Breaking Through (Atlanta #3) (27 page)

Luke nodded, still looking at Jenna's serene, damaged face.

"This thing with you and Jenna…it's big. You're very good for her, Luke."

His eyes shot up to her. Cassie made absolutely no sense at all. He still didn't see how he could be good for someone like Jenna.
 

"I'm serious, Luke. Look. Marcus told me a little about your dark side, your self-hatred and you always wanting to punish yourself. You've got a crappy opinion about who you are…and Jenna was the same way about herself until you came along."

Luke studied Cassie's face while she paused. He shook his head and looked down. That was hard to believe.

"It's true," Cassie remarked pointedly. "She loves you. I mean
really
loves you. Deep down. You brought out a strength and confidence in her I'd never seen before."

"I did?" he whispered quietly.

"Yes," Cassie said gently. "And she knows, by the way."

"Knows what?"

"That you love her, too. Even though you never said it. She knows."

Luke's eyes burned with unshed tears. He should have told her anyway, but he was relieved to know Jenna understood.
My beautiful angel.

"I should have told her," he breathed out quietly.

"Yep, you should have," Cassie said bluntly. "But you can now. I don't know if she can hear you or not, but loving her and telling her can only be good."

"Yeah…"

"And I'm more opinionated than I should be, but if you ask me, no more secret relationship. You guys are both strong enough to handle whatever the ex can dish. You can protect your daughter, too. As for Jenna, keeping you a secret was hard on her. Man up. Jenna can handle everything with you."

 
Luke sighed and looked down at the angel he loved and nodded. "You're right."
 

"Of course," Cassie grinned. "I'll stop by again after work."

"I'll be here," Luke smiled weakly. "Thanks, Cass."

"You called me Cass," she beamed. "Ok, then. I'll get going. I'll see you later. Oh! Wait! I've been dying to know…which little girl from the clinic is yours?"

"Sophie Walsh." Luke smiled softly every time he said her name.
 

"OH! I love her! She is beautiful, Luke. I can't believe Sophie is yours. But I should have already known with those eyes," Cassie smiled.
 

Luke watched her leave Jenna's hospital room then looked to his angel. He sat down with a heavy sigh. "Fight hard, Jen. Please come back. I love you."

A few days passed as Luke did nothing but sit by her side and try to figure out how to work through the mess in his head. He was determined to get better, but he could barely understand how he could. His thoughts were interrupted by Jenna's doctor. He came in smiling.

"Hi, Luke. How's she looking today?"

Luke offered half a smile. "Her bruises seem better and left arm doesn't look as swollen. Look at her fingers."

"You're right," Dr. Daily agreed with a smile. "Her blood work says the same thing. I'm here to check on her before her next scan. With the way her vitals are going, I think the swelling has gone down everywhere. Her sed-rates are looking better every time we check them. I want to have another look at her brain. If the swelling is gone, we'll take her out of the coma probably tomorrow and wait for her to wake up on her own."

"That's great," Luke said. "When's the scan?"

"The nurse will take her as soon as I'm done." He pulled her chart one more time and made a few notations. "All set."

"Thanks, doctor," Luke said with a little more hope in his chest. On his way to get coffee while he waited for Jenna, Luke ran into Erin in the hallway and got a big hug from her.
 

"Hey, Luke," she greeted warmly. He was amazed at how easily everyone accepted him into their circle. He was a fool for keeping everyone at a distance.

"Hey, Erin. I was about to go get some coffee while Jenna's in radiology."

"Mind if I join you?"

"Sure," he said. On the way down for coffee Luke gave Erin the update on Jenna's condition.

"So tomorrow they're going to wake her up?"

"Assuming today's scan goes well, yep," he said with a timid look of hope on his face.
 

After a little conversation about Sophie and Jenna, Erin checked her phone and suggested they get up to the room. Luke went back to the line to grab a sandwich for his dinner and then followed her to the elevator bank. Cassie and Scott were already there waiting and smiling.
 

