Blossoms of Love (56 page)

Carolyn went upstairs to see about her children. The morning passed.

The afternoon slowly went by. It was almost dark when Jimmy came running in the house, “Here comes Dad. Uncle Dave and Jesse are with him.” Barbara saw them going to the stables. She was nervous. What would she say to him? She wanted to feel his arms around her.

David came into the house. He looked at Barbara, “I want to talk to you.” He got her by the arm and led her to the living room and shut the door. Then he asked, “What in the hell has happened? I’ve never seen Monty so shook up? We found him up at the old miners cabin. He’d built a fire and was sitting in a chair just starting the fire while it was snowing like hell outside. He knows he could get snow bound up there for weeks or even months. What’s happened?” Barbara answered, “We had a very bad fuss.” David said, “There’s more than that. Carolyn and I fuss sometimes but I don’t go riding off to the mountains when it’s snowing. Whatever it is, I hope to hell you two get it straightened out.” Barbara looked at Dave. She could see he was very worried. She said, “Don’t worry Dave. Everything will be alright.” He left her in the living room.

She heard Jesse and Lamont come in the house. She waited for a few minutes thinking Lamont would come in there to see her but he didn’t. Barbara went to their bedroom. She took a bath and put on a beautiful, black sheer gown. She waited. Jimmy and Robbie came to tell her goodnight. Then, as Sara went by the room she heard Sara tell Lamont not to forget to turn the lights out. Barbara knew he was drinking coffee. Lamont was a heavy coffee drinker. She heard Lamont when he stopped outside their door but he didn’t come in. He went on by and went upstairs. She knew he was going to sleep up there.

She got out of bed, put on her robe, and opened the door to their room. She quietly went up the steps. Then she opened the door to the bedroom they had for company. Lamont was sitting on the side of the bed. He looked up when she opened the door. Barbara asked him, “ Aren’t you gonna sleep in our room?” He didn’t answer her. She went over to him, “Monty please forgive me. I’m sorry.” She fell down on her knees in front of him, “Help me Monty. Please help me.” He looked down at her and finally spoke, “I don’t know how Barbara.” His voice was quiet and sad.” He continued, “I don’t know what else to do.” Barbara took his hand and put it to her lips and kissed it, “I love you. I can’t live without you. I won’t live without you.” Lamont said quietly, “We can’t live like this. I can’t.” Barbara said, “Don’t talk like that Monty.” Suddenly he said, “Get up off your knees. Stop acting like a servant or a slave. I’m no God. I’m just a man. A plain, ordinary man who wants the simple things in life. We once had all those things. You’ve got all twisted inside. I don’t know what the hell you want.” He got up, leaving her still on her knees and began turning the cover back on the bed. Barbara said, “Monty I love you.” Suddenly, his eyes darkened, “You can’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t do what you did. It wouldn’t have hurt so damn much if you hadn’t lead me on. Do you know what it is to be filled with so much desire that you’re ready to explode and when, suddenly your lying on the bed alone? I was too damn far to stop. I had to finish the job.” Barbara said, “Monty, I didn’t lead you on. I wanted you too.” He said, “Like hell you did.” She begged, “You’ve got to believe me.” He asked, “Then what the hell happened to you?” She answered, “You put your hand on where I was operated on as you went to touch my breast.” He got angry, “Well I’ll be damned. Get out of her Barbara I’m tired. I don’t want to talk any more.” Barbara looked at him. She had never seen him like this before. He began taking his boots off. Barbara begged, “Love me Monty. Make love to me now.” He said flatly, “No. I couldn’t get in the mood if I tried.” She turned and walked towards the door. Lamont said, “Barbara don’t you ever—ever do me like that again.” He unzipped his pants, “Go to bed.”

Barbara cried most of the night. She knew she had hurt Lamont far more than Natalie ever had. At four a.m., Barbara was still awake. She had cried until there were no more tears. Then she remembered that Lamont kept liquor in his study. She quietly went to his study. She got a bottle of run and stopped by the kitchen and got a coke. Then she went back to her room. After a glass of rum and coke, Barbara began to relax. After a second glass, she went to bed and went to sleep.

When she awoke, she had a splitting headache. She got out of bed and saw Robbie and Jimmy playing outside in the snow. She looked at the clock on the dressing table. She blinked. She couldn’t believe it was one-thirty in the afternoon. She got in a tub of hot water. She dressed in jeans and a shirt. She was combing her hair when Sara came in the room, “You’re up. I came in twice to see about you. You were sleeping so good, I wouldn’t wake you.” Barbara said, “It was almost morning before I went to sleep.” Sara asked, “You want breakfast or lunch?” Barbara answered, “Just coffee and toast.” Sara said, “Honey you need more than that. You ate very little yesterday.” Barbara said, “I’m just not hungry right now.” Sara said, “I’ll go make a fresh pot of coffee. Monty drank nearly all of it. That man sure does drink a lot of coffee.” Barbara asked, “Where is Monty?” Sara answered, “At the stables. They are with a mare. Jesse said this mare is going to have a very difficult time. Monty said she would have twins.”

