Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled

BOOK: Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled
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Contents

 

Advance praise for Blind to Betrayal

 

Title Page

 

Copyright

 

Dedication

 

Preface

 

Acknowledgments

 

Chapter 1: Blind to Betrayal

 

Chapter 2: Children Betrayed

 

Rebecca's Story

 

Kevin's Story

 

Betrayal as a Violation of Trust

 

Chapter 3: The Wide Reach of Betrayal Blindness

 

Girl on a Plane

 

Mark Walker: Another Case of Betrayal

 

A Special Case of Betrayal Blindness: Stockholm Syndrome

 

The Story of Jacques Sandulescu's Betrayal Blindness

 

Jaycee Lee Dugard

 

Chapter 4: Blind Adherence

 

Institutional Betrayal by Employers

 

Cover-Up of Church Sexual Abuse

 

Research on Institutional Betrayal: Violations of Members' Trust Surrounding Incidents of Sexual Assault

 

Military Sexual Trauma and Betrayal Blindness

 

Institutional Betrayal in the Courtroom

 

Betrayal Blindness in Bystanders

 

Chapter 5: Why Blindness?

 

Dependence on the Caregiver and Attachment

 

Social Contracts, Trust, and Cheater Detectors

 

Betrayal Blindness When Attachment and Cheater Detectors Collide

 

Chapter 6: Knowing and Not Knowing

 

Samantha's Story

 

How
Did Sam Remain Unaware of Mark's Infidelity?

 

Sam and Betrayal Trauma Theory

 

Chapter 7: Mental Gymnastics

 

Blindness for Battering

 

Keeping Secrets Supports Betrayal Blindness

 

Double Standards and Other Mental Gymnastics That Support Betrayal Blindness

 

Dependence on the Perpetrator and the Need to Maintain the Relationship

 

Liberation

 

Chapter 8: Insights from Research

 

Meta-Cognitions

 

Attention and Memory

 

Dissociation

 

Knowing and Not Knowing about Feelings

 

Perpetrator Grooming and Demands for Silence

 

Groupthink and Government Cover-Up

 

Need to Trust

 

Chapter 9: Betrayal Blindness Is Toxic

 

The Toxic Effects of Betrayal on Individuals

 

The Toxic Effects of Betrayal on Relationships

 

The Toxic Effects of Betrayal on Society

 

Chapter 10: The Risks of Knowing

 

“Knowing” about Betrayal

 

Beth's Story

 

Telling May Risk More Betrayal

 

It's Difficult to Know, and It's Difficult to Disclose

 

Why Don't We Disclose?

 

Chapter 11: The Healing Power of Knowing

 

Power, Trust, and Betrayal

 

Disclosure Can Be Effective in Healing

 

Cathy's Story: The Importance of Safety and Hope

 

Awareness and Parenting

 

Chapter 12: The Healing Power of Telling

 

Facing Betrayal on the Societal Level Leads to Justice

 

Sean Bruyea's Story: Speaking Truth to Power

 

Chapter 13: Speaking Our Truth

 

Chapter 14: Now I See: Facing Betrayal Blindness

 

For Those Who Suspect They Have Been Betrayed

 

For Friends and Supporters

 

For Institutions and Powerful Others

 

Final Words

 

Recommended Reading

 

Index

 

Advance praise for
Blind to Betrayal

 

“Even if, like me, you are less than enchanted with therapy (
any
therapy!), you will find much of value in this courageous path-breaking book that honors the stories of survivors of abuse of many kinds. It is compelling, readable, and most important of all, true.”

 

—Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson, author of
Assault on Truth,
Final Analysis
, and twenty-four other books 

 


Blind to Betrayal
dares to say what most of us know, intuitively, about the basic human need to trust in the goodness of others. Fear of experiencing the overwhelming pain of knowing that people to whom we render ourselves vulnerable have exploited rather than cherished our trust makes us ‘blind' to betrayal even when it's right there in front of us. Drs. Freyd and Birrell have built a critical bridge of knowledge that allows us to take the blinders off and become comfortable in our discomfort. This book is a gift to all who suffer with or support those who feel stuck in the reluctance to know the ugly truth about the people and institutions we entrust with our minds and bodies. Open this book—then open your eyes to the power and liberation that always comes with new insight and truth.”

 

—Wendy J. Murphy, JD, New England Law/Boston, author of
And Justice for Some

 

“Drs. Freyd and Birrell open our eyes to the profound and pervasive human vulnerability of betrayal blindness. They show how it deprives us of key information and realizations, often with catastrophic results; how the scientific research helps us to understand it; and how we can break free of it. These preeminent experts have created a book that will be of great help to many people and that belongs on the book shelf of all therapists and coaches, on the reading list of all clinical training programs, and in the hands of everyone who seeks a better understanding of human behavior and experience.”

 

—Kenneth S. Pope, PhD, ABPP, diplomate in Clinical Psychology

 

“Powerful, illuminating, and disturbing, this translation of decades of meticulous scientific research and sophisticated clinical observation is an eye-opener in the best sense for social scientists, clinicians, and any reader interested in understanding the impact of trauma from a unique new perspective. The work Dr. Freyd and her colleagues have done in this controversial and increasingly urgent area of violence and victimization, the description she and Dr. Birrell provide of the paths to recovery that become possible when psychological blindness is recognized and understood, and the compelling case examples in this book, is a groundbreaking and essential contribution.”

 

—Julian D. Ford, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry, University of Connecticut Health Center

 

“Drs. Freyd and Birrell have created a masterwork for all of us who struggle to comprehend our own experiences of not seeing, not knowing, and not protecting ourselves and others from betrayal. The pervasiveness of both betrayal and betrayal blindness, and the challenges inherent in becoming able to know and see betrayal, as well as the psychological science making sense of these painful dynamics, come to life in this book. It's one that I'll be buying several copies of, because I know that it'll constantly be on loan to clients and students. A must-read for everyone who has experienced betrayal and betrayal blindness—and that means almost all of us.”

 

—Laura S. Brown, PhD, ABPP, director, Fremont Community Therapy Project

 

Copyright © 2013 by Jennifer J. Freyd and Pamela J. Birrell. All rights reserved

 

Cover Design: Wendy Mount
Cover Photograph: ©Tooga/Getty Images

 

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey
Published simultaneously in Canada

 

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600, or on the web at
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.

 

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and the author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

 

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ISBN 978-0-470-60440-3 (paperback); ISBN 978-1-118-22069-6 (ebk);
ISBN 978-1-118-23448-8 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-25890-3 (ebk)

 
BOOK: Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled
4.73Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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