Blind Love (Sulfur Heights Series) (32 page)

***

The day goes by slowly and painfully. Reggie and Darcie have retreated to their room, leaving Delilah and me to tend to Mia. Delilah is squeezing and holding her, barely putting her down; basically spoiling Mia rotten. I’m sure it’s because she will be leaving for Memphis tomorrow, but not if I can help it.

I won’t let her leave unless I’m coming with her, and then I’ll help pack up her stuff to come live with me in Michigan. She is now my forever and always. Before, I never thought I’d ever want to be tied to a girl, but watching what Drake is going through now and thinking back to everything he’s done for Presley
—and Reggie for that matter with Darcie—I want to protect and love a woman for the rest of my life. However long that may be. The only person I can live this way for is Delilah. Now I just need to find the right words and the perfect time to tell her.

After we tuck Mia in bed for the night, Delilah and I retreat to the basement. My initial plan
has been to sleep on the couch, but since she’s arrived, Delilah hasn’t wanted to be left alone, and come to think of it, neither have I. Too much is happening right now and being alone with my thoughts is tortuous, holding Delilah takes all of that away.

Giving her space, I step out of my room to let her change into her pajamas and get herself tucked under the covers. She is so beautiful. It’s been impossible to lie next to her at night without wanting to kiss her and make love to her. Make love. That is something I would
have never done, and now it’s all I can think about doing with Delilah.

Sure
, I’ve fucked, screwed and plowed, but I’ve never made love. Actually, I’ve never had sex in a bed before. I lost my virginity in the back of the Challenger when I was fifteen and every experience has been practically the same ever since. All my conquests are short and sweet. Even with the redhead and her frien
d—
who’ve been my only threesom
e—
we’ve christened the couch, kitchen and shower, but never her bedroom. Too much emotion happens when you’re screwing in a bed, and in my fucked up mind, I’ve been afraid it would give a woman the wrong idea. Now, though, I want Delilah to have the wrong idea. I want her to feel love, desire and passion because that’s what I’m feeling.

I strip to my boxers and climb in bed next to her and we get in our standard sleeping position
; chest to chest with her head tucked into the crook of my arm. The feel of her body next to mine is undeniable. She is meant to be here—in the protection of my arms. Thinking back, I’ve always felt whole when she is lying in my arms, but I’ve been too blind and too ignorant to accept it.

Although I can’t look into her eyes, I can feel the sadness spilling over and I want to take it all away. I want her to know things will be better soon
—it’s just right now that it hurts, however it will get better.

I lift my hand to her cheek and whisper, “It will be okay. It’s hard right now
, but this pain will slowly go away.” The tears fill in her eyes, leaking onto my chest and I inwardly curse myself for making her cry.

“How long did it take for the pain of losing your mom and dad to go away?”
she whispers back to me.

I was so young when they died and I was sad when my dad died
, knowing what he had become in his life and what he could have done to be better. He owed money to powerful people, and when they didn’t get paid, people died. He died.

“I was sad when my dad died, but he wasn’t around much when I was little
, so it didn’t take too long to get over him.”

She moves her arms around my waist
, holding onto my body, pressing it closer to mine. “What about your mom?”

“What about her?” I say with anger in my voice
, knowing I don’t want to talk about her, but Delilah always has a way of making me sing like a canary. “I wasn’t sad at her funeral. I actually wasn’t really sad she died.”

“Why?”

“Because she was dead to me long before she died.” A sigh releases from my throat as the hurt builds up inside my chest.

Feelings for my mother always trigger me to be stressed, tense and fueled with anger. I numb all those feelings with whiskey or women
, yet now, I don’t want to numb the pain. I want to release it, and Delilah is the only person I’m comfortable enough with to have this discussion.

I take a chance on her and let my broken heart spill. “I was only sad
that she never loved me.”

Delilah lifts her head from my chest and looks me straight in the eyes. “What did she do to you, Jake?” Her eyes are glossy and hurt-filled. They’re pleading with me to tell her why I am the way I am. Why I feel like a piece of shit and worthless to anyone who’s in my life.

Releasing a deep sigh, I cave. For the first time, I let the words fall from my mouth and expose the darkest feelings I’vevowed never to share. “She never wanted u
s—
well, Jeremy and me anyway.” Delilah looks to me, needing more. Releasing a deep sigh, I spill my guts. “She got pregnant with Reggie when she was seventeen then quickly married his dad. According to her numerous comments, Reggie’s dad was the only man for her, and from what Reggie’s said, she was young and beautiful and drug free. I guess she was happy. Then his dad just up and vanished, taking everything they had with him. All the money, valuables and car, but he left the house and Reggie behind. Apparently, this broke her. She became hateful and turned to drugs.

“
When she hooked up with my father, she got pregnant within the first week they met and loathed him for it. Nine months later, Jeremy and I were born.” Delilah lays her head back down, tucking herself in, and lightly cries from my fucked up story. My voice is soft—gravelly eve
n—
but I confess everything I’ve ever felt for my mother. I spill my guts, hoping Delilah can see beyond my messed up past and love me in the present.

“My first memory of my mother was when she slapped me across the face for lying about the broken glass in the kitchen. I don’t have a single good
memory of her, not like Reggie does. It’s no secret she despised me and Jeremy. She told us every single day how much she hated us. How she wished she’d drowned us at birth. The only time she would relent was when she was too fucking cracked out to function or when Reggie would step in.”

“Why do y’all have the same last name?”

“It’s another way my mother cut the balls off my dad. Apparently, back in her day, abortions weren’t a pursuable option because, if they were, I’m sure she would have gotten one. Out of spite, my mother gave us her last name, which as you know, is the same as Reggie’s father’s last name.”

