Breathe into Me (25 page)

“No …”

“Go home, Skye,” he said, interrupting her. The truth was clear as day to Everett, as if someone had removed a veil from his mind. “Despite everything, I don’t think I can ever hate you.” He met her eyes, and for a moment all he could see was the bossy little girl who, when they were growing up, had followed him everywhere. “You’re my sister, and you’re dying. I wish there was a way to take this pain away, to go back to the way we were, but I can’t.”

She took a step toward him, but Everett held out a hand. He could feel himself shutting down emotionally; this was too much to take all at once. “Go home, and maybe…” He couldn’t bring himself to say the words. “Just go.”

Skye must have been expecting this because her expression didn’t change, but Everett felt misery emanating off her. They stared at each other for a long moment, and then Skye sighed and looked away. “It took death for both of us to change.” Skye’s throat worked as she swallowed. “I wonder if that means anything.”

Everett didn’t know what to say to that, but right then the door opened beside them, breaking the somber mood. Skye fumbled with her wig as Trent poked his head inside. “Hey, where’s the ice?” He spied Skye almost immediately and cringed, then looked from her to Everett. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah,” Everett said, his voice deep with emotion. Looking at Skye now, he saw how very frail she looked, as if wasting away. She’d always been skinny, but this was so much more, far beyond anything healthy. “Keep me updated this time,” he said, unable to find it in himself to give more support than that. His chest felt empty, this latest news having squeezed out all remaining emotion.

Skye picked up her purse from the table and quietly moved to the front door. Before she could open the door, however, Lacey walked back inside, looking worriedly between the two siblings. “Everything okay?”

Skye nodded, giving the other girl a wan smile that didn’t reach past her lips. “Thank you for your help,” she said softly, then slipped past into the summer heat.

Lacey turned to Everett, but he looked away. The two bags of ice were still at his feet, water pooling across the tile floor. He picked them up and headed out the side door toward the pool, but Lacey moved in his way.

“Everett.”

He stopped and laid a quick kiss on her cheek before continuing past her and outside. He needed a beer, and badly, but that wasn’t the real problem. The conversation with Skye had stirred up old memories, brought back emotions and insecurities he’d been trying to overcome. Looking at Lacey, realizing just how good he had things right then … it didn’t seem fair. He didn’t deserve any of this, didn’t deserve to be happy or free or alive. None of these things he could tell Lacey, the girl who hated lies, and was right in the center of one that would strike home.

There was no way she’d ever forgive him if she knew.

“Who’s Emily Hunt?”

I’d hesitated in asking anything for as long as I could, but I needed answers. Trent had been sitting quietly next to Vance and Cole, nursing his beer and looking out over the crowd. At my question, however, he choked, coughing hard. “Where did you hear that name?” he wheezed, his eyes watering.

“Everett was having an argument with someone and the name came up.” I didn’t mention that I’d been listening near the door when I heard it. Not that I didn’t respect Everett’s privacy, but I wanted to make sure he made amends with his sister while he still had time. Otherwise, I knew he’d regret it for the rest of his life.

Trent’s eyes traveled across the pool and I followed his gaze to see Everett sitting alone, a beer bottle dangling limply from his fingers. He was staring off into space, the same thing he’d been doing for the last half hour, as if deep in thought. I’d let him have his space, even as curiosity burned bright inside me. I understood his pain, at least in part, but I needed answers and Trent was the only one I figured knew him well enough.

“He, ah, hasn’t told you about Emily?”

His response was worrisome, but I tried not to let it get to me. I shook my head and Trent fidgeted nervously, looking between Everett and me. “Come on,” I pushed, more curious now because of his reluctance, “who is she? An old girlfriend?”

Trent ran his hand through his hair, looking back over at Everett. He seemed desperate to get the other boy’s attention, but Everett was too lost in his own thoughts to notice. “I, uh, stay here for a second.”

I blew out a breath, impatient, as Trent pushed off and headed around the pool. At almost the same time, Clare plopped down beside me. “Fun party,” she said, looking over at me. “What’s got you so serious about suddenly?”

“Can I borrow your phone?”

