Breaking Away (27 page)

“Yeah, I miss making love with you.” He cleared his throat. “I miss you wanting to make love with me.”

Marsha laid her hand on the bed close to his muscular thigh but didn’t touch him. She didn’t know if she was ready yet. “They didn’t rape me. I’ve told you before. In spite of everything else he did, Moussa wouldn’t let them. He said I was unclean
.
” She studied his reaction, hoping for a clue to his feelings. “Isn’t that ironic? It was okay for him to torture us, brutalize you, and try to drown our son, but he drew the line at rape.”

“He was a religious zealot bent on revenge. A terrorist. A brute. A coward.” He swallowed as though his throat hurt. “I don’t give a fuck what his reasons were, I’m just glad he couldn’t bring himself to be a rapist, too.”

“I know you tried to protect us, put yourself between us and them, as much as you could.”

“It wasn’t enough.” He clenched and unclenched his hands in a show of tension she’d never seen from him before. “All those years of training and I couldn’t do a damn thing to keep them off of you.”

The bitterness in his tone surprised her. “There were three of them. They had guns. I know you didn’t take chances because of Alex and me.” She raised a hand to touch his bare back then withdrew it without touching him.

He rose and reached for his t-shirt. He thrust his arms into the sleeves and tugged it over his head. “I know you think I’m a cold blooded son of a bitch. I know you think I put you and Alex last.” He jerked the towel free and stepped into his boxer briefs. “But there’s never been anyone but you since we got married. Some of the other guys may fuck around on their wives and make excuses, and say they have needs, they’re just scratching the itch, that it doesn’t mean anything, but I haven’t. I won’t until you tell me you don’t want me anymore, and I’m not sure I could even then. Do you know what it does to me to know you can’t bring yourself to touch me?”

Marsha sat up and ran a hand through her bed-tousled hair. She felt emotionally exhausted. As though all the hurt had cauterized her sexual desires. “It isn’t because of anything you’ve done or didn’t do, James. It’s because I don’t want to start something I’m not ready to finish.”

He studied her face. “I’m not some over-enthusiastic teenager without any control. I’m not going to rush you into doing anything you don’t want. But you started off by asking me if I miss you, miss us, and then you can’t even touch me. What do you want from me, Marsha?”

“I wanted to know if their putting their hands on me had killed your feelings for me. It’s killed something inside me, James. I want to feel the way I did before, but I just feel numb. How do I make the numbness go away?”

He swallowed and the anger faded from his features. “How do you know you’d feel numb if I held you? If I touched you? You haven’t let me since it happened.”

The thought had her heart drumming in her ears. What if he broke through the numbness? What if it hurt too much? As long as she was sexually numb she didn’t have to face the fear and humiliation. “What if I lose it?”

“Then we’ll lose it together. Anything is better than this, Marsha.”

Was it?

“I have a meeting I can’t miss,” he said, glancing at his watch.

She nodded, rested her chin on her knees and watched him dress.

He’d picked himself up and moved on. Why couldn’t she?

Alex’s cry came just as he finished putting his captain’s insignia on the collar of his shirt. She rose from the bed and reached for the robe she’d tossed across the brightly flowered lounge in the corner.

When she moved past James he caught her arm and drew her close. He held her against his tall frame for a moment. She waited for her heartbeat to race, as it always had in the past. She felt nothing until he ran his fingertips along the back of her neck in a soft caress. Her nerve endings tingled and she shivered.

Alex’s cry grew louder.

“I’ll be home at five. Maybe we can grill out or something.”

They hadn’t grilled anything since the day of the attack.

She nodded and stepped away then paused at the door. “There hasn’t been anyone but you—
ever
, James.”

“I know.”

Would she have responded to the men’s attacks differently if she’d had more than one lover? Probably not. Because it hadn’t been about sex, it had been about control, pain, punishment and humiliation.

Did James really love her? He’d remained faithful through all the separations…Ten years of faithfulness had to count for something. Maybe they’d both find out what, if they made it through to the other side.

James dwelled on the conversation all the way into the base. He was at a loss about how to reach Marsha. She’d talked with her counselor, just as he had, about the lack of sex. But she’d never admitted her feelings, until this morning. Was that a good thing?

When he arrived at his office, he was met by the two NCIS agents assigned to Flash’s case. He had no choice but to shove his thoughts of Marsha and their problems to the back of his mind and escort the agents to his office.

During and after showing the two agents the videos Flash had sent him, he studied their reactions. Barnett, five foot ten inches tall, about thirty, with dark brown hair and olive complexion, probably had some Italian ancestry, with his heavy features and hooded eyes. He was built like a linebacker, heavy through the chest and shoulders, muscular and fit.

His partner, Agent Cooper, couldn’t have been more opposite. She was taller than her partner, model thin, with long, lush, black hair tied back in a ponytail at the base of her neck. Her slacks and plain white shirt could have been sackcloth on her long, lean frame and still look like she’d just come off the runway in a fashion show. Her features were dramatically feminine.

“We’d like a copy of this latest recording. We may be able to figure out his exact location,” Barnett said.

Jackson raised a brow. “From a blank white wall and a temporary email address?” How stupid did they think Flash was?

Barnett looked away.

“I’ve been in touch with Lieutenant Carney’s teammates. They back up his story about the FBI visit. As does the base commander we worked under in Iraq when this went down. He’s sent me a report on his conversation with the two agents when they arrived at the base as have the men who witnessed their visit.”

“We’d like a copy of those reports too, Captain,” Barnett said.

James’s features tightened in outrage. “You should have generated your own reports by now, Agent Barnett. You have access to as much of Lieutenant Carney’s file as I do. And to all the information he’s been sharing with you. Why are you sitting on your hands and leaving my guy twisting in the wind?”

