Breaking Through (The Breaking Series Book 3) (13 page)

Dread was also playing its part inside me, though. It was Tuesday afternoon of my second week here, and I hadn’t been assigned any project of my own, like Fallon said I would. Maybe she changed her mind and wanted to delay the start of my designs? Maybe after a week working here, she realized I wasn’t as bright as she thought I was and was having second thoughts about hiring me.

It was hard to concentrate on other projects, on someone else’s projects, or even my project for college—which I tried to think about as often as I could—when those ideas kept bouncing inside my mind. I succeeded for about a few minutes, then doubt charged my mind and I had to fight a small panic attack.

At 4:15 p.m., the landline phone ranged on my table.

“Hilary here,” I said upon answering, knowing it was either Sonya in the front or Fallon.

“Hilary, come to my office, please,” Fallon said from the other side of the line. Her tone was deadpan, and I froze for a second.

“On my way,” I muttered before hanging up.

Taking a deep breath, I stood from my chair. I glanced around, sure three pairs of eyes would be on me, analyzing me, curious about the call, interested in its outcome. But Christine, Margot, and Karl were deep into their own worlds, not even acknowledging my presence. Which was a relief.

My hands were shaking when I knocked on Fallon’s door.

“Come in,” her voice came through loud and clear.

After another deep breath, I opened the door and stepped inside her office.

“Did you want to—?” I saw who was seated across Fallon’s desk and lost my words. “Hannah, what are you doing here?”

My sister stood and opened her arms to embrace me. “Hello, Hil.”

I glanced at Fallon, as if I needed permission to hug my sister, and she nodded.

“Hi,” I said, wrapping my arms around my sister. I stepped back and looked at her. “What are you doing here?”

She sat back down and gestured to the chair beside me. Again, I looked at Fallon and she nodded. I sat down and stared at my sister.

She smiled. “Well, I need a dress for my wedding. My mother, my maid of honor, and my bridesmaids need dresses too.”

“Oh, great,” I said with a smile. She had come to the right place. “Fallon is the best. You’ll love working with her.”

Hannah shook her head, and I heard Fallon chuckling. “No, silly, I want you to design our dresses.”

My jaw fell open. “But I thought …” I wasn’t sure what I thought.

“You’ve been designing clothes since you were four, and you always gave me great fashion tips. Come on. Did you really think I would have anyone else design the most important dress of my life?”

I was in shock. When she put it like that, I understood. If our roles were reversed, I would have her design my dress too. Emotions filled my chest—pride, excitement, anticipation, happiness. Tears sprang to my eyes.

“I told you I would assign you your own project during your second week here,” Fallon said.

Oh, this was amazing!

I flung myself at my sister and embraced her again. “Thank you! Thank you!”

She hugged me tight and laughed. “Of course, Hil. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

***

I arrived twenty minutes early to prepare myself for the challenge I was going to face today. I hadn’t expected to find Gui’s Jeep already parked beside the stable. I parked my car beside his and spied into the stable. He was probably busy with the horses and hadn’t seen me arrive yet, so I had a little time to myself.

I closed my eyes and worked on the calming and focusing technique my therapists taught me. Images of Fallon’s studios, lots of colorful fabrics, Hannah in a beautiful wedding dress, and models on a runaway wearing my creations filled my mind. Things that made me happy. Things that made me confident.

With a renewed spirit, I got out of my car and headed toward the stable. Gui appeared at the open gates.

“
Boa tarde
,” he said. His eyes raked down my body, taking longer at my legs. Warmth spread through my cheeks. Maybe choosing to wear cutoff jeans shorts hadn’t been the best idea, but it was so damn hot today. At least I was wearing a modest green T-shirt that hid everything.

“Good afternoon,” I answered him, taking him in. He wore worn jeans, a fitted white shirt, a black Montenegro baseball hat turned backward, and brown cowboy boots. Even though I had sworn off men and he was practically family, I couldn’t not notice how gorgeous he looked. It was no wonder he was a god with the ladies.

Gui straightened, all business-like. “Ready?”

I bit my lower lip and shook my head. “Not really.”

His eyes glanced to my lips before returning to my eyes with a different gleam, one I was sure I was imagining. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. We can go as slow as you want to.” My eyes widened this time. A second later, his mouth rounded in a silent oh. He pulled off his hat, ran his hand through his hair, and then settled the hat back in place. “You know what I meant,” he said, his tone strained.

I looked down at my boots, to hide my cheeks, which were probably scarlet red. “I know.” What, did he think I didn’t know what he thought about me? What he said the other day, about me being an amazing girl hiding behind a wall … well, the hiding behind a wall was right, but I was sure he threw that amazing in there to make me feel better about my messy feelings, about my scarred soul. He thought I was damaged, broken, like everyone who knew about what had happened. And I guess they were right. With my fears and my panic attacks, I certainly wasn’t anywhere near being whole.

“All right.” He stepped back into the stable. “Come with me.”

I followed him, taking note of each step, each stall we walked by, until we were crossing the back gates into the arena out back.

“Where are we going?”

Gui pointed to another set of gates on the other side of the arena. “To the round pen.”

“Oh-kay,” I muttered. I barely knew what stable and arena meant. If he started throwing specific horse-related terms my way, I wouldn’t follow.

He chuckled. “You know what a round pen is, right?” I stared at him, letting my silence do the talking. “Wait. You’ve been around horses all your life.”

“Nope, I haven’t. They have been behind my house all my life, but I stopped going near them when I was four. End of story.”

He narrowed his eyes at me, probably remembering the story I told him the other day. “A round pen is a closed place to train horses, and it happens to be round. Some are reinforced—” He pointed to a third set of gates to our left. “—for horses like Argus.” He halted beside the wooden fence that made up the round pen he had led me to. “And some are just regular round pens for basic training, like this one.”

