Breathless (101 page)

It was delicious.

I closed my eyes and burrowed my head against his shoulder. He brushed back some strands of my hair. The feel of his fingers against my skin gave me a loving feeling. He touched me tenderly, so softly that I could feel the yearning from him. Or maybe that was me. Did I yearn for his touch? I never had before, but as I moved away a step and held his gaze, I was cold.

He chuckled as he took my hand again. “Come on. I thought you said you were hungry.”

“I am.”

“What do you think? Burgers? Tacos?”

“A big fat cheeseburger, please.” I felt giddy in that moment. I was breaking some rule that I didn’t know yet.

“Sounds perfect.” Eric’s smile softened again. He pulled me close and placed his arm around my shoulders as we walked to his truck. The cold air blasted me awake. I was jerked out of the fairytale reverie I’d been in. When he helped me inside and rounded the truck for his door, I paused. What were we doing?

But then he was inside and it wasn’t long before the heat warmed me and dulled my thoughts once again.

Eric was a gentleman as he drove to a fast food place and ordered us both big and juicy cheeseburgers. We shared a large fry between us. When he took me home, I experienced bittersweet emotions. I was content and satiated, but I was empty and starving at the same time. I just wasn’t sure for what or whom. And I didn’t want to think of those questions any longer.

For once, I turned my thoughts off. I basked in the warmth Eric showered on me.

When he parked outside of my home, we could tell the television was on in my living room.

“Did your parents wait up for you?” Eric frowned at me. He narrowed his eyes in concern. “I could’ve brought you back earlier. Are you in trouble?”

I almost snorted at that question. “No. I’m fine. I’m sure it’s either my dad or mom. Sometimes they have trouble sleeping.” I laughed then. “I don’t even think they realized tonight was Homecoming.”

“Are you serious?”

I waved away the concern. “Don’t worry about it. My parents are in their own world right now.” My hand slipped into his. I squeezed once. “I’m sure it’s hard for a parent to lose a child. They’ll snap out of it one of these days.”

Eric frowned, but didn’t respond.

In all honesty, if someone had told me that same thing, I would be at a loss for words. So I shrugged again and forced a happy note in my voice. “Don’t worry. My dad won’t come out here with a stern warning or anything.”

He still frowned. “Are you sure?”

“I am.” I reached forward for a hug, and because I didn’t want him to worry, I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, Eric.” And then I hurried out of his truck and inside. My heart was pounding. I wasn’t ready for a kiss on the lips, but I knew he’d been distracted. He had sucked in his breath. His body stiffened and I felt his hand start to curve around my waist before I slipped away.

I sighed and leaned against my door.

I could hear the sports channel in the living room, so I knew my dad was there. As I stopped in the doorway, I saw that he was asleep on the couch with a blanket at his feet.

Pain speared through me, but I pushed it down.

I held the bottom of my dress in one hand so the swishing sound wouldn’t wake him and gently pulled the blanket to cover him. As his chest rose up and down, a frown appeared on my dad’s face.

I didn’t wait around to see if he’d wake up. And I didn’t wait around to see if he was dreaming of Ethan. I did. It made sense if my parents did as well. With my heart heavier than when I’d hurried inside, I tiptoed up to my room. The moonlight streamed through my window, so I didn’t turn on the lights as I slipped out of my dress and changed into pajama shorts and a tank. After I went to the bathroom and washed up for bed, I returned and closed the door behind me again.

And then I turned around.

Jesse was on the edge of my bed. He lifted the corner of his lip. “Fun night?”

My heart stopped.

The moonlight filtered over him. His high cheekbones were illuminated from the light, along with the curve of his lips. As he stood, I could see that he’d gotten leaner, but when he drew closer to me, I knew he was also stronger.

I wet my lips. My legs started to tremble.

Then he was in front of me, within touching distance, and I could only look at his chest. His tee shirt looked soft to the touch and I ached to feel it. I ached for him. Oh god.

He smelled delicious with a light detection of his cologne. He was so close. His jeans touched the thin material of my pajama shorts. They rubbed against me before his hand lifted for my waist. As it touched me, I jumped backwards.

