Bobbi Smith (20 page)
Authors: Heaven
Around them the dining room was growing more and more deserted.
“Would you like to go for a walk on deck before we retire?” Winn suggested, unable to pass up the opportunity to have her to himself alone in the moonlight.
“I’d like that. It’s so nice to be able to relax and enjoy this part of the trip. Most of the time, my travels with my father tend to be like our trip on the railroads.”
“Well, we’ll just have to do everything we can to make sure this part of the trip is as perfect as it can be for you,” he told her as he rose and went to help her from her chair.
His words sent a shiver through Alex. They sounded so romantic that she could almost let herself believe them. Almost was the key word. This was Father Winn—her chaperone. There was nothing more to it than that.
Playing the gentleman came easy to Winn, and he guided her from the room, his hand at the small of her back. She felt delicate, almost fragile to him, and he marveled at how very womanly she was. She wore an elusive scent this night, and he inhaled the heady fragrance as he led the way outside.
When they were on the moonlit deck, Winn took her arm and linked it through his. He enjoyed touching her, and for tonight, he was going to forget any thoughts of priestly vows and pretend for just a little while that he was courting her. The collar pinched its warning, but he ignored it.
“It’s a nice night,” she remarked as they paused at the rail to watch the scenery.
The moon hung high overhead, nearly full. It silvered the lush countryside and cast most everything into sharp contrasts of shadow and light. She glanced up at Winn as they stood so closely together and was amazed at how the starkness of the moonlight hardened his features. There was no softness in his countenance for the pale light highlighted the angles of his face and made him seem even more harshly masculine. She had a deeply primitive desire to reach up and touch his cheek. She wanted to caress that lean flesh and press her lips to the firm line of his mouth. He was the man of her dreams, and yet she knew that’s all her feelings for him would ever be—a dream . . .
Alex gave herself a fierce mental shake, reminding herself just who Father Winn was and why he was there. She had to control her wayward feelings. Winn was a man of honor. He was gentle, kind, and completely honest. She’d watched him with the sisters. She’d seen what kind of a man he was. He was everything she admired and she rued the fact that they hadn’t met earlier, before he’d taken the vows that stood between them. She wanted him desperately. But sadly, she accepted that it would never be.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, unexpectedly.
“Nothing. I was just enjoying the breeze and your company.” She skirted the truth, not wanting to risk ruining their friendship by letting him know how she secretly felt. They were together tonight for this little while, and that was all that mattered.
Still, as much as Alex enjoyed the innocent contact of her arm linked through his, she knew she had to move away. She slipped her arm free of his hold, and she was sorry when he didn’t protest her action. “What about you? What are you thinking?”
Winn couldn’t tell her the truth. He couldn’t tell her that he was thinking about how lovely she was and how much he wanted her. Instead, he answered, “I was thinking about my childhood and my parents.”
“I’m sure you must have had wonderful parents.”
“They were. My life was very simple and secure until they died.”
“What happened?”
He told her the whole story of their accidental deaths.
“That must have been difficult for you, being left alone at such a young age.”
“I had my Uncle Edward. He kept watch over me. I went rather wild for a while, but he finally managed to convince me to change my ways.”
“He must have been a very good influence on you. You’re a fine priest.”
“Oh, yes. He did influence me greatly. A lot of what he told me through the years has turned out to be true. He was a very wise man.”
The thoughts of his uncle and home seemed to come from long ago in another lifetime. In these last few weeks, he’d truly changed. He’d become a completely different man. There had been a time when he wouldn’t have cared a whit about sacred vows. Now, however, he understood. He thought about breaking his silence and telling Alex the truth, but Lawrence’s letter, entreating his uncle’s help, held him to his disguise. He had to keep up the charade. To reveal the truth now would risk the loss of the crown—and he was determined that they were going to find it.
Winn paused over that thought. He had no idea how much more traveling they would have to do before they reached their goal, and he wondered how he was going to keep his attraction to Alex hidden if they were forced into too many more intimate situations. He was supposed to be here protecting her and keeping her out of harm’s way. The difficulty was, the way he was feeling about her,
he
might be what she most needed protecting from.
he
might be what she most needed protecting from.
“I’d say you’re following in your uncle’s footsteps. I’ve never met anyone like you.”
“What do you mean?”
She turned to look up at him. Her eyes were wide and luminous, and in the moment, all of what she felt for him was revealed in her gaze. “I mean you’re honest and forthright and you always do the right thing.”
He almost groaned aloud, and was glad she couldn’t read his thoughts.
“You make me sound like a saint,” he protested, wondering what she was going to think once she learned of his deception.
“I’d say you and Sister Agnes were well on your way,” she remarked.
As Alex spoke, the steamer suddenly, unexpectedly gave a violent lurch. Striking an uncharted sandbar, it swung wildly around, battling the current and the obstruction.
Caught off guard, Winn was thrown backward, away from Alex, as she was slung forcefully against the rail. The rail gave a sickening crack, sounding as if it were about to break, and Winn reacted instinctively. He threw himself toward Alex and grabbed her, yanking her away from the rail and into the safe haven of his embrace.
Suddenly, everything was quiet. The boat was still, and they were standing on the darkly shadowed deck, wrapped in each other’s arms. They were shocked and mesmerized by the current of desire that flowed between them. As they stood together, gazing at each other in awestruck wonder, everything else faded away. The universe narrowed to just the two of them.
Alex was trembling, whether from her close call at the railing or Winn’s compelling nearness, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that the feel of his hard body molded to hers was ecstasy. Her hands clutched at his shoulders, and she could feel the power in him. He was a man, all man, and she wanted him . . . she wanted this . . . with all her heart.
