Blue Persuasion (23 page)

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “No.”

“So the string of one night stands?”

“The nipple clamps I bought for you, but yes.”

“Let me get this straight,” I said, turning in my seat to face him. “You pick up women and they let you, someone they don’t know at all, tie them up and whip them?”

“You didn’t know me that well...”

“True, but you didn’t tie me up that first night and Cat’s known you for a while and wow, they really just go home with you and let you do whatever?”

“There was usually alcohol involved.”

“Right,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief. “It must be because you are so formidable and good looking. It rattles their brains.”

“I thought I wasn’t at all your type.”

“Yeah ... well...” I blushed. “When did you start having interest in bondage and discipline?”

“Always.”

“But—”

“Enough questions.”

“Okay, okay,” I said, holding my hands up in defeat.

We cleaned up the kitchen together as I drifted on a domesticated high. I felt more and more like part of a couple with the man who was adamant he would never be part of a long-term partnership. We had a rhythm together, and not just a sexual one. Even knowing there were parts of him I could never reach, he wove more into my heart and soul every day.

As if a radio that could pick up my brainwaves, he asked, “So, relationships before Bond?”

“Nothing worth writing home about. Sexually, I didn’t feel comfortable. I rarely came with them. They didn’t care, and mostly neither did I. I enjoyed the physical connection. Serge, my boss at a previous job, made me cum. On the one hand, we had to keep our relationship secret at work. Otherwise, he wanted to wear me like a piece of jewelry. We lived two different lives. I won’t lie, the sneaking around was fun. Stealing away to his office so I could blow him, then return to serving my tables, turned me on.”

“Was he married?” Tate asked, his lips tight.

“No, I would never. When Jacqs and Bond were officially dating, I never had sex with Bond.”

“Good.” His expression softened. “So how was it outside of the restaurant with Serge?”

“He bought me very revealing clothes to wear and I tried to get on board with it, but I never felt safe with him. He liked to play games.”

“What kind of games?” He dried his hands on a dishtowel and rested against the edge of the counter.

“He liked for me to go to a bar, all slutted out. I’d throw on very tight, low-slung jeans, sheer, plunging blouses, and high pumps. I mean slutty. I would sit at the bar and wait for men to approach.”

“Which I’m sure they did,” Tate said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yes, and I let them buy me drinks and flirt, knowing that Serge sat watching a few stools down.”

“I think I get the picture. So, after a while he would swoop in, which I’m certain the men weren’t happy about.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “There were a few fights, and I hated it. He was pretty much a dick, so when I caught him in the office with another girl from the restaurant, I quit.”

“How long ago was that?” he asked, rubbing his chin with the palm of his hand.

“Not long. A few months. Don’t worry, I got tested. I was completely stressed out until the results came back.”

Tate’s face clouded over. “You thought he was being monogamous?”

“Yes. Yeah I know, but to be honest, I was relieved. Not that I got to skip over the devastating rejection that comes with realizing the person you care about doesn’t give a shit about you, but I needed a way out and he opened the door.”

“And then you and Bond resumed—”

“Yes, he helped me get over it.”

Tate’s brows furrowed and he asked, “Do you and Bond go bareback?”

“You mean, did we?”

That earned me a huge smile. “Did?”

“Never. I believe Jacqs is his only exception.”

“Hmmm. And Serge?”

“No, but he broke a condom or two.”

“Why me?”

I knew what he was asking. “Two reasons, really. You said you hadn’t had sex in over three years, and I believed you. I figured the STD risk was low. And, smelling the condom on you reminded me of Bond, and I didn’t want to think about him while we were together. Honestly, I didn’t think you were going to change your mind. Then once I felt your cock in me, I never wanted to go back.”

He took one giant step and closed the gap between us. His strong arms lifted me onto the counter and we wrapped our arms around each other, my legs crossed over his ass. Our kiss ignited like a brush fire morphing into a full-scale inferno, scorching the land. He tore his mouth from mine. “I think I heard your phone.”