When Sara was gone to make fresh coffee, Barbara decided to put on a sweater and go out to the stables. Maybe she could help. She put the sweater on and looked in the mirror. Even with an artificial breast she saw, she could not wear sweaters any more. She jerked it off and threw it on the floor. Shat sat down on the side of the bed and cried. She heard Robbie outside say, “Here comes Daddy and Uncle Dave.” Jimmy said, “Let’s get them to help us build a big snow man.” She went to the window and looked out. She saw the boys talking to Lamont and David. Then she heard Lamont come in the back door.

Sara was washing dishes. Lamont said, “Sara we have a long wait with that mare. Looks like we may spend the night with her. Dave’s got a mare who will have her baby before morning. We won’t be here to eat. You can send us something out to the stables later.” Sara asked, “How about beef stew?” Lamont smiled, “That will be fine. We had to turn the heat up in the stables. It’s getting colder.” He poured himself a cup of coffee, “Umm—good and fresh. You’re an angel Sara. We just couldn’t get along without you.” Sara smiled, “Thank you Monty. Monty, I wish you’d go see about Barbara. She didn’t eat hardly anything yesterday and hasn’t eaten anything today.” He asked, “Where is she?” Sara said, “In the bedroom.” Lamont asked, “Hasn’t she gotten up yet?” Sara replied, “Yes she’s up, but she just stays in that room. She doesn’t even come out to talk to the boys.” He set his coffee cup down and went to the bedroom.

He stopped for a second then opened the door. She was sitting on the side of the bed, wearing only her jeans and bra. She looked around when she heard him. He went over to her, “Sara said you haven’t eaten. Why?’ She replied, I’m not hungry.” Lamont sighed, “Baby you sure fooled me. If anyone had told me three months ago you would have lived on self pity—I’d have told him they were dead wrong. You’ve always been such a fighter. You’ve always held up to any kind of problem. What is it Barbara? Don’t you think I’d help you if I could? I don’t know what the hell to do.” Barbara looked up at him, “You’re not mad at me any more?” He took her hands and pulled her up on her feet. Then he pushed her hair from her face. His eyes met hers, “I’m sorry I blew my top. I’m not mad at you. I’m just hurt. It hurts like hell to want you so damn much and you don’t want me.” Barbara said, “I do want you. I swear I do Monty.” His eyes searched her face. He had to believe her this time. He reached out and gathered her in his arms, “Barbara I’m not gonna pity you. You don’t need pity. I want what you and I to have what we had a few months ago.” Barbara asked, “Do you still love me?” Lamont said, “Need you ask babe? Of course I love you. I’ll always love you. That will never change for me.” He lifted her face with his hand until their eyes met, “No one can whip this thing you’ve got about loosing your breast but you. It is entirely up to you. I told you, it doesn’t change my love for you. Our happiness depends on you babe.” Barbara looked at him with frightened eyes. He continued, “I’ve got to give it to you straight. I love you Barbara, more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. I had one marriage with a woman who let me make love to her and she juste pretended to enjoy it. I don’t intend to live with another woman and go through the same thing. If I’ve got to make love to someone just to relieve a desire, I’ll just find a damn whore. No difference in doing it for money or doing it because you think it’s your wifely duty.” He let her go. He didn’t kiss her. He walked to the door, “Get something to eat. Straighten up baby. I want our life together to be like it was. I don’t think that’s asking too much.” Then he was gone.

Sunday morning came. That was everyone’s favorite morning because they all slept late. Lots of times Lamont and Barbara would make love before they got up. She had planned for them to make love but Lamont woke first and was shaving when she opened her eyes. She yawned, “Monty, come back to bed.” He looked around at her. She said, “I need you.” He finished shaving. The bulging in his briefs excited Barbara. He came over to the bed. She had the sheet pulled up to her neck. Lamont asked, “Do you know how you look right now? You’ve got that sheet up to your neck. You look like a frightened woman. A woman who can’t think of letting a man look at her body. Forget it Barbara. If I made love to you like that, I’d feel like I was doing something wrong. You don’t have to make love because you’re my wife. I can get along without sex.” He went back to the bathroom. She heard the shower turn on.

When he came back in the room wearing nothing but a towel around the middle, Barbara said, “Monty, you above all people should know how I feel. How long was it before you’d let me see or touch you? Monty it was a long time.” Lamont said, “Yes I know that but the difference was I did make love to you and I did love you completely. I did want you and we had beautiful results from it. She began to get angry. That is what Lamont was trying to d, he thought if she got mad enough, just maybe, the self pity would go away. She yelled at him, “You know Monty, you’re really a sarcastic smart ass.” She grabbed her robe and whirled by him to the bathroom.

