Blindsided (33 page)

Tanner spit out a piece of pepperoni before he choked on it. “I—I—”

“Of course, you do. Why else are you moping around? It’s making us crazy, but no one else has the guts to say anything to you.” Riley looked pointedly at Cooper and Isaac. They merely stared back and said nothing, letting the kid do their dirty work for them.
Cowards
.

“I’m not moping.”

“Why don’t you go after her?” Riley pushed.

“It’s not that simple.” Tanner hated being interrogated by a snot-nosed kid, even though he adored the little shit.

“Seems simple to me,” Riley said smugly.

“Why don’t you ask Tiff out?” Tanner shot back, referring to a girl Riley had been crushing on for several months.

“We’re just friends.” Riley glared at him.

“Doesn’t look that way to me.”

“We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you. Izzy and Uncle Coop are worried about you. So is Uncle Isaac.” So now Isaac was Uncle Isaac? It didn’t irritate Tanner as much as it should’ve.

Tanner shifted his gaze to the two men. They weren’t saying a word, but they sure found their pizza fascinating, while they let the kid do the talking. Riley was doing a damn good job. Tanner had to give him credit for his tenacity and nerve, but then the kid was Tanner’s hero in so many ways, especially considering how he’d risen above the tragedies of his past. He’d done a helluva lot better job at moving on than Tanner and his brothers.

Riley sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, and a knowing smile on his face. “You love her, and love is more important than winning games or singing songs. Love is more important than anything.”

“True.” Tanner couldn’t dispute Riley’s statement, but life wasn’t that simple.

“Then why don’t you fix it?” Riley’s exasperation came through loud and clear.

Tanner wished like hell he could, but he didn’t know where to start.

* * * *

Emma stood backstage waiting for her cue to run out with the other two backup singers. She tugged on the bodice of her low-cut, form fitting dress with one hand, and attempted to pull down the short skirt at the same time.

The other backup singers, Cate and Lena, whispered to each other, sneering at her. They’d been catty all week. Emma chalked it up to jealousy since Cindy paid so much attention to Emma and treated them as callously as she’d treated Emma prior to the video filming. Emma had given up trying to be chummy and ignored them. She didn’t have time for petty jealousies. Her debut was seconds away. All Emma cared about right now revolved around not throwing up, carrying a tune, and making it through this entire ordeal without being booed off the stage. None of which she hoped was too much to ask.

“Ms. Maxwell?” Emma turned to see a scrawny, pimply face young man holding a small package.

“Yes?”

“This is for you,” the guy said to her boobs, obviously hoping she’d pop out of her dress. She couldn’t imagine what Tanner would say when he saw video or pics from tonight. She usually dressed conservatively in public. The poor man would most likely swallow his tongue.

Emma took the package from him, but he continued to stare at her breasts as if mesmerized.

“Do you need anything else?” She glared pointedly at him until he lifted his head.

“Sorry.” His face burned, accentuating the pimples. He scurried away, stumbling over a guitar in the process and pissing off a band member.

Shaking her head, Emma opened the box with a trembling hand. Inside, nestled in cotton lay a platinum football with the numeral ten etched in diamonds. A small card read:
I’ll be thinking of you. Wish I could be there. Yours, Tan
. Emma’s face broke into a smile, and her eyes filled with tears. She didn’t dare cry and ruin her makeup job. Pulling herself together, she quickly fastened the necklace around her neck, just as she heard the band’s cue for the backup singers to run on stage.

Her good luck charm.

Emma threw the box on a table and followed the experienced singers to her spot on the edge of the stage, thankfully she didn’t trip considering the ridiculously high heels she’d been forced to wear. Adrenaline raced through her, just like it did at karaoke. Only this wasn’t karaoke. This was a packed house in Vegas, and these were paying customers.

They began to sing as the tempo built for Cindy’s dramatic entrance. Emma knew all her songs, so she didn’t have any problems singing background with the other girls. In fact, once she was on stage, her nerves disappeared and confidence took over. Cindy strutted on stage, looking far younger than her years as she drew energy from the crowd, like any true entertainer.