Movement caught my sight, and I leaned closer to the fence, spying between the wood boards. “Belle is here.”

“
Sim
. I brought her here before you arrived.”

I jerked my head to him. “What time did you get here?”

He shrugged. “About thirty, forty minutes ago.”

Why had he arrived so early, even earlier than I had? Wasn’t he busy with training and promoting his team?

I closed my eyes and inhaled.

Okay, Hilary, stop questioning everyone’s intention. Not everyone has a hidden agenda.

At least I hoped not.

Nevertheless, I believed Gui pitied me, was sympathetic with my cause, and for some inexplicable reason, decided to help the troubled girl. I wouldn’t waste my time explaining to him how I hated pity and sympathy, because I knew he would bail once I did, and I kind of needed someone to help me with this. As much as I hated asking for help, I knew I couldn’t scratch this item off my list alone.

“Okay, so … what now?”

“Now.” Gui climbed the fence, swung his legs to the other side, and sat atop of it. “We just get used to this.” He opened his arms to the round pen.

“Oh-kay,” I said, not really sure what he wanted me to do.

He chuckled. “Come on up, Hil. The fence won’t bite you.” I stared at him. “Well, it might have a few splinters, but those don’t count as bites, so …”

I sucked in a quick breath and climbed up the fence. Swinging my legs to the other side, now that was a challenge. I swung one leg, straddling the fence, and my body swayed to the side. I was sure I would lose my grip on the fence until Gui closed his hands around my forearms and steadied me. I froze, staring at his hands on my skin. A man’s hands on me. And it didn’t make my stomach roll in disgust or fear. No, but it certainly made me anxious—if that was the first step before fear, or anxiety for something else different, I couldn’t tell nor did I want to. I wasn’t ready to overanalyze anything.

With Gui’s strong hands guiding me, I swung my other leg over the fence and sat a good two feet away from him. When he was sure I wouldn’t fall, he retreated to his side.

“So …” I said, looking at Belle, who trotted in the round pen. At first, I thought she was distressed by being here, but now looking at her, she seemed to be playing.

“So …” Gui repeated.

“What do I do?”

“I meant it. We sit here and let you get used to being here with Belle close by.”

“But we could have done that in her stall, like we did the last time.”

He shook his head. “It’s not the same thing. There you had her door between you, and she didn’t have a lot of space to run. Here, she’s free, more or less, and you’re on the inside of the fence.” He looked at my legs for a brief second, and then returned his gaze to the mare in the pen. “Even though I would like to see you standing in the pen with Belle, I think giving some distance from where she is but still being close is a good first step.”

It made sense. In her stall, with her stall door between us, she couldn’t hurt me. It was a controlled environment. Here, she was out in the open and I was inside the fence. If I were to stand inside with her, there would be nothing between us. Belle was good mare, but I was nervous around horses. If I spooked her, the situation would be more complicated to control.

Gui fell silent, his gaze on Belle. For the first ten minutes or so, I also focused on Belle. She was a good-looking horse, with strong legs, long neck, and shiny brown coat. Even though she wasn’t the youngest out there, she was energetic and playful.

Perched up here, it was easy to enjoy this moment. To feel eager about moments to come. I would never be like Hannah and Bia, but looking at Belle now, I felt quite hopeful that I could also love horses someday, just like them. Well, maybe not all horses, but one horse. One mare, actually.

A breeze blew by, whipping my hair across my face. I turned my face in the direction of the wind and ran a hand around my ear, tucking in the messy strands. As I was about to return my gaze to Belle, my eyes caught Gui’s. He was staring at me. Just staring. His jaw was tense, his lips pressed into a thin line, the slightest wrinkle on his forehead. He looked serious, almost painfully so.

Did it hurt him so much to look at me?

My sixteen-year-old self would have asked him what he was staring at without hesitation. My nineteen-year-old self? This version of me wanted to hide, to jump off the fence and run to her car and pretend this never happened.

I tucked in my chin in my chest, letting my hair fall like a curtain between us, so I could compose myself before I broke down right here, right now.

“Don’t hide,” Gui said, his tone low but sure. “I’m sorry if I keep staring, but you’re just too beautiful. Don’t … you don’t need to hide.”

My head snapped back to him, and I gaped at him in shock. He thought I was beautiful?

I remembered being called beautiful hundreds, thousands of times before. I remembered hearing I would be stunning when older even more times. However, that was all before what happened to Hannah and me. Before the news spread and everyone in our circle, in our town knew what Eric had done to us. Before he left me damaged and broken, and I became the hottest gossip around for months. Before everyone looked at me with pity and sympathy. Since then, nobody had told me I was beautiful, not anymore.

Gui could be teasing me, playing a trick on me, but he wasn’t that cruel, was he? I didn’t know him that well to know if he was capable of such things.

I didn’t know him well enough. Truth be told, I didn’t know him period.

The fear of being around horses was replaced by my deepest, scariest fear: of being alone with a man.

Panic filled my chest, rising within my throat. The shock froze me and I barely breathed.

Gui noticed my reaction and retreated. “It’s okay, Hilary. You’re fine. I promise I won’t hurt you. I will never hurt you.” He jumped off the fence, inside the round pen, to give me more space.

Regardless, the panic attack had already started, and I could do nothing to stop it now.

I held on to the fence to try to stop the shaking. I closed my eyes and focused on trying to stop my vision from blackening, and on my lungs to try to stop the rapid breathing, the shallow gulps. Nothing worked.

Something snapped in me and the dam broke. I wanted to run from here, to hide in my car, inside Hannah’s house, anywhere but here. I didn’t want Gui to see me like this.