“Huh? Oh?” I rested my head on his chest, trying to recover from his ravishment.

“Shouldn’t you check it?” He peered down at me.

“Yeah,” I said, reluctantly jumping down from the counter.

Tate followed me into the bedroom where I retrieved my phone from my overnight bag.

“Shit!”

“Who is it?”

“My mother. She texted an SOS and I have three missed calls from her.”

“Do you want space?”

“No, but let’s go out back. I bet the reception is better there.”

“Okay.”

I called my mother, settled myself on Tate’s lap, his arms holding me tightly.

“Where have you been?” my mother’s voice sounded frantic.

“What’s happened?”

“Helena. She won’t make it through the night.”

“Will she let me see her?” I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to keep from breaking down.

“She’s asking for you.”

“Text me the hospital address. I need to shower and then I’ll head over.” I shut off the phone and saw Tate intently watching me. “It’s my aunt. She’s been battling cancer and—”

“I’ll drive.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Skipping Stone

by Amos Lee

T
ate and I took quick showers and since I only had my work clothes for later, I dressed in my black pants and The Chart House long-sleeved, gray shirt.

“You should call work and tell them you can’t make it,” he said as we climbed into the Jeep to head to the hospital. I threw my bag on the back seat.

“Yeah.” I called Stan and he said he would get one of the day servers to cover my dinner shift. He also said I had the following weekend off but in that moment, it was hard to care.

“Tell me about your aunt,” Tate said as he pulled onto A1A.

“She was the bright spot in my otherwise dark childhood. She and I connected in a way I never did with my mom or dad. Kindred spirits, she always said. Such a free spirit, I idolized the way she floated through life. Courageous and just the opposite of me.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, kiddo. The brave push forward in spite of their fear, not because of the lack of it.”

I wondered if Tate would ever be brave again.
Please
, I thought. I watched his profile as he navigated the streets, grateful to have him with me.

He took my hand in his and squeezed it.

At the hospital, we took the elevator to the oncology ward and found my mother and Daniel sitting in the waiting room. My mom stood up and embraced me as Daniel shook Tate’s hand. For the first time I could see my mother’s age. No makeup filled the lines, and her red-rimmed eyes bespoke her pain.

“I’m so sorry, Mom,” I said, touching her arm.

“Go on back and I’ll wait here with—”

“Tate,” he said, extending his hand.

“Jude never mentioned dating anyone.”

“It’s relatively new.” I glanced from one to the other. “Be normal please,” I said to her.

She waved me away.

Daniel walked me to Helena’s room and said, “I don’t want to step on any toes. Just know I’m here to help you and your mom in any way you need.”

“Thank you, Daniel, that’s very nice.”

He opened the door for me, and I waited as a nurse stepped out. Inside the room, I approached Helena’s bed. All the vibrancy in my aunt had vanished. All that remained was a shell of her former self. My tears spilled as she held her hand out to me and I grasped it, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her.

“Hey, Love Bug,” she said in a gravelly voice.

“Hey, Mama Butterfly.” I struggled to force down a sob.

“My wings no longer work here, but I’m set to fly away on the next phase of my journey.” She smiled but then grimaced.

“Should I get the nurse?”

“No,” she said, holding up her morphine pump. “I want to talk to you first. Tell me what’s happened. Your energy is so different. A man?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re in love. I haven’t seen you in love since—” Her forehead creased, and she breathed out slowly.

“We don’t need to talk about me. Please.”

“That’s exactly what we need to do. This is the last time we can have girl talk, and it’s what I want most.”

I sobbed and said, “Okay.”

“Is he handsome?”

“Ridiculously so.”

“I can tell you’re clearly smitten. Does he love you too?”

“No, Auntie H, and he won’t.”

“You’re the most lovable person on the planet. Of course he’ll love you.”

I shook my head. “Something really bad happened to him. He won’t share what it is, but I think his wife cheated on him. He’s no longer in touch with any of their friends, and he’s still grieving.”