My throat was thick now, but I choked out, “What are you doing here?”

He bent forward. I felt his breathing against my forehead and then his lips touched me softly. One of his hands lifted and skimmed a gentle finger down the side of my face. He trailed it to my chin and tilted me up to meet his gaze.

I felt a swift kick in my stomach. It was aimed low and delivered with perfection. I didn’t know if I would recover from it.

His eyes were piercing. They sparked with promise. “I wanted to see you.”

“Why?”

His hand cupped the side of my face now and he angled it so he looked straight down at me. His eyes were dark. A molten desire was there, but blanketed. I felt it reach for me, and everything I had decided that evening melted away. His thumb started to rub back and forth over my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned closer. I needed him.

His lips touched beside my eye, then the corner of my lips. He paused.

I gasped.

My heart raced now and I surged closer to him.

His lips touched mine.

Finally.

Then he whispered, “Your parents?”

I shook my head, but I pulled away to lock the door. After that, he tugged me down to the bed and it wasn’t long before we were naked and connected once again.

When he pushed inside, I let myself go. It might’ve been wrong, but I felt like it was right. And then he started thrusting. My hips moved to match and I stopped thinking. I could only feel. Jesse groaned in my ear and I turned to meet his lips. When I captured them, we groaned together.

I wasn’t sure how long we lay in bed afterwards. I felt replete, and he had collapsed on top of me. His head rested on my chest and I stroked his hair. I could’ve stayed there forever. With the cold wind against my window and the small clear lights around my closet, my room had a romantic feel to it. It was our corner away from the world.

When his phone lit up from the floor, both of us cursed.

Jesse grinned at me before he rolled over to check it. Then he cursed again as he sat up. “I have to go.”

“You just got here.”

He grimaced as he read more of his text. “Cord got arrested.”

“What?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what happened. I gotta go and bail him out.”

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not.” He stood from the bed and started looking for his clothes. As a big yawn came over him, he shook his head and ran a hand over his face. “I’ve gotta wake up. I thought I’d be in bed with you all night.”

I scooted up against the headboard and gathered my comforter around me. I hugged it over my breasts. As I watched him, I felt helpless. He had to go. That was the deal. I tried to stop myself from asking the question of when he was returning. No good would come from that answer.

So I heaved a deep breath. “Someone asked me out tonight.”

Jesse stopped what he was doing. The shirt he’d been about to pull over his head fell to the side and he sat at the end of the bed. His voice was low. “Who?”

“Eric Nathan.”

“Oh.”

What did that mean? Did it mean anything at all? My chest was tight as I asked, “What are you thinking?”

He snorted and pulled his shirt over his head. His movements were rough and he jerked his shoes on.

“Jesse?”

He snapped, “What’s your problem? We screw. That’s all we do. I don’t give a shit if you’re dating my replacement.”

“Your replacement?”

He started for the door, but I hurried and got there first. I pressed my back against the door and held the handle tightly behind me.

He stopped an inch from me, but stared past my shoulders. He refused to meet my gaze. He clipped out, “Let me leave.”

“What do you mean replacement?”

His hand ran over his head in a frustrated manner. He seethed, “Come on. Let me leave.”

My heart was pounding. When wasn’t it? And then I gulped. It was calm whenever I was in his arms. I almost groaned at that thought, but rasped out, “Jesse, you don’t mean for me? Do you?”

He chuckled and shook his head. Arrogance came over him. “Nah, Alex. I meant in basketball. He was second string forward, my alternate. The dipshit never played a game last year. He’s going to tank this year.” The smirk grew ugly. “Now I’m glad I ruined that sport for him. He can’t touch my records. I’d love for him to try. And everyone’s going to hope he’ll lead them to state champs. When he won’t, they’ll hate him. I couldn’t have planned that better.”

My heart sank. Of course he hadn’t meant for me.

He reached around me, but I didn’t give him a fight. I was shifted to the side and he slipped through. When the door was going to slide to a quiet close, his hand stopped it and he poked his head around the door. “Don’t let him screw you.”

