Blindsided - A Stepbrother Romance Novel (22 page)

Conrad nodded. “I think he has to do what’s best for him and I think we need to accept it and make it as easy as possible on him to make that choice.”

“I don’t want to lose him,” she said.

“Neither do I, but the only real choice we have at this point is how we lose him. I saw hair on his pillow the other day and it made me nauseated. It was just the thought that what they’re putting inside of him is powerful enough to do that and wondering what it was doing to his insides. If it was going to cure him and give us another forty years with him then I’d be all for it, but if all it’s going to do is make the few months he has left on earth miserable, then I don’t see the point.”

Sam knew he was right. She knew that if it were her she’d probably make the same choice. But it’s not her, it’s Luke…and it was his choice to make. Conrad opened his arms and she folded into them. They stood propped up against the steel wall of the shop and he just held her while she absorbed everything he’d just said. When she pushed back and looked up at his face she could see his concern for her in his eyes and in spite of the sadness she felt for Luke, shivers of desire still coursed through her body for this man that had suddenly become her rock.

He put his fingers underneath her chin and held her face up to his as he said, “We need to talk about us too. If that’s too much on top of everything else, it can wait.”

“No, I’m okay. I fucking hate the thought of losing him, but I know we have to let him go with his dignity at least intact.”

He nodded and gave her a small smile. “About us…I owe you an apology for the way my moods have been for the past couple of weeks. I freaked out when I found out that we were kind of related and it took me a while to figure out why.”

“Why?”

“Because I was already working on having feelings for you and I was hurt and confused and just plain old pissed off when I thought I couldn’t have you.”

“Because we’re related?”

“Yeah, kind of related,” he said with a grin and a wink. “I struggled with it for a while and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself it couldn’t happen, I couldn’t stop wanting you. I finally spoke to Luke about it.”

Sam smiled. “What did he have to say?”

“He said we never know how much time we have here and we shouldn’t waste it on regrets or hang-ups about the past. Basically he gave me permission to go for it.”

She leaned her body back into his and closed her eyes. She almost couldn’t believe that she wanted this. She wanted a relationship with this man. She wanted things she’d never wanted before and when she was here like this in his arms, it didn’t even scare her. After several long, silent minutes she pulled back and looked at him again. With a little smile tugging at her lips she said, “So…are you going to?”

“Am I going to what?”

“Go for it?”

“I was thinking about it.”

“Could you think a little faster?”

“Everything’s immediate gratification with you, isn’t it?”

“If you’re asking if I have any patience the answer is no. If you’re asking if I want you to immediately gratify me…hell yeah. That is as long as you don’t bolt on me as soon as we finish again.”

He grinned. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. He kissed her softly again and holding her tightly in his arms he began walking her backwards across the shop.

“It feels like we’re going somewhere.”

“I said I wasn’t going anywhere. You and I on the other hand, we’re going places baby.” They stopped walking and she could feel cold steel at her back. She glanced over her shoulder and saw they were pressed into Luke’s old rusty 1950’s Buick. It was one of his projects that he hadn’t gotten to yet. “Have you ever seen how big the back seat of one of these things is?”

She smiled. “Really? Big back seat huh? I guess you could haul a lot of stuff.”

He cocked an eyebrow and said, “I guess if it was running you could. Personally I was thinking it’s been a long ass day and I’d really just like a place to stretch out and relax.”

“You want to relax?”

He brought his mouth down to her ear and she shuddered as he said, “What I had in mind will lead to a good night’s sleep, I promise.”

“I could use a good night’s sleep for sure.”

“Good, get in the back,” he told her. She grinned and spun around. As she took the door handle in her hand she felt him press into her from behind. She could feel how badly he wanted her and that only fueled her own desire. She pulled open the door and his hands stayed firmly on her waist as she crawled inside and he followed her. Once they were both all the way inside he closed the door and pulled her into his side. He held her there and once again kissed her senseless. She loved the way his hard body molded into hers like they were two pieces of the same puzzle. She reveled in the warmth and strength of it and she wanted more…so much more.

His capable hands began to move and she lost herself in the pleasure of it all. She closed her eyes and tipped her head back and then felt his mouth on the sensitive skin there. He kissed her softly at first and then she felt his tongue and finally the edges of his teeth. She moaned into him as the thrilling sensations surged inside of her and threatened to boil over.

“You’re so beautiful Samantha,” he whispered.

“So are you,” she said.

She felt his face curve up into a grin against her neck. “Imagine how damned good-looking our kids would be.” Her eyes snapped open and she pushed on his chest. She felt his body moving as he laughed. “Just trying to get a rise out of you.”

“It worked,” she said. “Don’t mention kids again for at least another five years.”

“Does that mean you plan on still being with me five years from now?” He was kissing her in between words and they came out in a breathless rush. She loved knowing she did that to him. She also loved knowing that he even considered being with her long enough to someday start a family.

“As long as you’re not a dick,” she said. He laughed again and then he devoured her. There were no more jokes and no more laughing. Conrad made love to her in the back seat of that old Buick and it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever experienced. Afterwards while she lay in his arms and listened to the steady sound of his heart beating in his bare chest she actually felt at peace. It was a feeling that had been elusive most of her life. It was that feeling she would hold onto in the difficult weeks to come.