Barnett’s heavy brows crashed together and his jaw tensed. “Your guy is AWOL, sir. That’s our main concern.”

Anger heated James’s face. He’d watched the videos Flash had sent numerous times. Studied his file over and over. If Harold Timothy Carney had crossed over to the other side, he’d eat his SEAL trident. His man had been fucked by the FBI, and now NCIS lined up to have a go at him, too.

“Has the FBI issued a warrant for him on the bogus assault charge?”

“Yes, they have, sir.”

James eyed the man until he looked away.

Agent Cooper spoke for the first time, her voice deeper than he’d expected. “If he contacts you again, Captain, you should let us know right away.”

“I’ll jump right on that, agent.”
As fast as you two seemed to have jumped on my JG’s situation.
He rose, went to the door and opened it. “Thank you for your time, agents.”

“We’d like a copy of this latest video and the reports you mentioned, Captain,” Barnett said.

“And I’d like world peace and my guy back. I guess neither one of us is going to get what we want.”

“We can get a warrant, sir.”

“I suggest you do that.”

Barnett and Cooper rose and marched to the door.

“You aren’t helping him with this refusal to cooperate, sir,” Agent Cooper said.

“You aren’t helping him whether I cooperate or not, agents. Your superiors will hear from me. I’ll be reporting to mine about this, too.”
Assholes.

Barnett’s facial muscles tightened.

“Just what do you think would happen if he decides to go public with all this?” James asked.

Cooper jumped into the silence. “It would be in his best interest to hold off on that, Captain.”

“He isn’t bound by any vow of secrecy to the FBI, and, especially now that they’ve tried to kill him, it would be in his best interests to call attention to his innocence in any way he can. If you aren’t going to give him any cover, he has every right to seek it wherever he can find it.”

“Can we sit down for a moment longer, sir?” Cooper suggested.

“Only if I hear more than BS from you and your partner,” James said.

Cooper bit her lip and studied the floor with great concentration. Barnett found his seat again and she followed his lead, but settled on the edge of her chair.

“Just because we aren’t giving him backup doesn’t mean we, and others, aren’t interested in what he’s uncovered, sir,” she said.

“The fact that you aren’t giving him backup is what’s keeping him out there, Cooper.”

“We went to Mexico to bring him home,” Barnett argued.

“You went to Mexico to arrest him. My operator reached out to you for help, and you reciprocated with a threat.”

“We didn’t know everything we do now,” Cooper said.

“Which is?”

Barnett leaned forward in his seat. “The FBI had a legitimate operation going on until your man got involved.”

“Until Agent Gilbert got involved with the ring leader of a drug cartel,” James countered. “You haven’t given me one ounce of evidence that says my man knew what the hell was going down. And from what I’ve seen, he’s given you plenty to prove Gilbert is in a cartel leader’s hip pocket.”

Barnett backed off with a scowl. “You can’t know for certain Carney wasn’t involved.”

“And you can’t know for certain he was.” He’d made a mistake when he hadn’t fought for Brett Weaver. When he hadn’t supported a wounded man trying to fight his way back. And Brett Weaver had single-handedly taken out the bad guys who had damn near beat him to death. Brett had saved him, Marsha, and Alex. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. Carney had been a loyal operator. Had risked his life for the men in his team on numerous occasions. He’d provided cover for the Marines he’d been stationed with. Had saved lives with his skill. And he deserved the benefit of a doubt.

“Did Carney seem to know what was going on when he interrogated Gilbert? You heard Gilbert admit that Carney followed orders. And you heard his cover story for what had gone down. Who do you think pulled the con, Agent Barnett?”

Barnett remained sullen and silent.

James leaned forward against the desk. “Lieutenant Carney came up hard. Probably had the worst home life growing up of any of my men, but he still finished high school on his own, went to college, and has become one of the best SEAL snipers in the teams. He’s saved more lives than you or I ever will. He’s spent seven years fighting bad guys or training to do it. He has an exemplary record with the SEALs. And I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt.”

He drew a deep breath. “Now if you want to continue along the path you’re traveling with this thing, then do it. But as of right now,” James thumped the top of his desk with his index finger for emphasis, “I’m going to make it my calling to bring this man home, back to his team, and get this traitorous son of bitch Gilbert.”

“We don’t need you interfering in an ongoing investigation,” Barnett growled.

“That’s too fucking bad, because I’m already involved. And I already have as much information on this thing as you do
and
the backing of my command. And from what little you’ve shared with me today, I’d say you haven’t got much of an investigation.”

“There’s more going on than we’re at liberty to share with you, Captain,” Cooper said, her tone halfway apologetic.

James leaned back in his chair. He studied the agents through narrowed eyes. He turned his focus on Barnett. “You’re supposed to follow the evidence, be objective, I don’t see that happening here.” He rose and moved around the desk, then leaned back against it and crossed his arms. “Not too long ago, another of my men was investigated by your department for murder. The supposed victim was still alive. That investigative team had the same attitude, the same tunnel vision. The two agents have since had to issue an official apology to that individual. Not a comfortable situation to be in. I don’t think your command would be too thrilled should that happen again.”

Barnett’s face flushed, and his jaw grew taut.

James straightened and moved back around the desk. “Has an arrest warrant been filed charging Lieutenant Carney for the shootings that took place during the operation?”

After a short pause, Cooper said, “No.”

Surprised, James stopped in mid stride and swiveled to face her.

“Gunfire was reported in the area, but no bodies were recovered. We don’t know who he shot. But there’s been no record of any shooting filed by the FBI. Not even his.”