Before I could ask what exactly he meant by that, he was gone. I went to the window. It wasn’t long before I saw him dart past my window and hurry to the Ferrari parked in front of the neighbors’ house. He’d left through the back door, which meant my parents hadn’t known he was there. I shouldn’t have been surprised. They would’ve torn the door down if they had. He was the closest reminder of Ethan. No matter how far they slipped into their numbed and dazed states, I knew they’d snap out of them for him. My parents loved Jesse more than they loved me.

It was something I learned after the funeral and I was okay with it now. Hell. I loved Jesse more than myself. I couldn’t blame my parents at all.

Eight

I stayed in the next day. Angie came over at one point to rant about the meaning of friendship, but she didn’t last long. Both of my friends had stopped visiting since Ethan’s death and I didn’t blame them. There was an empty feeling in my home. I had grown used to it and was now almost comforted by it. I knew that was sad and twisted, but it was beyond my control. So when Angie started checking her phone and glancing at the door after an hour in my room, I knew she’d felt the itch to go.

After she left, I huddled in my bed and stayed there. One movie turned into two, turned into three, and after the fourth, my stomach growled so loudly that I was forced to leave for the kitchen. Once I was down there, I stopped in the foyer.

There was no sound in the living room.

I circled through the first floor of our little house. Every room was empty. The basement was the same, and then, my heart starting to pound, I went upstairs. The bathroom was empty. My parents’ master bedroom was empty. The room Jesse always used was empty as well, and the last room was Ethan’s. His door was closed. It had been over a year now. My hand started to tremble, but I pushed open the door.

His black comforter was pulled straight over his bed. His pillows were piled high, along with the bag he had left on his bed that last day.

I drew in a shuddering breath.

It’d been a little over a year. I couldn’t believe it.

After entering the room, I shut the door again and backed up to the wall.

I hadn’t gone into his room since his funeral and I couldn’t make myself even look around it now. His presence was so overwhelming; I felt as if he was in here, maybe on his bed, and he had looked up at my arrival. He always did that when I’d push open the door for some question or a stupid excuse to see if Jesse was with him. Some days he’d tell me to leave, but other days he’d welcome my arrival.

I gasped out loud and tried to draw in another breath.

Then the tears started. Why did I feel him? Why did it seem as if he were right next to me? Then the hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up.

I had to get out of there.

I shot to my feet and sprinted from the hallway. I grabbed my purse, my coat, and I was out the door within moments.

I still felt him.

As I got into my car, my fingers were clumsy and I dropped the keys twice. After the third time while I gritted my teeth, I was able to turn the engine on. And then my phone went off. I jumped and gasped again. My eyes grew blurry as I reached for it. When I read Marissa’s name on the screen, I sighed from relief.

Slowly, the world returned to focus and my heart stopped pounding in my ear. I was able to see once more.

As I hit the answer button, I collapsed against my seat and sighed, “Yeah?”

“Oh my gosh.” Marissa drew in her own breath. “Thank God you answered me. I’ve been calling you all night. I’m so, so, so sorry about Jesse. I really am.”

“What happened to Cord last night?” I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say about Jesse.

“Wait, what? What are you talking about?”

There was my answer. “Nothing. Never mind.”

“Wait, did something happen to Cord last night? He dropped me off and was going to pick me up later. I was supposed to sneak out since my parents have become wack crazy with me lately, but he never showed. Did something happen? I assumed he ditched.” Her voice raised a note. “Oh, my gosh. What if something did happen? I’m so horrible. I was cursing at him all night and I even defriended him on Facebook.”

I regretted saying anything now.

“Alex, did something happen? Please tell me what you know. You know something, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked about him. What happened? Please, please, please don’t make this about you and me. I messed up. I am a horrible, horrible friend. I never should’ve called Jesse, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Cord. Please tell me!”

I sat back up again. My voice was quiet. “You love him?”

“Yes!” she cried out. “I didn’t realize it until last night, and it was the most bittersweet night for me. I knew I might’ve lost you as a friend, but I realized that I loved Cord, and then I thought he ditched me, you know the rest. Please, tell me!”