Breathe into Me (26 page)

I gave a wet sniffle and looked up at her. “What are you offering?”

“You want out of whatever it is you’re in right now. Well, maybe you’re not much one for trailers, but I’ve got somewhere you can stay for free as long as you’d like. It would give you someplace to sleep, a chance to get ready for leaving, and enough time to quit your job proper.”

My denial stuck in my throat as the sense to her plan started trickling past the desperate parts of my brain. I was ready to leave this instant, but that didn’t mean that was the best option. Helplessness shot through me as I suddenly thought of Davy. If nothing else, I needed to make sure my brother was out of harm’s way before leaving Oyster Cove forever. I still didn’t know how to help him, but I couldn’t leave him behind.

“Come on and fill up on gas while you think about it.”

I complied, and by the time my tank was full again I’d made my decision. “Just for tonight,” I said, and Cherise nodded, looking serious.

“Stay as long as you need to, but just remember to say good-bye to me whenever you do head out.”

I followed her Chevy north away from the water, not quite sure what I was getting into. She turned off the main roads, eventually ending up on a small dirt road that led out toward the middle of nowhere. The homes around us were all rural, but everyone we saw waved as we went past.

Cherise’s house, when we finally arrived, was set back in a long driveway and nearly invisible from the road. I had no idea how far her land extended but the surrounding trees hid the neighbors’ homes. I parked next to her truck, getting out and following after her.

“I’ve got two options for you: you can have the couch in the house, or the entire single-wide trailer I’ve got out back. I can promise that both are free of bugs and have electricity, plumbing, and air conditioning. Let me show you the trailer first.”

Having lived in a mobile home park with my family for a few years, I’d learned how to spot a nice trailer. The one Cherise showed me was obviously old, but the interior was well maintained. “I had this brought out here for my mother to live with me,” she said as I looked around the living room. “She decided to go back to her previous situation, so this is mostly empty. There’re sheets and towels in the hall closet. Refrigerator doesn’t have much in the way of food but I think there’s some instant grits and oatmeal in the pantry. Microwave works, and you’re free to use whatever you need. What do you think?”

I looked around the small trailer, laid out much like my grandmother’s but different in so many ways. My grandmother had never been much for decorations; her walls were empty of everything except the cheap laminate siding. This place by contrast had something on every wall and open table surface. It was cluttered but homey in a way I hadn’t seen in so long, the kind of place that one walked into and immediately felt comfortable.

A slow, reluctant smile spread over my face. “I like it.”

“Good, because I was afraid you’d want to see the inside the house. Believe me, the bed here is more comfortable than that ratty couch I have.”

“It’ll just be for tonight,” I said, feeling as though I was imposing, but Cherise waved away my protests.

“Baby, stay as long as you need. I could rent you the place for cheap, too, if you’re interested.”

I stared at her, stunned by the offer. “I … How much?” I stammered, looking around the place again.

“We’d figure something out, I’m sure. But don’t worry about that right now. It looks like you’ve done enough worrying for one day, honey. Now, make yourself at home. I’ve got some chili cooking; you’re welcome to a bowl or two.”

“Thank you.” The words didn’t seem like enough. “Thank you so much.”

Cherise grinned. “No worries, girl. Like I said, I just wish somebody’d done the same for me.”

When she left, I took a seat on the couch, leaning over until I was laying my head on the arm. Light still streamed through the threadbare curtains, giving the trailer a faint glow. The furniture was outdated and mismatched, probably all thrift-store finds. My grandmother’s trailer was sparsely decorated, containing only the basic furniture, nothing personal or homey. This one had an abundance of, well,
everything
, but looked comfortable and lived-in. It was a better home than anything I’d been in for a while, although nowhere near as grand as Everett’s family home.

Everett
.

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat as his anguished face flashed through my mind. I replayed our conversation in my head, trying desperately to find something redeemable in the exchange. He hadn’t tried to defend himself, hadn’t denied any of it, and I’d seen the defeat in his eyes almost from the beginning. It killed me how much I wanted to forgive him, but I couldn’t. I just … couldn’t.

Dragging myself through the trailer on unsteady legs, I moved to the bedroom and climbed into the bed. Pulling the covers over my head, I pressed my face into the pillows and cried and cried.

