Blossoms of Love (36 page)

Ellen helped Cindy pack a few things while Ann helped Barbara. When they were ready to leave, as Ellen had the old car warming up to take them to the airport, Mrs. Ellman followed the girls to the door, “Don’t keep anything from me. No matter how you find him, I want to know the truth.” Barbara said, “I promise you will be told the truth Mom Ellman.” They kissed the girls. Even though it was April, there were patches of snow and the wind was cold.

The hospital Allen was in was a huge, nine-story building. It was just for service men. Allen’s doctor was a middle-aged man. He asked them to come in his office. He wanted to talk to them before they saw Allen. Barbara and Cindy were very nervous. He said, “I am Dr. Philip Pardon. Which one of you is Lt. Ellman’s wife?” Cindy answered, “I’m Allen’s wife.” He said, “I want to talk with you before you see him. You need to be prepared.” Cindy put her hand to her mouth. He continued, “Lt. Ellman’s condition is not good. He has fragments of shrapnel in his back that will take at least four operations to get it all. As of now, he is paralyzed in the lower part of his body but the operations will take care of that. He is a big, strong man. I think he will get through the operations alright. The main thing I’m concerned about is his mental condition. Lt. Ellman has already lost the sight in one eye. We think we can restore the sight in his left eye. The right eye can never be restored. What I want you to do is to let him know he is still a man. Let him know he is not worthless and let him know he is still loved. So many come in this hospital like him. They feel like their life is useless. If we can get him mentally in good condition, I think Lt. Allen Ellman will walk out of this hospital in fine condition.” Cindy said, “I’ll try Dr. Pardon.” The doctor said, “Mrs. Ellman you’ve got to do more than try. Your husband’s entire future depends on it.” He got up, “You can see him now.”

As Cindy and Barbara walked down the long, white corridor, Cindy said, “I’m scared Barbara. I don’t know if I can be that brave. Allen has always been the strong one.” “No one can do this for Allen but you” Barbara replied, “You can do it.” They stopped outside the door. Barbara said, “Do you want me to go with you?” Cindy nodded her head.

The room was big. There were ten beds in it. Some of the men lay motionless, some were in traction, and some were bandaged. When they saw Allen, his eyes were bandaged and he lay still. The men in the beds hardly noticed them as they walked by. Most of them were either in pain or heavily sedated. Cindy looked down at her husband. His big, strong body motionless and his handsome face sad. She took his hand in hers, “Allen, Allen darling it’s me, Cindy.” He never moved a muscle. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Then she said, “Allen, please talk to me.” Barbara put a chair beside the bed and Cindy scooted it closer. Cindy said, “Allen, I’m going to stay right here until you say something to me. I mean it.” A nurse came in the room. She came over to where Cindy and Barbara were, “I’m sorry but you’ll have to leave right now.” Cindy said, “I’ll be back Allen. I want you to have your mind made up to talk to me.”

When they were outside the room Cindy cried, “Oh Barbara he looks so helpless. So defeated.” Barbara said, “I know it’s rough but the last thing he needs is pity.” Cindy said, “I know, what hurts so bad is he doesn’t want to live.” Barbara said, “That is what the doctor was talking about. Look Cindy, put yourself in Allen’s place. He was always so strong. Being a pro football player he had to be and you know all the Ellman brothers have a lot of pride and honor. Allen feels he has lost it. He also feels unless and that he is a burden to you and others. His love for you and your daughter makes him feel you’d be better off without him.” Cindy said, “That isn’t true. I love him.” Barbara said, “I know that and you know it but you’ve got to let him know it. He is trying to set you free if you want to be.” Cindy said, “Well I’m not letting him go and I’m going to make him want to get better so he can go home.” Barbara smiled, “That’s the girl.”

They went to the hospital cafe and got a cup of coffee and a sandwich. They also found them a sleeping room two blocks from the hospital so they could walk back and forth.

When they went in to see Allen again Barbara said, “Hello Allen, this is ole Barb. Remember, you said I’d make a good football player?” He never answered. Cindy took his hand and he jerked it away. He finally said, “What did you do Cindy, bring the whole family?” Cindy answered calmly, “No just me and Barbara. We got a room just two blocks away so we can walk here.” He said, “Go home. I don’t want you here.” Barbara could see those words cut deep by the expression on Cindy’s face. Barbara saw that Cindy would never convince Allen that he wasn’t useless or a burden.

