Blindsided (31 page)

She couldn’t leave town tomorrow without talking to the sister who’d always been her idol, but finding a moment when Bella wasn’t surrounded by men proved next to impossible. Currently, Bella held court with an assortment of hockey and football players. Across the room, Cedric glowered at every one of them. Emma observed his jealousy with amusement. The Swede and Bella had hooked up when the team first moved to town. They’d done an on-again-off-again thing ever since. Cedric, a player in his own right on and off the rink, fisted his hands as Bella ran a fingernail along Jason Wilder’s biceps, tracing his Sockeye tattoo.

Emma decided it was time to intervene before Cedric started a fight, and scrappy Bella finished it. Pushing her way through the crowd of men, Emma linked her arm through Bella’s. “Excuse me, gentlemen, Bella and I need time for girl talk, you know.”

At the mention of girl talk, the guys evaporated into thin air, probably fearing a discussion about shoes, makeup, and, God forbid, monthly periods.

“Bella,” Emma said when they were alone. “You being here means a lot to me.”

Bella, annoyed at losing her entourage, scowled and took a long pull on her beer. “You are my baby sister.”

Emma hated being the baby, but she decided not to broach that subject. Instead she needed to say what was in her heart before she left for Vegas. “I wouldn’t have the guts to do this if I hadn’t watched you for years doing exactly what you wanted to do, regardless of what others thought. You may not know this, but you’ve always been my inspiration.”

Bella’s scowl faded, and she blinked her long eyelashes several times. “I am?” She pointed at her chest, her green eyes opened wide in surprise.

“You are.”

“I always assumed everyone considered me the screw-up of the family.”

“How can you possibly be the screw-up? You’re talented, beautiful, and you follow your heart wherever it leads despite the consequences. Not only that, you could kick the butt of any guy in here.”

“That I could.” Bella laughed. She worked part-time as a martial arts instructor. Combined with her tenacity, she could definitely hold her own against any man in the place.

Bella’s gaze darted around the room and back to Emma. “I’m glad to see you following your dreams, but are you sure you’re following the right dream?”

“I don’t understand.”

Bella jerked her pretty head toward Tanner. “Him. He hasn’t taken his eyes off you all night.”

“Oh.” Emma couldn’t look over her shoulder without being obvious. “He hasn’t?”

“No, he hasn’t. He’s crazy about you, Emms. I was wrong about the two of you together. You’re obviously both in love, which begs the question, why are you doing this?”

Emma couldn’t respond because she wasn’t certain anymore what her reply might be.

“You’re a picket fence type of girl. Tanner, well, who’d have thought he’d be a picket fence type of guy, but he seems happy with it. I understand following dreams. Hell, I’m still figuring out which dream to follow next, but at some point, you have to wonder if your dreams aren’t right here in your backyard rather than some elusive place which only exists in your imagination.” Bella’s gaze drifted to Cedric.

“I have to try, or I’ll never know.”

“I understand, but don’t expect a man like Tanner to wait around forever.”

“I know.” She didn’t expect him to wait around until next week. Tanner was the world’s best actor. He wasn’t in love with Emma. Sure, he liked her a lot. He enjoyed being with her, and he definitely enjoyed sex with her. But love? If he loved her, wouldn’t he tell her before she left?

And shouldn’t she tell him she loved him?

Would a declaration of love change things in ways it shouldn’t?

Emma’s head hurt with all the questions and no answers.

* * * *

Tanner and Emma didn’t speak on the ride home. There wasn’t much left to say other than
I love you, don’t leave me, and I can’t live without you.

None of which Tanner would say. A man had to have his pride when there was nothing else left. Tanner planned on keeping his intact. He wouldn’t beg, he wouldn’t declare his undying love. He’d send her on her way by making love to her in the most heartfelt way possible.

Words were only words.

He’d show her how much he cared, and words would pale in comparison.

“That was a fun party,” Emma said as they walked into the house from the garage.

“Sure was,” Tanner answered, hating how stiff and formal their conversation had become. He turned to her and pulled her into his arms next to the old oak bannister Emma loved so much. They’d never gotten around to refinishing it. Now he wondered if he ever would.