As he got clean underwear and socks out of the drawer, he grinned to himself. He had her angry now. If this didn’t work, he didn’t know what to do.

She came out of the bathroom, “If I had somewhere to go, I’d go now.” Lamont asked, “You mean you’d leave me?” She said, “Yes. I’ve taken all the smart remarks from you I intend to.” He got his underwear on and she started by him again. Suddenly, he reached out and pulled her in his arms. He chuckled, “You’re adorable when you’re angry.” She said, “Well you’re not. You’re just plain---.” His mouth went down on hers. He kissed her passionately. When his lips left hers he said, “I’m just plain in love with my wife.” She looked up at him, “Monty why did you make me so mad? Did you do it on purpose?” He said, “Yes I did. I wanted to see if you’d get out of that shell you’ve been in. Babe, it looked good to see you angry. You do care. You do have different emotions.” She slipped her arms around his neck like she use to, “Monty, I called you a sarcastic ass.” He chuckled, “Honey I don’t care what you call me if it will bring you back to me.” She said, “I didn’t mean it.” He kissed her again, “Get dressed. Let’s go riding. I think the cold, brisk morning air will do us both good.”

So before anyone else in the house was up, Lamont and Barbara went riding. The air was very cold but the morning was clear and beautiful. Barbara felt better than she had felt in months. When they got back, Sara was serving breakfast to Jesse and the boys.

Thanksgiving came and Barbara and Lamont were happy again. She still didn’t let him see her naked but Lamont knew in time she would. She loved him now completely as she use to.

On Christmas Eve day, Lamont and David took the boys with them to get the trees. Then on Christmas Eve night, all the Ellman brothers’ wives went Christmas caroling. They sang real good together.

They were hardly over Christmas when Robbie had his fourth birthday. Only a few weeks later, Jimmy and Freddie had their eighth birthday.

Spring came and of course Lamont and David spent most of their time on the range with the men and Jesse. Barbara began to drink every day. She still didn’t get out of the house much except when she went riding with Lamont. Sara stayed busy all of the time, keeping the house in order and cooking most of the meals. The boys were out most of the time. Jimmy had the job keeping the stables clean after school and Robbie helped him. So the bottle became Barbara’s company.

One Friday afternoon, Sara and Robbie went to town to buy groceries. The deep freeze was getting low. Jimmy was in the stable trying to saddle his horse when Lamont came off the range. He saw Jimmy in the stable. He asked, “Where are you going son?” Jimmy said, “I was coming after you Dad.” Lamont repeated, “After me?” Jimmy said, “Yes. I got home from school and Mom’s kind of drunk.” Lamont said, “She’s what?” Jimmy looked down, “She’s drunk.” Jimmy had seen her drinking before but he had never seen her drunk. Lamont said, “I’ll saddle your horse and you take this wire to Dave and Jesse. They are on the south wing near the spring. You know the way don’t you?” Jimmy answered, “Sure Dad. You took me there last summer.” He watched the boy ride off and saw he was going in the right direction. Then he hurried to the house.

Lamont thought, “Jimmy must be wrong. Barbara never drinks unless it’s with me and she usually doesn’t drink much then.” He opened the kitchen door and went into the den. He met Barbara coming out of their bedroom with a bottle in her hand. She giggled, “Hello darling.” He could see she was drunk. He reached for the glass in her other hand. She pulled her hand back, “If you want a drink, you’ll have to get your own glass. This one is mine.” Lamont took the bottle and glass from her, “You don’t need any more.” She said, “How do you know what I need?” Lamont asked, “How long has this been going on?” She said, “What? I’ve just had a few drinks. What’s wrong with that?” Lamont said, “Jimmy saw you. He was coming after me. Barbara you’re his mother. I don’t think he is very proud of you right now.” She complained, “Now you’re worried about Jimmy. You worry about everybody but me.” Lamont got her by the arm, “Come on. All you can do is sleep it off.” She put her arms around his neck, “I’ll do a strip tease for you.” He took he robe off and turned the cover back, “Come on” She said, “No, not unless you go to bed too.” He said, “I can’t now.” She yelled, “You mean you don’t want to.” He sighed, “Okay, I don’t like making love to a drunk woman.” She giggled, “Oooh—I bet you have made love with a drunk woman.” Lamont said, “Barbara, if you don’t go to bed, I’m gonna put you there myself.” She giggled some more, “That will be fun.” She fumbled with his shirt trying to unbutton it. “You ain’t loved me in a long time. I want you to make love to me. I’ll even show you my beautiful scar.” Lamont was about to loose his patience, “Okay babe, you asked for it.”