Visiting hours were over so without any progress, they had to leave. Barbara called Mrs. Ellman and told her Allen’s condition.

After three days, Cindy still couldn’t make any progress with Allen. He was about as stubborn as his brother Lamont. Barbara went to see Dr. Pardon without Cindy knowing it. Barbara explained to him, “Dr. Pardon, Cindy will never be able to bring Allen out of the depression he’s in. I want your advice about an idea I have.” Dr. Pardon listened carefully. Barbara said, “I would like to try it. Do you think it would harm him?” Dr. Pardon asked, “How well do you know him?” Barbara answered, “We are good friends. I live at his mother’s house. I’ve known him a long time.” Dr. Pardon thought a minute, “I don’t think it would hurt him.”

Since only one person at a time could go in and see the patients now, it was easy for Barbara to get the chance to talk to Allen without Cindy knowing what she was going to do. Barbara thought if she could bring him out of this depression, she would just let Cindy think she did it. Maybe she would be a stronger person because she and Allen had a long road to go before he could go home. Cindy came out of the room, as usual she looked defeated. Cindy said, “I just can’t get him to even talk to me anymore. I don’t know what else to d.” Barbara said, “Let’s go get a cup of coffee, then I’ll go see him.”

As they drank their coffee Cindy asked, “You’re not going back home yet are you?” Barbara said, ‘No, but I won’t stay until Allen is able to come home. That may be months.” Cindy said, “I know. Barbara, how will I ever do what’s expected of me?” Barbara said as she looked straight at Cindy, “I’m going to be frank with you Cindy. It’s time you took a stand. Learn to stand on your own two feet. All your married life you’ve been protected by Allen. I think you can do it. You’re a good wife and mother. All you need is a little confidence in yourself. You are stronger than what you think you are.” Cindy said, “I wish I was like you.” Barbara smiled, “I haven’t always been sure of myself. When Mom died, Dad told me I’d have to grow up because he would have to be away from me a lot. I found out how right he was. The first time I was left alone, he went to Spain for three months. Now I’m completely alone. I have to have confidence in myself. Cindy, Allen is gonna need you to lean on for a long time. Be ready when he does.” Cindy asked, ‘You mean when he does?” Barbara said, “He will. He loves you and love is stronger than anything.”

When they got back to Allen’s room, Barbara went in to see him. She stood for a second looking down at him. He looked so much like Lamont. She said, “It’s me again. How are you today?’ Of course, there was no answer. Barbara said, “I’m really surprised at you Allen. I thought you were as much of a man as Monty is. Sure it takes guts to be a marine, but it also takes guts to come home and face your problems. I don’t believe Monty would be very proud of his baby brother.” He said angrily, “Just leave Monty out of this. What the hell do you now about the war, being blind and helpless?” She said, ‘I know you’re trying to take the easy way out. Sure you just lie there, don’t cooperate with the nurses or doctors, and give Cindy a hard time. But she loves you and there is nothing you can say that will change that. Just remember this, when you destroy your life, you’re also destroying two more. There is only two things you can do. Have the operations so you can walk again and the operation on the eye so you can see out of it again or just lie there, be a coward, destroy your wife’s life, and be helpless the rest of your life. Think about that and think about your wife and little girl who needs you. Goodbye Allen.” Then Barbara left. She wanted Allen to have time to think about what she’d said to him. Barbara hoped she didn’t get too rough with the words she said.

The next day, Cindy and Barbara didn’t go to see Allen until late afternoon. He was having x-rays. When Cindy went in to see him, she sat down beside his bed without saying a word. He asked, “Cindy, are you there?” She answered, “Yes, right here beside the bed.” He held out his hand, “Give me your hand.” She put her hand in his. He said, “I’m sorry if I’ve given you a rough time.” She leaned over and kissed him, “I love you Allen.” He said, “I love you too. Oh God, I was afraid you pitied me. Cindy, it is possible the operations won’t be successful. It is possible I won’t see out of either eye. If that happens---leave me. If you love me like you say, leave me.” Cindy said, “Please don’t ask me to do that. No matter what the outcome is, I want to be with you. Just love me. Don’t push me away.” Allen smiled for the first time, “I guess I really didn’t know my wife.” Cindy said, “Don’t you think it’s time I grew up?”