He held her against him so tightly he felt her heart thumping against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled his shoulder.

Tanner swallowed back tears. He never cried, not even when his sister died. He’d be damned if he’d do it now. The last thing he wanted was for Emma to stay because of guilt—because of him. If she had any inkling as to what kind of mess he was inside, she’d never leave him.

He couldn’t do that to her. It’d take the best acting of his life to convince her he was on-board with this and thrilled for her. Not that he wasn’t thrilled, but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit how much he wanted her to stay.

Imagining Emma in Vegas by herself without the support of friends and family scared the crap out of him. She’d be a prime target for all kinds of predators, male and female alike. He hated thinking about her alone with no one to turn to. Even though he’d be a phone call away, he couldn’t be there with her, and it was killing him.

A choked sob rose from his chest, mortifying him.

“Tanner?” Emma drew back, staring into his eyes. He buried his face in her soft, golden hair. She couldn’t see him like this. “Are you—are you crying or laughing?”

“Neither.”

He lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, careful to keep the lights off as he placed her gently on the bed. He stripped out of his clothes then removed hers. He could feel her eyes on him, but the darkness masked his distress.

Crawling onto the bed, he gathered her soft body in his arms and kissed her with all the tenderness and love he’d bottled up inside for the past few months. Their tongues danced together, momentarily washing away his sadness, as he lived in the moment with her.

He broke off the kiss and feasted on her body, licking and kissing his way downward. From her neck to her luscious breasts and taut nipples, past her stomach, to those beautiful long legs. Her thighs parted as he placed hands on her and buried his face between her legs. He slid his tongue along her slit and into her moist opening. She bucked against his mouth, but he used his hands on her thighs to hold her in place as he lapped at her juices. He parted those soft folds and gently pushed two fingers inside her, hooking one to hit her sweet spot as he sucked on her clit. She arched her back and came against his mouth, in a shuddering climax so hot he almost lost control himself.

Not waiting for her orgasm to subside, Tanner crawled back up her body, and without hesitation, slid inside her welcoming heat. He tangled his fingers in her hair, as her soft moans drove him deeper into her. He found her mouth for a passionate kiss, putting every ounce of love hiding in his heart into that kiss. He moved inside her, long, slow, and deep, savoring every inch of her body with his, making memories which might have to last a lifetime. With one final thrust, he buried himself deep as the waves of pleasure consumed him. Emma came with him; soaring to the stars hand in hand, they landed on a soft cloud and held each other as they slowly floated back to earth. A tenuous thread bound them together, merging their emotions, their thoughts, their dreams, a thread delicate and easy to break.

He’d laid his emotions out there for her to feel, hoping it’d be enough to bring her back to him.

But what if she never came back?

Oh, God, the thought was almost too much to bear.

Emma hadn’t really experienced other men. What if she decided she’d been missing something and took a page out of Bella’s book? He shook off the dread. Emma would never do that as long as they were married. She wouldn’t cheat on him any more than he’d cheat on her. The solution would be to keep her married. But at what cost? Would he hold her to a marriage she eventually might not want?

All these conflicting thoughts pummeled him, and he pushed them from his mind to do the one thing he lectured her about—live in the moment and regret nothing. It’d been his mantra most of his life. Only Emma had given him a future—a reason to look forward.

Tonight he held nothing back, gave her a part of his soul he hadn’t realized she’d possessed until now.

Would it be enough?

* * * *

Tanner stood with Emma inside Sea-Tac airport. She’d checked in, had her ticket, and would need to pass through the security checkpoint soon. He held her hand, unwilling to let go. She didn’t seem overly anxious either. Last night bound them together, but today split them apart.

Tanner had dealt with tragedies and loss in his life and managed to come out whole, but he’d never dealt with such excruciating pain as this. With every second closer to her leaving, he died a little more inside.

“I have to go,” she uttered the dreaded words and looked up at him with luminous blue eyes, shining with unshed tears. If she cried right now, he’d lose control and make a sorry ass out of himself.