TWO WEEKS LATER

Conrad willed the nerves away as he sat tucked inside the cock-pit of the Formula One car. It was a tight fit, but it was supposed to be. He was so used to the open space of his Charger that being cocooned was hard to get used to…but he was sure he could do it. He glanced up in the stands and saw his “family.” The whole crew had come out to watch him today and they were all sitting up there except for Beau who was down in the pits. Conrad was doing his test run for Sanders Motorsports after passing the oral interview with flying colors. He looked toward the bottom row and saw Samantha and Aaron and Luke. Luke spent the entire week before in the hospital. His bilirubin levels had gone off the charts and he had to have IV treatments to bring them down. He also had two blood transfusions and they’d put a feeding tube in his stomach because his body was no longer able to process solid food. But this morning he’d gotten out of bed when the sun came up and Sam told Conrad that when she and Aaron got up he was in the kitchen having his coffee and insisting that he was going to be there. Conrad knew he had to be miserable sitting up on those benches, but he also knew that he would have been even more miserable waiting at home. He felt a rush of something he’d been feeling a lot lately, gratitude. Instead of concentrating on all that he’d lost he’d been working on appreciating all that he had. It definitely made life easier.

He heard a whistle come from his left and he looked over and saw his dad and Beau in the pit. His dad held up two fingers. Two minutes until the Christmas tree turned green and he got his first taste of what it felt like to be a real, legal, race car driver. He gave them a thumb up. Beau had that goofy grin on his face. He’d been staying with Conrad and Shawn for the past two weeks and Conrad was seriously considering the three bedroom apartment that had recently become available.

Conrad gripped the oval steering wheel with both hands and once again surveyed the rows of dials and switches in the center of it. He’d had ample time to study the car and commit it all to memory but his anxiety was surging and he wanted to reassure himself that he could do this. He mentally moved the one that would adjust his fuel mixture. He let his eyes take in the one that would adjust the brake bias between the front and the rear. There were paddle shifters on either side of the oval wheel too. The left shifts up and the right down. The car has an electronic clutch that Conrad had studied up on, but never used. Once again he took in a deep breath and told himself he can do this. This is what he’d spent all of those long nights out on the streets racing toward. This was his chance to have everything he ever wanted. Once again he glanced over at the stands and he remembered that even if he didn’t get this job, he already had everything he needed. All he had to do now was find his rhythm and he’d have it all. He glanced at his dad who looked like he was trying not to look nervous. Conrad smiled as his dad held up one finger now. He was going over his mental map of the track now. He’d studied it over and over for the past two weeks. He knew it like the back of his hand. He knew when to accelerate and when to shift up and down…he had this.

He saw the car ahead of him duck into the pits…this is it. The tree lights go green and he put the car into first and stepped on the accelerator. By the time he was on the track he’d already shifted all the way up. He felt like he was flying as he took the first turn on two wheels. He was going to have to learn how to hold her back. The car wanted to go faster than he knew he’d be able to handle, but it was once again just a matter of finding that rhythm…

The power and the speed were exciting, the fact that it took every muscle he had to control it, overwhelming. He reached the straightaway and once again gave it full throttle. It was like launching a rocket and the force of it pressed him back against the seat. The straightaway was coming to an end and there was a sharp, dangerous turn up ahead. He tapped the brake and just that soft touch sent him lurching forward and the seatbelt digging into him. He kept tapping until his speed dropped from close to 150 mph all the way down to under 60 while he nailed the turn. When he was back on the oval he gripped the wheel tighter and once again stepped on the accelerator. He sailed into the banked turn and almost over it. His heart slammed against his chest as he held her back. He knew he was well up over 200 mph now but he didn’t chance a look down. He finished his lap with his neck and arms throbbing but still raring for more. The next four laps came easier. His five practice laps were down and he was still alive. Now he had three laps that would be timed and analyzed and that’s what Sander’s execs would use to decide between him and the three other applicants.

The first hot lap was smooth as glass and his confidence was at its peak. The second hot lap went okay, but he messed up on the sharp turn…too much brake, he can adjust on the next one. By the third lap he felt like a professional and when he saw the flagman wave the white flag he was almost disappointed that it was coming to an end. If he didn’t get this job he may never get another chance to drive like this.

He tucked those negative thoughts away and covered the brake. He did one more lap as he slowed it down to a safe speed and then he negotiated the ramp into the pits. Once he killed the engine he just sat there for several seconds and made himself breathe. He did it, and he did it well. A smile had covered his face as he stepped out and was almost tackled by Beau.

“Oh my God! That was fucking awesome! What did it feel like?”

He pulled off his helmet and said, “I have no words.” Beau kept slapping him on the back as he hugged his dad. He wondered who was more excited, him or his friend and his father. They made their way around the track to where the Sander’s execs were sitting. The men were looking at him with respect on their faces and that filled him with even more confidence. Bart, the one who had interviewed him stood up and put out his hand. Conrad took it and as they shook Bart said, “One minute, six-point-four seconds.”

“Seriously?” Conrad suddenly worried this was a joke or a dream.

“That was your best lap, the fastest so far.”

“Jesus…” He heard something behind him and turned to see Sam, Luke, Aaron and the crew. They all applauded him and then Sam launched herself into his arms. After she finished kissing his face all over he asked her, “Did you hear what he said my time was?”

“One minute, six-point-four seconds,” she gushed. Then she pressed her mouth to his ear and said, “Do you know how hot that makes me?”

He laughed. “I can’t wait to get you home so that you can show me.”

“Me too,” she said. She kissed his lips one more time and then stood down and stepped back so everyone else could congratulate him. The only bitter-sweet moment of the day was when he hugged Luke and felt every one of his bones pressing into him. He willed himself not to choke up. This was a great day in part because Luke got to be here. He wasn’t going to put a damper on that by doing exactly what Luke had told him not to do a million times…worrying about the things he couldn’t change. Today was a day for celebration and family and the feelings coursing through his body felt strong enough to propel him through the worst of what was left to come…he hoped.