“Is he here with you?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Send him in.”

“No.”

“Who’s dying here? It means I get what I want. Get him.”

I forced out a breath. “Okay.” I waved down the hall at Tate, and he came to the room. “Helena, this is Tate.”

“Leave us for a few minutes,” she said to me.

“But,” I said, throwing up my hands. “Fine.” I stepped outside of the room and waited.

Minutes slowly ticked by until the door opened. Tate brushed his hair away from his face. “She wants you.”

I brought his mouth to mine for a quick kiss, ignoring his knotted brow.
What the fuck did she say?

Once back inside, Helena said, “He’s in love with you honey, but that’s part of the problem. It’s scaring the shit out of him.”

“He said that?”

“No, I felt it. There’s more than an affair in the mix. The betrayal goes deeper.” She patted the bed beside her.

“What do I do?” I asked, sitting close.

“Love him. That’s all you can do.”

“I am. It’s too late to stop. Do you like him?”

“In another life, I think we’d have been great friends. He’s a free spirit too. It’s just buried right now.”

“Yeah.”

“His sexual energy is
intense
. I’m so happy for you.”

I laughed at her and blushed. Only she could get away with saying such things. “What am I going to do without you?”

“Try to be friends with your mother. She’ll need you even more now. Daniel seems to be good for her. Hopefully, this one will stick.”

“Yeah. Helena, how can I ever thank you for being there for me over the years. Giving me a place to crash between apartments, to just holding me when I needed a shoulder.”

“Love Bug, I love you like I had you myself.” She rested her hand on my thigh. “It’s time for you to become the butterfly and chase all your dreams. I’ll be watching over you.”

I lay across her and cried. She, the woman who helped me survive my childhood was leaving me. I always thought of her spoiling my children when I had them someday.

“Give your mom a chance and just remember, I’ll love you until the end of time.” A wave of pain crossed her face, and she depressed the morphine pump. “I’m going to rest for a bit,” she said, closing her eyes.

I hugged her gently, kissed her cheek, and left the room. Down the hall, I trudged, straight into Tate’s arms.

“I’m here,” he said as he comforted me.

My tears burst forward with renewed vigor, my heart breaking. Why did it seem that the ones who had life sorted out, were the ones to leave too early?

Tate rocked me on his lap, his chin on my head, his hand resting reassuringly on my back.

After my tears sated, I glanced up.

“Some arrangements need to be made,” he said. “Helena wants to be cremated and Daniel is looking into it right now.”

“She hasn’t died yet!” I said way too loudly as I turned to face my mother.

“Honey, there’s not much time left.”

Just then Daniel came back and took a seat next to my mother, resting his hand on her back.

“Why did you wait so long to call me?” I felt crushed to my core.

“It’s what she wanted,” she said apologetically.

“You shouldn’t have waited!” I said, taking my anger out on her.

“Easy, love,” Tate said, lifting me to my feet.

I looked from him to my mother and saw the devastation in her eyes, mirroring mine. I hugged her, and we cried together.

“Excuse me,” a male nurse said.

We all looked up and knew.

Daniel stood up and followed the nurse to arrange the transport of the body.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Tate said to my mother.

I knew my aunt had been sick, but she had fought through it before, so I just assumed she would again. Beating myself up, which I was the master at, I berated myself for not pushing harder to see her, to spend time with her, to take care of her. She meant the world to me, and I let her down.

“Stop it, Blue,” Tate whispered, wrapping me in his embrace. “Only meeting her once, I could tell she lived her life on her terms and no one else’s. She waited for you to come so she could say goodbye before departing. Stop second-guessing yourself. Just like in life, she managed her death how she wanted.”

I peered up, tears clouding my vision. “Thank you for being here.”

“There’s no other place I’d rather be.”

I choked on my sob and laughed, “Uh huh.”

“Well, other than having you tied up underneath me, that is,” he whispered into my ear.