Toward the end of the show, Emma joined Cindy for a duet, singing a fun, upbeat song about two women who’d been cheated on by the same man and were bent on revenge. The audience clapped along with them, some even dancing in the aisles. Emma looked out into the audience as best as she could beyond the bright lights, amazed performing in Vegas didn’t feel much different than singing karaoke, but on a larger scale.

Emma was having the time of her life. She could stand up here and sing all night long and never get tired of it. She’d always thought this was what she was born to do; now she knew for a fact it was.

The night sped by and before Emma knew it, they were running off stage to thunderous applause. Emma collapsed on one of the backstage couches, waiting for her heart to slow its pounding.

She hadn’t thought of Tanner once while performing, and the realization shook her. She always thought of him, any time, any place, but once she’d stepped on stage, the music took over.

Emma was torn, so very torn. And confused. She didn’t know what all this meant, what the future held, and where she really wanted to go in her life. Everything had erupted into turmoil. The only thing she did know was she’d loved performing.

As much as it would hurt, she needed a break from Tanner, a little distance in order to get her head on straight. Maybe he felt the same way. Maybe he’d prefer some distance. After all, he’d been the one insisting their marriage would end after the season.

She was finally following her passion, instead of doing what everyone else expected, and it was everything she’d hoped and dreamed. Tanner had his life, and now she had hers, and she couldn’t give up on that dream, not when it dangled within her grasp.

Even if following her passion broke her heart.

* * * *

Tanner woke up the morning of the game to a text message from Isaac asking if he’d seen the video snippet of Emma singing a duet with Cindy Latigo. Tanner hadn’t, so Isaac sent him the link and told him to sit down.

Tanner stepped out of the hotel room he shared with Hunter and found a private corner in the lobby away from the prying eyes of coaches and teammates. As he watched with a sinking feeling in his gut, his sweet Emmie transformed into to a sexy stranger. She glowed with joy, so energized, so vibrant; even on their wedding night, he didn’t recall her looking so impassioned. She was positively radiant and sang like an angel as her delectable body moved in natural rhythm to the music. In Tanner’s biased opinion, she far outshone Cindy.

Well, fuck
.

He buried his head in his hands and tried to get a handle on his emotions. Hot tears stung his eyes, and he rubbed them with his knuckles. He’d lost her, and he had to let her go. He had to, despite how much stepping away was going to kill him, keeping her bound to him when she wanted to be free would be even worse.

Tanner’s phone rang, and he wasn’t surprised to see it was Emma, reading his mind once again. Even when things were going down the tubes, they still had that connection.

“Hey,” he said, trying like hell to keep his voice cheerful. “I saw the vid of you singing. You were awesome.”

“I was, wasn’t I?” She giggled, as if embarrassed by her lack of humility. The sheer joy in her voice undid him. He could never be the one to stamp out that joy by crushing her dreams.

A long silence ensued, causing Tanner to suspect she’d called him for the same reason he’d been about to call her. His heart cracked in half, leaving a chasm so wide, the emptiness would never be filled.

“Emma, I—”

“Tanner—” she said at the same time.

They both laughed, hollow, stiff laughs, as if each knew what was coming next.

“Go ahead,” Tanner said, hoping he didn’t throw up. He grabbed a nearby water pitcher just in case.

“Last night was everything I ever dreamed it would be. Even more. I want this, Tan. I want it so badly I can taste it, but I want you, too.”

He didn’t respond. He couldn’t.

“Our relationship is only temporary, right?” Did she sound hopeful or worried? Damned if he could tell.

“That’s what we agreed on.” Tanner kept his voice level and even, as if he were neutral on the situation. He sat on the edge of his chair and rubbed his face.

“I don’t know what I want anymore. I need some time, and you need to concentrate on football. Let’s not worry about us right now. We’ll stay in touch, keep it light and simple, but maybe back off until we have a better handle on things.”

She was dumping him. He couldn’t believe it. He broke out in a cold sweat. His vision blurred, and he felt as if he might faint. Pissed at his pussy behavior, he pulled himself back from the brink by sheer force of will. He’d been to hell many times, and emerged scarred but stronger. He could survive this, too.