She shrugged a shoulder and fished it out of her pocket, handing it to me. I kept an eye on both Trent and Everett as I opened up the Web browser and inserted the unknown girl’s name. On a hunch, I added Everett’s name and pressed Search just as Trent reached Everett’s side.

I knew something was wrong when Everett’s head snapped in my direction but I tried to ignore him, scrolling through the results. The very first article to come up stopped me in my tracks:

NEW YORK TEEN COMMITS SUICIDE OVER CYBERBULLYING

Oh, my God
.

“Lacey, you’re white as a sheet. Is everything okay?”

I ignored Clare and scrolled through the rest of the articles, then clicked on one from CNN. Skimming the article, I backed up and clicked another, then another. My body trembled and I clutched the expensive phone too hard. I felt like I was ready to either explode or break down, but when Everett reached for me I swatted him away furiously.

“Lacey, please let me explain.”

I tuned Everett out, poring over the next article. Naked pictures on the Internet; thrown out of her boarding school; finally committing suicide to escape the pain and unwanted notoriety; her former boyfriend, Everett Ward, being investigated for releasing the pictures; classmates reporting that Ward circulated the photos around school. The image of a young girl with dark hair and trendy glasses, smiling into the camera. I zoomed in on that happy picture, and then turned the phone on a stricken Everett. “Who is she?”

Everett flinched at the picture, pain cutting creases at the corner of his eyes, and it was as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest. An aching black hole remained, sucking away all my emotions, leaving me an empty shell. I turned dull eyes on Everett. “Who is she?” I repeated in a dead voice.

“Lacey…”

“WHO IS SHE?”

My shout brought all eyes on me and Everett, but I didn’t care anymore. Everett wasn’t looking at anyone else, either. His eyes begged me for something, but he still wouldn’t answer my question. Rage filled me and I thrust the phone in his face, almost hitting his nose. “Did your pictures kill this girl?”

He recoiled at my words, falling back onto a nearby chair. I was relentless, however, following after him. “Did they?”

The anguish and guilt on his face confirmed my worst fears, but his one whispered word fell like a hammer. “Yes.”

“Oh God,” I mumbled, feeling everything crumble away inside. I staggered to my feet and pushed my way out, not caring as my bare feet hit the gravel area beside the house. Small rocks bit painfully into my feet but I barely noticed, wanting nothing more than to get away from it all.

A hand closed around my arm and I lashed out, my fist cracking hard on Everett’s jawline. “Don’t you fucking touch me,” I screeched, pulling free and racing toward the front door. There were less people milling about inside but I didn’t care. I was after one thing only, snatching up my purse and storming back outside.

“I swear, it’s not what you think.”

His words were like salt in an open wound. I had so many words to say but nothing would come out except sobs, so I kept my mouth shut and ran toward my truck. Everett followed after me, begging me to listen, but I covered my ears, blocking him out. Each breath I took hurt and I wondered if I was having an asthma attack, but I didn’t care. My heart was breaking into little pieces, shattering more with each step, and I wasn’t sure how I’d survive it.

“God, Lacey, don’t go. Don’t leave like this, please.”

“What was I to you? Redemption? A summertime amusement?” The words poured out of me, unable to be restrained any longer. “Did you think that ‘saving’ me would somehow fix what you did to Emily?”

He fisted his hands in his hair. “It’s not like that,” he said, his eyes wild. “I love you!”

I laughed in his face, startling him. There was a tinge of hysteria to the sound, and I forced myself to stop. “That’s all this was, wasn’t it? Some desperate attempt to redeem yourself? And I was perfect, wasn’t I? Another girl damaged by the same damned thing.”

“Lacey, listen to me! I didn’t even know what happened to you until I was already in love with you.” Everett grabbed my shoulders, pushing me back against my truck. “I did everything I could to fix what I did to Emily, but I couldn’t take any of it back. I even tried to plead guilty in the lawsuit, but my family wouldn’t let …”

“Lawsuit?” I struggled in his grip, but he held me fast.

“Please, Lacey, don’t …”

I kneed him right in the balls, putting every ounce of power I had into the leg lift. His whole body tensed and a small sound escaped his lips as he tried to contain the pain, to no avail.