“Sissy!”

I had been looking at gardening tools, but my head snapped around at the familiar child’s voice. Abandoning my cart, I looked wildly around. “Davy?”

A small body rushed around the corner of potted plants and then slammed into me full speed. “I knew it was you!”

Oh my God
. It felt so good to hold my little brother. Tears pricked my eyes as I knelt down and wrapped him in my arms.

“Mama said you had to go,” he babbled, still hugging me tight, “and Granny is mad at you. I’m not supposed to ask where you went, why not?”

I pressed my lips together and just hugged him tight. I would have sworn he’d grown since I’d last seen him; his arms and legs certainly looked longer. I’d been watching him grow up his whole life, taking care of him myself for much of it, and that I missed anything at all made my heart hurt. “Where’s Mama, Davy?”

“She’s working. I’m here with Gramma.”

I scanned the aisles, looking for my grandmother, but she was nowhere in sight. “You shouldn’t have run off from her,” I said, smoothing back the hair from his face.

His face fell. “But I wanted to see you.”

Pulling him into a hug, I tried to think about what to do. My grandmother was here, so whatever I did would still make the entire situation my fault. “Baby, you can’t just…” I cut off, running my finger over his brow. There was a red bruise there, and as I pushed him away I noticed a purple mark on his neck. “What happened?” I said sharply. “Did someone hit you?”

Almost immediately, he shut down. “Nothing,” he mumbled, looking down at the floor.

I bit my lip. “Honey, if someone’s hurting you, you need to tell me.”

He grew suddenly shy, twisting around uncertainly. “Gramma said …”

“Davy!”

The screeching cry echoed from somewhere inside the store. I recognized the voice immediately, and instinctively pulled my brother into my arms, standing to my feet. He laid his head on my shoulder, arms wrapping around my neck. A second after the shout, my grandmother rounded the corner, followed by a security guard, and zeroed in on me and my brother. Even from this distance, I saw the anger on her face as she recognized me, and she ran down the aisle. “Davy!”

I took a step back, but there was nowhere for me to go. I turned wide eyes to a nearby clerk who was watching us curiously, and then my grandmother was there, trying to pull my brother from my arms. “Give him to me.”

“Sissy, no!”

His cry made me hold harder, and I twisted him away from my grandmother. “Let go of him,” I cried, lashing out with my arm and pushing my grandmother a few steps back.

“I want to stay with you,” Davy said in my ear, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Please, Sissy.”

The older woman’s face twisted in anger and she marched toward us, hands outstretched. “Why you little …”

“What’s going on here?”

The security guard following my grandmother had finally caught up, and he stared at both of us in equal turn. My grandmother stopped her charge, but leveled a finger in my direction. “She’s trying to kidnap my grandson!”

“No, I’m not!” I stared at her, openmouthed in shock, and then turned to the security guard. “I’m his sister, he followed me over here.”

Diana threw herself at me, only to be blocked by the guard. “Give him to me,” she hissed.

I just hugged him close, too shocked to move, as the guard looked back at me. “Is she his legal guardian?” he asked, pointing toward my grandmother.

I had no answer to that. Right then, my grandmother darted forward and snagged Davy’s arm, ripping him from my grasp. “You little shit,” she snarled, setting him on his feet. I thought she was talking about me until her hand cracked across Davy’s cheek. I lunged forward, intent only on ripping her face off, but was stopped by the security guard.

“I’m afraid I have to ask you both to leave now,” the security guard said, and even though his eyes looked troubled he didn’t seem willing to step in.

“Come on,” my grandmother said, dragging Davy away, her long nails digging into the tender skin of my brother’s arm.

“Sissy,” he called, eyes wide with fear and confusion, and I let out a sobbing breath. The guard remained in my way, as if knowing I’d try to go after him, but I was helplessly rooted to the spot. Davy kept calling after me even after he’d disappeared around the corner leading to the parking lot, but I heard his pleas in my mind long after his voice was gone. All I wanted to do was curl up and cry. I hated feeling this powerless; there was nothing I could do to save my brother.

“Ma’am?”

I looked up to see the security guard watching me. He pulled a card out of his pocket. “This is my contact information. If you need anything to help that boy, I’ll do all I can.”