“Tanner?” Emma asked, concern gentling her voice.

“Yeah, sure, not a problem.” Tanner lied through his teeth. It was a problem. A big, fucking problem.

Tanner, the player of all players, horndog of all horndogs, had fallen in love, while Emma had fallen out of love. He was sick about it. So sick he wanted to hide in his room, close all the blinds, and bury himself under the covers for the next week, but he couldn’t. He had a game to play in a few hours and a team and a city who was counting on him. He couldn’t let them down. They were all he had left.

“Tanner, I’m sorry. I just need space. I need to think.” Her voice sounded far away, as if she were underwater.

“I was going to suggest the same thing. Take all the time you need, Emmie.” He cleared his throat, his throat raw and his voice, husky.

“Okay, then, well, have a good game today.”

“Yeah, I will. Stay in touch.”

She hesitated as if she were going to say more. He held his breath and waited. She didn’t so he did. He said the words which had been burning his tongue for longer than he realized.

“I love you,” Tanner choked out the truth and waited for her response.

Nothing.

Those three words met dead space. Emma had disconnected the call.

She never heard him.

* * * *

Emma couldn’t stand another minute in her dinky apartment so she returned to the scene of last night’s incredible evening, hoping to recapture some of those heady feelings, but the conversation with Tanner destroyed any possibility of that.

Shot through the heart by Tanner’s easy agreement, Emma sank into a chair, unable to move and stricken by emotions so powerful, she struggled to breathe. On the verge of her first panic attack ever, she fought the claustrophobic desperation with everything she had.

She’d initiated the situation, and now she regretted it, even though she wasn’t willing to give up her chance at a singing career. How flaky was that? She wanted both, but she couldn’t have both. Even if she picked Tanner, nothing indicated he wouldn’t end the marriage on schedule. If only he’d given some sign, some hint, but he hadn’t. Truthfully, she didn’t know if she’d give up her burgeoning career for him, which was the crux of the matter. Everything was still too new, too exciting, for her to evaluate rationally how she felt about performing.

Emma laid her head on the cold marble table in the dressing room. She heard the clicking of heels on the tile floor and didn’t look up. She wanted to be left alone.

“Honey, are you okay?” Cindy asked from close by. When Emma didn’t respond, she sat down next to her, looking genuinely concerned and put a hand on Emma’s back. “Emma?”

Emma sat up and wiped her face. “Man problems,” she responded in a squeaky voice.

“Ah, yes, being a performer is tough on a marriage. I can tell you all about it. I’ve had seven husbands and more boyfriends than I can recall or want to recall.” Cindy laughed, and Emma tried to smile.

When Emma didn’t say anything, Cindy continued, “You could be big, Emma, and I’m going to help you get there as long as I see one-hundred-percent commitment from you.”

“I’m committed,” Emma promised.

Cindy studied her a little longer. “We’ll see. This is all very new to you. I’ll ask again in a month and see where you are. I can’t have you pining for a lost love. That will not do.”

“I want this,” Emma promised with more conviction than she felt. She did want it, but the price she paid would be high, and her marriage would be a casualty.

Perhaps, it already was.

Tanner thought the pain would dull with time, just like he thought football would fill the emptiness. Dead wrong on both counts. A month later, he had very little word from Emma, most of it via her sisters. Every time they saw Tanner, they gazed at him with pity in their eyes, and he hated that.

Thanksgiving came and went. Tanner spent the holiday with Emma’s family, but no Emma. She couldn’t get away. He was almost relieved not to see her.

The Steelheads had a bye in November and won two games, losing one, putting them at six and four, tied for the lead in the NFC West. Tanner refused to allow his current emotional state to affect his game. If anything, he improved his play because the game was all he had. Outside of football he was an utter, complete wreck, not that he had a life outside of football anymore.

Previously, he’d been a good-natured, lovable party boy, now he’d become a younger version of Coach Meyer in his prime, driven, intense, and somewhat of an asshole.

Tanner, who’d spent the last two years as the goat, now found himself the hero and back on the pedestal he’d occupied before he’d entered the pros. He should be walking on air.