“You don’t deserve any forgiveness,” I spat, pushing him sideways onto the ground. Seeing him in pain like this should have given me some comfort, but it just fed the aching disappointment burning inside me. “Have your lawyers get you out of that,” I snapped, yanking open the Bronco’s door and climbing inside. Fishing the keys out of my purse, I jammed them into the ignition and twisted hard, and the old Ford engine roared to life. Uncaring whether or not I ran over Everett, I stuck the truck into reverse and veered sideways, past the line of cars in the driveway and over the immaculate landscape. The tall truck bounced over the curbs, across the small road parallel to the water, then onto the highway.

A smaller car, moving at speed, veered away as I tore onto the two-lane road but I just swerved around it. I knew I was driving recklessly, but couldn’t bring myself to care. My truck rattled and shook at the excess speeds as I flew past the other cars, weaving in and out of traffic. Tears blurred my vision, making it all the more dangerous, but my foot was like a lead weight on that pedal. All I could think about was escaping, leaving the hellhole of a coastal town in my rearview forever.

My brain could do nothing but scream, too overwhelmed by emotion to think rationally. Clarity was impossible, except to realize I had no clarity and that me being behind the wheel was a bad idea right then. Plus, when I finally looked at my gas gauge, I was dangerously close to empty. I finally slowed down to a reasonable speed and then pulled off at the nearest gas station. There weren’t many cars in the small station so finding a pump was easy. I turned off the truck and just sat there, the silence almost too much. Leaning forward, I laid my forehead against the steering wheel and finally let the tears fall.

God help me, I wanted to go back. Even knowing what he’d done, ruining a girl’s life like that, I still wanted to turn around and run back into Everett’s arms. My shoulders shook and I covered my mouth to keep the loud sobs from escaping. I was in public—anyone could see me—but it was too late for me to stop now.

He’s just like Macon, doesn’t care about anyone or anything other than himself
.

Except that wasn’t true and I knew it. That only made it harder for me, trying to wrap my mind around the Everett I knew and the boy whose actions had silenced another girl forever. He’d admitted to doing these things, to driving a girl to suicide, and even though I sensed his desperation to atone was genuine, I couldn’t forgive him. And yet, I still needed him so very badly, wanted him to hold me and tell me it was going to be alright, and that knowledge tore me apart.

“Hey, sugar, you’re not looking so hot.”

The familiar voice startled me, and I looked out my window to see Cherise peering up at me. The bartender cocked her head to the side as I furiously dashed at my tears, and then motioned for me to get out. I paused for a moment, then slowly opened my door and slid to the ground. My cheeks were wet and I brushed them with the back of my hand.

Arms unexpectedly folded around me. “You look like you need a hug.”

I stood frozen for a moment, not sure what to do, but when she started stroking my head a flood of emotions broke loose. My father had done the same thing with me growing up, and the memories and my current situation hit me hard. I clung to the other woman, hiccupping my sobs, feeling out of place doing this at the gas station but unable to help myself.

“Aw, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

“You already know what happened?” Somehow, that wouldn’t have surprised me, but Cherise shook her head.

“Not a clue, but it doesn’t matter. You can tell me or don’t, I’ve no use for gossip.”

I shook my head. “I’m leaving this town. I can’t go on like this.”

“Like what?”

“With everyone judging me over a mistake I don’t even remember, thinking I’m nothing but trailer trash.”

“Darlin’, you do know I lived in a trailer, too, right?”

I winced at her words, feeling my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. “I didn’t mean …”

“I know that, I’m just saying where you live doesn’t make you who you are.” Her mouth twisted down as she surveyed me. “Boy, somebody’s worked you over good, haven’t they?”

A fresh round of tears welled up. “I just need to get out of here.”

“I can understand that. But where will you go?”

“Anywhere has to be better than this.”

“That may be, baby, but do you know how much money you have? Do you have clothes, any toiletries you might need?” When I couldn’t answer her, she sighed. “You might not believe it, but I’ve been in your shoes. Looking back, I wish I’d had someone reach out and give me a little help.”

“You don’t need to help me …”

“Of course I don’t, but I’d like to do what I can. Question is, would you accept it?”