I cupped his face and brought his lips to mine.

Daniel rejoined us and said, “If you want to see her before she is moved...”

“No, thank you,” I said, holding onto Tate’s hand.

“I’d like to go back and see her,” my mother said. “You kids go, and I’ll let you know the arrangements.”

“Okay.” I hugged her tightly and thanked Daniel over her shoulder.

I didn’t mean to, but I slammed the door of the Jeep hard. “Can you drop me off at my apartment?”

“Your car won’t be ready until mid-week. Why don’t we go to my place?” Tate drove out of the hospital parking lot.

“No ... I. Listen, you’ve been great, but I can’t keep taking advantage of your generosity.”

“What are you doing, Blue?” He glanced at me and then back at the road.

“I just can’t right now. I’m too vulnerable and you taking care of me... I just can’t.”

“I want to.”

Tears filled my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. “That’s not the relationship we have, Tate. It’s not the one you want.”

“I’m telling you that I want to be here, with you. Let me.”

“That’s what my friends are for. I’ll call—”

“I don’t expect you to have sex with me, Blue. I’ll drive you home if that’s where you want to be and then I’ll go by my place to get some things and stop by the store to get whatever you need.”

I wept and shouted, “Stop being so nice to me!”

He parked the Jeep on the side of the road and got out. Opening my door, he pulled me into the backseat with him as I cried some more. Once I settled down again, he said, “No more arguing with me, Blue. Should we go by your apartment and get your things or go by my place?”

“Okay,” I shuddered. “I’d rather be by the beach.”

“Good.” He drove me to my place and waited in the car for me.

I emptied my overnight bag and repacked it with a few different clothing options, the bathing suit, a vibrator, nightclothes, and my cosmetic bag. I also packed up my laptop computer in my backpack. In the kitchen, I gathered the beer, margaritas, and turkey deli. I poured the orange juice down the drain, lifted the garbage bag from the can, and tied it.

Deciding to try to make one trip, I swung my backpack onto my shoulders and put the strap of the overnight across my chest. In one hand, I carried the groceries and in the other, the garbage. I placed the trash down on the landing and locked the apartment door.

Tate saw me trying to navigate the stairs with all my bags and jumped out of the car to help me. He swung the overnight bag over my head and took the garbage from me. “Where does this go?”

“Around the corner in the dumpster,” I said, pointing to the far side of the building. I climbed into the car and waited for him.

He then placed the rest of my belongings in the back seat. “That’s a lot of stuff.”

I didn’t care for his expression. “Never mind. I didn’t think this was a good idea.” I clicked the seatbelt to let myself out.

He grasped my arm and simply said, “No.”

“Then stop it. I’m not moving in. I brought my computer because I thought I might write. It makes me feel better to get lost in a story.”

“I called your friends,” he said as he started the Jeep.

“You did what?” My mouth dropped open.

He headed north on I-95. “I thought you would want them around. I invited them to my place later.”

“Jesus, Tate. Did you ever consider asking me?”

“Did I fuck up? I’m sorry. I wanted to help make you feel better.”

My phone vibrated, and I swiped the screen.

Bond:
Stay told me what happened. Can I come by Tate’s?

Me:
Yes. Thank you for asking.

“Who?” Tate asked.

“Bond. He was checking to see if it was
okay
for him to come by.”

“I get your point.” He seemed to be grinding his teeth.

Was it my displeasure or Bond coming over? I didn’t know. “Good. You
will
be nice to him.”

“Hey, I’m sorry for overstepping.” He took my hand and kissed the back of it.

“Really, it’s not you, I mean part of it is you, but mostly I’m just so sad.” I sank back against the passenger seat and stared out the window at the King Palms swaying in the breeze. “Who’s coming?”

“I think everyone but Sam. Her mother has a reading group tonight. Jacqs was having brunch with Lainie when I called Stay. He said they planned to come and Jacqs was going to call Red.”