The next day when Barbara came to see Allen, he said to her, “I want to thank you Barbara. Talking straight to me was what I needed. I guess I was feeling sorry for myself. I got to thinking after you left. I’m better off than a lot of men. I do have a chance to live a normal life and I do have a loving wife. Since I’ve been here, I wished I could have went home like Paul. Now I don’t feel that way.” Barbara smiled. He said, “I know you’re smiling. You’ve won again.” Barbara said, “I gambled. I saw talking to you would have to be more than what Cindy was doing. She couldn’t talk to you like that.”

The first operation was more of a success than Dr. Pardon thought it would be. Barbara stayed until the operation on his eye was a success. He could see out of one eye. Cindy went to the airport with Barbara. She said, “Thank you for standing by us. I don’t think I could have made it without you Barbara.” Barbara said, “You’re gonna be okay now.” Cindy said, “Allen wants me to come home after the next operation until time for the next one. He said I needed to be with Tina.” Barbara said, “I think he is right. So we will see you in about a month.”

Ellen met Barbara at the airport. When she got home, they were all happy to hear her news of Allen. There were two letters for Barbara from Lamont. She excused herself and went upstairs to read them in her room.

Hello Babe,

While I’m resting out here in the Pacific, I decided to write. Don’t faint please. I’ve been thinking about us a lot. You are my girl Barbara. I do believe we could have a good life together. You know what I like about you? You like to camp out and hunt. Of course, you are great in bed too. If I make it back in one piece and you’re still around, we could try the marriage bit. No promises, just thoughts in my head. How does that sound? I’m not saying I love you like I should, I thought I loved a woman once—really I did. I’ve got to be sure this time that we are right for each other.

Got a letter from Mom telling me about Allen. Just how bad is he? Looks like they have the Ellmans zeroed in. Here is one Ellman they are gonna have a hell of a time getting. My mission yesterday just about made the score even for Allen. There’s no way to get even for Paul. I got four of the damn bastards for Allen. Write and tell me just what kind of condition he’s in. Mom wrote he was blind and he can’t walk. Is there a chance at all for him to see or walk? Got to go now hone, It’s mission time.

In July, Leon called Ann to meet him at the bus station in town at nine fifteen p.m. Ann was so excited she could hardly get ready. Ann asked Barbara, “Would you drive me to town? I’m so excited I don’t think I want to drive.” Barbara laughed, “Sure I’ll drive you.” Ann said, “It’s been so long since he has been home. Do I look alright?” Barbara said, “You look great. Now settle down or you’ll have a heart attack.” Ann laughed, “I don’t think I was this excited the day Leon and I got married. I feel like a school girl.”

As they entered town, Barbara saw Leon standing in front of the bus station. The bus must have been early for a change. Barbara stopped the car in front of the station. Ann opened the door and they met on the curb. Barbara stayed in the car. She knew this was Ann and Leon’s moment. She saw him hold out his arms and she clung to him as he circled his arms around her kissing her over and over. They came to the car holding hands.

When they got in the car, Leon said, “Hello Barb.” Barbara said, “Hi. Wonderful to have you home.” Leon said, “I’ve got twelve glorious days to be here.” Ann squeezed his hand, “Oh Leon that’s wonderful.” Leon asked, “How is Debbie?” Ann said, “Debbie?” Leon laughed, “Yea, our daughter. You know we do have a daughter.” Barbara laughed, “Just look over your wife Leon. She has been on cloud nine ever since you called. That is why I drove. I knew she would never get here in one piece.” Ann said, “Our daughter is fine. She is getting to be a big girl and she looks more and more like you.” Leon teased, “Then that makes her a beauty.” Then Leon’s face got serious, “How is Allen?” Barbara said, “He is doing fine. He can’t walk yet. He has one more operation to go. Cindy flew home a few days ago. It is hard on her. Allen in California and Tina here.” Leon asked, “Has he got his sight back?” Ann said, “Only one eye. He will never see out of the other.” Leon said, “That’s a damn shame.”

Mrs. Ellman and the others were on the porch when the car stopped. Leon kissed and hugged his mother. Then he hugged the others. They were all outside cooking hamburgers on a grill and Ellen went in the kitchen to get the buns and salad when the doorbell rang.