"Hey guys," Luke said. Scott offered a warm handshake and Cassie gave her typical hug. The group made their way to Jenna's room to wait for her return and chatted idly in the mean time. Only a few minutes later the orderly and nurse brought her back.

"Is she ok?" Luke asked hopefully.
 

"We don't have official results until the radiologists review the scan, but I'll tell you the tech was smiling while the images came through," the nurse said with a wink.
 

Everyone smiled and Erin wrapped her arm around Luke's waist for a quick side-hug. "She's going to be fine."

"Let's hope," he added. They sat and talked for a long while, but Luke's focus remained on Jenna. After a while everyone else excused themselves, but Luke stayed.
 

His brain still had plenty of shit to sort through, so the quiet time beside his angel helped as much as anything could. After an hour of contemplation, his thoughts were interrupted by Dr. Daily coming in. Luke stood up immediately and looked at the doctor in hopeful anticipation. His hope was answered with a smile.

"The swelling is completely down," he announced happily. "One review of her vitals tomorrow morning before we officially pull her out of the coma so she can wake up when her body's ready."

"Thank you," Luke said, obviously relieved.
 

"You're welcome. But remember: her brain and body were both badly traumatized. It could still be days before she wakes up. She has a lot of healing to do."

He was thankful the following day was Saturday. He wouldn't have to leave her at all, and hopefully she would wake up and see
him
. He desperately wanted to be the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes.
 

He squeezed her hand and wished he could curl up beside her and fall asleep in her arms. Precious few times he rested sweetly in her embrace when he allowed her to comfort him after his nightmares. He knew now: he
needed
her. He could never dismiss her comfort again.

Early Saturday morning Luke was awakened by Marcus. Still wearing the blue janitorial uniform from his night job, Marcus gently shook Luke awake. "Hey, buddy."

"Hey," Luke yawned.

"How's she doing?"

"Assuming her vitals are good this morning, they're going to take her out of the induced coma so she can wake up on her own."

"That's great," Marcus said with a genuine smile. "Now how are
you
doing?"

"God, Marcus. I don't know. I'm all over the map. One minute I'm angry and devastated…and the next I'm hopeful and thankful. I'm a fucking train wreck."

Marcus sat down in one of the chairs near Jenna's bed and watched Luke with a keen eye as he stretched and sat up.
 

"Marcus, I gotta tell you," Luke started, but then lost his ability to express what he wanted to. Like with his beautiful angel, he had no idea how to say what he wanted to say.
 

Marcus smirked. "Yeah, words aren't your thing. I know. But here's the problem: the only way to get better is by talking. It sounds like total crap but it's true. No more quitting. Giving up isn't your style anyway. Figure it out and say it."

Luke sighed a heavy breath. After a long, quiet moment, Luke found at least
some
words to express what was on his mind. "
Thanks
, I guess, is what I want to say, but that doesn't really say it. I know what you're doing for me. You put up with a lot."

Marcus looked at the floor and smiled. "Yep. Like I said: if you ever have the chance to help someone down the line, do it. And speaking of help…"

Marcus reached in his pocket and pulled out a little white business card. He flicked it over to Luke who caught it easily.
Fairhaven Counseling Center, specializing in Anxiety, PTSD, Depression, and Panic Attacks
. The address indicated the center was located close to Jenna's clinic.

"I know you haven't had a chance to look for help, so I did it for you. I talked to them on the phone and they were great. They handle war vets there all the time. They take your insurance, too. I checked with George about your coverage. I had to get you pre-approved for treatment, so I pretended I was you on the phone," Marcus admitted with a guilty smile.

Luke stared at the card and nodded. "Thanks, man. I mean it. I hate this, but I get it."

"Good. Now I'm going home to Erin. Let us know if they're going to take Jenna out of the coma. And I want you to believe this: you'll get there. I promise."

Luke simply nodded, still staring at the card. After Marcus left the room, Luke pocketed the little help-connection and went to Jenna's bedside again. He held her hand, whispered his love to her, and lowered his head to her mattress. He fell asleep again, resting by his angel.