She did a lot to bring my father down and I truly believe this is why he was the way he was, absent and strung out. He really loved her and she wouldn’t allow it. This was another reason I hated my mother. She took the only parent who did love us and pushed him away.

“Anyway, she spent the rest of her life taking her anger over everything out on me and Jeremy. I was ten-years-old when she died, but I knew full well that I hated her before that. She treated Reggie like he was gold and gushed over him all the time.”

“Did that make you hate Reggie?” She moves her hand up to my cheek, tilting her chin up, getting her face so close to mine. My heart accelerates from her touch. A touch I’ve craved, but until this very moment
, didn’t even realize how much.

“Not at all. He was the
only reason any of us lived. She didn’t care for us; Reggie did. He’s spent his life raising all of us and there is no way I could hate Reggie. The three of us would be dead if it wasn’t for him. I hate to think where Drake would be if Reggie hadn’t begged my mother to take him.” I roll to my back, overcome with the emotions Delilah has stirred inside side of me. I feel like I’ve been put into a blender and the stone wall around my true, inner self is crumbling bit by bit.

“
Because my mother never loved me, for a long time I believed I wasn’t worth loving. That I was a fuck up. But once she died, every kind feeling I may have had for her died, too. She killed a part of me I never thought I would ever get back… until…”

She
’s still lying incredibly close to me. Her warm breath tickles my neck when she whispers, “Until, what?”

I cup her chin between my fingers and gently guide her head up. Our eyes me
et and I reply, “Until I met you. You make me want to be better. For the first time in years, I actually want to try to be a better person, a better man.”

Before I know what’s happening, Delilah rolls on top of me. She is flat on my chest, her lips inches away from my face
while I look into her eyes. I’m confused by her actions, but mesmerized by the glint inside of them. “You’ve always been a good man, Jake, and that’s why I love you,” she whispers to me and then she smashes her lips to mine. They’re sweet and soft and my body cannot get enough.

It takes no time for my brain to register what’s happening and for my lips to deepen the kiss
, tasting the sweetness and purity she possesses. We explore, tango and devour each other’s mouths as she presses her body firmly into mine, showing me how much she wants me, how much she loves me.

I run my hands up her back, inching them underneath her tank top to feel her warm skin. It’s exactly how
I’ve imagined; so soft and flawless. When Delilah breaks our kiss, there is a look of desire, confusion and pain in her eyes. I try so hard to get myself under control, knowing this is something she’s never done before. I don’t expect her to do this right now.

I
’m shocked and surprised as she yanks her shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor. Next, she reaches for her bra, unfastening it and freeing her breasts. All of my chivalry is gone and the savage beast that’s been dormant since before Vegas unleashes. I sit up, cupping her full, firm tits in my hand and squeeze. I take them into my mouth and allow the onslaught of lust and desire to feed my need to be with her.

Two years
’ worth of craving has been building to this moment and I’m ready to take her. I’m ready to make her mine, in body and soul. I will possess her just as she’s possessed me.

Delilah

Hearing Jake’s sad story
erupts a feeling in me that’s never been present. I can’t think of anything else.I want more—need mor
e—
than him in this moment; this is the way we can take away each other’s pain. By giving in to the building emotions, we’re exploring feelings we’ve never felt before as we temporarily erase all of our pain. Then, when the night turns into day, we can say goodbye to the feelings as fast as we’ve welcomed them in.

I know I can’t sacrifice my heart to have Jake in my life. I can’t live the rest of my life like Drake—hollow and broke
n—
but I will give my heart this part of him. I will give myself to him fully before I have to let him go. He deserves all of me, and tonight—only for tonight—I will give that to him. I will give that to myself.

I refuse to hold the words in for a single second longer. I finally admit to myself and to Jake what my heart truly feels. My mind will make decisions for me in the morning,
yet tonight, I’m leaving it all up to my heart.

Jake’s admission to how his mother
has treated him, and with the building pain for my best friend, I can’t stop myself. I have to kiss him. Jake is taken by surprise, but doesn’t hold back; he matches me kiss for kiss. And in this very moment, I know I’m in trouble.

A jolt of electricity ripples and pulses to the deepest part of my body. The part unexplored by anyone
. The intensity is irresistible and aching.

I can feel what my body does to him as his hardness grows and settles between my legs. Only the thin fabric of his boxers and my pajamas separate us. The urge to rub myself on him is overwhelming, but I focus on his lips and what they’re doing to my body.

I ache to feel his skin, so acting on a whim, I pull my shirt over my head and unhook my bra. Modesty and manners forgotten—something only Jake Evans can do to me. At that point, I watch his eyes transform from a tender, hurt man into a carnal, raw beast.

“Fuck
,” he growls as he grabs my breasts in his hands and invites them into his mouth. His tongue and teeth are teasing my nipples, making them rock hard and sensitive.

Heat.

God, there’s so much heat building inside of me. I release a noise I’ve had no idea I could make as he sucks on my breasts. It’s intense, powerful and slightly painful when Jake consumes my nipples and squeezes my breasts.

I can’t stop the building. I don’t want it to stop, but I’m terrified
of what will happen once it evaporates. My body begins to tingle and quiver, which only urges him to keep suckling my nipple, not allowing me out of his grasp.

I become light headed and begin to float with delightful pain. Suddenly
, the world as I know it erupts. Stars and euphoric bliss succumb me, leaving me detached from my reality as all the painful feelings I’ve been holding onto slowly wither away.

Jake

I’m no longer the person I used to be.

The moment Delilah’s lips connected with mine I knew instantly those were the only lips I wanted to feel against mine, and when she removed her shirt and came onto my lap, it completely undid my world. I could feel her trembling with pleasure. I could also feel how soaking wet she became the moment I put her perfect nipple in my mouth and it practically killed me where I sat.