Break Me Open (5 page)

I laced my arm around his thick waist, just barely able to squeeze a grip around his thick jacket. I  studied the vast slab of muscle before me and with nothing left to do, let my face fall against it. His heart pounded in my ear. His heat was like a warm pool to sink into after a long and terrible night.

"Yo, Ghost!'

A man was striding out from the front of the bar. He didn't look very big or tall, and was a bit darker than Ghost. But the pace of his walk and the thin frown told me this was more than just another biker. He had an entourage in tow.

"Where you taking her?" he demanded.

"Home," Ghost's voice rumbled into my ears. " She doesn't know shit."

Whatever his boss said next drowned in the roar of the engines. We kicked off and then we were roaring down the highway. The biker bar faded in to the inky black of the desert.

My only memories of the trip home were from my nose. The sand bitten emptiness as we fled through the desert. Then the metal and diesel sting as must have gone through the industrial circle. Finally the loamy richness as we hit the manicured lawns where I lived. The thrum of the engine rattled my mind into oblivion, and when it cut off, I startled out of my trance. Ghost steadied me, and lifted me out onto my feet.

"You're ok," he said.

I took in my bearings, the half -open curtains of my little townhouse. The past came back like a nightmare and I shivered under everything that had nearly happened. What could still happen, I realized. What had made me give him my real address?

Ghost just held me by the shoulders until I could look up at him. His face glowed under the moon, the hard edges of it a fuzz as if not sure where the air ended and he began. This must have been how that mouse of a man must have seen him, but I felt no fear.

"Thank you," I said, and sank my arms around him once more. From the front this time. 

"Yeah." He let me go and I wobbled to the door. A few lights around me were on, and I wondered how loud and strange Ghost's Harley must sound at this time. By the time I got inside, he was already perched astride. I nodded to him. He simply stared back, as if my eyes were just as strange to him. His engine thrummed to life, softer it seemed than it should be.

Maybe because I'm here now
, my brain thought in its exhausted delirium. He weaved the bike around the street and fled off from where he had come.

I walked into the dining room, looked at my parents’ picture. I wondered what they would say if they saw the guy that had just dropped their daughter off. 

Maybe it was good they hadn't been around to see this.

I laughed at myself for the first time in a long long while.

I woke gently, the rays of sun creeping up on my eyes. I had been dreaming of her again. I had such a clear vision of Katie’s face, her hazel eyes alight in that pale moon face. Not fearsome like mine. But not afraid either. All she had done through the dream was look at me. That was enough to feel renewed

A sweet dream, but now all that was left was my dick standing salute. That was a good sight to see. Left me feeling that I wasn’t completely losing my mind over some girl I’d barely talked to. She looked good. That was the sum of it.

Still, it had been three days and I was still dreaming of her. It was also three days since the last time I'd shot upright in the wee hours of the morning, panting and heaving from something closer to a bad memory than a nightmare. The two had to be related.

We had a couple hours before today’s op. I ran my daily five mile through the desert. The sun had been up for awhile and my feet started to grill after a mile or two. The pain just made me run faster, kick up the wind to cool myself down. I wheeled around the lone tree that marked my halfway point and sprinted back to the bar. No spike needed.

A flash shower later, I sat down at a booth in the bar. People were keeping their distance after that night, maybe cause they'd heard about Shiny. Maybe something about the girl. Maybe they'd heard Nico lay into me when I got back from dropping her off. Something was different, and they'd barely started to understand me even before.

I only cared about the guys around the long table. If the rest of the club wanted to keep their distance that was more than ok. Nico’s old woman, Denise dropped a heaping plate of protein and carbs before me. The steam of grease and meat revved my appetite. I dug in, and to my surprise, Denise sat down. Her dark hair spilled over her shoulders and she tied it back before leaning in.

"How you doing, honey?"

Denise was the only one who got to call me that. "Fine," I said between chews.

She reached out and touched my forehead. Only one who got to do that too. "What?" I asked.

"Just wondering if you're in heat."

'What am I? A wolf."

"Wasn't that your unit's name?"

Not my last unit, but I had never talked about that one. "One of them."

She smiled, looking much older than the band t-shirt and denim outfit she was in. "I was just wondering why our best man would go nuts over a girl."

"It was just the right thing to do." I shrugged. "How much did Nico tell you?"

"Oh you know I don't like to touch the details of what you men are up to. I just saw you threw him in a right awful tiff. Never seen him so worked up."

"Twist was treating her bad, and she didn't choose to come out here," I said. "That's all. Nico would have made the same call."

She patted my elbow. "Well just make sure you tell him first then. I just hate when something comes between any of us. We're family you know."

She slapped it a bit harder then picked up and left.

Family. Structure. The things I'd needed after I'd been booted out of Ops. I’d returned to Gilsner and only truly found a home again once I joined the Wraiths.

Nothing like a veiled threat of violence to remind you of home. Some of the boys in my unit spoke of families who tolerated every transgression with patience and understanding. Didn't sound like any family I'd ever known.

So the girl had an effect on me. Just had to let Nico know next time. I was his VP and his best...everything. Shouldn’t be a thing to grant me a little boon now and then.

If only I could understand why I needed this one. Her look, her brown-eyed gaze. Like the bark of an ancient tree who'd seen decades pass and had withstood everything. Even threatened with rape or with death, she had shown no fear. Just weariness at the world. I Knew that feeling.