Winn stared down at Alex, the harsh rasp of his breathing revealed the sudden terror that had gripped him. He had almost lost her. She could have fallen. . . . She could have been killed . . .
His gaze went over her upturned features, making sure she was all right. He couldn’t let anything happen to her. He’d tried to deny it up until this moment, but there could be no more lying to himself. She was the woman he wanted, and she was in his arms. . .. The innocence in her eyes warred with the temptation of her lips, slightly parted as if begging for union with his, and he could restrain himself no longer.
Suddenly, it didn’t matter to Winn that she believed herself to be another man’s wife. Winn knew the wedding had been a fake. It didn’t matter that everyone thought he was a priest. Winn knew he wasn’t. In that instant, there was only the two of them, alone on deck, locked in each other’s arms.
Winn couldn’t stop. This was what he’d waited his whole life for . . . this moment . . . Alex in his arms, looking up at him with eyes that promised eternity. He bent his head, his gaze fixed on her lips, as he anticipated tasting the sweetness of her. He whispered her name in an agonized, verbal caress as his mouth descended to hers. “Alex . . .”
Alex knew she shouldn’t do this. Every fiber of her moral being cried out to her to stop and think about what she was doing. This was Father Winn about to kiss her! She was married to Matt! They had both taken vows before God. But then his mouth claimed hers, and there was no time to think. There was only time to feel. She knew she should stop him, yet as he held her close, she couldn’t deny her need. She met him in that kiss.
It was heaven, that first embrace. A sweet glory of passion, new born. They were meant to be together. They were two parts of a whole that had been lost, but were now found.
Winn’s mouth moved over hers, deepening the exchange. Ecstasy pulsed through them both. He brought her more fully against him, wanting to hold her as close as he could. He’d wanted her from the first moment he’d seen her in Boston, and he meant to have her. Winn’s control shattered as he felt her response to him. He knew then that he had to be the one who awakened in her the fire of her desire. He wanted to be the one who taught her of love’s delights.
A distant, nagging thought of self-control taunted Winn, but he mentally shoved it away. He didn’t want to deny himself. He didn’t like denying himself. He wanted her and he would take her. She was clinging to him as if he and he alone were her lifeline to safety, and he reveled in the knowledge that she wanted him, too.
Winn’s desire-drugged mind was already planning a way to lead her off to her cabin where they could be alone, when the steamer shuddered to life again. Reversing its engines, it gave a jarring shift as the pilot tried to back it off the sandbar.
The action jolted Alex back from the paradise she’d found in Winn’s arms to the pain of reality. She tore herself free of his loving embrace, her emotions in turmoil. She was filled with fear over what she’d almost done and self-loathing for having allowed it to go even this far.
“No! We can’t do this . . .” Alex gasped, horrified by her own behavior. “I won’t let you do this!”
Winn stared at her, seeing her passion-glazed eyes and her flushed cheeks. A groan of pure animal desire escaped him.
“Alex . . .” he growled in desperation, needing her back in his arms, needing to taste of her sweetness, and to feel her melt against him. “Think of me as a man—not a priest.”
“I can’t!” she agonized, She started to turn away from him, for the desire to go back into his arms was nearly overwhelming.
Winn could not let her go. He grabbed her arm as she would have fled and stopped her. “I want you, Alex.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I want you, too, but we can’t do this! Please . . . let me go . . .”
“But Alex . . .”
“You’ve taken your vows as I’ve taken mine. Don’t you understand? In God’s eyes, I’m married to Matt!” A small sob escaped her as she tore herself away from him and ran down the deck, disappearing into her stateroom.
Winn stood alone in the middle of the dark, deserted deck. He wanted to follow Alex, to smash open her door, and claim her for his own, but her tortured, tearful words held him at bay. His body was on fire with the need to be one with hers, but there would be no relief. Alex thought him an honorable man, and despite all his wishes to the contrary, she was determined he remain that way.
Winn wished right then and there that she wasn’t quite so honorable herself. As soon as he thought about it, though, he knew he was wrong. Alex could never be less than honest and forthright, and those were qualities about her that he loved. She was different from any woman he’d ever known before. There was no guile in her, no cunning or deceit. She was concerned with more important things than parties, liaisons, and the other trivial things the women of his social circle dwelt on. Alex was special.
Winn could not remember another time in his life when he’d cared what a woman thought about him, but right now he cared what Alex thought. He sighed almost painfully as he wondered what she would do once she learned he’d been lying to her. She thought he was a virtuous, noble, and self-sacrificing priest. In truth, he was a rich, titled Englishman, who hadn’t done an honest day’s work in his life until Sister Agnes had gotten hold of him.
His hands clenched into fists at his sides. He wanted her so badly that he physically ached with the power of his need. He knew that somehow he was going to have to convince her nothing had changed between them. Yet, even as he considered it, he realized it was crazy. Everything had changed between them. Her kiss had been unlike anything he’d ever known before. She was innocent, yet passionate, and the combination was powerful enough to bring even the strongest man to his knees and make him cast his vows aside—whatever they might be.
Winn stared down the empty deck for a moment longer, and then turned away. His mood was black, his expression thunderous, and his stride determined as he started off in the direction of the men’s saloon. He needed to ease his frustration, and right now a game of cards and a straight whiskey seemed the best, and only, antidote available.
“Unsettling, wasn’t it, Father?” a man’s voice came from behind him, drawing him up short. “It’s tricky business trying to pull off something like that.”
Winn tensed, believing the man behind him had witnessed his intimacy with Alex. He silently cursed his own weakness in giving in to his need for her. Drawing a deep, steadying breath, he prepared to face the man and to try to explain the situation. He turned around to find it was Captain Westlake.
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