The doctor woke him up about two hours later with good news. At noon Jenna would be taken out of the coma. She wouldn't wake up instantly, Dr. Daily reminded him, but everything looked good.
 

He texted everyone the good news then went home to shower and shave so he could return by twelve. He was determined to stay at the hospital until Jenna opened her eyes. He wanted the first words she heard to be "I love you" coming straight from his heart.
 

Dr. Daily came in right at noon as promised, along with a nurse carrying a new IV bag.
 

"You ready?" the doctor asked with a smile.

Luke answered a solid
yes
. With one final check of Jenna's vital signs from the past few hours, the doctor nodded to the nurse who smiled widely at Luke. He stepped aside so they could do what they needed to do to bring Jenna back to him. The nurse changed out the bag which kept Jenna in the coma and replaced it with a simple glucose/potassium drip.
 

"Simple as that," Dr. Daily smiled. "It will take at least a day for her system to flush out the medications. Keep a positive attitude. I have to say, I love to see how many people she has in her life who care about her."

Luke nodded and looked down to her beautiful face. "She's something amazing."

Forty-eight hours almost nonstop in a hospital room passed and Luke continued to look at Jenna for signs of life. The coma-inducing drugs were well out of her system by then and Luke didn't want to take his eyes off of her.
 

All day
and
all night Saturday, then all day Sunday, Luke sat or slept at Jenna's bedside. Almost never did he let her hand slip from his. Nurses and orderlies volunteered to bring him dinner from the cafeteria, and the nurses offered to hold her hand while he made quick trips to the restroom. Even those short minutes away panicked Luke. He wanted, no he
needed
, to be there when she woke up. He had no idea what he was going to do about work. George would have to understand. Luke couldn't leave her right now.

Marcus offered to stay with Jenna for Luke's morning shifts, but Luke refused. "It has to be me, Marcus. She needs to
know
."

Marcus nodded to him and didn't broach the subject again. All he said was he'd talk to George. Each of the group filtered in and out of the hospital to check on both Luke and Jenna, but each understood Luke would
not
take a break. All of them were astounded by the depth of what he felt for her.
 

Luke spent his time sifting through the mess in his head. His thoughts bounced from happy possibilities to the dark reminders pulling him down. His past was like a dangerous tar pit keeping his feet thoroughly stuck while the rest of him strained to move forward. He desperately needed to move forward, so her forced himself to confess his darkness again. Both Erin and Cassie sat with him while he purged his soul again.

Monday morning rolled around and Luke woke up next to Jenna again, her hand still resting peacefully in his. She hadn't so much as twitched a muscle yet, but Luke was determined to keep a positive outlook.
 

That day Erin came in with Marcus during her lunch hour. As much as he hated to, he left Jenna for an hour to go home for a shower and a shave while the two of them were at the hospital. If she woke up when he was gone, at least she would see two people there loving her.
 

Wednesday and Thursday were much the same and Luke was disheartened. He wanted so desperately to see Jenna's warm brown eyes looking at him. She needed to hear his "I love you" and to know he would never leave her again. Her body wasn't ready to wake up, though, and all he could do was wait. He refused to let his frustration take over. He wanted to only look for good in his world.
 

Thursday evening, however, no matter how hard he tried to stay positive, his brain couldn't take anymore. Jenna wasn't with him, even though she was right there. The waiting was killing him. He wanted to shake her and force her awake somehow. He wanted to throw all the machines hooked up to her at the wall and beat the shit out of the gym equipment, but all he could do was stay by her side while she lay lifeless and quiet. He couldn't leave.

With no other outlet, his tears leaked out again until he sobbed. He was pissed at himself for his weakness and he was even pissed at Jenna for not waking up yet. He wanted her to fight harder. Luke cried for a long time. Some of his jags were quiet, with tears streaming down his cheeks, softly releasing all of his frustrations. At other times he sobbed violently. The nurses, who understood and respected him, closed the door for him so he could deal with his pain in private. As much as he hated to cry, Luke knew he had to purge the ugliness again so he could focus only on Jenna and looking forward.