“I know,” he croaked, kicking himself for revealing too much emotion with those two little words.

“I could stay,” she offered, reading his mind like she always had until lately. Maybe her oblivious behavior had more to do with her desire to go than his acting ability. The realization hit him like a sucker punch in the gut.

“No, you need to go.” He set his jaw and forced himself to ride out this storm like he had every other rocky period in his life.

She hesitated, clearly torn between her dreams and her man. He almost snorted.
Her man
? Had he ever truly been her man? Not because he didn’t want to be hers, but because he’d always held back a part of himself, knowing she, too, would leave one day, like the only other women in his life he’d loved. And there he had it. He’d directed his misplaced anger over the years toward Isaac when in reality he was angry at his mother and sister for abandoning him. Not that leaving had been their choice—or Isaac’s. They’d done the best they could do with the limited tools available to them at the time.

Isaac had become a better person facing and working through the pain, while Tanner merely avoided it and misdirected it with his fake exterior and locked-down interior.

Tanner gripped Emma’s hand, battling the desires to beg her to stay and send her on her way.

“What do you want?” she asked, her voice strangely calm, almost distant.

“What I want doesn’t matter. You have a dream, and I’d never stand in the way of your dreams. I’ve been here before. Everyone I’ve ever cared has left me, but I’ll survive. I always survive.” Damn, his life was one big pity party. He was raining on Emma’s parade, and he hated himself for it. He pulled on his big-boy pants and got over himself.

“And I’m not leaving you. Tanner—”

He held up a hand to silence her. “No, just go, Emmie. Don’t make this any harder on either of us. You have to follow your dream, while my dream is here. I’d never ask you to give up this opportunity any more than you’d ask me to give up football and go with you.”

“What about us?”

He looked away for a moment, wishing he knew the answer to that question. “I guess, we’ll see. Beed says your story will make good press for both of us, and once the season’s over, well, we can take care of the details.”

They both knew what those details entailed. He didn’t want a divorce, not anymore, but to give voice to those fears would be to keep her here and screw with her future. He wouldn’t do that either.

She looked ready to protest, to say something, but he didn’t want to hear it. Shaking his head, he pulled her to him for a searing goodbye kiss which was way too short.

“You need to go.” He pushed her toward the security lines.

“I know.” A single tear slid down her cheek. He almost fell to his knees and begged her to stay, but he held strong. She needed to do this, and he needed to let her. With one last lingering kiss, he strode away, forcing himself not to look back.

Once inside his truck in the parking garage, the dam broke, and tears streamed down his cheeks. He buried his head on the steering wheel and pounded his fists on the dash until the skin on his knuckles was split and bleeding.

She’d taken the best part of him with her and left him with nothing but an empty shell.

* * * *

Emma held back the tears until she checked into her hotel room that evening. As soon as she shut the door and blocked out the world, a tsunami of pathetic sobs wracked her body. She slumped to the floor and wept until her tears dried up, and she fell into an exhausted sleep.

Hours later she woke in the dark, stiff and sore from sleeping slumped against a wall. She crawled into bed, but sleep didn’t come and she finally gave up.

Early in the morning, Emma texted Tanner, receiving an immediate reply. He wasn’t sleeping either.

Everything okay
? He texted.

No, everything wasn’t okay. She missed him horribly.
Yes, it’s great.

I’m happy for you.

Thanks.

I miss you.

Her heart stopped with those simple words, and her eyes filled with tears. She would not be a blubbering female. She would be strong. She would be brave, and she would embrace this opportunity.

I miss you, too,
she texted.

There were no more text messages after that. Maybe they’d said all they needed to say. Emma didn’t know. She took a shower and waited as time crept by at a snail’s pace. She arrived early to her appointment with Cindy Latigo’s stage manager. The man glared at her and checked his watch.

“You’re early,” he growled as if she’d committed a crime. He didn’t bother to introduce himself, but Emma knew his name, Rod Colson, Cindy Latigo’s right-hand man and alleged lover.