“And my name’s Alfie,” the thin clerk behind the register said. “Alfie Ray. I saw it all, and think you should have decked that old lady.”

The imagery made a corner of my mouth tip up briefly, but it felt wrong to find any humor in the situation. I took the card and thanked both men, then hurried out toward my truck. A few others had seen the debacle, and I felt their eyes as I walked outside. I didn’t care at all what they said, however; I’d done absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and none of them had offered to help.

I pulled myself up into the Bronco and just sat there, staring out over the other cars. There was no sign of my grandmother and baby brother, but I wasn’t expecting to see them anyway. I wanted to beat on something, preferably my grandmother, but that would be useless. I had no real way of helping my brother, especially since my mother seemed to have convinced so many people that I was the one abusing my little brother. There was nothing I could do.

Unless …

Pulling out my phone, I quickly keyed in the Oregon phone number I still remembered, but it took me a long moment before I pressed the Send key. It only rang twice before someone answered. “Hello? Who’s this?”

The almost belligerent tone of voice stopped me in my tracks. I couldn’t breathe, but I also couldn’t hang up. Stuck at an impasse, I struggled to get the words out, even just a greeting. Unfortunately, the person at the other end didn’t seem to have any trouble with her words.

“I know this number, you called here before. Are you going to hang up again like last time? If you ever had any decency, why can’t you come out of hiding and fucking talk to us face-to-face?”

My aunt’s familiar voice was darker than I’d ever heard before. All the air whooshed out of my lungs as if I’d been kicked in the chest, but she wasn’t finished. “You stole everything we had left of my brother and I will
not
let you ruin our lives again.”

My jaw trembled as despair threatened to overwhelm me. “A-Aunt Jeanine?”

The tirade stopped instantly, and there was a stunned pause on the phone. “Who is this?”

Some of the belligerence was gone from her voice, but I couldn’t stop shaking. “L-L-Lacey,” I stammered, wanting only to curl up into a ball and cry.

“Lacey? Oh shit, honey, I thought you were your mother!”

The trembling through my body wouldn’t stop, and a tear spilled over one cheek. “Can I please talk…”
To Grandma Jean?
I couldn’t even finish the simple sentence, too overwhelmed by pain. It would be so easy to hang up, try to forget the words that made my heart ache, but I couldn’t. My brother needed them, and that thought was the only thing that kept me on the line.

“God, Lacey, I’m so sorry, I …”

There was a shuffle on the phone and the murmur of voices as I struggled to pull myself together. Her apology soothed something deep inside me, but I was still a ball of nerves. Thankfully, nobody was around to see me. I was a hair away from becoming a total wreck, and I wouldn’t be able to be coherent with strangers.

“Lacey? Oh honey, is that really you?”

I really did almost lose it then. Clutching the phone hard, I gulped back my tears. “Hi, Grandma.”

“Oh my God, it
is
you.” More muffled voices, then my grandmother’s tinny voice away from the phone
“You can apologize in a minute
. Oh … Oh, honey!”

I could tell from her voice she was just as overwhelmed as me. She sounded more frail than I remembered, but I knew that voice well. I could almost see the big smile lighting her wrinkled face, and a tiny flame of hope lit in my heart. “Hi, Grandma,” I managed, and the happy laugh I heard across the phone made me bite my lip.

“Oh baby, how are you? How is everything? We’ve missed you so much.”

“Really, we have,” my aunt’s voice came over the line. “Ignore what I said before, I was just angry, and
so
not at you. Your cousins are going to be over the moon when they hear from you!”

My face crumpled, happiness bringing out a fresh set of tears. I covered my mouth, unable to speak for a moment. “I’m good,” I said finally, biting my lip to keep it from trembling. “How about you?”

“I’m still alive and kicking, but tell me about you. Oh baby, it’s so good to finally hear from you!”

I started crying again, this time out of regret over my own stupidity. For nearly five years, I’d listened to my grandmother telling me over and over that I was unwanted. She had planted the idea in my head that my Oregon family wanted nothing to do with me, that I wasn’t really their family because I wasn’t blood. Never mind that I’d known them from the time I was two, that I didn’t remember a life without them. She drilled it into me that my stepdad was my only connection to them, and with him gone, I was nothing to them.