.” He said darkly and I felt my eyes, already wide, widen.

For long moments, I didn’t move. I just stared at him - my husband - a man I thought I was getting to know. I guess, that no matter how much you think you know someone, you can always be surprised. Because Calix just shocked the fuck right out of me.

Chapter 15

My blood was raging through my veins like a white-capped river as I stared into Calix’s beautiful face. His eyes hadn’t moved from my face, not once, as I glared through wide eyes at him. I don’t know how long I’d stood there, naked and angry, but I knew Calix was done giving me time to process the words exchanged when he took a menacing step toward me. I could see by the firm set of his jaw, the cool blue of his eyes and the determination in his step that he wasn’t willing to allow this moment to continue.

Before I knew what had happened, Calix had lifted me against his body and placed me into the shower before turning on the water. At first, the spray was cold, and it shocked me right out of the disbelieving state I’d been trapped in.

No longer silenced by astonishment, I barked. “Calix!”

“Nova, shut up.” Calix growled against my ear. “We’re not discussing this.”

“Then I’m not fucking you again.” I bit out through my anger - or, rage was probably a better word for the way I was feeling. My blood was hot. It was so hot I was uncomfortable.

Calix spun me around before pushing me back into the wall of the shower. He caught my chin firmly in his hand and I realized I’d angered him. I’d actually angered him to the point he lacked control. His hand was shaking and his lips were drawn into a tense line on his face as he stared down into my eyes.

“I am your husband. You will fuck me when I want you to fuck me, Nova. You will suck my cock when I tell you to and you will spread your legs upon my request.” His fingers tightened on my chin and I felt tears of rage sting my eyes. “Do you understand me?”

“Fuck you, Calix.” I spit the words.

“Spread your legs.”

“I said fuck you!” I screamed, and then I lashed out at him. My hand connected with the side of his face once, twice, three times before he caught my wrist in his grip. It was so tight and punishing, I wanted to cry out, but I didn’t. I bit my tongue and swallowed my tears. “You’re not the man I married.”

He smirked. “But I am, love. I’m the man who took you, who married you, who holds everything you cherish in my palm. Test me. I dare you.”

I closed my eyes against the breaking pain of my heart shining in their depths. Calix was a monster. He would always be a monster and I hated myself for thinking I held the ability within my gentle soul to tame him.

“Open your legs, Nova.”

“No.” I shook my head against the wall of the shower. “I won’t give myself to you willingly.”

“You will.” He said with a confidence that I ached to shatter. It wasn’t an egotistical kind of confidence - it was a malicious confidence. And I hated it.

Fighting to push the words from my throat as Calix placed a knee between my legs, I spoke. “You’ve brought me into this.” I closed my eyes against the assault of his cobalt orbs as I continued. “You brought me into the middle of a war, Calix. I know there will be casualties - I can feel it in my bones. But I’m in the middle. I love every soldier - can you understand that? You did this,” I whispered. “You brought me into this, forced me into this war I can’t even begin to understand. I will not allow you to bring another innocent into this mess. I refuse to allow you to bring
our child
into this mess.”

I knew my words affected him in a way I couldn’t understand, because he dropped his hand from my chin and his knee from between my legs. I couldn’t feel him anymore. And when I finally opened my eyes, Calix was gone.

I felt as though I’d been shattered into a thousand tiny pieces as I stared at the bathroom door I knew Calix had escaped from. For long minutes, I stood there, simply staring at the door. And then I turned into the now warm spray of water and finished my shower - alone.

When I was finished with my shower, I brushed my teeth, applied a soft scented vanilla cream into my skin and dressed in a chiffon pastel pink dress that ended in the middle of my thighs. It had thin straps and a loose sweetheart neckline, and like most dresses I wore, it was cinched at the waist. I wore a white swimsuit under the dress, knowing I would more than likely be swimming at some point during the day. Not wanting to wander from the room without Calix, I moved to the glass doors, opened them with the same remote Calix had used, before moving onto the deck and lowering myself into the same white recliner chair that Calix had worked me into an orgasm in only the night before.

Memories of the night before clashed with memories of this morning in the shower. Calix had made love to me twice and not an hour later, he’d practically informed me that he would force me if he had to. This bothered me deeply. Calix had always pushed me, he’d always forced me to be with him in a way - but he’d never pushed his way inside of me without my consent. I had a feeling, that if he ever stooped so low, that I would ever find it in myself to forgive him. Yes, I loved Calix. But love only held so much power when it came to offering forgiveness for an unforgivable action.