I scarfed down the greasy mess of calories, then went round to the club room. Nico was chatting with Dyno and some of the others, but threw me a nod as I came in. I’d gotten chewed out plenty the next morning, but Nico knew how to forgive too. Another good trait in a leader.

"You ready, big man?" one of the newer Lieutenants said. Crispy, they called him, cause Leathery didn't roll off the tongue so easy. He grinned but looked away when I took too long to answer. It was a rite of passage for the new officers to hold my eyes without flinching.

"This ain't a thing," I told him, as I sat down next to Nico. And it wasn't. Running security for a day operation in sprawlsville, US of A. Captain Lee would have lobbed one of those vicious spits of his if he heard of my training being wasted on junk like this. Not that he was alive to hear.

Nico ran through the business part of the deal. He had a thoroughness to him that made me feel at ease, reminded me of mission briefs. He was making a few tactical errors, but it didn't matter much in this case.

The guy we were making contact with worked out of a run down motel just inside the town line. Took a few kilos from the Sand Scorpions. Now they were out and we were holding. The motel was wide open, with some foot traffic and narrow roads around to make a drive by unwise. And the Scorpions had no reason to go after us.

Let Nico talk. I'd set him straight later when no one was around. Nico listened too good advice. I guess he counted himself a little lucky that I was suggesting and not ordering. We both knew I could take over the club if I wanted to. But I didn't.

"Ghost, you know your spot?" he asked.

"Relax, man. We'll be back with the money inside of an hour."

Nico stared me down. I guess he had to. I shrugged and told him which building I'd position on, and he finally turned to others. I lazed in my seat waiting.

Naturally, my mind drifted to Katie.

The room stirred up and I returned. We were on the move. Outside, we had a nice football huddle before moving out. Less poetry, more profanity, plenty of that same shoulder thumping. Even I cracked a smile under my shades. Do this and we bring wealth to our brotherhood. We grow stronger. We prove our worth.

After the mess of loyalties I'd had to tiptoe through at the end of my service, it all felt refreshingly simple.

Five of us rolled out. Canyon, Crispy, me, a young blood who called himself Uncut, with no irony. And Twist. He growled at me under his shades as we passed. He had my back probably, but it would take more than three days to stand down such a gross offense to his manhood.

It was the one vice I'd never understood. What fun was there in a woman who fought you as you took her? We did plenty of shit that was beyond gray, but that one line I could not abide crossing. Easy enough to find a drunk or stoned out chick willing to fuck around here.

We rumbled out in a short line across the desert. The ground sat mute under my thick shades. It wasn’t all that bright out here, but there was always a chance I’d have to spike. The chems would let me see a fly crawl in slow motion 50 yards out. They did that by making my eyes a magnet for light. In broad daylight I’d go blind in an instant without the shades. It was an operational weakness that would have me worried if this job had any risk profile.

We turned a hill and the city loomed before us. Going to town always felt like entering a cage. Surrender your weapons, keep your baggage. Thanks for your service, Soldier, but we don't have space for your personal shit. I had grown up right on the edge of the city, and I was in no mood to go deeper in than I needed.

Then again, seeing Katie was starting to verge on need. To see what those eyes would do if they saw me again.

We ran the perimeter of the town, around smokeless factories, rusting warehouses,and cargo yards with lines of parked trucks. Things weren't going so well for the good folk in Gilsner, which meant business was good for men like us.

Before the war that would have bothered me. Until the government had sent me to baby-sit the poppy fields of Afghan warlords. Nothing noble in that. But it had taught me that people would get what they wanted one way or another. If making a cut off it gets you through another day, then so be it. I wasn’t getting rich off this. Maybe I’d feel worse if I was.

We only had to turn in a bit to get to the motel. The parking lot stood cracked and baking under the noon sun. Mostly empty. The road it sat on had a car here and there but no pedestrians at the moment, neither druggies or civvies. The four riders rolled right into it, but I lowered my engine and crept out to an empty office a block away. A fire escape ran up an alley behind, just out of reach. I sighed, then spiked.

I never knew how the army lab rats had wired up the system inside, but it always felt like a needle coming down on the back of my neck, cool and sharp. Then my body blared hot like a chemical reaction. I sprinted up the brick wall until I could reach the lower rung. I clambered up top as easy as climbing stairs.

The office was no more than 3 stories, but I could see out on all sides of Gilsner from the roof. Yellow and dusty on one sides, but grey concrete - broken up with blurs of green on the other side. Katie lived in one of those green oases.

I set the thought aside and crouched in the gravel at the corner overlooking the motel. I slung my rifle off my back and sighted it on my guys as two of them filed into the manager's booth. The grip was worn and the barrel rusty. Our gear was seriously out of shape, but at a couple hundred feet, it should work fine. If it even needed to.

The booth had tinted glass. I could remove my shades and resolve the shadows I saw through my scope, but didn't see a point. I knew the deal. The buyer would check the stuff, complain a bit. Canyon would call him a prick and name a price. The guy would flinch, and demand something: security, reliability, a discount. He'd get one or two of the above. The show of force was meant to remind him we were still a legit operation. The Scorpions had probably fed him lies about our club’s impending demise.